The Painful Truth About Modern Dating Culture - Alex DatePsych

What's going on with risk aversion and men not approaching women?

Sure. So risk aversion refers to a personality trait or disposition where individuals are basically more accepting or more willing to take risks. So high-risk aversion would be individuals who are, uh, less willing to take risks. And a big risk for men, at least a perceived risk, is of course approaching women. So recently, I conducted a survey, and I used a measure of risk aversion. And I asked about approach behavior, basically approaching for dates, approaching on the street, approaching in a bar, talking to someone at work or in class. And yeah, there's an inverse correlation, or I should say, a positive correlation with that risk aversion and willingness to approach, right? That people who are more risk-averse, much less willing to approach, they tend to have more fears as well, as far as the potential consequences of- of approaching a woman, asking for a date.

What did they say were the primary fears that these guys were concerned about?

Sure. So some of the primary fears are basically social rejection and social consequences. There were some differences where individuals higher in risk aversion might fear more legal consequences as well, like, uh, some kind of report to HR or the police or even something like that. But it tends to be mostly kind of a fear of, like, loss of- of reputation.

Yeah. Well, I suppose, you know, we have a basis for this, ancestrally, that if you were rebuffed by one of the women in your tribe, that that probably wouldn't do much for your credibility with the rest of the women in the tribe, and that your mates might take the piss out of you. Uh, so I- I certainly understand from that- that angle. For the women as well that are listening, the all-consuming fear, as a guy, of seeing a girl across the room and looking at her and thinking, "I should go and say hello, because I think that she's nice," is like (laughs) fucking mortal. It's reality bending. It's so strange. It's such a bizarre... And again, I'm sure that there's loads of guys listening that, "I don't know what you're talking about. I can just go up and talk to anybody." Uh, but I think even the average, normal risk-aversion man has this pretty sort of guttural sense of trepidation before they go and do it.

Absolutely, yeah. And yeah, the most confident man, it doesn't matter, they're gonna be a little bit nervous, at least, approaching a woman. And I think that's something in pickup artist communities that they've kind of caught onto as almost kind of an exposure therapy to that, which, you know, exposure therapy, when people have phobias, they're exposed gradually to whatever the stimulus is that reduces that fear. And so maybe they've kind of caught on, like, approach a hundred women, and you will be less afraid. Yeah, that's what it is. But of course, most men aren't out there approaching a hundred women. And that kind of nervousness, it persists, even if an individual is very, very confident to begin with.