How to Have the Best Sex of Your Life: Even if You Are Tired, Single… or Not in the Mood
Mel Robbins (host), Dr. Emily Morse (guest)
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Dr. Emily Morse, How to Have the Best Sex of Your Life: Even if You Are Tired, Single… or Not in the Mood explores redefining Pleasure: Why Great Sex Starts With You, Not Technique Mel Robbins and Dr. Emily Morse unpack why so many people feel disconnected from their sex lives and how to intentionally create the best sex of your life at any age or relationship status.
Redefining Pleasure: Why Great Sex Starts With You, Not Technique
Mel Robbins and Dr. Emily Morse unpack why so many people feel disconnected from their sex lives and how to intentionally create the best sex of your life at any age or relationship status.
They argue that nearly everything we’re taught about sex—spontaneity, penetration-focused scripts, silence, and shame—is wrong, and replace it with a model centered on self-knowledge, communication, and nervous-system regulation.
Key themes include the importance of solo sex, understanding vulva vs. penis arousal patterns, managing stress and trauma (“pleasure thieves”), and using structured conversations and tools like the Yes/No/Maybe list to co-create better sex with partners.
The episode positions sexual pleasure as a core component of overall wellness and personal responsibility, not a bonus or something a partner is supposed to “give” you.
Key Takeaways
You are responsible for your own pleasure and orgasms.
Waiting for a partner to magically figure out your body keeps you disempowered; solo sex is how you build an “owner’s manual” for yourself so you can clearly communicate what works.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Stress, shame, and trauma are major blockers of desire and arousal.
You can’t live in chronic cortisol and expect hot sex—regulating your nervous system (therapy, breathwork, lifestyle changes) is foundational to feeling desire again.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Most vulva owners don’t orgasm from penetration alone—and that’s normal.
Only about 20% orgasm from penetration; the clitoral network (roughly 12,000 nerve endings, mostly external) must be stimulated, which means foreplay and external touch aren’t optional extras.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Desire often isn’t spontaneous; you have to intentionally create conditions for it.
Many people, especially vulva owners, have responsive desire—arousal comes after some stimulation and safety, so scheduling sex and choosing optimal times of day can dramatically improve frequency and quality.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Talking about sex is the fastest path to better sex.
Using structures like the three Ts (timing, tone, turf) and the compliment sandwich lowers defensiveness and lets partners discuss needs, frequency, and fantasies without blame or shame.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Embodiment and breath can pull you out of your head during sex.
Deep breathing, Kegels paired with slow inhales/exhales, and focusing on your five senses during sex interrupt mental chatter about to-do lists, body image, or performance.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Curiosity and experimentation—rather than orgasm as the goal—create “hot sex.”
Centering connection, touch, and mutual pleasure (and using tools like the Yes/No/Maybe list to find shared interests) reduces pressure and ironically often leads to more frequent and satisfying orgasms.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Notable Quotes
“We are responsible for our own pleasure and our own orgasms.”
— Dr. Emily Morse
“Everything we know about sex that we’ve ever learned is pretty much untrue, not accurate, not healthy, and not really how we're supposed to have sex.”
— Dr. Emily Morse
“You can’t live in a state of spiked cortisol and also live with pleasure.”
— Dr. Emily Morse
“If you don’t know how to delight in your body, is it fair to say you’ll almost never be able to communicate what you need with a partner?”
— Mel Robbins
“Communication is lubrication.”
— Dr. Emily Morse
Questions Answered in This Episode
Which of the “pleasure thieves” (stress, shame, trauma) shows up most in my life, and what concrete step am I willing to take to address it?
Mel Robbins and Dr. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
What have I actually learned about sex—and which of those beliefs might be outdated, inaccurate, or actively harming my pleasure?
They argue that nearly everything we’re taught about sex—spontaneity, penetration-focused scripts, silence, and shame—is wrong, and replace it with a model centered on self-knowledge, communication, and nervous-system regulation.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
If I treated solo sex as a wellness practice instead of a secret or a backup, how might that change my confidence and my experiences with partners?
Key themes include the importance of solo sex, understanding vulva vs. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
How can I use the three Ts (timing, tone, turf) to start one honest conversation with my partner about our sex life this week?
