This Teen Cracked the Code on Anxiety and Teaches You How He Did It | Mel Robbins Podcast
Mel Robbins (host), Oakley (guest)
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Oakley, This Teen Cracked the Code on Anxiety and Teaches You How He Did It | Mel Robbins Podcast explores teen Shares Practical Wisdom On Anxiety, Boundaries, And Growing Up Mel Robbins hosts her 18-year-old son Oakley for a wide-ranging conversation about modern teen life, focusing heavily on anxiety, stress, and relationships between parents and kids. Oakley shares how he approached the college process, built confidence after bullying and self-doubt, set boundaries with his parents, and navigates issues like alcohol, breakups, and gaming. Together they offer specific scripts and strategies for hard conversations—around divorce, favoritism, mental health, and teens isolating in their rooms. Oakley also teaches a simple grounding exercise using breath and an imagination-based ‘mentor table’ visualization to manage anxiety and feel less alone.
Teen Shares Practical Wisdom On Anxiety, Boundaries, And Growing Up
Mel Robbins hosts her 18-year-old son Oakley for a wide-ranging conversation about modern teen life, focusing heavily on anxiety, stress, and relationships between parents and kids. Oakley shares how he approached the college process, built confidence after bullying and self-doubt, set boundaries with his parents, and navigates issues like alcohol, breakups, and gaming. Together they offer specific scripts and strategies for hard conversations—around divorce, favoritism, mental health, and teens isolating in their rooms. Oakley also teaches a simple grounding exercise using breath and an imagination-based ‘mentor table’ visualization to manage anxiety and feel less alone.
Key Takeaways
Stress is inevitable; the goal is management, not elimination.
Oakley reframes stress (college apps, jobs, relationships) as a normal part of life and urges teens to stop expecting a stress-free path and instead practice perspective, breathing, and appreciating where they are right now.
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Clear boundaries improve relationships—especially between parents and teens.
Oakley directly told Mel he didn’t want to talk about college at home; that honesty let her support him better. ...
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Lead parenting decisions with values, not control.
On topics like alcohol and teen experimentation, Mel and Chris focus on what they can realistically control—safety, open communication, and trust—rather than banning behavior, which often drives secrecy, bingeing, and risky choices.
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Confidence comes from action and aligned friendships, not image.
Oakley links his confidence to doing uncomfortable things (theater, wearing a silly Halloween costume alone) and surrounding himself with people who ‘hype him up’ rather than crowds he has to perform for; he stresses you can’t think your way to confidence—you have to try.
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Hard conversations land better when you lead with feelings and specifics.
Whether it’s confronting parents about favoritism or checking on a teen always in their room, they recommend using feeling statements (“I’m starting to feel unimportant,” “You don’t seem like yourself”) plus concrete examples instead of accusations.
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Creating small, consistent family rituals sustains connection over time.
A nightly family dinner with ‘high/low’ sharing and an always-on family group chat let their family stay close—even when kids are away—without forcing constant heavy talks or one-on-one check-ins.
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Simple grounding practices can interrupt spiraling anxiety.
Oakley’s anxiety tool—sitting up, planting feet and hands, slow nasal breathing, and visualizing a table of mentors who offer love and wisdom—helps shift from feeling alone and panicked to connected and centered in a few minutes.
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Notable Quotes
“You will never live a life that is stress-free.”
— Oakley Robbins
“If you spend the last year of high school worrying about the college process, you won't enjoy the last year of high school.”
— Oakley Robbins
“Confidence is the willingness to try. It's not a feeling.”
— Mel Robbins
“If you are not happy anymore in this relationship, I can promise you, you will be more happy out of it.”
— Oakley Robbins
“They are people too. You and your spouse are not the only ones that are suffering from this.”
— Oakley Robbins (on kids during divorce)
Questions Answered in This Episode
How can parents tell the difference between normal teen withdrawal and a sign that a young person is truly struggling with anxiety or depression?
Mel Robbins hosts her 18-year-old son Oakley for a wide-ranging conversation about modern teen life, focusing heavily on anxiety, stress, and relationships between parents and kids. ...
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What specific phrases or scripts can teens use to set boundaries with parents who react defensively or dismiss their feelings?
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How might families adapt Mel and Oakley’s alcohol/safety approach in cultures or communities with stricter norms or laws?
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What are practical ways for teens or young adults to identify ‘the right people’ who genuinely build their confidence rather than drain it?
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How could Oakley’s mentor-table visualization be modified for younger kids or adults who struggle to picture people they admire?
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Transcript Preview
What do you do if you're a kid and you feel like your parents play favorites?
Ooh.
Here's another one. My sister wants to know if Oakley is single, and if yes, she'd like to ensure that he's not a Gemini. (laughs)
Interesting.
What are, um, some of your tips for how to deal with anxiety? Will you walk us through it?
I sit up straight.
Okay.
All right, and then after the third breath, you close your eyes, and I actually invite you at home to join in if you want.
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I'm Mel, and today I'm really excited because I'm not alone, I'm here with one of my favorite people, somebody that I love, our 18-year-old son, Oakley.
Yeah.
(laughs)
It's me, guys. (laughs)
Um, uh, you know, I'm laughing 'cause I know that we're gonna have a lot of fun, and I'm also excited because our audience loves you.
And I love you guys.
And in case you're brand new to the Mel Robbins Podcast, I just want to take a minute and welcome you, and also explain a little bit of background. Oakley is our 18-year-old son, he is the youngest of three, he's a senior in high school, and he-
Just applied to college, it was great.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen.
Finished my applications, like, I've done what I need to do, like, it's- it's great.
Congratulations on getting all of that done. In case you're new, every time Oakley has been on the podcast, we get bombarded with questions in our inbox directed to Oakley from listeners around the world, and the thing that's always really kind of surprised me is that it's from listeners of all ages. So in this stack of questions, I've got questions from high schoolers, from kids in college, from parents, from school counselors, from therapists, to grandparents, to just people that are reflecting on their own childhood, and I can't wait to dig into this. And the truth is, Oak, I do have to say, you've really cracked the code on so many things that I struggled with for, like, 50 years. Like, when I think about anxiety, confidence-
Mm-hmm.
Where you are at the age of 18 versus where I was at 18, I mean, I was like, in peak Mel Schneeberger dysfunction.
First of all, I have lived through getting bullied, like many, uh, anxiety, dyslexia, troubles in school, troubles in life. And, um, also, I- I tend to spend a good amount of time alone. Love to hang out with people, but I also like to spend some time alone, and I- I just think a lot. Like, I- I feel like I'm always thinking about what's going on in my life and how I'm feeling, and stuff like that. 'Cause when you're alone, like, what else is there to think about?
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