By playing, you agree to uListen's Terms and Privacy Policy and YouTube's Terms of Service.
ADHD Chatter Podcast5 Signs You Have Autism AND ADHD + how to spot it EARLY in children | Dr Becky Quicke
Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.
Great conversations run long. Their best ideas don't have to.
uListen is free on iPhone, iPad, Android, Chrome, and Claude.
See howCHAPTERS
Jump to publisher timestampsChapter summaries
Why AuDHD Always Makes Sense Professionally but Not Always at Home
Alex asks what about AuDHD still doesn't make sense to Dr Becky. She says it always makes sense in her professional work, but in her personal life, such as realizing her autistic partner is also inattentive ADHD, things have been less clear.
- •Dr Becky says professionally she feels AuDHD presentations make sense
- •Her partner is autistic and only recently realized he is also inattentive ADHD
- •His wish for precision alongside careless errors puzzled her until then
- •She is in a different mode in her personal life than in her work
Contradictory Preferences That Ring AuDHD Bells in Screening
Alex asks what in an assessment signals AuDHD. Dr Becky describes people who say they like predictability but then don't, or who love socializing but sometimes can't see anyone for long periods.
- •Screening calls often surface contradictory preferences
- •Wanting predictability and routine, yet sometimes not
- •Enjoying social contact, then needing long periods alone
- •Alex likens this to an internal tug of war
How Autism and ADHD Assessment Has Shifted Toward Internal Experience
Asked how diagnostic practice has changed, Dr Becky describes autistic adults once being seen in learning disability services even without a cognitive learning disability. She also describes a shift from observation-based assessment to collaborative discussion of internal experience.
- •Adults with autism used to be referred to learning disability services
- •Past assessments relied mainly on observing behavior
- •Behavior doesn't necessarily show how someone experiences the world
- •Her service's ethos is collaborative, understanding internal experience
The Narrow Window of Capacity: Spotting AuDHD in Babies and Toddlers
Dr Becky explains that AuDHD children have a narrow window of capacity and are easily overwhelmed or underwhelmed, even as babies. She describes how distress shows before language and how meltdowns differ from toddler tantrums.
- •Window of capacity is narrow, leading to overwhelm or underwhelm
- •Babies may enjoy stimulating toys yet become dysregulated and cry
- •Sensory input comes in very intensely through a permeable body
- •Meltdowns are more extreme than typical toddler tantrums
- •Balancing enough stimulation without overstimulating is hard for parents
Can ADHD and Autism Mask or Intensify Each Other?
Alex asks whether the two conditions can cancel each other out and lead to missed diagnosis. Dr Becky says this happens often, but they can also intensify each other or work well together, and stereotypes make people doubt they are both.
- •Women often come in feeling they are neither one nor the other but are both
- •ADHD can intensify the autistic experience and emotions
- •Some people describe the two working beautifully together
- •Some women with a life that works for them would historically not have been diagnosed
- •Stereotypes of ADHD and autism fuel confusion and not belonging
Why Early Diagnosis Matters: Shame and Psychological Defenses
Asked about the importance of early diagnosis, Dr Becky points to shame as the overwhelming effect of feeling wrong. She explains how understanding oneself can reduce shame, and how without it people develop psychological defenses such as avoidance or projection.
- •Shame means 'I am wrong', unlike guilt, which is 'I have done something wrong'
- •Diagnosis can change things significantly, with some parents reporting no meltdowns afterward
- •Girls are told there is nothing wrong with them
- •Without understanding, defenses like avoidance and projection develop
- •These defenses become problematic in adolescence and adulthood
Living Out of Line With Yourself: Masking, Needs and Peeling Back Layers
After the sponsor break, Alex describes the knock-on effects of masking, such as poor-fit relationships and starting and abandoning things. Dr Becky adds that early diagnosis helps people understand their needs, and that later diagnosis involves peeling back layers; she also explains how her service began with girls.
- •Masking can lead to poor-fit relationships, hobbies and jobs
- •Without awareness, behavior is driven by fear and anxiety rather than what feels good
- •Autistic girls in particular have social vulnerability
- •Women diagnosed later often say they don't know what they need
- •Dr Becky says understanding ourselves means we can create a life where we don't need to cope
Emotional Reactions to an AuDHD Diagnosis and Leaving Mainstream School
Alex asks about reactions when women are told they are AuDHD. Dr Becky describes relief, grief, joy and guilt, and notes that many girls are taken out of mainstream education within weeks of assessment once families recognize burnout.
