How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be
Chelsea Handler (guest), Mel Robbins (host)
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Chelsea Handler and Mel Robbins, How to Become the Person You’ve Always Wanted to Be explores chelsea Handler On Owning Desire, Healing Anger, And Becoming Unshakable Mel Robbins interviews Chelsea Handler about how she became the woman she envisioned as a child—fierce, independent, honest, and deeply grounded—despite chaos, grief, and self-destructive habits. Chelsea shares early stories of unapologetically wanting more (like flying first class at 13), building confidence through trying, and turning failures—like a DUI and bombing on a big stage—into pivotal career breaks.
Chelsea Handler On Owning Desire, Healing Anger, And Becoming Unshakable
Mel Robbins interviews Chelsea Handler about how she became the woman she envisioned as a child—fierce, independent, honest, and deeply grounded—despite chaos, grief, and self-destructive habits. Chelsea shares early stories of unapologetically wanting more (like flying first class at 13), building confidence through trying, and turning failures—like a DUI and bombing on a big stage—into pivotal career breaks.
A major focus is Chelsea’s emotional evolution: delayed grief over her brother’s death, how anger shielded her from vulnerability, and the profound impact of therapy and hard feedback (notably from Jane Fonda) on her self-awareness and behavior. She describes learning to become her own best friend, mother, and daughter—someone who has her own back and brings joy deliberately.
Together, they frame confidence as the willingness to try, purpose as spreading joy and light, and growth as continually realigning with who you are at your core rather than being shaped by your environment. The conversation becomes a permission slip for listeners—especially women—to stop apologizing, claim what they want, and bring an intentional, uplifting “vibe” into every room.
Key Takeaways
Let yourself want what you want without apologizing.
Chelsea’s first-class airplane story and childhood hustles show the importance of simply admitting, “This seems like my group,” and then working backward to figure out how to get there—instead of immediately deciding you don’t deserve it or it’s not for “people like you.”
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Confidence is built by trying, not by feeling ready.
From starting a hard-lemonade stand at 10 to doing standup a week after DUI class, Chelsea acts before she feels fully prepared; Robbins frames confidence as the willingness to try and possibly fail, which is what ultimately proves your capability to yourself.
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Your worst decisions can become your best turning points.
Chelsea’s DUI led to a forced public storytelling moment in class that revealed her gift for standup, and bombing at a major comedy festival was followed days later by an NBC development deal—illustrating that catastrophic-seeming failures can sit right next to life-changing opportunities.
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Anger usually masks hurt; healing requires vulnerability, not more rage.
Her lifelong rage after her brother’s death turned out to be delayed grief and a feeling of abandonment; therapy helped her see that anger was armor protecting pain, and that acknowledging hurt makes relationships and personal change possible.
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Honest, uncomfortable feedback is a profound act of sisterhood.
Jane Fonda’s direct confrontation about Chelsea’s behavior at a party—“Go find out what your problem is… Don’t be a product of your environment”—became a model for how to love people by telling them the hard truth and holding a higher vision for who they can be.
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Become your own parent, cheerleader, and protector.
Chelsea describes learning to be her own best friend, mother, sister, and even daughter—waking up, hyping herself in the mirror, affirming her value, and reassuring herself, “I’ve got you,” instead of waiting for others to rescue or validate her.
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You are responsible for the vibe you bring into every room.
She emphasizes intentionally bringing joy, positivity, and non-judgment—treating joy as her purpose, focusing on who *is* in the room rather than who isn’t, and extending kindness even when she’s in a bad mood as a way to both help others and heal herself.
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Notable Quotes
“You deserve whatever you go after. Don’t apologize for wanting more.”
— Chelsea Handler
“No one is unrecoverable. You’re never cooked. As long as you’re here, you have an opportunity to make your life great.”
— Chelsea Handler
“Your biggest disappointments and your biggest failures can lead to your biggest successes if you keep your eyes and your ears open and your head up.”
