Outsmart a Narcissist: A Proven 4-Step Plan to Take Your Power Back | Mel Robbins Podcast

I thought I knew what a narcissist was, but I didn't.

(instrumental music plays) A narcissist is not what you think. A narcissist is not a person who thinks so highly of themself. They will take themselves down to take the other person down. You actually become physiologically addicted to this person. Everything is black and white, everything's good or bad. You're either for them or against them, and if you're against them, then you are public enemy number one.

What are the phases of a narcissistic relationship?

They call it love bombing, "Let's get married in Vegas. Let's move in together. Get me on your bank accounts." Now, y- they've gotten you, and their stories aren't holding up. Now, you start to see lies. Now, you start to see manipulation. I suddenly found myself in this situation, feeling like I'm going crazy. Honestly, it, it almost took me to my knees. It was in that moment I decided, "I, that's it, I'm getting out of this thing." You and you alone define your value. You can win. (clock ticking)

Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to The Mel Robbins Podcast. I wanna start off by just thanking you so much for being here with me today, and to just acknowledge you, because I know when you tune in and you spend time with your friend Mel Robbins, you are investing time in yourself and improving your life, and I just think that is so cool. And today in particular, (laughs) I am thrilled that you showed up, because you and I are going to have a powerful and a life-changing conversation. And I can promise you that because we're gonna be talking about a topic that is the single most requested topic that I get from listeners in 194 countries. What is the topic? I'm so glad you asked. Here it is. It's narcissism, but specifically, how do I deal with narcissistic people that are in your life and not lose my power? See, here's the thing about narcissism. There is so much amazing information out there about the dangers of narcissistic people and why you need to end relationships with narcissists, but ending a relationship with somebody, it's not always that realistic, right? So, that's not what we're gonna talk about today, because sometimes, in fact oftentimes, the narcissist is somebody that you're close to. The narcissistic person is your mom or your dad, or maybe it's one of your kids, or your brother, or your sister. And despite what the experts recommend, you don't want them outta your life, and kinda playing the defense and pretending that you don't care, it's getting exhausting, or maybe you just can't end the relationship right now. Like, for example, the narcissistic person, it's your boss and you need the paycheck, but you don't know how to deal with them, or maybe it's your ex and you guys have kids together, and so you're gonna see this person over and over, year after year after year at family gatherings. Or, maybe the narcissistic person is your daughter-in-law or your son-in-law, and if you cut them off, you're not gonna see your son or your grandchildren. So today, you and I are gonna learn strategies and tools for dealing with the narcissism that you encounter every single day. And this is something that I'm dealing with, and so I have a hunch that you're dealing with it too with somebody that you care about. And so, I have a very simple mission today. My mission is to empower you with knowledge and to equip you with tools and strategies, things that are proven that you can use to get on the offense instead of feeling like you're on the defense all the time, because there is something you can do, and that's why I cannot wait to introduce you to the expert. I've tracked this expert down, and she is here to teach you how to understand, deal with, negotiate against, and even get what you want from the narcissistic people in your life. Your mom, your dad, your daughter-in-law, your ex, your boss, they're gonna have no idea what hit them when you're done listening to this. So, the expert today is Rebecca Zung, and Rebecca literally wrote the book on this topic. The book is called Slay the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win. And here's what I really love about her take on this topic. She's a trial lawyer. I'm a former trial lawyer. I love people who think like lawyers. And on this topic of narcissism, she's not taking a clinical approach. She's attacking this topic like a litigator. She's advocating for you. And you know what? She's showing up to win. She is one of the top-ranked trial lawyers in the United States, and Rebecca became an expert in this topic because she needed to get a strategy. See, she's been researching narcissism for decades. Why? So, she could understand the narcissism that she was seeing in opponents and outsmart them in the courtroom. She wanted to know how they thought, how they think, their psychological disposition, and that's how she became an expert in this topic. And she's here to teach you how a narcissistic person thinks, acts, how to identify their emotional cycles and reactions, and also, and this is the really good part, their tactics so that you can rise above it, so that you don't get sucked into it. And if you pay attention and you apply what you learn, 'cause this is not just a listening podcast, it's a learning one, you will also master Rebecca's four-part proven strategy for negotiating with narcissistic people in your life. And if you do that, you're gonna win every single day. All those little battles, you're gonna win 'em. There is so much to cover, so get your pen out, clear your schedule for the next hour, because court is in session, and on the docket today...Everything you need to know to deal with and win with the narcissistic people in your life. So please, without further ado, help me welcome Rebecca Zung to the Mel Robbins podcast.