8 Things To Tell Yourself Every Morning

What if I told you the only thing keeping you from waking up tomorrow and feeling incredible is eight things to tell yourself in the morning that will reprogram your mind, boost your mood, and help you have a great day? The first one is you need to tell yourself, "Today is going to be a great day," because you can still make it a great day based on your attitude, no matter what it is that's gonna happen. And that second sentence is, "Something cool is gonna happen for me today." You're probably assuming that something bad's gonna happen. No, no, no. Let's do the opposite. Sentence number three. "No matter what happens today, I can handle it." You are telling your brain to look for the good. You're telling your brain that, "All that stuff that I normally freak out about, uh-uh, I can handle it." The fourth mantra. "An exciting new chapter in my life is starting today." You are intentionally turning the page and ending the chapter. "I need to give myself more credit for how hard I'm trying. I'm allowed to be a work in progress. If I keep showing up, life will reward me." And the final sentence, that I love. Oh, I love this one for you. "I have..." Let's get into it. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. It's always such an honor to be together and to get to spend this time with you. And if you're a new listener, or you're here because somebody shared this episode with you, well, first of all, I just wanted to take a moment and personally welcome you to The Mel Robbins Podcast family. I'm so glad that you're here and that you chose to listen to this episode, because today, I am gonna share the eight things you should tell yourself every morning. And the first one is you need to tell yourself, "Today is going to be a great day." And this is something you should say the moment you wake up. "Today is gonna be a great day." And you should say that even if things have been going bad, even if you got a lot going on today, because you can still make it a great day based on your attitude, no matter what it is that's gonna happen. And I promise you, even when you're going through a challenging time, starting your day by saying, "Well, today is gonna be a great day. I'm gonna make it a great day today," I promise you that when you start your day with this first sentence, "Today is gonna be a great day," that there will be something great that can happen. And I wanted to start with this one as the first one, because just this morning, for example, we were getting ready to tape this episode and to talk to you today, and the team was going back and forth in text because we were figuring out what kind of coffee we're gonna get. And I, of course, had to text Ben and say, "Oh, Ben, when you pick up my coffee, could you get a ham and cheese croissant for me too? Because I really love the ham and cheese croissants at the place that you're going?" And Ben texted back, "Yeah, absolutely. I'll pick up that ham and cheese croissant with you, Mel, and I'm gonna be to the studio in about a half an hour." And then he ended the text with, "And it's gonna be a great day." Just reading that, I was like, "You're right, Ben. It is gonna be a great day. You wanna know why? Because you said it's gonna be a great day, and now I'm feeling that it's gonna be a great day, and we're gonna make it a great day." And by the way, this isn't just like some empty platitude. This has so much research, and we're gonna unpack it throughout our conversation today. For example, I'm gonna start with Dr. Daniel Amen. So Dr. Amen has been a guest on The Mel Robbins Podcast. He's made a big difference in my life. He is a psychiatrist. He runs the Amen Clinics. He is a world-renowned expert on the brain. In fact, he has scanned nearly 300,000 brains. And you wanna know what the first thing Dr. Daniel Amen says to himself every single morning? Can you guess? What is the sentence you think Dr. Amen says to himself? You're right. He wakes up every day and says, "Today is going to be a great day." Now, why does Dr. Amen say that? I'll tell you why. Because Dr. Amen says you have to program your brain, and one way you can do it is by repeating simple sentences to yourself. And so, that's how I want you to start your day. In fact, he even takes it a step further. Once he says, "Today's gonna be a great day," he will often add in, "Huh. Well, why do you think today's gonna be a great day for you?" And the reason why he kind of prompts himself that way with that simple sentence is because you're doing something that Dr. Amen calls directing your mind. See, your mind only knows what you put into it. Your mind will seek what you tell it to seek. Directing your mind with that sentence, "Today is gonna be a great day," why might today be a great day? It puts your brain in a positive state, and it makes your brain start to look for reasons why it could be a great day. And so we're starting these eight simple sentences with the sentence that Dr. Amen starts with. Boy, I wanna say the sentence that the world's leading expert on the brain says every morning, don't you? And let me just address something, because the conversation we're having today is not this sort of like throwaway positive advice. There's deep science here. And I wanna acknowledge something. You may be going through a really challenging moment in your life right now. You may be waking up, and you've got a really difficult thing that you've gotta do today. Maybe you're going to a funeral. And so when you wake up in a challenging moment, when you wake up in a day where you got something really hard to do, and you say, "Today is gonna be a great day," that's not denying what's happening. It's you taking a positive step to direct your mind so that your mind can help you have a good day even though you're gonna go through something hard. So, if you wake up and you're going to a funeral today, and you say, "Today is gonna be a great day, even though I have to go to this funeral," and then you ask yourself, "Well, why is today gonna be a great day?" You'll be surprised, because you'll be able to answer that question. I mean, you could hug everyone a little tighter at the funeral to make it a great day. You could make a point to talk about all of the positive memories that you love about that person to bring their spirit to the moment as you're talking to their loved ones, and that could make it a great day. You could go for a hike afterwards or go spend some time with your dog or go sit in your favorite spot and have a amazing cup of tea, and that could make it a great day.And so you might be wondering, "Why does this work, Mel? And why does it work in the morning? Like, why does it matter to do this in the morning?" 'Cause I do think that these meaningful simple sentences that you're going to say in the morning, it really does matter that you do it first thing. And here's what I wanna ask you. When was the last time that you expected something good to happen? I want you to be honest with yourself. I mean, aren't you always bracing for the worst? Don't you wake up and you are just bracing for what's gonna happen at work, or you're worried about how things are gonna go at school, or you're thinking about something that happened yesterday? It's almost like your brain is always looking for a disaster. And the problem is, is if your brain is always bracing and your brain is always looking for reasons to worry, and if your brain is always thinking that today's gonna be a bad day or how is this thing gonna go, you're gonna walk right past all of the good stuff that's actually there. And your brain will find exactly what you've been bracing for, which is the bad things, the disaster, the hard stuff. Because if you're not looking for the ways to make your day great, you're gonna miss them. And I've talked to so many experts who have done research for their entire careers to back this up. I mean, I've already mentioned Dr. Daniel Amen, the board certified psychiatrist and award-winning researcher and New York Times bestselling author. He calls this directing your mind on purpose. But I also wanna bring into this conversation the late and marvelous Stanford neuroscientist and neurosurgeon, Dr. Jim Doty, who says you can literally change your brain when you use simple sentences like these, and the next seven I'm gonna give to you, to change your brain and change the way you experience about life. And before I tell you sentence number two, I really want you to think about something at a common sense level, okay? If you're not programming your brain on purpose, it's still getting programmed. