How to Design Your Life (A Full Step-by-Step Process)
Mel Robbins (host), Debbie Millman (guest)
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, featuring Mel Robbins and Debbie Millman, How to Design Your Life (A Full Step-by-Step Process) explores stop Chasing Realistic Goals: Intentionally Design Your Next Ten Years Mel Robbins interviews designer and educator Debbie Millman on a structured, imaginative process for intentionally designing your life 10 years into the future. Millman explains that life design is not about what’s realistic or probable, but about daring to explore what’s possible, then declaring it in writing and aloud. The core exercise: time-travel a decade ahead, write a detailed “day in your life” essay covering where you live, how you feel, what you do, who you love, and what you’ve mastered. Millman argues that this kind of radical envisioning shifts self-permission, unlocks hope, and quietly guides day‑to‑day choices, leading many of her students to realize most of what they once only imagined.
Stop Chasing Realistic Goals: Intentionally Design Your Next Ten Years
Mel Robbins interviews designer and educator Debbie Millman on a structured, imaginative process for intentionally designing your life 10 years into the future. Millman explains that life design is not about what’s realistic or probable, but about daring to explore what’s possible, then declaring it in writing and aloud. The core exercise: time-travel a decade ahead, write a detailed “day in your life” essay covering where you live, how you feel, what you do, who you love, and what you’ve mastered. Millman argues that this kind of radical envisioning shifts self-permission, unlocks hope, and quietly guides day‑to‑day choices, leading many of her students to realize most of what they once only imagined.
Key Takeaways
Design your life around possibility, not probability or realism.
Millman emphasizes that most people prematurely limit themselves by asking what’s realistic or likely to work instead of what they deeply want; the exercise intentionally suspends concerns about process and feasibility so you can fully articulate your true desires.
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Write a detailed 10-year vision starting with one simple sentence.
Begin with a date 10 years from today and the line, “I open my eyes and…,” then describe your entire day in rich detail—where you live, your home, relationships, work, health, money, and how you feel—treating it as a lived reality rather than a vague wishlist.
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Read your vision aloud, then put it away and live.
Declaring your essay to others (or at least out loud to yourself) helps integrate your desires into your identity and intentions; after that, you don’t obsess over it daily but revisit it periodically to notice which elements are quietly beginning to manifest.
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Notice where you’re deciding something is impossible before trying.
People routinely rule out careers, creative ambitions, or relationships based solely on fear, shame, or perceived unworthiness; Millman urges you to ask what you’re telling yourself you can’t do that you actually could if you were willing to risk not getting it.
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Use jealousy and admiration as clues to what you truly want.
If you feel jealous of someone else’s life or achievements, that emotion can reveal your own suppressed desires; instead of denying it, examine what it’s pointing to and consider how that might inform your 10-year vision.
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Pursue mastery through consistent making, not “faking it.”
Millman rejects “fake it till you make it” and replaces it with “make it till you make it,” stressing that mastery in any field comes from years of sustained practice and creation, not performance or pretending to be further along than you are.
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Contentment and service, not extravagance, define a well-designed life.
The visions her students describe are rarely about extreme wealth or status; they center on feeling at peace, being creative, having loving relationships, managing time and health well, and being of service—outcomes that become more attainable when you consciously design for them.
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Notable Quotes
“It’s not about determining what is probable, it’s about determining what is possible.”
— Debbie Millman
“People determine what is impossible before they even try what is possible.”
— Debbie Millman
“We’re afraid to want things, because we’re afraid that if we want things and we don’t get them, that we are failing or that we’ll be humiliated.”
— Debbie Millman
“I don’t believe in ‘fake it till you make it.’ I say, make it until you make it.”
— Debbie Millman
“If not now, when?”
— Debbie Millman
Questions Answered in This Episode
Where in my own life am I choosing ‘realistic’ goals over what I truly want because I’m afraid of failure, rejection, or judgment?
Mel Robbins interviews designer and educator Debbie Millman on a structured, imaginative process for intentionally designing your life 10 years into the future. ...
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If I wrote my 10-year “open my eyes and…” essay honestly, what would I be most embarrassed or scared to admit out loud—and why?
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What am I currently telling myself I can’t do that, if I were honest, I actually could attempt within the next year?
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When I feel jealous of someone else, what specific element of their life or work might be pointing to a desire I’ve been denying in myself?
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How would my daily choices change if I fully believed that contentment, creative expression, and meaningful relationships—not external validation—were the core measures of a successful life?
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Transcript Preview
What does it mean to design your life? (dramatic music plays)
Design is embedded in everything that we do. It's about intention, making decisions about what you want your life to look like and feel like, and then creating a plan to try and make that happen.
Today on The Mel Robbins Podcast, you are gonna learn the step-by-step process to designing the life you want. (screen whooshes)
Debbie Millman is a highly regarded designer... Professor... Artist...
Writer and brand strategist...
... who has taught life design for over a decade. I believe that confidence is overrated. People hate change, that's one thing I can tell you without a doubt. People determine what is impossible before they even try what is possible. You can go after what you want and get it, you can go after what you want and not get it, or you could not go after what you want and you could regret that, and you'll never metabolize that regret. There's no closure. It's just infinite.
It's infinite suffering.
Yeah.
This exercise isn't about process, probability, and realism.
Whatever it is, anything that you wanted could be manifested.
So, you achieved 80% of what you wrote down in that one exercise?
80%. We're afraid to want things. You're never gonna be younger, you're never gonna be more beautiful. What are you waiting for?
Where do we begin?
We begin very simply, by starting. (clock ticks)
Hey, it's Mel. And before we get into this episode, which I know you're going to love because it's all about designing your life, my team was showing me that 57% of you who watch here on YouTube are not subscribed yet. Could you do me a quick favor? Hit subscribe. It's free. And that way you don't miss any of the episodes that I post here on YouTube. It also lets me know that you're enjoying the guests and you love the content that I'm bringing you, because I wanna make sure you don't miss anything. So thank you, thank you, thank you for hitting subscribe. All right, you ready to design the life you've always wanted? I bet you are. So let's dive in. Professor Debbie Millman.
(laughs)
Thank you for being here. I'm so excited you are here on The Mel Robbins Podcast.
Thank you. It's just incredible to be here.
Well, I love this topic of designing the life that you want. I love your work. You are somebody that I've been wanting to have here in our Boston studios from the very beginning, so thank you for making the trip. And I'd love to have you start by speaking directly to the person who's with us right now. They want to design a life that they love. And so, Debbie, what does it mean to design your life?
Designing your life is about intention. It's about making decisions about what you want your life to look like, and feel like, and embody, and then creating a plan to try and make that happen.
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