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ADHD Chatter PodcastEllie Middleton Opens Up About ADHD and Autism
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Ellie’s early sense of being different: tomboy upbringing, school switch, and “crack an egg” stubbornness
Ellie reflects on blurred childhood memories but recalls feeling different early on, first as the only girl among boy cousins and friends. She describes how moving schools in year five exposed confusing social rules in girl friendship groups, plus a family story that captures her early persistence and literal drive to “see what happens.”
- •Ellie grew up mostly around boys and felt different primarily as the only girl.
- •Switching primary schools led to early social difficulties and confusion about friendship “rules.”
- •She contrasts boys’ group dynamics with the more rule-bound nature she experienced in girl groups.
- •A childhood story about insisting she wanted to crack an egg becomes a family shorthand for her stubbornness.
- •She identifies year five as a key period when she first noticed she didn’t intuit social rules.
Learning social rules and masking: all-girls secondary school and staying “under the radar”
Ellie describes how awareness of social expectations intensified as she moved into an all-girls secondary school. She explains that by her teen years she was heavily masking to fit in, which her mum later said made it harder for professionals to see autism/ADHD traits beneath visible distress.
- •Ellie says masking began as she became aware of complex social hierarchies and expectations.
- •She attended an all-girls secondary school and found the social structure especially rigid.
- •She was under CAMHS care from 15, but traits weren’t recognized because she was masking intensely.
- •She reframes what were called “panic attacks” as what she now understands as meltdowns.
- •She describes drastic changes in appearance and presentation as part of learning how to fit in.
Misdiagnoses and a repeating crash cycle: anxiety labels, burnout patterns, and searching for the real cause
Ellie outlines years of mental health diagnoses—anxiety and depression, then agoraphobia and panic disorder—while feeling something deeper was being missed. She describes a repeating pattern of rebuilding and then crashing every six months, culminating in a determination in 2021 to finally understand what was going on.
- •Ellie was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and anxiety-related depression, later agoraphobia and panic disorder.
- •At 17 she dropped out of sixth form, declined university offers, and became housebound during her lowest period.
- •She describes a repeating cycle: periods of high energy and ambition followed by severe crashes.
- •She felt frustrated after doing the “right things” (medication, therapies, self-help) without lasting change.
- •She suspected BPD for a time and tried to persuade doctors, but they disagreed and continued to frame it as anxiety.
The catalyst for assessment: a literal-meaning conflict, a counselor’s question, and hyperfocused research
A dispute after the Euros final—centered on a broken promise and Ellie’s difficulty understanding why someone would say something they didn’t mean—became a turning point. Her counselor asked whether anyone had explored why she took things literally, which led Ellie to research autism and then ADHD, connecting her experiences to a new framework.
- •Ellie recounts being distressed that her partner didn’t follow through on what he said he would do.
- •In counseling, she explained that she takes words as “gospel” and struggles when meaning and actions diverge.
- •The counselor asked whether anyone had looked into why Ellie takes things so literally.
- •Ellie then intensely researched autism, which also led her to ADHD.
- •She later learned the counselor had a personal connection through her son being autistic and ADHD, which may have helped her notice patterns.
Receiving diagnoses: relief, celebration, and later grief about being missed earlier
Ellie describes diagnosis as both nerve-wracking and validating, especially as a high-masking person worried about not being believed. In the moment she felt relief and celebration—answers at last—while grief about the “what ifs” of earlier support came later.
- •Ellie felt nervous going into assessments, concerned clinicians might not recognize autism/ADHD in high-masking adults.
- •On receiving the diagnosis, she felt major relief and a sense of celebration.
- •She connects the diagnosis to making sense of major disruptions in her life, including dropping out of school.
- •She notes grief emerged afterward: wondering how life might have differed with earlier recognition.
- •She emphasizes the diagnosis gave a coherent explanation after years of being told it was “just anxiety.”
Unmasking isn’t instant: discovering what’s underneath and re-evaluating interests amid sensory stress
Ellie explains that unmasking turned out to be far deeper than small behavioral changes; she realized masking shaped most of her personality. She describes how difficult it is to stop masking by default and how she’s had to question whether certain passions are truly enjoyable or partly driven by expectations.
- •Ellie thought unmasking would be simple changes (like less forced eye contact) but realized the mask felt like most of her personality.
- •She describes masking as a default state, requiring conscious effort to step away from it.
- •Her mum noticed a sudden shift into a more masked persona in public settings after Ellie’s TED-style talk.
- •Ellie questions whether she genuinely enjoys high-sensory environments like gigs and football matches or feels she “should.”
- •She describes a fear of what unmasking might reveal, influenced by stereotypes and internalized ableism.
Dating while unmasking: redefining attraction, navigating clarity needs, and designing “ADHD/autistic-friendly” first dates
Ellie says dating has required starting again from zero—rethinking her “type,” questioning learned scripts, and identifying what she truly needs. She highlights the importance of direct communication and shares practical preferences for first dates that reduce pressure around eye contact and small talk.
- •Ellie realized her past attraction patterns were influenced by copying what others found desirable.
