Understanding Yourself: The #1 Thing You Need To Do To Live an Authentic Life | Mel Robbins Podcast

When I think about the topic of both authenticity and how to be your truest, most powerful self, this is so difficult for people, because authenticity is about you not censoring yourself. You identified the three different versions we have of ourself. You now have the ability to choose whether or not you're going to stay in that version, or you're going to swing toward the authentic you. (upbeat music plays) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am really looking forward to this conversation with you today. I'm so glad you're taking the time to be with me. We're going to dig into a topic that I know you are going to love, and that is, how can you become the most authentic version of yourself? And what the hell does that even mean, right? That's a, that's a big mouthful of a sentence, the most authentic version of yourself. And I have a three-part framework that one of the world's leading experts on the research of authenticity, and how to be the most authentic you, and how to use that as a way to belong to yourself and relationships, she's going to join us in just a minute. But I have a story about authenticity that I want to tell you, um, that's kind of personal. And it's something that I've been thinking about a lot, because whenever I travel, I bump into fans of this podcast, and I am hearing very, very consistent feedback. And so let me tell you a story about that happening just this week. Earlier this week, I was in Nashville because I was giving a speech to executives in the supply chain industry. And I don't know about you, but there are certain places that when I visit, I have to go to a particular restaurant and have a particular meal. For example, when I go to where my mom grew up outside of Buffalo, New York, I got to go to Schwabl's and have a kimmel on wick. If you know, you know. When I visit my parents in Western Michigan where I grew up, I got to go to the Red Rooster Inn, where I used to be a waitress, or to the Bear Lake Tavern and have fried perch. Not negotiable, not leaving town without that meal. You picking up what I'm putting down? I'm sure you have meals like that too. Well, when I go to Nashville, it is not a Nashville-style hot chicken. That's not what I'm doing. I have to go to Kayne Prime. Kayne Prime is this awesome steakhouse, and I love Kayne Prime for a number of reasons. First of all, they have an appetizer that is bacon that is sous vide for like 72 hours, and then they finish it off on a cast iron grill. And you want to hear what they top it off with? Cotton candy. You heard that right. So that's order number one. Order number two, they make this insanely delicious purple kale salad with currants and almonds, and it is just so fricking delicious. And then finally, their steaks. Their steaks are just their steaks, like they're just fantastic. And so I, of course, after the tech rehearsal, I went to Kayne Prime with Christine, our chief operating officer, and Melinda, who does a bunch of, uh, freelance work for us whenever we're doing events. She's a genius at all the advanced stuff that we do there. And (laughs) , um, we're sitting there, and we walk in, and we're seated by this really wonderful gentleman. He's clearly the manager of the restaurant. He's dressed to the nines, probably in his 40s. Just, you know, one of these people that you can tell they love, love, love taking care of people. Like, the service is immaculate. Takes a lot of pride in that. So we have this fabulous meal, we're getting up, we've paid the bill, and he comes back, and he asks us how the meal was. And I, of course, just, I'm so effusive. I mean, even more so than I was with you describing this meal. And he's nodding and smiling, and then he leans in and says, "You know, I'm a really big fan of yours, and I just love your podcast." And I looked at him, and I, I, I, I, I of course, got the thank you out, and I gave him a huge hug. But between you and me, I couldn't believe this guy. Like that, that's so cool. It's so cool that this guy, like, dressed to the nines, like working the, like I, I'm just like, I never in a million years, like, would've like seen him and then been like, "Oh, you must be a fan, like, clearly, you're li-" I, I just am constantly floored at how wide of a range of people listen to, and are part of and love this community. I just was so excited, you know, that I was meeting another fan, and it was somebody that I was so excited to be having listening. So he then says something that I have heard approximately one million times. It is the most consistent piece of feedback anyone anywhere gives me. Can you guess what it is? "Mel, you know what I like about you? You're just so real. You're so authentic. Like, I just feel like everything you talk about is so relatable. How did you become so comfortable being yourself?" And the truth is, for a long time, the answer is, "I don't know, I guess spending decades hating myself?" That was fun. No, it wasn't. Spending decades trying to please everybody else, spending decades assuming my opinion wasn't the right one so I got to change it in order to have people like it, assuming that there was something wrong with me. I went through life for a very long time being the least authentic version of myself, and it made me miserable. And I think it was the pain of trying so hard to be somebody else that finally led me to this breakthrough. Holy shit.It's so liberating and it's so much easier if you can accept yourself for who you are, and for who you're not, that's an important part of it. And if you can give yourself permission to be that authentic version of yourself out in the world, to have your opinions, to wear the things that you want to wear, to dance when you want to dance, to opt out of something if you want to opt out of something, to not hang out with people that don't feel great for you. That's what it means for me to be the most authentic version of myself. I allow myself the grace and the support and the encouragement of just showing up as I am. And since I really don't know how to teach you to do that for yourself, I thought, "Why don't we track down an expert?" Because I'm getting more and more and more questions in the inbox, "How do I become the most authentic version of myself?" Here's the other, uh, question that I get a lot. "I don't even feel like myself anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore." Well, what I do know when you're saying that is you're not the most authentic version of yourself, for sure, because you're not connected to yourself. And so, I tracked down a profoundly respected expert on the topic of authenticity and belonging. Ritu Bhasin has been researching these two topics. She has written a best-selling book about them. She is teaching these topics on stages and with the biggest brands around the world, and today, she is going to teach you and me a three-part framework for developing the most authentic version of yourself. She's also gonna cover some very specific takeaways about how you can still tap into that authenticity, even in public places, like at work or in relationships or out at networking meetings or whatever. And we're also gonna talk about ways that you can manage the rejection that you will face from your family, from friends, from people who know the old you, the people pleaser you, the insecure you, and more importantly, what to do to support yourself as you start showing up more and more as your full, authentic self out in the world, and some people don't like it. I can't wait to have this conversation because I think you're gonna get a lot of insight, and more importantly, tools about reconnecting with the most authentic, relatable, and real version of yourself. All right, let's do this. Ritu, I'm so excited that you're here.