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna say that again. If you're not programming your brain on purpose, it's still getting programmed. And if you're sitting and you go, "Well, by what, Mel?" I'll tell you what. By the headlines, by your past, by everything you're worried about, by your to-do list, by that mean voice that's in your head that was probably the voice of your parents or somebody else from your past. That stuff has been going on repeat since you could talk. So your brain doesn't care where the programming comes from. It just runs the programming. Have you ever heard that coding term in engineering with computers, garbage in, garbage out? Well, you've had a lot of garbage in your brain that's been running on repeat, and it's time to get that garbage outta your brain. And the only way that we're gonna do that is if you wake up and take control of the programming in your mind. That's what these eight sentences are about. And I want you to say these eight sentences every morning, because it's gonna be the first thing your brain hears. Because when you have beauty in, you have beauty out. When you have positivity in, you get positivity out. When you have optimism and hope and excitement in, that's what comes out. So we've already said today's gonna be a great day. Good job. Now we're gonna move on to the second thing. And that second sentence is, something cool is gonna happen for me today. Now, here's what I love about this. The first sentence you just said is, "Today's gonna be a great day," which has lifted you up, right? I mean, like, "Okay, yeah, today's gonna be a great day. Let's make today a great day." I love starting the day like that. When you say this second thing, "Something cool is gonna happen for me today," (laughs) you know what I love about this? We have gone from now lifting ourselves up and really putting positivity in our brain. This second sentence, it creates anticipation. You know, when you have something cool that's in your calendar, you know something cool is gonna happen. But what if you said this sentence, "Something cool is gonna happen for me today"? It's almost like you turn the day into an adventure. And you're not doing that right now, are you? Oh, no, no, no. You are turning your day into a nightmare, because what are you doing? You're waking up and you're bracing for bad news. You're probably assuming that something bad's gonna happen. No, no, no. Let's do the opposite. Let's assume something cool is gonna happen to you today, and you don't even know what it has to be, because this is like a surprise. The sentence, "Something cool is gonna happen for me today," creates this mental scavenger hunt for good things in your life. And here's a really relatable example. What if you just bumped into an old friend at the grocery store who tells you about a job opening? You've been looking for a job. I mean, that's a cool thing that happened to you today. What if a college roommate that you haven't talked to in a while suddenly texts you something funny? This actually happened (laughs) to me the other day. My college roommate, whose daughter is getting married, was visiting her mother. I know this is, like, a tr- long-winded story. I'm gonna make it short, I swear to God. She lives in New York. She was visiting her mother in Chicago, and she texted me and all of her bridesmaids from 30 years ago, out of the blue, wearing this silk thing. It was like a, it was like this thing that she made us wear where we had to wear this, like, garter necklace that had this big silk flower on it on our neck like a giant tumor, and it became this, this hilarious joke among us for the last 30 years. Now her daughter's getting married, so she finds this thing, texts all of her old bridesmaids this thing, and then it created this hilarious string of photos where I made one out of, like, paper from a notebook and held it in place with my shoulder, texted it back. That was a really cool thing that happened. I wasn't expecting that to happen. But I believe when you say something cool is gonna happen to me today, when cool things happen, you actually notice them and enjoy them more, because you primed your brain to look for them. And here's one other thing that I wanna just unpack if we go a little deeper into these eight sentences. One of the single best skills that you need to develop in life is to have a good attitude for no reason. I want you to stop and really consider that.It is a skill in life to have a good attitude or to be in a good mood for no reason. I mean, most people are pretty good at being in a bad mood and having a bad attitude for no reason, right? And we give people with a bad attitude a pass. I mean, it's almost like, "Okay, well, they're in a bad attitude. They're always in a bad mood." I want you to flip that. What if you could train yourself to be in a good mood and to have a good attitude for no reason at all? That is the single best skill that you can develop, because it helps you go through life. I think we've trained ourselves to have a bad attitude or to be negative for no reason at all. We kind of expect it to happen, even though we might not have evidence that it's gonna happen. I want you to learn how to do the opposite. Wake up and train yourself to be in a good mood and to have a good attitude for no reason. Just assume that good things are gonna happen. And I fundamentally believe that when you assume good things are gonna happen and you have a good attitude, good things do happen, because based on all this research, you are training your brain to believe and to look for good things, so you see more good things, which mean you experience good things. This is a skill. Just stop and ask yourself honestly, "Do I default to kind of a negative attitude? Do I easily slip into a bad mood? Like, is it super easy for me to scan the world and find tons of reasons to be in a bad mood and to have a bad attitude?" Well, if you're like 99.9% of human beings, the answer's yes, that the default is to just slip into a bad attitude, to slip into negativity. And I'm here to tell you, it is a skill to train yourself and to train your brain to default to having a good attitude and to being in a good mood for no reason. You deserve to be in a good mood for no reason. I want that to be your natural setting. I am tired of defaulting to negativity. I'm tired of being in a bad or negative mood. Aren't you? And the reason why I'm saying this is because some of the most accomplished scientists and researchers in the world have come on the Mel Robbins podcast and talked extensively about how your brain has been programmed by your past. Your brain can seek negativity by default if you're not careful, and you and I gotta wake up and recognize that you can learn how to be in a good mood and have a good attitude as a skill. That could be your new default. Wouldn't that be awesome? In fact, a lot of this comes from Dr. Paul Conti, who is a renowned psychiatrist trained at Stanford and Harvard. He gave us a masterclass on the Mel Robbins podcast on how you talk to yourself matters, and I want to read a quote from him that really illuminates how your negative self-talk, so the negative sentences that you say to yourself on repeat, that it is programming yourself to default to a bad mood, to default to a bad attitude, negative sentences, negative self-talk. Dr. Paul Conti says, "So just an example of negative