The episode positions sexual pleasure as a core component of overall wellness and personal responsibility, not a bonus or something a partner is supposed to “give” you.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Looking back at my hottest sexual memories, what core feelings (being cherished, worshiped, rebellious, safe, etc.) do they share, and how can I intentionally recreate those feelings now?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Transcript Preview
(ticking clock) (upbeat music) Would you like to have better sex and more pleasure in your life? Of course you do. Do you feel like it's been so long since you've had sex that you can barely spell the word sex? And here's what I want you to know. You're not alone. This is why we need this conversation today. You and I need to bring more pleasure, and more fun, and more confidence into our lives, and into the bedroom, and into our sex lives. And Dr. Emily is gonna show us how. And don't you worry, this is not gonna get embarrassing, because I am gonna go first. (upbeat music) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. Okay, before we jump into our conversation today, I want to start by giving a huge shout-out to my therapist, who's a woman named Anne Davin. This episode was inspired by a conversation that she and I were having a couple weeks ago, where we were on the phone and I was in the middle of a therapy session, and I said to her, I said, "You know, Anne, one of the things that I'd really like to work on with you in my life is my sex life. I would love to have a breakthrough with my husband Chris. And here's the deal. I feel so connected to him. Thankfully, I am very attracted to him. But if I'm honest, I'm just not that satisfied with our sex life. And the truth is, neither is he. I mean, we've been together 29 years, so we both have our moves, we know what to expect, we'd both like to ha- be having more sex and not feel so tired. And I would also like to think that I could make this next chapter of my life the best sex of my entire life. That, I mean, wouldn't that be awesome if you knew that on the road ahead of you is the best sex, is the most pleasure?" And so here's what my therapist, Anne Davin, said. "Mel, you got to reach out to Emily Morris." I'm like, "Emily Morris? Who is Emily Morris?" She said, "Dr. Emily. She's been hosting the hit podcast Sex With Emily for almost 18 years." And so guess what, everybody? Thank you, Anne Davin, because I reached out to Dr. Emily, and Dr. Emily is here. And not only does she host that hit podcast Sex With Emily, she has a PhD in human sexuality. She is one of the most respected and cited sex experts in the world. Her new book is Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure. And you and I, we have an appointment with her today. And don't you worry, this is not gonna get embarrassing, because I am gonna go first. I'm your friend. I'm the loudmouth, embarrassing one. I'll ask all the questions that you're afraid to ask, and I will share way more information about my sex life with my husband than probably you or he is comfortable with. Here's why. Because I'm on a mission to help both you and me create a brand-new relationship and amazing chapter with our sexual health and pleasure, period. You and I deserve more pleasure in our life. And what I love about Dr. Emily is that she says better sex isn't about complicated positions, or messy lube, or getting kinky, unless you're into that kind of stuff. Dr. Emily says, "Better sex is really about your relationship with yourself, because great sex begins by taking responsibility for the fact that you're responsible for your own sexual pleasure." In order to prepare for the conversation with Dr. Emily today, I first talked to my husband Chris and I asked him for permission to speak openly about what is missing in our sex life, other than sex. That's a joke. (laughs) And Chris graciously said, "Mel, if it is gonna lead to better sex, you can talk about whatever the hell you want." But I also reached out to all of you, and I wanted to know, do you have questions? Would you like to have better sex and more pleasure in your life? Of course you do. Do you feel like it's been so long since you've had sex that you can barely spell the word sex? And here's what I want you to know. You're not alone. Whatever questions you have, whatever desires you have, whatever shame you feel, whatever hang-ups you're holding secret, I'm telling you, there are other listeners around the world that are dealing with the exact same thing. And I know this because within 24 hours, 3,500 of you sent questions. This is why we need this conversation today. You and I need to bring more pleasure, and more fun, and more confidence into our lives and into the bedroom and into our sex lives. And Dr. Emily is gonna show us how. So please help me welcome Dr. Emily to the Mel Robbins podcast. Dr. Emily!
Install uListen to search the full transcript and get AI-powered insights
Get Full TranscriptGet more from every podcast
AI summaries, searchable transcripts, and fact-checking. Free forever.
Add to Chrome