A Masterclass on Dealing with Change: A 3-Step Process | The Mel Robbins Podcast
Mel Robbins (host), Dr. Luana Marques (guest)
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Dr. Luana Marques, A Masterclass on Dealing with Change: A 3-Step Process | The Mel Robbins Podcast explores three-Step Framework To Navigate Life Transitions Without Avoidance Or Panic Mel Robbins and psychologist Dr. Luana Marques explore why life transitions—like graduation, job changes, and post‑pandemic shifts—feel so destabilizing and how our instinct to avoid discomfort makes them even harder.
Three-Step Framework To Navigate Life Transitions Without Avoidance Or Panic
Mel Robbins and psychologist Dr. Luana Marques explore why life transitions—like graduation, job changes, and post‑pandemic shifts—feel so destabilizing and how our instinct to avoid discomfort makes them even harder.
Using Mel’s impending transition with her daughter graduating and moving home as a live case study, they unpack how unresolved personal pain, anxiety, and over‑fixing for others often drive our reactions.
Dr. Marques introduces a three-step process—Shift, Approach, Align—grounded in cognitive behavioral science to help people face discomfort, clarify their values, and take small, consistent actions aligned with those values.
They emphasize that discomfort in transitions is not a sign something is wrong, but a necessary doorway to growth, impact, and a more integrated, value‑driven life for ourselves and those we love.
Key Takeaways
Discomfort in transitions is normal, not a danger signal.
Major life changes naturally bring anxiety, grief, and uncertainty; feeling unsettled doesn’t mean something is wrong, it means you’re letting go of an old shore while not yet fully in the new life.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Avoidance prolongs pain and blocks growth.
Whether it’s staying in misaligned careers, overworking, or numbing out emotions, avoiding discomfort keeps you stuck in an old identity and often leads to crises (health scares, breakdowns) that finally force change.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Use pain as a compass to uncover your core values.
When something hurts deeply, it’s often because a key value (like impact, connection, or family) is being violated; leaning into the pain with curiosity—“Why does this hurt? ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Clarify values by examining your best moments, not just your worst.
Notice times you feel calm, alive, or in flow (e. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Support others by holding space, not fixing their discomfort.
Rushing in to solve a child’s or partner’s anxiety robs them of the growth that comes from facing their own transition; instead, name what you see, set boundaries if it spills onto you, and allow them to feel and process.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Anchor every transition with the three-step process: Shift, Approach, Align.
Shift how you talk to yourself (like a best friend), Approach discomfort instead of running from it, and Align your daily actions with clearly named values so that your calendar and behavior reflect what matters most.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Write your values and “why” down as a practical anchor.
Mel’s giant Post‑it of reasons for moving to Vermont (peace, connection, simple business, fun) served as a visual North Star during panic and doubt; creating your own written “why” can steady you through the messy middle of change.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Notable Quotes
“Let go and start swimming, because there is no ticket to a perfect life.”
— Dr. Luana Marques
“Pain only exists because behind that pain there is a value that’s extremely important that’s being violated.”
— Dr. Luana Marques
“There’s no transition without discomfort for anybody. If she didn’t have it, something would be wrong.”
— Dr. Luana Marques
“I’m no longer actually living a value‑driven life. I’m living an emotion‑driven life and just trying to not feel uncomfortable.”
— Dr. Luana Marques
“If you’re going to feel uncomfortable anyhow, you might as well use that pain in a way that actually gets you un‑stuck.”
— Dr. Luana Marques
Questions Answered in This Episode
Which moments of my recent discomfort might actually be pointing to values I’ve outgrown or ignored?
Mel Robbins and psychologist Dr. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
If I wrote a giant Post‑it like Mel did, what would my top five values or “whys” for this next chapter be?
Using Mel’s impending transition with her daughter graduating and moving home as a live case study, they unpack how unresolved personal pain, anxiety, and over‑fixing for others often drive our reactions.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Where am I rescuing or over‑managing someone else’s transition and unintentionally blocking their growth?
Dr. ...
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
In what areas of my life am I still clinging to the old ‘shore’ out of fear, and what would ‘letting go and swimming’ look like in small, concrete steps?
They emphasize that discomfort in transitions is not a sign something is wrong, but a necessary doorway to growth, impact, and a more integrated, value‑driven life for ourselves and those we love.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
How could I apply Shift, Approach, Align to one specific transition I’m facing right now over the next 30 days?
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
Transcript Preview
(ticking clock) (upbeat music) I am very triggered by her anxiety. Knowing that there will be a level of discomfort-
Mm-hmm.
... makes me uncomfortable. How can I help her cope with this massive life transition?
I think we need to help you cope with the transition because it's-
(laughs)
Do you know why?
... I'm avoiding-
Yes! (laughs)
... you-
You are.
... making me talk about something that makes me uncomfortable.
You are, absolutely. You just wanted to run away from your emotions right now.
Yes. Hey, it's your friend Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. I am so glad that you are here with me, because guess what? We're gonna get a twofer. You know, two for one, meaning here's what's going to happen. I have this issue that is kind of coming down the pike, and it has to do with transitions. There's a huge, big life transition going on in our family. Our daughter's just graduated from college. She's about to come home. She is, as many of you know, a singer-songwriter, which means she does not have a job after college. She doesn't have a roommate after college. She's gonna be home for the summer working on new songs, and then she's gonna go back to LA. And I just feel tense. I feel this wave coming at me. You know when somebody that you love is about to go through something and you yourself brace because you're going to absorb their breakdown? Maybe you've felt that with a kid, or maybe you've felt that with somebody you're dating, or maybe you've felt that with a parent where you see... Like, a lot of you are writing in going, "My parents are getting old. Like, I feel this transition to a different chapter coming." Well, that's what I'm doing right now, and one of the, one of the benefits I'm realizing to launching this podcast is you and I have on speed dial some of the most amazing experts on the planet. And your friend Mel is not gonna put it past herself to reach out and ask for free advice for both of us, okay? So I'm willing to jump in the hot seat today and use my own train wreck as the, uh, kind of learning ground, but I'm gonna get a therapy session today from Dr. Luana Marquez. Remember her? She's the bestselling author of Bold Moves, and she did a wildly popular episode with us all about this habit that we have of avoidance. Avoiding things that are hard, avoiding all kinds of stuff in our life. You loved that episode, and so as I was sitting here this morning starting to get a stomach ache about the fact that our daughter's about to be home, and it's a huge transition, and that means I'm gonna experience that transition, I thought, "You know, Mel, instead of doing what you always do, which is you let the tidal wave of life knock your ass over, and then you dial 911 and have an emergency therapy session, why not be proactive? Why not use a incredible therapist as a way to think through something that is coming at you?" That's a good idea, right? So, I've got Dr. Luana back, and I am grateful that she is here for us, and by us, I mean me, because I need this (laughs) this help and support. And in particular, I want Dr. Luana to walk you and I through this three-step plan that's based on her recent clinical and scientific research that helps you make bold moves, and helps you move through transition, and helps you help other people move through transition without that tidal wave of life knocking you down. All right, Dr. Luana, welcome back to the Mel Robbins podcast.
Install uListen to search the full transcript and get AI-powered insights
Get Full TranscriptGet more from every podcast
AI summaries, searchable transcripts, and fact-checking. Free forever.
Add to Chrome