self-talk can be, what do you say to yourself in the quiet moments? What do you say to yourself if you do something wrong? What do you say to yourself if you drop something? What do you say to yourself if you approach a new social situation or a new challenge? You probably are like, 'I'm an idiot. I never do anything right. I'm not good enough. Why do I always screw things up? Oh God, this is gonna be terrible.'" On repeat, you are defaulting to a negative attitude and negative sentences. We've all been trained to do this, and I'm here to tell you, it is a skill to train yourself to have a good attitude and a- be in a good mood for just no reason at all, because this is just what you've programmed into your mind, and that's why these eight sentences matter. That's why I believe the single best skill that you can develop is to be in a good attitude in the absence of a reason to have one, right? I mean, you can be in a bad mood in the absence of a reason to be in one. We all know people like that. We don't wanna be near 'em. So today, we're using these eight sentences every single morning so that you can train your brain to have a good attitude and be in a good mood for no reason at all, and to have a good attitude even when challenging things are happening. Why? Because it helps you to rise to these moments in your life. That's why this matters. When you train your mind to be in a good state, it changes the way you filter the world. It changes what you see. It changes how you handle stress. And I'm not making this up. Literally, expert after expert on this podcast has told you and me that when you change the words you feed into your mind, you change your entire life. And so that's what these eight sentences are about. These are the same things that I tell myself in the morning. This is how I have developed the skill of being in a good attitude and a good mo- mood no matter what's happening in my life, because why do I need to let the outside world change the programming in my mind? The- the answer is you don't. And I actually wrote a l- extensively about this in my bestselling book, The High Five Habit. I- I actually wanna read to you from it. Chapter Seven is all about how you can use what I call meaningful mantras, which are basically these eight sentences, to program your mind, but here's the truth. I'm reading to you from page 75, chapter six. "Everyone has a negative mantra or belief about themselves. 'I screw everything up, I'm a bad person, I'm ugly, I'm a failure,' blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.' And look, maybe you have failed. Maybe you have royally screwed things up right now. Maybe your life is a mess. Maybe you aren't winning any beauty pageants. Maybe you are the shortest one of all your friends. Maybe you did lose your job. Maybe all of that is true, but here's the question I wanna ask you. Is thinking these negative things helping you?"You know the answer, don't you? Of course it's not. I mean, isn't it time to feel better about yourself? Of course it is. Do you think that feeling better about yourself is gonna happen by mistake? No, it happens on purpose. (paper rustles) It happens when you program your mind. And that brings me to this statement, this fact, this truth. This is the single best skill that I have in life. I have trained myself to have a good attitude for no reason. I'm teaching you how to develop this skill for yourself, to learn how to have a good attitude and be in a good mood for no reason at all. You're training yourself that this is just who you are. You, you are the kind of person that is in a resting state where you have a good attitude, no matter what is happening, and these eight sentences help. And if you're a worrier, oh, my gosh, you're gonna love this third sentence. (bell chimes) No matter what happens today, I can handle it. (paper rustles) No matter what happens today, I can handle it. This sentence packs such a powerful punch. If you're a worrier, if you get anxious easily, this is an anchor, and let me tell you why. I believe that anxiety is a moment of uncertainty where you doubt your capacity to handle something. That's what anxiety is. Something is about to happen in the future, and now you start doubting your capacity to handle it. That's why this sentence, "No matter what happens today, I can handle it," is such a game changer if you're a worrier or you're anxious, because it goes right to the heart of the crisis in those moments. In those moments, you are doubting yourself. You are doubting your ability to handle what is going to happen, whether it's at school, or at work, or at the funeral that you're about to attend, or the fact that you're going to a party tonight and your ex is gonna be there, so now you start worrying about it. What is the worrying? The worrying is anchored in this belief that you can't handle seeing your ex. And you wanna know what? It's complete garbage, because you're gonna tell yourself, "Hey, look. No matter what happens today, I can handle it. No matter what happens at that party tonight, I can handle it. No matter if this ex of mine brings in the most fabulous new person that they're ... I can handle it. I can handle it." Because you are now challenging the core belief of somebody who worries and who is anxious, the subconscious belief that you cannot handle it, and you are hitting it. It's like, it's like a hand-to-hand combat with your own brain. You're like, "Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I am not gonna believe that lie that I can't handle this stuff. I am not gonna allow myself to get anxious, because here's the deal. No matter what happens today, I can handle it." And if you begin the day with this sentence every single day, "No matter what happens at work today, I can handle it. No matter what happens at family dinner tonight, I can handle it. No matter what happens when I open up my bank account and I see that it's really a lot lower than I thought it ... I can handle it." When you say that, you are summoning up resilience. You are telling your brain, "Look. I'm not worrying. I'm not gonna let you take me down the anxiety train like you have for 57 years, because no matter what happens today, I can handle it." And here's a relatable example. Let's say you wake up and you get an email from your boss that says, "I need to talk to you today." No specifics. (gulps) What did your brain just do? Your brain just went ... (gasps) That's what your brain did. Your brain was like, it just immediately jumps to the negative. No, no, no, no, no. That's the old you. That's the you that raced ahead and your brain now ... because garbage in, negativity, breeds garbage out. Now you're thinking out into the future and, "Oh, my gosh. This is a disaster. I'm gonna get fired. This is the worst." No, no, no, no, no. No matter what happens today, I can handle it. I don't know what the conversation's about, so why would I torture myself and assume it's going to be bad for no reason? Because you don't have the reason yet, do you? And if you're going to assume, why not assume that no matter what happens, you can handle it? Why not assume that maybe something good can happen? This is what I'm talking about when I say you can train yourself to be in a good mood and to have a good attitude, even when it feels like something bad might happen. And that good mood and that good attitude, it not only changes how you experience life up to that meeting, but it also ensures that you're not gonna hijack yourself by worrying and being anxious, because the meeting's gonna be the meeting. Whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen. And if you have a good attitude, you are going to be able to weather that meeting better. Why? Well, sentence number three. No matter what happens today, I can handle it. And I o- wanna dig a little deeper into the research as to why I keep recommending that these eight sentences are things you say first thing in the morning. If you're a worrier, if you're anxious, and ... or if you have