#1 Neuroscientist: How to Motivate Yourself (and Others) to Change Any Behavior
Mel Robbins (host), Guest (guest)
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Guest, #1 Neuroscientist: How to Motivate Yourself (and Others) to Change Any Behavior explores neuroscientist Reveals Science-Backed Ways To Motivate Real, Lasting Change Mel Robbins interviews neuroscientist Dr. Tali Sharot about the science of motivating behavior change in ourselves and others. They explain why common tactics like guilt, criticism, fear, nagging, and pressure usually backfire by threatening people’s sense of control and triggering paralysis rather than action.
Neuroscientist Reveals Science-Backed Ways To Motivate Real, Lasting Change
Mel Robbins interviews neuroscientist Dr. Tali Sharot about the science of motivating behavior change in ourselves and others. They explain why common tactics like guilt, criticism, fear, nagging, and pressure usually backfire by threatening people’s sense of control and triggering paralysis rather than action.
Sharot outlines three core levers of effective behavior change—social proof, immediate rewards, and visible progress—and shows how to apply them in everyday situations, from exercising and quitting smoking to handwashing and work performance.
They also explore why humans are wired to seek control, avoid uncertainty, discount future rewards, and resist change, and how reframing messages toward positive, immediate benefits can override these tendencies.
The conversation closes with practical guidance on having sensitive change conversations with loved ones, building self-motivation, and finding supportive communities when your immediate circle doesn’t understand your goals.
Key Takeaways
Stop trying to control people; support their agency instead.
When you push someone to change, they experience it as an attempt to control them, which threatens their sense of agency and lowers motivation. ...
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Fear and criticism paralyze action, especially for starting new behaviors.
The brain links anticipated punishment or fear with a 'no-go' signal, making inaction more likely. ...
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Reframe messages around positive, immediate rewards, not distant threats.
Because we discount future rewards, distant benefits like “you’ll be healthier in 10 years” are weak motivators. ...
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Use social proof and modeling: show that desirable behaviors are normal.
People are strongly influenced by what others are doing, often unconsciously. ...
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Track and celebrate progress to sustain motivation.
Visible progress delivers a strong hit of motivation; seeing numbers or performance improve (like handwashing compliance going from 10% to 90% with feedback boards) is inherently rewarding. ...
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To change yourself, mine your past for proof you can do hard things.
Focusing only on what you haven’t done erodes confidence. ...
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If your close circle doesn’t support your change, go find people who do.
Family and friends often can’t validate journeys they don’t understand, which can feel like a lack of support. ...
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Notable Quotes
“Once someone feels like you're trying to control them, you're trying to restrict their agency, that lowers their motivation.”
— Dr. Tali Sharot
“We wanna change people in our life… partially because by doing that, we can control our world.”
— Dr. Tali Sharot
“Fear is especially not effective if you're trying to get someone to act.”
— Dr. Tali Sharot
“So much of the way that we approach change… is with negative reinforcement, with threats, with pressure, with fear.”
— Mel Robbins
“On average, those people that made a change were happier.”
— Dr. Tali Sharot
Questions Answered in This Episode
In what specific situations in my life am I using fear, guilt, or criticism to try to create change—and how could I reframe those messages toward positive, immediate benefits instead?
Mel Robbins interviews neuroscientist Dr. ...
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Where am I trying to control someone else’s behavior to reduce my own stress, and what would it look like to work on my stress directly instead of on them?
Sharot outlines three core levers of effective behavior change—social proof, immediate rewards, and visible progress—and shows how to apply them in everyday situations, from exercising and quitting smoking to handwashing and work performance.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
How could I build simple progress-tracking and immediate rewards into one habit I’m currently procrastinating on (like exercising, saving, or job searching)?
They also explore why humans are wired to seek control, avoid uncertainty, discount future rewards, and resist change, and how reframing messages toward positive, immediate benefits can override these tendencies.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
What choices or options can I offer my partner, kids, or colleagues so they feel a greater sense of control and ownership over the changes I hope they’ll make?
The conversation closes with practical guidance on having sensitive change conversations with loved ones, building self-motivation, and finding supportive communities when your immediate circle doesn’t understand your goals.
Get the full analysis with uListen AI
If my family and friends don’t understand or support a change I want, what communities or peer groups could I join that already live the way I’m trying to move toward?
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Transcript Preview
(instrumental music plays) Every single one of us has somebody in our lives that we love, but we would love to have them change, whether it's to have them be healthier and exercise more or be better with money or maybe clean up after themselves or get motivated and find another job. No amount of pressure (laughs) or wanting or wishing is working, at least I- not in my marriage.
We wanna change people in our life, whether it's our partner or our kids or our parents or our employees. By doing that, we can control our world. I think in- in some situations, perhaps what we need is to work on ourselves. How do we- (laughs)
That's not the answer I wanna hear. (clock ticks) (drum roll) I am so glad that you tuned in today. I'm Mel. I'm so excited about this conversation because you and I are gonna be learning from a world-renowned neuroscientist whose research focuses on how you can change other people's behaviors and opinions. And you know how I always say that you should share these episodes with the people that you love? Well, this one, you are really gonna wanna share, because you're gonna learn why guilt, pressure, fear, crying, pleading, threats, ultimatums are not working with the people in your life, and they're not working when the people in your life use 'em on you. And there's a scientific reason why. By the end of this episode, you're gonna understand exactly what to do to motivate someone and yourself to change any behavior. Doctor Tali Sharot is a behavioral neuroscientist and the director of the Affective Brain Lab at University College London. Her research integrates neuroscience, behavioral economics, and psychology to study how emotion and motivation influences people's beliefs and decisions. And she's also the bestselling author of three books, including the brand-new book, Look Again. Welcome, Doctor Sharot, to The Mel Robbins Podcast. I'm so thrilled that you're here.
I am so excited to be here. Thanks for having me.
I was super excited to have you come on, because every single one of us has somebody in our lives that we love, but we would love to have them change, whether it's to have them be healthier and exercise more or be better with money or maybe clean up after themselves or get motivated and find another job. And no amount of pressure (laughs) or wanting or wishing is working, at least I- not in my marriage. So I'm just gonna paint a scenario for you so that everybody who's listening, whether they're dealing with this situation or not, can start to apply it to that dynamic. So let's just say you have somebody that you love, and they're sitting on the couch, and it's a Sunday afternoon, and they're happily watching golf. And as you see them sitting there, you feel this judgment (laughs) and frustration rise in your body, and you start to think, "Why aren't they outside exercising? Why are they not..." like all the things that you would like for them to be doing. And I think we know in our minds that the eye roll or the, "Hey, it's nice outside, you should go for a run," is probably not gonna work. But why do we have this desire to wanna control what somebody else is doing? And so what are we getting wrong based on the research about trying to change other people?
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