The biggest MISTAKE you’re making with MOTIVATION | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Hey, it's Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Let's do this thing. (laughs) All right. I am so fired up. First of all, I wish I could like reach my arms through the air and put my arms around you and give you a huge bear hug. I just feel so grateful, so grateful that you're here listening to the third episode. I feel so grateful of the support that has poured in from around the world. We are just three episodes in, and you have made this podcast one of the top-ranking podcasts in the world as we have debuted. And my team and I, we have spent the entire weekend just in awe of the number of comments and shares and feedback and reviews of this show. And one of the things that I'm super thrilled about is that we are going to co-create this together. So thank you for all your topic suggestions, the experts that you'd love to hear us bring onto the show, and I- I just am just so happy. I feel less lonely. I feel deeply connected to you. I have not been this energized, uh, in a very long time, and I just know that what we're doing here aligns with what the world needs and what I'm meant to be doing right now. So thank you, thank you, thank you for all that positive feedback, and I hope you're getting it back from me. So in this episode, I wanted to address the single most common question I get asked, and this is a question that I am asked when I'm speaking in an arena, it's a question I'm asked when I get stopped by somebody in a grocery store, it's a question that I am asked when people see me on airplanes, it's a question I'm asked by the corporations that hire me to speak when we're on Zoom calls. It is a question that everybody has a challenge with. What is it? Well, let's see if you can relate to this.

My biggest challenge is me. Staying motivated. Staying motivated. I struggle the most with trying to stay motivated at the end of the day.

I am not doing the basic, basic things that I need to do. What is up with that? Why am I stuck? Why can't I just make my calls?

I just am not taking it to the next level. I'm not sure how to get out of that rut.