somebody in your life that you love that is a worrier or anxious and they're always bracing for the worst and they're always, like, doubting their ability to handle something, and you look at them and you're like, "Why are you worried about that? Like, you're so much stronger than you think. Like, stop wor-" and they just can't get it, send them this conversation, because they need these eight sentences. Because here's some research about morning anxiety. Morning anxiety is this feeling when you open your eyes in the morning and your heart is already pounding, your mind is already spinning, and maybe that was this morning for you. You know? Like, it happens a lot. And here's the reason why anxiety can be worse in the morning for a lot of people, and maybe it's worse for you or it's worse for somebody that you love. It comes from the fact that your brain is scanning for threats and negativity before you even get out of bed.And some common symptoms of morning anxiety are racing heart, tight chest, tense muscles, headaches. Now, I'm explaining this because I struggled with morning anxiety for decades. I would literally wake up and feel like I was pinned to that bed with this sense of dread. Why? Well, because I was pretty used to being in a bad mood and being pretty negative and doubting my capacity to handle things for a long time, and so I would just think it and think it. Uh, I basically trained my brain to do this. And the research also says that there's several factors that contribute to morning anxiety. It might be your circadian rhythm. It might be the amount of stress that you've got. It might have to do with sleep problems or your diet. It might have to do with past trauma. It might have to do with the fact that you went on a bender last night and now you're waking up hungover, and one of the biggest symptoms of a hangover is anxiety. Because as you're processing alcohol overnight, all of the hormones and sugar levels and everything else in your body goes all haywire, and it screws with your cortisol, and that is why you're starting to experience anxiety. It's not because you're supposed to brace for something. It's because your body is trying to process all the alcohol that you drank. I didn't know this, by the way, until I was about 50, which explains a lot of my 20s, 30s, and 40s. And so even the way you start your day really matters, and I found something very interesting when I was researching this. There's something called the cortisol awakening response, and this is when the body's stress hormone, cortisol, it rises sharply within the first 30 to 45 minutes of waking up. Again, the word, if you wanna Google it, cortisol awakening response, or the CAR. This is a normal process in your body that's designed to increase alertness and create energy for the day, but here's how this can backfire. Like, the cortisol awakening response is supposed to, like, organize the hormone cortisol to get your butt outta bed, but here's the problem. If you're somebody that's prone to worrying, if you're somebody who doubts your capability of handling things, for no reason, it's just kinda your natural state, that was Mel Robbins for a long time, that cortisol surge can feel like real panic. It can feel like a real threat. It can truly feel, you know, as you have an elevated heart rate or racing thoughts or this sense of dread, that something actually is about to happen, and then, of course, what do you do? You doubt your ability to handle it. Mm-hmm. That was me. Like, I never said, "No matter what happens, I can handle it." I said, "I need to sleep all day because I can't handle this. I can't handle school. I can't handle the conversation. I can't handle seeing so-and-so. I can't handle the text that I sent last night that I now regret. I can't handle anything." And if that sounds familiar, I do have good news, because without understanding this, you're gonna feel like you don't have power. You do have power. Because when you start to understand, oh, wait a minute, first thing in the morning, I've got this cortisol awakening response. I got these racing thoughts because I've literally trained myself to have a bad attitude or to feel anxious for no reason, or to train my brain to just search out into the future and find a bazillion reasons to convince myself that I'm not capable of getting through the day. But your friend Mel Robbins is here to tell you that you are capable of facing no matter what happens, and you are capable of doing simple things like grounding yourself in the morning and reminding yourself intentionally that today's gonna be a great day, because I'm gonna make it a great day, and something cool is gonna happen to me. And by the way, no matter what happens, I can handle it. You are telling your brain to look for the good. You're telling your brain that, "Get excited, 'cause something cool is gonna happen," and you're telling your brain that, "All that stuff that I normally freak out about despite the cortisol awakening response, uh-uh, no matter what happens, I can handle it." You're signaling to your brain, "Stop looking for all the crap that's gonna go wrong, and start reminding me that no matter what happens, I can handle it." That is game-changing if you double down on what you're capable of doing. You are so much more capable than you know. You're so much more capable than you believe, and it's time to start training your brain to help you believe that. I mean, that's why you're here, isn't it? You want to look for what's possible. That's why you listen to this podcast instead of listening to something mindless. You want more outta your life. You don't wanna just go through life with a bad attitude or being in a bad mood or bracing for the worst. You want to feel capable. You want to wake up and feel empowered, and I want that for you as your friend. I want you to feel like you can handle it, because you can. And that's where these sentences come in. Now let's move on to the fourth mantra. Oh, I love this one. You ready? This is a good one. Ooh. You ready? You gotta really be ready for this one, 'cause this is a really good one. Okay. "An exciting new chapter in my life is starting today." I love this, because it really makes your brain look for a fresh start. It's- it's- it's almost like when you say, "An exciting new chapter in my life is starting today," you are intentionally turning the page and ending the chapter. Right? Yeah, why- why not live each day as a chapter? Who cares? We're making this stuff up, so we can make it up and feel empowered. If you feel stuck in the same old routine, this is going to shake things up, because when you say, "An exciting new chapter in my life is starting today," it signals to your brain that you're ready. Oh, boy, we are ready for what's next. I am ready for change. I am ready for a she- a fresh start. And you might find yourself, if you say, "An exciting new chapter in my life is starting today," when you tell your brain that, "Today is the day we're gonna sign up for the class I've been thinking about for months. Today is the day I'm gonna update the resume. Why? Because an exciting new chapter is starting today. Today's the day I'm gonna call that friend that I've been meaning to reconnect with. Today's the day that I'm gonna go home from work a different way. I'm gonna commute home differently.""I'm gonna start a new chapter in my life. Today's the day I'm gonna go for that walk. I'm not gonna have a drink tonight after work." Holy cow, next thing you know, you see a new chapter starting. You see yourself journaling. You have different ideas. You look at yourself differently. You find a new coffee shop, where all of a sudden, you're talking to somebody next to you instead of sitting there alone, feeling like a loser and thinking negative thoughts. Oh, no, no, no, because you are not the kind of person that just is in a bad mood and has negative thoughts for no reason. You're the kind of person who is waking up today saying, "Today, an exciting new chapter is