The Only Dating Advice You'll Ever Need

You're too picky. You aren't putting yourself out there. You have unrealistic expectations. Dating is a skill, and we're born knowing how to love, but not knowing how to date. Great relationships are built, they're not discovered, and if you really understand that you can build the relationship of your dreams, it takes the pressure off of finding the perfect person.

Wow. How do you handle, in a relationship, all the baggage that somebody comes with?

I think where people get into trouble is where they think, "If I keep on dating, eventually I'll find someone with no problems." You should switch that to the mindset of, "What are problems that I can deal with?" There's baggage that you can deal with and baggage that you can't, and you get to choose.

I love that. Can you explain why our obsession with the instant chemistry and the soulmate might be holding someone back from finding their partner?

The spark has become my nemesis because people have really unrealistic expectations around it. And so, there are three myths of the spark. The first one is that if you don't have a spark in the beginning, it can't grow, and that's absolutely not true. The second myth is that if you feel a spark, it's a good thing, and that's definitely not always the case. And then the third one is that-

Hey, it's your friend Mel Robbins. I am so fired up that you're here. This is gonna be an extraordinary episode. I know that you're gonna share this with absolutely everybody that you love because the topic is fire and it's relevant, and you need to hear this. And I just wanna say, it's always an honor to get to spend some time and be together with you, and if you're brand new, I wanna take a moment before we jump into this topic and welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I think we're gonna have a lot of new listeners to this episode because this is such an important topic that I bet somebody shared this with you. And I also know that you're the type of person that values your time, and I promise you, this is going to be worth your time because there are a lot of you that listen that are in a committed relationship, but there's a lot of people that listen or that are in your life who are not. They're struggling. And I want you to know, I'm seeing it. I'm seeing it with the people that I love in my life. I'm seeing the struggles in the inbox as you're writing in from around the world, whether you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s. It is hard out there. In fact, I remember when my mother-in-law was a widower and she wanted to put herself out there, so we tried to get her on the apps, and it was frustrating, and that was a decade ago, and it seems to have only gotten worse and I wanted to do something about it. So, I've called in somebody to help you, and if you're in a committed relationship, they are here to help you understand what's going on and to help the people that you love who are not. She's here to help you find love that you deserve in what is a very confusing and overwhelming dating scene, and that's why I am absolutely thrilled to welcome Logan Ury to our Boston studio, so let me tell you a little bit about her. Logan Ury is a Harvard-trained behavioral scientist, a dating coach, a researcher on dating and love, and she is the author of the best-selling book How to Not Die Alone. She has spent the last five years as the director of relationship science at Hinge, studying dating trends and helping people just like you and the people that you love build better relationships and make a fabulous match with somebody who is awesome. And I'm gonna say something right up front. This is not an episode that's sponsored by Hinge. I asked Ury to be on for a particular reason because I really love her advice because she brings the data, the science, and the research that you've never heard before. This episode is for everyone in your life who's single or who is struggling in their relationships. It is gonna completely change how you look at dating, no matter how old you are. We are gonna be taking questions from listeners of all age groups, whether you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s. The information is absolutely relevant for anyone of any age, anywhere in the world. Logan is with you and me today to break everything down step-by-step, because it turns out everything that you're probably doing online, you've gotten wrong. She is with you and me today because she's going to be breaking down, one-by-one, every single thing that you've gotten wrong about dating in today's world, especially online dating. Like how you filter potential partners, to the reason why you feel pushed to get back with your ex, to the mistakes that you make on the first date, to how your profile is absolutely wrong and how you're probably looking for the wrong things, and the shocking data about who successfully matches and creates a committed relationship and why they do. And also, we're gonna talk about why waiting for the fairy tale is holding you back from what is right in front of you right now. I'm so excited about this episode because it is full of tactics and research and things that you can do, and you need to hear it because too many of you are going through your life or your relationships without the necessary tools to find success. What you will learn today is extraordinarily special, and it has the potential to change your life. So, without further ado, please help me welcome Logan Ury to the Mel Robbins Podcast.