What are some of those tools that I can use to stay focused, stay motivated, and get the job done? My mission on today's episode of the Mel Robbins Podcast is to do two simple things. Number one, it is to give you simple science-backed tools to help you hack motivation. The second thing we're going to do with this episode is so many of you are new to the world of Mel Robbins, that this podcast is the first time you've heard my voice, and you have been asking me to explain, "Mel, how did you go from rock bottom and almost losing everything to where you are now and building this company and the confidence that you clearly exude and the positivity, like what the hell?" And what's really cool about the topic of motivation is the whole story of how I got to where I am now from rock bottom to here, and the reason why I'm talking to you, has to do with hacking motivation. And so in teaching you this amazing tool that you're going to be able to apply to your life immediately once you learn it, and you're going to be inspired to do it. You're also going to learn a heck of a lot about me. (beep) So, let me tell you the truth. My take on motivation is counterintuitive. I not only understand the science, the physiology, the neurological stuff that's going on. More importantly, I understand the mistake that you and I make. So I want to tell you the truth about motivation. The biggest secret to getting the life you want is understanding three words I hope you never forget. Motivation is garbage. Yup, Mel Robbins, one of the most successful motivational speakers in the world, just said, "Motivation is garbage." You see, you're making the same mistake we all make when we think about motivation. You're waiting to feel motivated first before you take action, and you've been told a lie about motivation. See, you've been made to believe that you got to feel motivated, that that feeling, that emotion is going to come before the action. It's actually the opposite. You got to take action and the motivation comes, and that's why the first takeaway is motivation is garbage. Because my definition of motivation is that it's just a feeling and it comes and it goes, okay? That's the way that you've been using it, and the irony is you need motivation. Motivation is fundamental. You need this desire to move in order to finish a project. You got to have motivation to get out of bed, to move off the couch, to head to that networking meeting. And here's what I want to teach you in today's episode: how to do what you need to do when you don't feel like it. That is a skill. That is what is missing in your life right now. And I know that you've felt motivated before, you felt motivated when you're on a team and, uh, lots of people are yelling at you. You've felt motivated when, uh, you need to pay your bills. But the truth is, when you're alone and you got something that you need to do that's hard or that's, I don't know, going to require some effort or that scares you a little bit or is going to put you out there. Guess what's not going to be there? Motivation.You're going to come up with every excuse in the book why you shouldn't make your calls, why you shouldn't go to the gym, why you don't feel like going out of bed. And that's because if you rely on the feeling of motivation first, you're waiting for something that's never going to come. That's why you've spent years thinking about what you need to do, instead of just doing what you need to do. Waiting for motivation is a trap, because you're never going to feel like doing the things you need to do to create a better life. Period. Have you ever noticed that the little things are always the hardest things to push yourself to do? Especially when you're in a rut, especially when you feel down, especially when your problems feel enormous. Like, I mean, how hard is it to get to the gym? Honestly, it's like next to impossible some days. Or what about speaking up at work? How many times have you sat silently, you got something to share but you can't muster up the motivation to raise your hand or speak up? Or ordering something healthy for lunch? How easy is it to just, "Ah, screw it, I'll have the cheeseburger and the french fries and the ice cream sundae for dessert," instead of ordering the salad? Why? Well, because you're waiting to feel ready to make that choice. You're waiting to feel motivated to do what you need to do. This was me for a long time. Heck, I was in so much trouble several years ago, I didn't have the motivation to get out of bed and face my problems. And one of the mistakes that I was making during this period in my life is I was waiting around to feel ready to take the steps that I needed to take in order to address the stuff that was going wrong in my life. I guarantee you, you know exactly what you need to do right now in order to be healthier. You do. If you don't, you can Google it, and then you'll have a bunch of things that you could do. Knowing what you need to do just makes you smarter. The $100 million skill that I want to teach you is how you make yourself get out of bed, how you make yourself apply for that job, how you make yourself face the issues you're avoiding. That's how you change your life. And for a long time, when my life was going off the rails, I was waiting, hoping, praying, wishing, wanting to wake up one morning and just suddenly feel motivated to change everything. And that's where this story begins. I got to take you back to a moment in time in my life where my problems were so big that I nearly lost everything that I cared about. And if I had sat around and waited for motivation to strike, I would be divorced, I would be bankrupt, I would have torn my family apart. I would probably be an alcoholic. I would definitely not be hosting this podcast. But thank God, I discovered something extraordinary that's going to change your life. And so let me tell you the story. I got to take you all the way back to 2007, and this is what was going on. So, at the time, I was 40 years old, and my husband and I had three kids under the age of 10. And my husband and his best friend had gone into the restaurant business. It had always been a dream of theirs. And the first restaurant, uh, was a small little pizza joint, 40 seats. It was an absolute home run. So proud of my husband and our best friend. And so in success, they decided to expand. And like complete idiots, we cashed out our entire life savings. We took out a home equity line, 'cause that's basically free money, right? You know, we cashed out a bunch of credit cards, because what could possibly go wrong in the restaurant business? Well, basically everything did. Location number two was the wrong location. Location number three was way too expensive. And then all of a sudden, 2008 hit, and here in the United States, that was the year that that massive housing market collapse happened, and we found ourselves $800,000 in debt. Chris and his best friend were not able to make payroll. I then lost my job, and everything started to spiral. And here's the thing. Never in a million years did I think that at the age of 41, I would be on the verge of losing my house, I would be unemployed, I would be embarrassed and ashamed, and just spiraling. That was not on my vision board. And what happens when your life goes off the rails or you suddenly experience some kind of unexpected setback, whether it's a death, or you get fired, or some tragedy hits your life, uh, you know what's not there? Motivation. I'll tell you what's there: fear, shame, uh, procrastination, depression, anxiety. I had all of that and more. You want to know how I faced this moment in my life? Like a champ. I basically drank myself into the ground and screamed at my husband every time I saw him, because clearly he tried to do this on purpose. And funny, that sort of coping skill, it actually didn't help the situation. It made it a lot worse. And here's the other interesting fact about this moment in time. Even though I literally felt like I had been pushed off a cliff without a parachute-I knew what I could do. I knew that it would help if I looked for a job. I knew that I could call my parents and tell them what was going on. I knew I should reach out to friends. I knew that I should still exercise. I knew that I shouldn't drink so much. I knew that my husband was trying everything he could to solve the financial situation and to fix the business, and yet, I didn't do any of those things. Why? Because I didn't feel motivated to do those things. I felt depressed. I felt anxious. I felt angry. I felt scared. And those feelings are what kept me trapped. I didn't know what I'm about to teach you. I didn't know that I could take action before I felt ready. I didn't know how to push myself. I just knew that I was going to be fucked if I didn't figure this out. And so, you know, one night, everything changed, and you're going to often hear me say on this podcast, you're one decision away from a different life. Do not wait around for the motivation to make that decision. One decision away. So I'm sitting there on a Monday night in 2008 outside of Boston, Massachusetts, and, um, I don't know if you've ever been, uh, in a situation where your life is so bad that you're giving yourself a pep talk. I mean, that is kind of a pathetic moment. You know, it's one thing if a friend gives you a pep talk, but if you got to give it to yourself? And so I'm sitting there watching TV, and we're about a week away from our first bankruptcy proceeding. Chris has not been paid in six months. My, uh, checks are bouncing left and right. We have pulled our daughter out of town soccer because we cannot afford the $125 fee. I am hiding from friends. We have not paid the mortgage in months. It's just a disaster. And I'm watching TV, and I'm giving myself this pep talk, and I'm like, "All right, that's it, Mel. That's it. Tomorrow morning, woman, it's the new you. Tomorrow morning, you gotta, you gotta look for a job, you gotta stop drinking so much, you gotta call your parents and ask for some money, you have got to stop screaming at Chris, and by God, woman, when that alarm clock goes off, you cannot hit that snooze button five times. You cannot lay there like a human pot roast marinating in fear. You, woman, have got to get out of bed, and you have got to get those kids on that bus." And all of a sudden, across the television screen, I saw a rocket launch at the end of a commercial.