starting." Let me ask you a question. Why do you only think about starting a new chapter when something ho- horrible has happened? Like, why do you have to wait for something to end? You can create a new beginning anytime you want. Wouldn't today be the perfect day to create a new beginning? I mean, your brain would love one. I want you to stop for a minute and see how actually waiting, waiting for something to slow down, waiting for this chapter to end, waiting for this relationship to be over, waiting for this semester to be over, how that delays the good stuff? You get to start a new chapter any day you decide to, so why not do it today? And here's the thing I want you to understand. Your brain looks for whatever you tell it to expect and look for. It does. Uh, th- this is simply what the research says, that your brain is neutral. Your brain has to be programmed by what you tell it to do. So if you expect an exciting new chapter to start today, if you expect things to be good, you're training your brain to find it. There's so much research around this. In fact, I, I write about it extensively in The High 5 Habit. There is something called, in your brain, there's this filtering system in your brain called the reticular activating system. I like to call it the RAS. The RAS, the reticular activating system, it's a filter. I want you to think about it. It's almost like a hairnet that sits over your head. It's a network of neurons in the brains that acts as a filter, and this sucker has a big job. The RAS has to filter all the information in the world, and they have to decide, what is the tiny fraction of information? The headlines, the emails, the cars passing by, the music playing in the background, the 15 pastries in front of you, you know, at- at- at the, at the, you know, café that you're at right now. Like, there's so much insane information coming at you, you don't even realize it. If all that information got into your conscious mind, you know what would happen? Your head would explode into a million pieces. Right off your shoulder, you'd be dead. I, I swear to God. It'd be like a car engine burning up. So the RAS is protecting you from information overload, and so it only allows a tiny fraction of information to come in to reach your conscious awareness. In fact, there's only four things that it allows into your mind. You ready? What it is, your name. Have you ever been in a crowded area and you're like, "Wait, did somebody just call my name?" And you turn around? That was your RAS saying, "Ooh, come on in. Let's make sure you hear that." Another one, any threat to your safety. Haven't you ever noticed that you are literally a first responder? If somebody's like, "Hoo!" And you're like, "Hoo!" That's the RAS letting all of that information in so you don't die. Another one, ooh, when you think somebody is interested in you. You pick up on those signals pretty quickly, don't you? And we just like, there, the rest of the bar just disappears. You could be at a party and all of a sudden you think somebody else is like interested in you. There's nobody else in that room. That's your RAS laser focusing on that. And here's the holy grail. You ready? This is why these eight sentences work. The RAS, this filter in your brain, allows in anything that your brain believes is important to you. And here's why this is a gold mine. I'm gonna give you an example that will really illustrate what I'm talking about in terms of how powerful this is and why it is essential that you stop just allowing your brain to be a negative space and you get serious about programming it with what's important to you that's positive. This filter, the RAS, it is working in real time 24/7. It never takes a break, and it updates in real time based on what you focus on and based on what you think is important. I wanna give you an example of how this works so you really understand how powerful this is. Have you ever been interested in buying a new car? Let's say that you're interested in buying, I don't know, like a green pickup truck. What's interesting is the second that you're interested in buying a green pickup truck... And I just noticed Ben looked at our senior producer, Amy, because I have a feeling that he's been thinking about buy- Are you thinking about buying a green... Yeah, I am. No shit. Really? Yesterday, I went to a dealership. Oh, my. Are you kidding? I did see some really cool pickup trucks. What? It's freaking me out right now. Okay, it's freaking me out too. (laughs) We are brain melding, Ben. See, this is what happens everybody, when you have positive programming in your mind, all kinds of wacky stuff starts to happen because your thoughts are energy. They are. Like there's physics around this. I must have just picked up on that, Ben. I don't know what. His RAS, by the way. So, so let me tell you this. So let's say y- you are like Ben. You're like, "I want a green pickup truck." Okay? What's interesting is before you get interested in green pickup trucks, you never see them. You see all kinds of cars. You never think about green pickup trucks. You don't see green pickup trucks. And then you start thinking, "Maybe I'm gonna get a green pickup truck because that's a unique cove- color, and I don't think there's a lot of green pickup trucks." Green pickup trucks just got important to you. Your brain is paying attention.And the second you said, "I think I, I think I'm interested in a green pickup truck," guess what your brain did? Oh, (imitates filter changing) the filter changes and is like, "Ben is interested in green pickup trucks. Let's let the green pickup trucks in." Next thing you know, Ben is driving down the road, he's like, "Does everybody have a green pickup truck?" Because now he sees them everywhere. When he walks into the dealership to go test drive one, guess what? The brain is now getting programming, "Oh, he's really serious about this, because he's now taking steps to do this." Ben is gonna see even more green pickup trucks, so much so he might now question whether or not he wants the color green. Now he, he's laughing because he's, it's true. Now here's the really interesting thing. Those green pickup trucks were always there. You just hadn't told your brain they were important to you. So you, in the past, because you didn't tell your brain this was important to you, your brain just blocked them out, 'cause your brain only lets these four things in to the conscious mind. When you tell your brain that something is important to you, what are you doing? You're deliberately programming it. That's what you're doing. You're telling that filter in your mind, "This matters to me." And one of the ways that you program your mind is that you repeat your interest in something, which is why these sentences are so important. If you start waking up every day and you say, "Today's gonna be a great day," your brain and your RES start going, "Oh, okay, this is important. I gotta now (imitates filter changing) change the filter and look for reasons for this to be a great day." If you wake up and you tell yourself, "Something cool's gonna happen to me today," your brain's like, "Oh, (imitates filter changing) this is important. I gotta look for something cool to happen." If you wake up every day and you say to yourself, "No matter what happens today, I can handle it," (imitates filter changing) oh, okay, doubling down on your capacity to handle things. Really important to keep reminding you and showing you examples of that. "I got it, I got it. This is important." And if you tell yourself, "An exciting new chapter is beginning today," (imitates filter changing) your brain is like, "New beginnings, let's go. Let's try some new things." Just like the car. All of a sudden, because of the science that I'm explaining to you and the reticular activating system, I know I call it the hairnet, that's not that sexy, but then you can see it, right? It's sort of like you work in fast food and you gotta wear that ugly hairnet thing. Ugh, I hated that when I worked