2 Powerful Tools to Create Healthy Connections | The Mel Robbins Podcast [ENCORE]

(ticking sound) You are going to finally get some answers to questions that I am sure have been on your mind for a long time. Questions like, "Why do I always feel left out in my friend group? Why do I always date the same losers over, and over, and over again?" The answer is attachment theory. You're about to learn that attachment style impacts every relationship, your friendships, your work colleagues, your family, yourself, because attachment style is all about you and how you show up in relationships, and that's why it impacts everything. (instrumental music plays) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to another incredible episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast. So, it's summer season, at least here in the United States. I just opened up my email, and there was the final email of the year from our son's public high school, and it opened up with a line from the assistant headmaster basically saying something about the summer rhythm. And summer's such an amazing time of year. It's summer here in the United States, and for me, that means, oh my gosh, the kids are gonna be home, even the ones that work and don't live near us. They always come home for the summer. And I also see my family, which I absolutely adore. And when you get together with your friends and with your extended family, don't you wanna just all get along when you get together? I've been thinking a lot about that theme, because one of the highlights of our summer is that we always rent this beach house, and my parents come from Michigan, my brother and his wife come from Chicago with their two kids, and then all five of us and our two dogs pile into our cars and drive down to this beach house. And for one glorious week out of the year, we are packed into that house. So, the question becomes, with 11 family members under one roof, how the heck do you get along when you all get together? I'll tell you a simple secret: attachment styles. What are attachment styles? Well, attachment styles are really interesting, because attachment styles are nothing more than how you give and receive love, and every single person that you know has a particular attachment style. So your mom, your dad, your brother, your sister, your kids, your spouse, your friends, your boss, every single human being that you know gives and receives love in a particular way. And this goes way beyond the five love languages. This is something that has to do with human development. There are four types of attachment styles. And what I love most about this framework is that when you know your own attachment style, how you give and receive love, you will be less likely to be triggered by the people around you. And when you understand somebody else's, like you can sit around a loud, boisterous, long table where the family's gotten together and it's a big barbecue and somebody's pissed off at somebody else 'cause they said something about something else and somebody's rolling their eyes and that one's drinking too much. You can scan the table after the conversation you're about to hear today and be like, "Ooh, that's avoidant attachment. Ooh, that's anxious attachment. Ooh, that's just... Ooh, that one's pretty secure." And when you can understand how somebody gives and receives love, it will change absolutely everything about your relationships. Why? Well, because you won't take things personally, which means you won't get triggered, which means when the you-know-what hits the fan, you're gonna be the calm, centered, collected adult in the room. And trust me, that makes getting together a whole lot better. So here's what we're gonna do today. To prepare you for the season of summer, vacations with friends, piling into an Airbnb with 18 other people that you've split it with, that beach share house, that long extended vacation with family, that motor home trip that you've booked with the kids, we're gonna make you enjoy it, because you're about to learn all about attachment styles, what they are, how to identify them in other people, and what tools you can use to help all of you get along. So, how are we gonna do that? Well, I have tracked down one of the world's leading experts on attachment theory. Her name is Dr. Marisa Franco. She's a psychologist, a professor at the University of Maryland. She's also the New York Times bestselling author of the book on attachment styles and how they impact your friendships. That book, it is called Platonic, and don't you worry, I'm gonna put all her information in the show notes, just like always. And that's important, because it's not just your romantic relationships. You're about to learn that attachment style impacts every relationship, your friendships, your work colleagues, your family, yourself, because attachment style is all about you and how you show up in relationships, and that's why it impacts everything. So, let's get you feeling secure and get Dr. Marisa Franco on the line, people. Dr. Franco, I am so excited that you're joining us. Thank you.