— Chelsea Handler
“I became for myself what I’ve tried to be for every important person in my life… I became my own daughter.”
— Chelsea Handler
“You don’t have to be everyone’s entertainment. That’s not your responsibility.”
— Chelsea Handler (relaying a lesson from therapist Dan Siegel)
Questions Answered in This Episode
Where in my life am I quietly telling myself I don’t deserve “first class” and how could I start claiming that desire instead of shutting it down?
Mel Robbins interviews Chelsea Handler about how she became the woman she envisioned as a child—fierce, independent, honest, and deeply grounded—despite chaos, grief, and self-destructive habits. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
What failure or worst decision in my past could I reinterpret as a turning point or hidden opportunity rather than a dead end?
A major focus is Chelsea’s emotional evolution: delayed grief over her brother’s death, how anger shielded her from vulnerability, and the profound impact of therapy and hard feedback (notably from Jane Fonda) on her self-awareness and behavior. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
If my anger or resentment is actually covering hurt, what specifically am I hurt about—and have I ever clearly expressed what I need?
Together, they frame confidence as the willingness to try, purpose as spreading joy and light, and growth as continually realigning with who you are at your core rather than being shaped by your environment. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Who in my life might need a Jane Fonda–style truth-telling conversation from me, and how could I offer it with compassion, not judgment?
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If I became my own best friend, parent, and cheerleader, what would I start saying to myself daily—and what behavior would I finally stop tolerating from myself or others?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Transcript Preview
I was like, "Hi, my name is Chelsea Handler. Do you have any other 10-year-olds, uh, that I can play with?" They sent this kid named Nelson down-
(laughs)
... and I was like, "Nelson, I'm doing a lemonade stand. I need a barback. Do you know how to mix a drink?"
(instrumental music plays) Today's conversation is the permission you need to go after what you want in life, whether that is flying first class, or being unapologetically ambitious, or standing up for yourself, or speaking your mind, or making the changes you wanna make.
I just never identified with that, "I'm gonna grow up and I'm gonna get married, I'm gonna get a job, I'm gonna go to college, and I'm gonna have kids." I never, ever thought that. I was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. The more anyone tells me to do something, the less inclined I am to do it."
A lot of people see what's going on and say, "I want that." You saw what was going on and said, "I don't want that." I cannot wait to hear you tell this story, 'cause this blew my mind.
So, one of the worst decisions of my life, which was-
(laughs)
(laughs)
Oh my god. (clock ticks) (instrumental music plays) Chelsea, I'm so excited that you're here.
(laughs)
I mean, on paper, when you look at all your accomplishments from, uh, being an iconic comedian for 20 years, seven New York Times bestsellers, five different television shows, uh, you have so many extraordinary experiences, a media company that you are running, serial entrepreneur. And one of the things that I appreciate the most about you is, everybody who read this book, I'll Have What She's Having, fell in love with you. And I don't think people understand truly what a remarkable human being you are at your core, that there is a very big difference between the perception, or what may have been written, and actually at your core, in your purpose, who you have become and the expression that you are in the world. And so, I am really thrilled because, like me, you learned this shit the hard way, and this book brilliantly unpacks the mistakes, the regrets, the lessons learned that got you to truly connect with who you are at your core. And we're gonna unpack so much of the wisdom in this book, the hilarious stories, but I would love to start by having you speak directly to the person who's with us. And if you think about all of the takeaways in your book and the lessons that you've learned and the things that you wanna share, particularly with other women, what could be different about their life if they really take to heart some of the things that you're about to teach us today and they apply it in their own life?
Um, I think that, uh, positivity and optimism is contagious, right? While sometimes it feels hopeless and sometimes you are so down and we can all get into pity parties about what's not going right in our lives, there's always a different lens to look at everything. And, and no one is perfect at always looking at the positivity in their lives. But when you get better at looking at it more frequently-
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