How to Stop Caring What People Think of You

Every single human being struggles with this. We find ourselves in these situations in life where you're like, "Oh, my gosh."

Yeah.

"Why am I so concerned about what other people think about me?" That's gonna stop today. We're gonna talk about this topic, and I'm gonna unpack it by sharing a conversation with you that I had with Chrissy Teigen. We were talking on her new podcast, and she was so open with what she's struggling with, and she struggles with what other people think about her. She allowed me to coach her, and I got in her face about this, because I want her to have a breakthrough, and this is what she had to say in response. (clock ticks) (static crackles) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so thrilled to be here with you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for hitting play on this episode and choosing to spend some time with me. It is always an honor to be together with you. If you're brand new to the Mel Robbins Podcast, I just wanna welcome you to the family. Here's what I know about you. The fact that you actually hit play on this tells me that you're the kind of person who really values your time, and that you've made the time to listen to something that could truly help you create a better life. There is no doubt in my mind, you have hit play on the perfect episode, because today, we are gonna unpack a topic that I personally believe is the single biggest obstacle that stands in the way of you and your ability to achieve absolutely everything that you want in your life. And what is that obstacle? That obstacle is your fear of what other people think about you. Mm-hmm. We all have it. We worry about it, we care about what other people think, we try to manage what other people think. You probably don't even realize how much of a default it is for you to stop and consider what somebody might think before you post something on social media, before you say something at work, before you make the move that you've been afraid to make, before you start the conversation. You always stop, and you consider what somebody else is gonna think or do in response to it, and you don't even realize how often you do this. I didn't either, until I discovered the Let Them Theory, and starting to learn to catch myself whenever I was considering what somebody else would think or how they might react, and worrying about it, and learning how to say, "Let them," it has been life-altering. And one of the reasons why I thought, "I gotta dedicate an entire episode to this" is because, first of all, you struggle with this. That's why you chose to listen to this. That's why somebody that you care about deeply forwarded you this episode, because they want you to stop worrying so much about what everybody thinks and live your life and be happy, but I'm here to tell you, you're not alone. Every single human being struggles with this. And so I thought, "Here's what we're gonna do." We're gonna unpack this today, because in the 35 press interviews that I've done so far for the Let Them Theory book, this is the biggest question everybody's asking. And I don't care who's on the other side of the microphone with me, whether it's Oprah Winfrey, or the New York Times, or it's Time Magazine, or it is the Wall Street Journal, everybody wants to know, "How do I stop caring about what other people think?" And that's what we're gonna do today, and I'm so excited, because I'm gonna teach you this in a really special way. We're gonna talk about this topic, and I'm gonna unpack it by sharing a conversation with you that I had with Chrissy Teigen, and before we even jump into it, I wanna thank Chrissy. I wanna thank her for allowing me to share this conversation with you, because we were talking on her new podcast, and she was so open with what she's struggling with, and she struggles with what other people think about her. I mean, it's almost crippling to her that people would think something negative, that they would attack her, and she was so open about it. And on top of it, she allowed me to coach her, and I got in her face about this, because it's really sad when you hold yourself back because you're afraid of something that you can't control, 'cause you're gonna learn, you will never ever, ever be able to control or guarantee what another person thinks about you. Never. And so, I not only got in Chrissy's face about this, because I want her to have a breakthrough, but I need to get into your face about this, because you need a breakthrough about this. Right now, you are holding yourself back because you're worried about what your friends from college are thinking, or you're worried about what your parents are gonna be thinking, or you're worried about, you know, what your boss is gonna think, or this, or that, or the other thing. And more importantly, it's not even that worrying about it is the problem. It's the fact that you then aim it back at yourself. Like, I think it's fine to care what other people think. It- it's a sign that you're a good person. That's not the problem. The problem is how you hold yourself back, how you silence your opinion, how you use other people's opinions as a means to make yourself feel like you're not good enough as you are. That's gonna stop today. And the reason why we struggle with this is because you believe that there's a way that you can behave that somehow can manipulate or guarantee that somebody will think a certain thing. I'm here to tell you, you can't, and any time and any energy that you pour into trying to manipulate or control or guarantee what somebody else is gonna think about you is a gigantic waste of time and energy. And in fact, anytime you start worrying about what somebody else thinks about you, you actually cause stress and anxiety for yourself. The fact that you're worrying about what everybody thinks so much is actually a major source of stress, and there is an easier way to live. I am going to prove it to you today with the help of Chrissy Teigen, and it may surprise you.... that when you listen to Chrissy and you listen to her share, it may surprise you that when you consider her life, well, this is a woman that is so wildly successful. She's an extraordinary businesswoman. She has four amazing kids. She's got an incredible marriage to John Legend. And she struggles with this. And so from the outside, you see somebody who's succeeding, so you don't think that this is a person who feels misunderstood. You don't think that this is a person who feels like she's living in a prison of her own making. You don't think that this is a person who lives in fear that she's gonna pass this onto her kids. And what is it that she's afraid she's gonna pass onto her kids? Well, it's this fear of being misunderstood, this fear that people are criticizing her, this fear that she can never do anything right. And the Let Them Theory is liberating in this regard, not only for Chrissy Teigen, but also for you and for whomever you share this with. And so I just wanna thank Chrissy because she is giving me permission to share a few segments from her new podcast, Self-Conscious with Chrissy Teigen. And you can listen to the whole conversation that Chrissy and I had right now if you just go to audible.com/chrissyandmel. So on the opening of her podcast, I explained to Chrissy what the Let Them Theory is. And in case you're brand new to the Mel Robbins Podcast family, let me just share what the Let Them Theory is to you as well. So Let Them Theory is a very simple mindset tool that shows you instantly what's in your control and what's not in your control. And there's two very simple parts to the Let Them Theory. Part one, you're gonna use whenever you feel yourself starting to get frustrated or stressed out or annoyed or worried about what somebody else is doing, feeling, or saying. Just say, "Let them." Let them say what they're gonna say. Let them think what they're gonna think. I'm gonna stop trying to control them and just let them. And the second step is when you say, "Let me." And when you say, "Let me," you remind yourself that in life, there's only three things you can control. It's what you think, it's what you do or don't do, and it's how you process the feelings that are rising up. And when you say, "Let me," this is where you get your power back. Let me remind myself that my power is not in what other people are doing. My power is always in my response. And when you focus on your response, and particularly you focus on showing up in a way that makes you proud of yourself, you're now in control of your life. And so I explained that to Chrissy on her new podcast, and this is what she had to say in response.