Your Toolkit for Preventing Burnout and Improving Resilience In Tough Times | Mel Robbins Podcast

You've got to get this woman on your podcast. I'm tracking her down and we're getting Jenny Wallace on the show, and I just want you to get ready because we're not only going to talk about how you break free from the grind culture and how you can get your life, and your peace of mind, and your control back, we're going to talk about a deeper topic, because she says that the way that you break free from grind culture and toxic achievement is to actually focus on something else, the thing that you and I are both seeking, and we're going to explain what that is in this conversation. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. All right, today, I have to talk to you about something that happened this weekend. Um, I know you're going to relate to it, but here's what happened. So I'm in the middle of the fall of my son's senior year of high school. So we are in the thick of it with college applications, right? And one of the things that I've loved about living in Southern Vermont is that nobody really talks about it, so I haven't really felt the pressure cooker that the college application process can be. But, oh my God, something happened this weekend, and I had no idea that I was internally freaking out about this topic, because on the surface I've been super cool. So I was out and about and I bumped into a woman that I know, and we were just chit-chatting, and all of a sudden the question came up, "So does Oak know where he's applying to college?" And I said, "Yeah. Actually he's figured it out. There are four schools he's going to apply to, and I think personally he'd be super happy at two of them in particular." And so she said, "Does he have a first choice?" And I said, "As a matter of fact, he does. He's going to apply early decision to this particular school." And she paused and said, "Oh." And I was like, "Yeah, I know it's a really competitive school, but he does have the grades and he's right in the range of the kind of student that they accept, but these days everything is so competitive that you just never know." And she said, "Well, we thought that too about our son." So he applied ED and, um, he ended up not getting in. They took, uh, two other people from the school, but they didn't take him. There was something about the way that her tone of voice was that my heart went ******* and (laughs) I don't know what happened. I became that freak. I became that psycho parent. There was something in me that was like, "Uh, what do you mean? What do you mean? The... You mean he's not going to get in? You mean he's within range and they're going to take other... somebody else?" And I became that parent that all of a sudden started to own their kids' choices and success and their outcomes, and I came racing home and I was like, (knocks) "Oak, Oak, (knocks) have you written your college essay? How is the process going? Can I take a read of it? Can I see it?" And he's like, "Yes, you can read it," and he sent it to me, first draft. I'll be honest, not that great. It made my heart go ****** even more. And then I go to say to him, "Uh, uh, uh, is this done? I mean, this is not what you're submitting. I mean, this doesn't even sound like you." And he's like, "Mom, could you back off? I'm working with it at the counselors at school. This is the first draft. Can you get off my back? It's all we fucking talk about at school. Would you..." Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Whether you're in the college application process or not, you have experienced it yourself or with somebody that you love, and you know there is something psycho-weird about how competitive things have gotten. I mean, I always joke that when I applied to college back in 1985, if I were applying today, I would never get in because of how crazy competitive things have gotten, and I have prided myself on not getting sucked into this. I have meant it when I have told you that I do not put the bumper stickers on my kids' cars, that their achievements are not a reflection of my parenting, that my kids need to own the process, they will end up where they're meant to end up, that they will get the lessons they need, they will figure it out. I believe that. But there was something about somebody going, "Oh, well, that didn't happen to ours," that made me go ****** and I went crazy for about 48 hours. Well, thankfully, I bumped into another friend of mine. Shout out to Paige. And Paige and I were talking, and she was saying that she was reading this incredible book and I was like, "Really? What is the name of the book?" And she's like, "Yeah, it's so incredible. It's called Never Enough, and you've got to get this woman on your podcast." And I'm like, "What's it about?" And she said, "The entire book is about something called grind culture and the way that we are prioritizing what this author calls toxic achievement, how parents have gotten super sucked into it, how we've gotten super sucked into it." I said, "Paige, say no more. You are like an angel from the heavens who is hitting me with a sledgehammer saying, 'Mel Robbins, you got to talk about this pressure we are all feeling.'" And so you know what I'm gonna do? I'm tracking her down and we're getting Jenny Wallace on the show. She has written a book called Never Enough. You may know Jenny Wallace, at least her work, because she has been an award-winning, Harvard-educated journalist from 60 Minutes. She is also a journalism fellow at the Center for Parent and Teen Communications at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, and I got a copy of this book, Never Enough. I dug into it, and I just want you to get ready, because we're not only going to talk about how you break free from the grind culture and how you can get your life and your peace of mind and your, just, control back-We're going to talk about a deeper topic because she says that the way that you break free from grind culture and toxic achievement is to actually focus on something else, the thing that you and I are both seeking, and we're going to explain what that is in this conversation. So please help me welcome Jenny Wallace to the Mel Robbins podcast.