- •Relief is the predominant reaction, sometimes alongside grief
- •One girl squealed with joy at the diagnosis
- •Parents can feel guilt about not knowing earlier
- •A significant share of girls leave mainstream education after assessment due to burnout
- •Alex describes school as a trauma factory for neurodivergent children
Anger After Late Diagnosis and the Settling Period
Alex asks whether justice sensitivity leads to anger in people diagnosed later in life. Dr Becky confirms she hears real anger and frustration, including from women in their 70s, and describes a short weeks-long phase of letting everything settle before working out what support is needed.
- •Anger can be directed at people, situations or establishments
- •Women have been assessed in their 70s
- •A short phase of settling follows diagnosis, described as a cauldron of emotions
- •Dr Becky suggests holding off on recommendations during this phase
- •For some people the diagnosis is the missing jigsaw piece
Why Women Have Been Missed: Social Conditioning and Good Girl Programming
Asked why so many women were missed, Dr Becky points to social conditioning and early gender stereotypes. Girls learn to be obedient and hide their true selves, and Alex describes how suppressed hyperactivity turns inward and can be misdiagnosed as anxiety.
- •Gender stereotypes begin even with babies and young children
- •Girls learn that being very active is not okay
- •Good girl programming leads girls to switch themselves off
- •Suppressed movement can turn into internal restlessness and misdiagnosed anxiety
- •School demands sitting still and being told off draws unwanted attention for an autistic child
How Trauma Interlinks With AuDHD and How Clinicians Tell Them Apart
Dr Becky explains that family environment, undiagnosed neurodivergent parents and social vulnerability can all create trauma. She describes how assessors unpick trauma from autism, noting that presentations can look similar on the surface but feel different in interaction.
- •Undiagnosed parents who struggle to regulate can affect a child's early relationships
- •Assessment must carefully unpick trauma versus autism, and both can be present
- •The Coventry Grid is a tool for clinicians, developed for children
- •Trauma-related relationships involve mistrust and wanting control over others
- •Dr Becky says she looks back at past work and wonders whether some children were neurodivergent
A Healthy Family Dynamic: Trust, Secure Base and Parents as Mirrors
Dr Becky names trust as the most important element of a healthy family dynamic, a secure base where the body can relax. She and Alex discuss how parents unwilling to confront their own neurodivergence can pass on shame, and how a child's diagnosis can lead parents to understand themselves.
- •Trust and a secure base are central for every child
- •Parents can help by thinking ahead about changes and problem-solving together
- •Children act as a mirror that can reveal parts of parents they don't want to see
- •A parent's defensiveness can teach the child there is something wrong
- •Many parents have light-bulb moments during their child's assessment
The AuDHD Item: Tomatoes That Belong Nowhere
Alex reveals the guest's AuDHD item, a set of tomatoes. Dr Becky explains that tomatoes are a fruit that doesn't belong in a fruit salad or with the vegetables, mirroring how many women feel they belong nowhere before diagnosis.
- •Tomatoes don't belong in fruit salad or with vegetables
- •Women often say at the start of their journey that they don't belong anywhere
- •They may not fit in either the autistic or the ADHD community
- •Dr Becky thinks AuDHD is a third thing of its own
- •Alex jokes many people paint themselves green and pretend to be an apple
Publisher timestamps
- 0:00Trailer
- 1:41What is it about AuDHD that even you still can't get your head around
- 3:35Signs of AuDHD to look out for
- 4:52How has the diagnosis for AuDHD changed since you've been practicing medicine
- 6:51How to spot AuDHD in kids
- 11:22Can the two conditions (both ADHD and Autism) mask each other?
- 14:49Why is it important for a person to receive a diagnosis as quickly as possible?
- 17:14Tiimo advert
- 25:00How women react after you diagnose them with AuDHD
- 30:27Why have women been missed for so long
- 34:02How does trauma interlink with AuDHD
- 41:01Why a healthy family dynamic is vital for an AuDHD child
- 47:47ADHD item segment
