The Ultimate Guide to Friendship, Self-Esteem, & Anxiety W/ My 18 Year Old Son | Mel Robbins Podcast
Mel Robbins (host), Oakley Robbins (guest), Narrator
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Oakley Robbins, The Ultimate Guide to Friendship, Self-Esteem, & Anxiety W/ My 18 Year Old Son | Mel Robbins Podcast explores teen Son Reveals Real Talk On Boys, Anxiety, Friends, And Parents Mel Robbins and her 18-year-old son Oakley answer listener questions about teens, focusing on communication, friendship, cliques, bullying, phones, school pressure, and anxiety.
Teen Son Reveals Real Talk On Boys, Anxiety, Friends, And Parents
Mel Robbins and her 18-year-old son Oakley answer listener questions about teens, focusing on communication, friendship, cliques, bullying, phones, school pressure, and anxiety.
Oakley explains how teenage boys actually think and feel, why they shut down, and what kinds of support from parents are helpful versus intrusive or embarrassing.
They cover practical strategies for handling hurtful comments, making and keeping healthy friends, managing anxiety (including therapy and medication), and supporting kids with learning differences like dyslexia.
The conversation also addresses boundaries and expectations around chores, curfews, technology, and being the “hangout house,” emphasizing parents as coaches, not players, in their kids’ social lives.
Key Takeaways
Give teens space first, then invite conversation without forcing it.
When teens (especially boys) are angry or overwhelmed, they often need to physically remove themselves. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Separate listening from fixing by asking what your teen wants.
Before offering solutions, use the line Oakley highlighted: “Do you want advice or do you want me to just listen? ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Help kids move away from toxic cliques toward safe, loyal friends.
Cliques are closed, judgmental, and often shallow; real friend groups feel safe, trustworthy, and supportive. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Coach kids on handling hurtful comments by reducing the payoff.
For everyday teasing, Oakley suggests disarming bullies by agreeing lightly or joking (“Yeah, my legs do look weird”), which denies them the emotional reaction they want. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Act like a coach: involved, supportive, but not playing for your kid.
Parents should advise, cheer, and set boundaries, but avoid taking over social conflicts or micromanaging their teen’s life. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Delay full smartphones when possible; focus on connection, not conformity.
Oakley believes waiting until around 16 for a smartphone is helpful rather than harmful; a basic flip phone can handle safety and logistics. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Treat anxiety and learning differences directly and without shame.
Oakley normalizes anxiety, therapy, and medication, emphasizing that when anxiety stops you from living your life (skipping social events, avoiding experiences), it’s time to tell someone and get help. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Notable Quotes
“When you have a kid, you are a coach, and coaches never play in the game.”
— Oakley Robbins (quoting his headmaster, then endorsing it)
“You should always take what makes you happy over social standings.”
— Oakley Robbins
“Nine times out of ten, when people say hurtful things, it’s because they are in a world of hurt.”
— Oakley Robbins
“If it’s little stuff, name-calling, teasing—make fun out of it basically.”
— Oakley Robbins
“If your child decides to open up, ask, ‘Do you want me to give advice or do you want me to just listen?’”
— Mel Robbins (described and endorsed by Oakley Robbins)
Questions Answered in This Episode
How can parents challenge harmful ideas of masculinity (like ‘emotions are weak’) without making their sons feel attacked or judged?
Mel Robbins and her 18-year-old son Oakley answer listener questions about teens, focusing on communication, friendship, cliques, bullying, phones, school pressure, and anxiety.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Where is the line between normal teasing kids should learn to handle and bullying that absolutely requires adult intervention?
Oakley explains how teenage boys actually think and feel, why they shut down, and what kinds of support from parents are helpful versus intrusive or embarrassing.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
What are practical ways schools and families can better support teens with dyslexia or other learning differences so they don’t internalize being ‘dumb’?
They cover practical strategies for handling hurtful comments, making and keeping healthy friends, managing anxiety (including therapy and medication), and supporting kids with learning differences like dyslexia.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
How can a parent tell the difference between typical teen moodiness and anxiety that truly needs professional help or medication?
The conversation also addresses boundaries and expectations around chores, curfews, technology, and being the “hangout house,” emphasizing parents as coaches, not players, in their kids’ social lives.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
If a teen’s current friend group is subtly toxic, how can they realistically start transitioning to healthier friendships without ending up socially isolated in the meantime?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Transcript Preview
Today, we are answering your questions, and I say we because I have invited our 18-year-old son, Oakley Robbins, onto the podcast, because so many of the questions that I'm getting from listeners around the world are related to either the teens or young adults in your life. Oakley has not seen these questions.
Are we going? We're just-
We're just going.
... we're jumping right in?
We're just going.
Really?
Yes.
That's a question?
Uh, right there.
Oh, I love you. (upbeat music)
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Today, we are answering your questions, and I say we because I have invited our 18-year-old son, Oakley Robbins, onto the podcast, because so many of the questions that I'm getting from listeners around the world are related to either the teens or young adults in your life. You're worried about them, you want to know how to connect with them, you're worried about their anxiety, about things that are going on at school or in college. And so I thought, why don't we just get Oakley in the seat, and Oak, you can do your best to explain what the average teenager or young adult is thinking as we answer questions from people around the world, okay?
Sounds great.
All right, anything else that you think people should know before we jump in?
I'm psyched to be here. Super glad to be back.
Oh my gosh. I'm psyched to be back too. All right, so I'm just- here's how it's going to roll. Oakley has not seen these questions. I have a stack of literally several hundred questions.
It's huge.
And these are just-
It's very thick, yeah.
... a sample-
(laughs)
... of the ones that we've got in the last 48 hours. Um, and I'm just going to...
Are we going? We're just-
We're just going.
... we're jumping right in?
We're just going.
Perfect. Let's go for it.
All right, great. Here's the first one. Why is it so hard to get my sons to talk? When my 18-year-old is upset, he stops talking to all of us.
Hmm. Well, I think for some people, I mean, everybody processes, like, annoyance and anger differently. And I mean, I'm no expert psychologist, but I feel like sometimes the way that men or boys can process, uh, change- uh, anger is they need time to themselves and they don't want to talk about it. Um, it's also a bit of a norm for men to just be closed off in general and not really share how they feel in general. And he may be falling under that category, which is a possibility because boys at high school don't like to share how they feel most of the time.
Why?
A sign of weakness, I guess. Uh, a worry that to show how you truly feel if you're upset or angry, um, it's not masculine, which is a word that people throw around and they hope to achieve. Um, but I think that it's not because your son is angry with you or doesn't like you, it's because he feels as though what he needs to be doing to achieve a certain standing in a social hierarchy or the life he's living right now is to not share and to stay quiet.
Install uListen to search the full transcript and get AI-powered insights
Get Full TranscriptGet more from every podcast
AI summaries, searchable transcripts, and fact-checking. Free forever.
Add to Chrome