How to Get Motivated (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It) With Dr. K, HealthyGamerGG
Mel Robbins (host), Dr. K (Alok Kanojia) (guest)
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Dr. K (Alok Kanojia), How to Get Motivated (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It) With Dr. K, HealthyGamerGG explores stop Chasing Motivation: Master Actions, Not Feelings, To Change Dr. K explains that we misunderstand motivation as something to boost, when in reality our lives change by learning how our minds work and acting independent of fluctuating feelings. He argues that most people aren’t actually “unmotivated” or “stuck”; they’re powerfully motivated to avoid discomfort, and they misdiagnose the problem as a lack of motivation. Drawing on neuroscience and Eastern philosophy, he shows why outcome-obsession, dopamine-driven pleasure seeking, and running from negative feelings keep us trapped in cycles of start–stop behavior. The antidote is to focus on today’s actions, anticipate difficulty, build awareness of internal conflict, and detach behavior from outcomes so that discipline and follow-through become natural byproducts of understanding yourself.
Stop Chasing Motivation: Master Actions, Not Feelings, To Change
Dr. K explains that we misunderstand motivation as something to boost, when in reality our lives change by learning how our minds work and acting independent of fluctuating feelings. He argues that most people aren’t actually “unmotivated” or “stuck”; they’re powerfully motivated to avoid discomfort, and they misdiagnose the problem as a lack of motivation. Drawing on neuroscience and Eastern philosophy, he shows why outcome-obsession, dopamine-driven pleasure seeking, and running from negative feelings keep us trapped in cycles of start–stop behavior. The antidote is to focus on today’s actions, anticipate difficulty, build awareness of internal conflict, and detach behavior from outcomes so that discipline and follow-through become natural byproducts of understanding yourself.
Key Takeaways
Stop trying to increase motivation; learn to act without it.
Motivation is an emotional state that naturally waxes and wanes, so building a life that depends on “feeling like it” makes you vulnerable. ...
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You’re not stuck; you’re strongly motivated to avoid discomfort.
What feels like zero motivation is actually a powerful internal drive to stay safe, avoid conflict, or escape effort. ...
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Detach from outcomes and devote yourself to today’s action.
Goals like “be sober for a year” or “work out every day” are outcomes, not actions, and are literally impossible to do in a single moment. ...
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Anticipate that hard things will feel bad—and do them anyway.
Going toward meaningful goals usually increases pain *before* you see any reward, so motivation often dips as you move closer to doing the hard thing. ...
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Dwell deliberately on the consequences of your actions.
After you act—whether you followed through or avoided—pause for a few minutes to notice how it actually felt and what it led to, without self‑attack. ...
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Use motivational interviewing to create a vacuum, not push.
Instead of nagging loved ones (or yourself), ask open questions like, “How do you feel about your health? ...
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Awareness of inner conflict is the core of willpower.
Neuroscience shows the brain’s willpower circuitry is about *monitoring* conflict, not erasing it; discipline is staying present to “I want to and I don’t want to” without checking out. ...
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Notable Quotes
“It’s not that you have no motivation. It’s that you have a very powerful motivation to not move.”
— Dr. K
“What’s better: for you to be in control of your wants or for your wants to be in control of you?”
— Dr. K
“You can’t be sober for a year. That is not an action; it is an outcome.”
— Dr. K
“We’re spending our whole lives swimming upstream instead of understanding our motivational circuitry and using it.”
— Dr. K
“I can’t control whether I get into medical school, but I can control whether I beat myself up.”
— Dr. K
Questions Answered in This Episode
In my own life, where am I mislabeling powerful avoidance as “being stuck” or “unmotivated”?
Dr. ...
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What is one goal I can immediately reframe from an outcome (“every day,” “for a year”) into a single concrete action I can take today?
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If I paused after my key daily actions (or inactions) and honestly reflected for three minutes, how might my behavior naturally begin to change?
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How can I start anticipating the specific discomfort of a hard task tomorrow so I’m not blindsided by it when the moment to act arrives?
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With someone I keep nagging to change, what open-ended question could I ask that helps them express *their* own conflict and desire instead of defending against me?
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Transcript Preview
What are we getting wrong about motivation?
So much. The biggest mistake we make with motivation is that we try to increase it. This is what stuck-ness is. It's a lot of irrelevant movement.
We do use the words, "I feel stuck, I feel stuck," but you're saying that's actually the wrong word and it's inaccurate.
Yes. It's not that you have no motivation. It's that you have a very powerful motivation to not move. What's better, for you to be in control of your wants or for your wants to be in control of you?
Oh.
That's the question.
Oh. Like now I'm like, oh, I'm feeling like-
(laughs)
... you're pinning me to the wall, Dr. K. Uh, uh, I don't know. Uh... (ticking) Hey, it's your friend Mel, and I am so thrilled to be able to introduce you to Dr. Alok Tanojia, also known as Dr. K. And if that name sounds familiar, it's because he is now back on the Mel Robbins podcast. You loved him when he first appeared several months ago. Dr. K is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist specializing in modern mental health and the impact that technology is having on your brain. And what I love about Dr. K is... Well, there's a lot of things I love about him. I love how he explains these really heady topics, and I also love the fact that he has a super impressive and diverse skill set. First of all, he did his medical and psychiatric training here in Boston at Harvard, and he's also been studying integrative health and Ayurvedic mental health for over 20 years. He's the co-founder of Healthy Gamer, which is a huge mental health platform and training company. They've got over 175 employees who are dedicated to helping people overcome addictions to technology, and they also train clinicians in Dr. K's methodology. His YouTube channel, HealthyGamerGG, has over two million followers, and he's the author of the new book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer. And today Dr. K is here to talk about all things motivation, dopamine, and tapping back into that power that you have to get where you want to go in your life. Dr. K, welcome back to the Mel Robbins podcast. Could you tell the person listening how their life might change if they take everything that you're about to share with them to heart?
Uh, I think their, the way that they live life would be very different, and I think their outcomes in life would also change immensely. So I think the basic thing to keep in mind is that we don't learn how we work. We have a fundamental educational system that teaches us mathematics, history, marketing, finance, but no one teaches you, "This is how your mind works. This is where desires come from. This is how you get motivated." And, and we assume that there's nor- no formal education in this, but there absolutely is a formal education in this. And once we sort of dig into that, like what I tend to find with the patients that I work with, um, you know, people who watch my lectures and stuff like that, is we just teach them how they work. And once you understand how you work, once you understand the buttons of the controller that is you, then you can direct your character in life wherever you want to go.
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