in a restaurant. That RES is like that. It's like only four things are getting in here. That's why this works. And repeating it is how you program it, because the repetition is telling your brain, "This is important. It's important to me to see green pickup trucks. It is important to me to see reasons to have a great day. It is important to me to expect something cool to happen. It is important to me to remind myself that no matter what happens, I can handle it." Isn't that cool? That there's hard, amazing science that explains why these sentences work? This is the kinda sentence that I would say to you as your friend, I'm telling you right now, and this is why you need to say this to yourself. Here it is. (bell chimes) "I need to give myself more credit for how hard I'm trying." Let's be honest, you are trying hard. You wake up every, you, you have no idea how much you do every day, and you don't give yourself credit for it. Like, do you know how hard it is to get through the day in today's world with a good attitude for no reason? And yet you're doing it. You get up, you do your best with your morning routine, you get yourself to work or to school, you are doing your best, you're answering the emails, you're responding to the texts, you're pouring your brain power into those things, you're trying to take care of yourself, trying to stay connected to people, you're trying to have fun, you're trying to do, make more money. Like my God, do you know how hard you're working, how hard you're trying? You need to give yourself more credit for how hard you're trying instead of constantly scanning the world for the one thing you didn't do. I mean, isn't it kind of amazing that you can get through your entire to-do list except for one thing, and that one thing that you didn't get to is the thing that you're gonna focus on? You can do 115 things correct at work today, but you know what you're gonna focus on? You're gonna focus on the one thing that you said in that meeting that nobody chimed in about. That's what you're gonna focus on. Why? Because you've trained yourself to have a bad attitude and to be in a bad mood for no reason. You've trained yourself to see the things you're not doing instead of giving yourself credit for all the things you are doing. It's time to stop that. If your inner critic is louder than that inner cheerleader or coach or friend, this sentence is what you need to say. See, "Effort counts even when the results aren't coming as fast as you would like them to." And it's important that you double down and give yourself credit for how hard you're trying, otherwise you're gonna stop. Like, why would you continue to push through the hard periods of your life if you're constantly bashing yourself and pointing out the one thing you didn't do well? Like, sometimes the hardest work you're doing is invisible. It's invisible to the people around you. Do not make it invisible to yourself. Your own acknowledgement matters the most. Like, if there's one thing that I do other than developing the skill of being in a good mood and having a good attitude for really no reason, it's like my resting default. I have consciously programmed myself to think this way. One other thing that I have done is I've trained myself to stop constantly criticizing myself and to triple down on the things that I'm doing well, not out of arrogance, but because it creates this, like, flywheel. If you are your own cheerleader, that's what the entire book, The High 5 Habit, is all about. It's all about the science of programming yourself for celebration and for positivity and for really cheering yourself on, because you need that in life. Life is hard enough without you dragging yourself down.If you only feel proud of yourself when somebody else notices, then you're gonna spend your entire life waiting for validation from other people and it might never come. You gotta give yourself a gold star right now because you've deserved it. You're the one that's putting in the late nights. You're the one that makes the hard choices. You're the one who is plowing through the emails and the to-do list. You're the one who keeps going when no one's watching. You're the one who may have a bad week, but then, oh, you pick yourself back up and you get back to the gym and you restart the morning routine. That's worth acknowledging. I mean, I'm always here acknowledging you, but you gotta, you gotta pick up the slack, man. You gotta help me out with this. You gotta recognize your own effort and fill your own tank up so you can keep going. It's easy to see the big wins, but, oh, wow, you wanna start truly winning? You gotta start clapping for the little things every single day. You got out of bed. Good job. Excellent. Nice. I love that. Y- you answered some emails today? You're winning. I see you. I- You did that. Mm-hmm. You spoke up at work today even though you were a little ner- Oh, yes. All right. You can handle it. I love that. You did school drop-off. You held it together through back-to-back meetings. You checked in on your mom and dad who are aging. You still managed to shove some food in your mouth and have dinner and be present with your fam. Holy cow. As far as I'm concerned, you're winning at life. Period. And here's one of the other reasons why this sentence matters. "I gotta give myself more credit for how hard I'm trying." I want you to stop looking outside yourself for validation because when you do that, you give other people power over you. Like if other people aren't acknowledging what you're doing, let them. We gotta focus on the let me part. Let me give myself credit for everything I do do. I'm good. I'm, I'm working hard. I know my intentions are good. I know I'm a good person, so repeat after me. "I need to give myself more credit for how hard I'm trying." Mm-hmm. You start repeating that every single morning and guess what? You're gonna feel like you're giving yourself credit for how hard you're trying and that feels really good and it also fuels your desire to keep going. That's the secret. I love that. All right. I bet you're sitting there going, okay, Mel, couple questions. Couple questions for you, Mel. Do I have to say 'em out loud? Do I have to truly wake up and be like, "Today's gonna be a great day"? Yes! (laughs) Yes! Because it engages more of your brain. A- and if you're a little shy or you're next to somebody or y- you feel a little embarrassed, I got you. It's okay. Let's just start by thinking them. Here's another way you can boost it. Write it down. Writing it down is even more effective. Why? Because when you grab that pen and you start to write these down, "Today's gonna be a great day. Something cool is gonna happen for me today. I... No matter what happens, I'm capable of handling it. Today's the beginning of an exciting new chapter. I deserve more credit for how hard I'm trying." When you write that down, you grab the pen, it engages your senses and the more senses you involve, guess what? Your brain's like, "Oh, shoot. She's really serious about this right now because she got the pen. I'm feeling her write this thing. I'm, I'm like, she's sitting down. Like she's putting pen to paper. She means business. I better pay attention. This is important. Uh, let's add this to the list." It's not just the green pickup truck that we gotta let in. We gotta let in credit for how hard you're working. You may also be wondering, "Mel, how long do I have to do this? Hmm? Like, how long before I'm gonna, like, actually feel different?" Well, I researched that too. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to do this for 30 to 60 days. Did you notice I just went, "30 to 60 days"? That's too long. You know what that is? That kind of reaction, that is a example of the fact that you've programmed your mind to have a bad attitude for no reason. You got 30 to 60 days. You're gonna live 30 to 60 days regardless of what you do, so how about we develop the skill together of being in a good mood and having a good attitude for no reason? And we're gonna do that by programming your brain. See, when you rewire your brain, rewiring takes repetition. You know how many times you gotta think about a green truck before you see 'em everywhere? Probably 30 to 60 times and then all of a sudden they're everywhere. You're kinda thinking about it and noticing, then boom, it's like it's everywhere. How long did it take you to learn how to worry as your default? Your whole life. How long did it take you to learn to be anxious? Your whole life. How long did it take you to learn how to doubt yourself at every turn? Oh, you've been doing that your whole life. So if you've been programming negativity and self-doubt for years and years and years, I think you should give me a lousy 30 to 60 days, don't you? I think a positive reprogramming is worth a little experiment for 30 to 60 days. How about you stop doubting your capacity to have the programming take hold and doubting your capacity to do this for 30, 60 days, and you start saying, "No matter what happens, I'm capable of handling this for 30 to 60 days." Ever think about that? I mean, you do have to override the programming, so if you keep saying it out loud in the morning until you don't have to remember to say it out loud, guess what? Your brain just automatically does it. So does my family. Everyone's like, "Hey, it's gonna be a great day. Have a great day, everybody." Yeah. You know what? Come to think of it, I might just have a great day. Thank you for reminding my brain that I get to choose whether or not I'm gonna have a great attitude or I'm gonna have a great day or I'm gonna look for reasons to have a great day. See, you wake up in a highly suggestible state. That's why I also want you to tell yourself these things in the morning. We've talked about a lot of this. Your cortisol is high. Your prefrontal cortex is clear. Your subconscious, wide open. Whatever you put into your brain first thing is gonna echo all day. I'm gonna give you an example. Ever wake up and make the horrible mistake of checking texts or email first thing? You know what you just did? Programmed your brain.... whatever is in the text messages programmed your brain, whatever is in email programmed your brain. Do not do that. I want the first thing in your mind to be that first sentence, "Today is gonna be a great day. Something cool is gonna happen." You're getting the drift, aren't you? All right, let's get to the next sentence. This is the sixth one. (bell dings) "I'm allowed to be a work in progress." (page turns) I love this. I love this because you probably struggle with trying to make things perfect, or looking for the perfect time, or putting things off 'cause you don't think you're ready. That is an attitude that got programmed in a long time ago based on negativity and fear. When you start to repeat, "I'm allowed to be a work in progress," what you're basically saying is, you're saying, "Hey, brain, we're gonna grow here. We're gonna make mistakes. We're a work in progress. So, let's do this thing." You're giving yourself permission to not have it all together. You know, if you feel like you don't have your act together in any area of your life, just say, "I'm not gonna worry about that right now. First of all, because no matter what happens, I'm capable of handling it, but second, I'm allowed to be a work in progress. I don't have to have all the answers. I don't have to have it all figured out. My desk can be messy. My kids can be fighting. I, uh, that big meeting later, you know, I don't have to have all the answers. I'm allowed to be a work in progress." You know, this podcast, it's always a work in progress. The Let Them Theory book, it was a work in progress that lasted two years. It still is. Do you know, just this morning, I was on email before we were taping, and I was answering an email. Do you know how many mistakes are in the Let Them Theory book that got published? Oh, my gosh. You guys keep catching them. It's a work in progress. In fact, a lot of the editions, it's coming out in 63 languages, which just blows my m- mind. Has the wrong URL for the free downloads in the back. Why? It's a work in progress. Oops. (laughs) We, we sent the wrong, uh, version of the manual. Oops. We're sorting it out 'cause it's a work in progress. Before these sentences, if I had read an email like that at the beginning of the day, I would've thought, "I'm fucked." And you would too. You would too, because you default to the negative. You know, why? There's so many things to feel are great. Why not focus on the fact that six million copies of that book have been bought and read by people around the world? Why not focus on the fact that the Let Them Theory and saying, "Let them" and "Let me" is helping your relationships? It's helping you feel peace and power. You know, when you say, "I'm a work in progress. No matter what happens, we'll figure it out," now you ride the wave, and a single email doesn't take you down or put you in one of those stress tunnels. Why? Because you have developed a skill of being in a good mood and having a good attitude, not only for no reason, but in despite of what may happen, because you know that you can figure it out. You know that you're a work in progress. You know that this is an exciting new chapter of your life. And so, let me hit you with the next sentence, 'cause this one's a really good one, 'cause it creates momentum, and it creates this sense that something awesome is coming. You ready for this sentence? "If I keep showing up, (bell dings) life will reward me." Let's say that one again. "If I just keep showing up, life will reward me." (page turns) It is so easy in life to put your head down and do what I call the reps. The reps are like those little annoying, painful things that you have to do every day at school, or in your business, or with your health, or, you know, writing the song, or writing the book, just the little boring work, doing the reps. Oh, my God. It's the worst. And the results that you want are coming. It is so easy to quit. You know, in life, it's you against you. I personally believe there's that famous Jay-Z quote. It goes something, I'm gonna get it wrong, and feel free to write in and tell me what the right one is, but it's something like, "The genius thing that we did is we didn't quit." (image whooshes) Like, I really do believe that you can achieve the things that you want. And look, it may not look like you thought it would look. It may not occur on the timeline that you think it's supposed to occur on. But if you wake up every morning and you just say to yourself the truth, "If I just keep showing up, life will reward me..." And I love this, because you're telling your brain, "I'm not a quitter." You know what we are? We just keep showing up, and we know that at some point, life will reward me if I just keep showing up. That's the game. The game isn't achieving. The game is showing up. The game is not quitting. And so, you can train your brain with this mantra. "If I just keep showing up, if I just keep doing the reps, if I just keep my head down, and I just keep putting in the work, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, if I just keep showing up, life will eventually reward me." It is true. Every single person that you admire, everybody that has everything that you've ever wanted, whether it is the love story that you want, or it's the health that you want, or the body that you want, or the career that you want, or the success, or the music car- whatever it may be, I promise you, if you dig into their story, you will see they didn't quit. They just kept showing up. And in those moments when you want to quit, it is so easy to have a bad attitude or be in a bad mood, because it hasn't happened on your timeline, and then you quit. Do not do that. Do not do that. There is a reason to keep going, and the reason is the simple truth, that if you just keep showing up, life will reward you, and that is how you program your brain to have stamina. That's how you program your drain, brain for hope. That is how you program your brain to move through obstacles, because...Even if it hasn't happened, it just means it hasn't happened yet. If I just keep showing up, life will reward me. And as your friend, I'm gonna tell you, it's true. Life will. It's you against you. Don't quit. And that sentence is how you program your brain to not quit on you. Okay? 