How to Stop Negative Thoughts & Reset Your Mind for Positive Thinking
Ethan Kross (guest), Mel Robbins (host), Narrator
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Ethan Kross and Mel Robbins, How to Stop Negative Thoughts & Reset Your Mind for Positive Thinking explores turn Inner Critic Into Inner Coach With Science-Backed Mental Tools Mel Robbins interviews psychologist and neuroscientist Dr. Ethan Kross about how to understand and manage negative self-talk, or “chatter,” so it stops sabotaging your life. Kross explains what the inner voice actually is, why humans evolved negative emotions and worry, and how rumination, worry, and self-beratement show up in everyday thinking. He emphasizes that there is nothing abnormal about having an inner critic, but that unmanaged chatter drains attention, performance, relationships, and health. Together they walk through a toolkit of simple, research-backed strategies to create distance from thoughts, regulate emotions, and turn your inner critic into a practical, supportive inner coach.
Turn Inner Critic Into Inner Coach With Science-Backed Mental Tools
Mel Robbins interviews psychologist and neuroscientist Dr. Ethan Kross about how to understand and manage negative self-talk, or “chatter,” so it stops sabotaging your life. Kross explains what the inner voice actually is, why humans evolved negative emotions and worry, and how rumination, worry, and self-beratement show up in everyday thinking. He emphasizes that there is nothing abnormal about having an inner critic, but that unmanaged chatter drains attention, performance, relationships, and health. Together they walk through a toolkit of simple, research-backed strategies to create distance from thoughts, regulate emotions, and turn your inner critic into a practical, supportive inner coach.
Key Takeaways
Normalize your negative self-talk instead of shaming yourself for it.
Kross stresses that worry, rumination, and a harsh inner critic are part of the human condition and evolved for survival; understanding this reduces secondary shame and frees up energy to actually work with your thoughts.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Identify your chatter type: past-focused rumination, future-focused worry, or self-attack.
Labeling whether you’re stuck replaying the past, catastrophizing the future, or calling yourself names helps you see chatter as a pattern, not a truth, and makes it easier to choose appropriate tools to interrupt it.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Use ‘distanced self-talk’ to flip from inner critic to inner coach.
Silently coach yourself using your name and “you” (e. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Leverage mental time travel to shrink problems and restore perspective.
Ask, “How will I feel about this next week, next year, or in ten years? ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Use environment and rituals to regain a sense of control when overwhelmed.
Imposing order (tidying a room, making a list) or performing simple rituals can compensate for feeling internally out of control; they restore a sense of agency and calm enough to think more clearly, as long as you don’t over-rely on them.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Expressive writing is a powerful, underused way to organize mental chaos.
Writing for 15–20 minutes about your deepest thoughts and feelings around a problem forces unstructured mental chatter into a story with a beginning, middle, and end, which research shows can reduce anxiety even on its own.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Build a personalized emotional ‘toolkit’ instead of chasing a single magic fix.
Evidence from pandemic-era research shows no single tactic works for everyone; combinations of tools (distanced self-talk, nature walks, music, writing, supportive conversations) tailored to your personality and context are most effective.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Notable Quotes
“If you experience worry, rumination, if you find your inner critic activating at times, there’s nothing wrong with you. Welcome to the human condition.”
— Dr. Ethan Kross
“The key to beating this negative self-talk isn’t to stop talking to yourself. The challenge is to figure out how to do so more effectively.”
— Dr. Ethan Kross
“Your inner voice is like a Swiss Army knife. It helps you remember, plan, motivate yourself, and make meaning of your life.”
— Dr. Ethan Kross
“Death by a thousand cuts—that’s what it can feel like when you just start hammering yourself.”
— Mel Robbins
“Familiarize yourself with the tools, start self‑experimenting, find the tools that work best for you, and share them with other people.”
— Dr. Ethan Kross
Questions Answered in This Episode
Which form of chatter—rumination, worry, or self-beratement—dominates my inner dialogue, and how does it impact my daily functioning?
Mel Robbins interviews psychologist and neuroscientist Dr. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
What would my inner self-talk sound like if I consistently spoke to myself in the same tone I use with a close friend?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Which two or three tools from this episode (distanced self-talk, mental time travel, writing, nature, rituals, music, order, supportive conversations) feel most natural for me to test this week?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Who in my life actually serves as a true ‘chatter advisor,’ and how might I adjust who I go to for support when I’m spiraling?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
In what ways could I quietly provide ‘invisible support’ to someone I love who is clearly stuck in negative self-talk but not asking for help?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Transcript Preview
If you experience worry, rumination, if you find your inner critic activating at times, there's nothing wrong with you. We evolve the capacity to experience negative emotions for a reason. "Why did I do this? Why didn't I do it that way? You idiot. How could you do this? You're worthless." We think about the what ifs. "What if this happens? What if that happens?" And before you know it, you know, life is over (instrumental music plays) . Here's what I hope everyone takes away from this.
Okay.
Three things. Number one, you'll be able to take your inner critic and turn it into an inner coach. Number two, if you ever find yourself falling down the rabbit hole of rumination and worry, we're gonna give you some lifelines to pull yourself out. And then number three-
Wow.
So, we got our work cut out for us.
That's a tall order.
Yeah. We better get started.
Well, I've read your books, so I know you can deliver on that. So, Ethan, what exactly is that voice that's in our head that's chattering 4,000 words a minute?
So when scientists like myself use, use this phrase "self-talk" or "the inner voice," what we're talking about is-
I've never heard anybody explain self-talk and that inner voice in a way that I actually get it. What is the solution? Is there a simple way to shut it up in order to-
Yeah.
... just silence all of this negative self-talk, or is this a much more complicated thing that we need to take on?
The most important thing to do is... (clock ticks) (instrumental music plays)
Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am so fired up for our conversation today. I'm so excited that you're here. It is always such an honor to spend time together and to be with you. And if you're a new listener, I just want to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family. I'm thrilled that you're here. And because you made the time to hit play and listen to this particular episode, it tells me something about you. It tells me that you're the kind of person who wants to take control of your inner voice, and you want to learn how to be more encouraging and positive, especially when it comes to yourself. And you know what? I think that's amazing, because I want to learn how to do that too. And if you're listening right now or you're watching on YouTube because someone shared this with you, I want to take a minute and point out to you that that means that you've got someone in your life that really cares about you. And so thank you for trusting them, and thank you for being here. And this is a home run of a podcast episode for you to listen to or watch, because Dr. Ethan Kross is in the house. He is a psychologist and a neuroscientist, and he's been a pioneering researcher in the field of self-talk and emotions for 25 years. Ethan Kross is also a professor at the University of Michigan, where he has taught for the past 17 years. He is also the founder and the director of the research institute at the University of Michigan, the Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory. His work has appeared in esteemed journals like Science and The New England Journal of Medicine. He earned his PHD from Columbia University, and he is also the author of two best-selling books, Chatter: The Voice in Our Head: Why It Matters and How to Harness It, and his latest best-selling book is called Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You. His books have been translated into over 40 languages, and today, he's gonna unpack the insights so that you can use this research to stop the negative self-talk. So please help me welcome Dr. Ethan Kross to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Thank you for hopping on a plane and being here in our Boston studios. I cannot wait to dig into your work in your, uh, best-selling book Chatter, and of course, congratulations on your new book, Shift. It's so exciting to have you here.
Install uListen to search the full transcript and get AI-powered insights
Get Full TranscriptGet more from every podcast
AI summaries, searchable transcripts, and fact-checking. Free forever.
Add to Chrome