The Best Relationship Advice No One Ever Told You
Mel Robbins (host), Chris Robbins (guest)
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Chris Robbins, The Best Relationship Advice No One Ever Told You explores mel Robbins Shares Unfiltered, Practical Truths About Building Strong Marriages Mel Robbins and her husband Chris answer listener relationship questions, drawing on 30 years together and raising three children. They emphasize that you cannot force a partner to change, but you can influence them by focusing on your own growth, happiness, and clarity about your needs. The conversation covers dealing with unequal personal growth, outside family pressures, drifting apart after life changes, parenting disagreements, unmet expectations, and feeling lost in a marriage. Throughout, they stress communication, shared values, boundaries, and the idea of continually 'co-creating' your relationship like a new marriage with the same person.
Mel Robbins Shares Unfiltered, Practical Truths About Building Strong Marriages
Mel Robbins and her husband Chris answer listener relationship questions, drawing on 30 years together and raising three children. They emphasize that you cannot force a partner to change, but you can influence them by focusing on your own growth, happiness, and clarity about your needs. The conversation covers dealing with unequal personal growth, outside family pressures, drifting apart after life changes, parenting disagreements, unmet expectations, and feeling lost in a marriage. Throughout, they stress communication, shared values, boundaries, and the idea of continually 'co-creating' your relationship like a new marriage with the same person.
Key Takeaways
Focus on your own growth instead of trying to fix your partner.
You cannot force another adult to change; pressure breeds resistance. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Use “deal breakers” to clarify when growth gaps or behaviors are incompatible.
Ask: if this person never changes—keeps drinking, stays unhealthy, remains unkind—can I still choose and love them as they are without ongoing complaint? ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Get aligned as a couple on values to withstand outside pressure.
Family opinions and societal expectations only divide you if you and your partner are not united. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Schedule dedicated, distraction-free connection time—beyond “date night.”
When couples drift after kids or moving, a weekly protected window (no phones, no kids, no pets) to talk, explore your new environment, or do something new together helps rebuild emotional intimacy and shared experiences.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Clearly communicate needs, boundaries, and alone-time requirements.
Don’t expect your partner to read your mind about personal space or support. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Use a “maybe” to avoid getting split on parenting decisions.
When kids ask for something and your partner isn’t present, avoid automatic yes/no. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Own your unmet expectations and speak them out loud.
Resentment usually comes from unspoken expectations (like wanting a birthday party) rather than true betrayal. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Notable Quotes
“You cannot make someone else happy. You can make them a cup of coffee, but you cannot make them happy.”
— Mel Robbins
“People only change when they feel like it. Pressure doesn’t create change, it creates resistance.”
— Mel Robbins
“A house divided cannot stand. It’s not outside pressure that breaks you, it’s the cracks within.”
— Chris Robbins (with Mel’s elaboration)
“No one cares what’s in your glass but you. If you’re self-conscious about it, you should be looking in the mirror and asking yourself why.”
— Chris Robbins
“Second marriages are amazing, especially when they’re with the same person.”
— Mel Robbins
Questions Answered in This Episode
How do I distinguish between a true deal breaker and a frustration I simply haven’t communicated well yet?
Mel Robbins and her husband Chris answer listener relationship questions, drawing on 30 years together and raising three children. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
If my partner feels threatened by my growth, what specific language can I use to reassure them while still moving forward?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
How can we create a shared values conversation that doesn’t turn into a blame game about our families of origin?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
What are some practical scripts for expressing unmet expectations (like birthdays or affection) without sounding accusatory?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
How can we regularly ‘re-contract’ or consciously co-create our relationship, so it feels like that “second marriage with the same person” over time?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Transcript Preview
You have been submitting relationship questions. My husband, Chris, and I, we are gonna go one by one through your questions. Do you remember what you said?
No.
You don't? This changed my life, what you said. I don't think this is a marriage problem, I think it's a you problem. You'll know when you get to the point where it's a fork in the road and you're like, "I don't know if I can be with somebody who's like this." Your partner's behavior influences you. I said you cannot force someone else to change, I never said you couldn't influence them.
Carve out a dedicated moment in the week to do something either familiar or totally new.
I just had a huge epiphany, after 30 years of being with you.
Amen.
How do you two handle disagreements? Per-
This is the, this is the million dollar question. (clock ticking)
Hey, it's your friend Mel. Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. It is always such a pleasure to be with you and to spend time together. And if you're brand new, welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I am so excited because today, my husband Chris and I are gonna be spending time with you, answering your questions. Ever since I launched the Mel Robbins Podcast, you have been submitting relationship questions to melrobbins.com, and today is the day. And we are gonna go one by one through your questions. We're covering so many rich and important topics, from resentment, to unmet expectations, to what to do when you're changing and your spouse isn't, or your spouse is changing and you're not, how to agree on parenting issues, how to deal with pressure from your family, what to do when you start to feel like you're either losing yourself in your marriage or you're starting to drift apart, and so much more. Chris and I have been together for 30 years. We have three adult children, and I'm gonna tell you something. Whether you're in a relationship right now, whether you've just started, whether you've been together for a long time, whether you've just broken up, there is so much that you're gonna get out of this conversation, and I'm absolutely thrilled to be here with you. And by the way, if you love this format, you ask the questions, I deliver the answers, let me know, and we'll keep on doing it. Here comes Chris, so let's get going.
Thanks for the invitation.
So Chris, I've got a ton of questions from listeners of the podcast who have written in, and I'm just gonna read 'em and then we're gonna tackle 'em, okay?
I'm ready.
All right. Question number one comes from Rachel. "Hi, I love that you both are always growing as individuals. I sometimes feel like I'm working on myself, but my partner isn't as focused on personal growth. How do you two balance working on yourselves individually while also nurturing your relationship together?" You wanna go first?
Install uListen to search the full transcript and get AI-powered insights
Get Full TranscriptGet more from every podcast
AI summaries, searchable transcripts, and fact-checking. Free forever.
Add to Chrome