'Cause I don't want you to quit. I want you to keep showing up so that life will reward you. And the final sentence that I love, oh, I love this one for you. I love this. I love this. I love this. I love this. "I have an important contribution to make to the world." Just let that one sit for a minute. (paper rustles) "I have an important contribution to make to the world." You do. And we're friends. You can be honest with me. You know deep down that there's something greater that's meant for you, that there's something awesome that you're meant to contribute. You might not know what it is, but you know that it's true, that you do. And I want to tell you as your friend, if you've ever felt invisible or if you've wondered if what you do matters, if you've wondered if who you are matters, here's what I love about this phrase: "I have an important contribution to make to the world." It affirms that deep belief that you have that you hold quietly on your own that you do have an important contribution to make to the world. Your presence, your ideas, your stories, the experiences that you've had in your life, the lessons that you have to share, the actions that you take, the way that you move through the world, being in a good mood, being kind to people, these things have a powerful ripple effect on the world around you. Saying something kind to the barista might be the only nice thing that they hear all day. You know, out of eight billion people on this planet, how many people do you suppose have your exact voice, your exact story, your exact way of seeing the world, your DNA, your irises, your fingerprint? Do you know how many people? One out of eight billion. One. You. That's why you have something unique and amazing to give to the world. That's why your life matters. That's why your hopes and your dreams and your energy matter. So I want you to repeat with me, "I have an important contribution to make to the world." And I'm gonna share something with you. I believe that my important contribution is, yes, this podcast is a big thing, but I actually believe it's the way I move through my day-to-day life. I believe it's the positivity that I bring. I believe it's the warmth that I just lead with, with other people, that the contribution that I'm making person to person, energy to energy, really seeing people, being kind to people, acknowledging people, that that's the contribution, and we all have the ability to do that. And when you say this sentence to yourself every morning, write this sucker down in your journal, "I have an important contribution to make to the world," start where you are. Start with your energy. Be in a good mood for no reason and make that good mood your contribution to the world today. Have a good attitude just because you've trained yourself to have a good attitude and take that good attitude to the funeral you're going to. Take it to work. Take it to your to-do list. Take it into your family dinner. That is a important contribution that you can make in the world today. Another one, you can share this conversation with people that you care about so that they have these amazing eight sentences that they can use to program their mind for positivity, their mind for resilience, their mind for stamina. Everybody deserves that, and it's a way that you can make an important contribution today to people that you care about. How cool is that? You see, it's just, like, right in front of you, but you have to get intentional about programming your mind to help you move through the world like this. You have to get intentional about developing this skill of being in a good mood and having a good attitude simply because you do. And so here are these eight sentences that I want you to say every day. Say 'em out loud. Write 'em in your journal. Repeat 'em for 30 to 60 days, and you are going to notice something crazy happen. You're gonna notice that you have developed the ability to have a good attitude. You're gonna notice that your mind is helping you. You're gonna notice that you spot opportunities. You're gonna make more money. You're gonna be in a better mood. You're gonna be more resilient. You're gonna feel your worry and your anxiety start to lower because you have been intentionally programming your mind to double down on the fact that you're capable, you got a huge contribution to make, that no matter what, you're gonna just keep showing up and doing your thing 'cause you know the world is gonna reward you. You know people like this. In fact, I'm a person like this, and you can teach yourself and program yourself to be a person like this. Because, number one, it's gonna be a great day. Something cool is gonna happen to you today. No matter what happens, you can handle it. An exciting new chapter in your life is beginning. You need to give yourself more credit for how hard you're trying 'cause boy oh boy are you trying hard. You're allowed to be a work in progress, and if you just keep showing up, life will reward you. I promise you.And you do have something important to contribute to the world, and you can do it today. And in case no one else tells you today, I wanna be sure to tell you, as your friend, that I love you. And I wanna say something about that. The reason why I tell you that is because love is not this big, like, blown out thing. Love is so simple. Love is consideration and admiration. That's all that love is. It's admiring something about someone and having them in mind. Love is making a cup of coffee for somebody. And, you know, I admire you, by the way, for taking the time to listen to something that is gonna help you deliberately program your mind and create a better life. I really admire that about you, and I have you in mind. You know, I- I- I'm thinking about you right now. I'm talking directly to you. I'm showing up here with a level of certainty and- and, like, passion for this topic 'cause I know this works. This is how I went from anxiety-ridden, negative for no reason, always in a bad mood, bracing, to one of the most positive, optimistic, resilient, and supportive person that you probably know, and you can do it too. And so that's why I tell you that I love you because I actually mean it. I admire you for making the time to listen to this and investing in yourself. I admire you for being generous with the things that you're learning and sharing these episodes with everybody that you care about, and I have you in mind. And so that's why I tell you that, because it matters to tell people that. And I hope you use everything that you learn today to not only create a better life, but to program your mind. Because when you program your mind the way that I've taught you to do today and you understand the deeper reasons why this works based on the research and the science, there is no doubt in my mind your life is gonna be so much better, and you deserve that. All righty, I will be waiting for you in the very next episode. I'm gonna welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there. And thank you for being here with me on YouTube. Thank you for watching all the way to the end. I love this conversation. I also love that you are sharing this with people that you care about, so thanks for being generous. All right, I know you're thinking, "All right, Mel, I want to know the next best video to watch." I'm gonna tell you in a second. Hit subscribe. Please hit subscribe because it is a way that you can support me and my team because we're always showing up here, supporting you. Thank you for doing that. Now, here's the video I want you to watch next, and I will welcome you in the moment you hit play. I'll see you there.