- •She describes ongoing uncertainty about aspects of identity and what’s been socially learned versus authentic.
- •She emphasizes needing clarity and directness because she can’t reliably read between the lines.
- •She discusses the difficulty of dating men given how men may be socialized around emotional openness, as her counselor framed it.
- •She prefers dates that avoid sitting face-to-face, favoring walks, drinks in relaxed settings, or activity dates like mini golf or bowling.
Rejection sensitivity, people-pleasing, and the risk of being “less palatable” in an ableist world
Ellie describes being highly sensitive to rejection, often expressed through intense people-pleasing meant to prevent rejection before it happens. She also explores how unmasking can increase exposure to rejection in an ableist society—and how that tension shows up in her work as a public-facing advocate.
- •Ellie says rejection sensitivity shows up for her as preventative people-pleasing more than only emotional reactions afterward.
- •She explains the dilemma: unmasking can reduce people-pleasing, but also may make others “less pleased.”
- •She argues that being more openly autistic can lead to more rejection because of ableism and unfamiliarity with unmasked traits.
- •She reflects on how privilege and being “palatable” can affect how audiences receive her message in workplaces.
- •She worries that unmasking more (e.g., stimming openly, using ear defenders) could reduce impact and increase online negativity, even while masking is exhausting.
Writing the book: from social media limits to creating a go-to resource on ADHD and autism
Ellie shares how a book deal came together through her management and literary agent, driven by a desire to go beyond short-form content. She explains the aim: a single, accessible resource people can hand to friends, family, or colleagues to better understand ADHD and autism together.
- •Ellie wanted a book to expand beyond the constraints of short-form social media content.
- •She admits part of the motivation was feeling she’d be taken more seriously despite not having A levels or a degree.
- •Her literary agent suggested there wasn’t one clear first-port-of-call book combining ADHD and autism, inspiring Ellie’s concept.
- •Ellie describes working with Penguin and finding the process more enjoyable than she expected.
- •She wanted something people could give to others rather than sending countless links across platforms.
Most personal chapters: late diagnosis & mental health, and writing about pretty privilege, ableism, and being overlooked
Ellie highlights parts of the book that were hardest yet most rewarding to write, especially where she processed her own history. She also describes a chapter exploring how assumptions about what disability “looks like” can contribute to missed recognition and diagnosis.
- •Ellie found writing about late diagnosis and mental health personal, difficult, and helpful for processing.
- •She describes writing about pretty privilege and ableism as tricky but rewarding.
- •She explains how people may see her as “normal,” which can obscure disability in others’ eyes.
- •She frames the chapter as examining societal assumptions that “disabled equals bad” or looks a particular way.
- •She expresses relief that the resource exists regardless of who wrote it, because it can help newly diagnosed people and their circles.
Imposter syndrome and processing big feelings: success, ableism, and self-consciousness in professional spaces
Ellie describes intense imposter syndrome in high-status moments, tied both to her background and to internalized expectations about how she should present. She also explains that big positive emotions can be as hard to process as negative ones, and shares how advocacy for others can make self-advocacy feel easier.
- •Ellie describes meetings with Penguin as surreal, especially given earlier struggles like dropping out of school.
- •She says autistic and ADHD intensity can make big positive emotions difficult to process, not just negative ones.
- •She experiences “double” imposter syndrome: general self-doubt plus fears about being judged for autistic/ADHD traits.
- •She mentions self-consciousness about fidgeting or not making eye contact in professional settings.
- •She finds courage in knowing that advocating for her needs (agendas, quiet spaces) can make it easier for others too.
The autism paradox: isolation for self-protection vs loneliness, and balancing ADHD drive with autistic burnout risk
Ellie explains the “autism paradox” as the push-pull between withdrawing from draining environments and then feeling lonely and excluded. She also describes the added complexity of being both autistic and ADHD—wanting to say yes to everything, while knowing overcommitment can lead to burnout.
- •Ellie withdraws into a “bubble” to manage overwhelm, but then experiences loneliness.
- •She notes that repeatedly saying no can lead to fewer invitations over time.
- •She describes needing strict energy management as an autistic ADHDer to avoid burnout.
- •She contrasts ADHD’s tendency to take on too much with the “ticking time bomb” of autistic burnout.
- •She challenges the idea that work must take all energy first, arguing people should reserve energy for recharging social and enjoyable activities too.
Advice to younger Ellie, impulsivity, “ADHD is a trend,” and body doubling (plus book release details)
Ellie offers a message to her younger self about prioritizing genuine relationships over popularity, then shifts into quick-fire topics: impulsive tattoos, frustration at the “trend” narrative, and a clear explanation of body doubling. The episode closes with the book’s release date and why pre-orders matter.
- •Ellie would tell her younger self to focus on the people who love her, not trying to win over popular peers.
- •She reflects that being an outsider may be more accepted now than when she was a teen.
- •She names spontaneous tattoo decisions as her most impulsive behavior.
- •She rejects the claim that ADHD is “a trend,” saying it undermines disability impacts and may deter people from seeking diagnosis.
- •She explains body doubling as doing tasks alongside another person (in person or via video) to increase accountability, and shares her weekly admin body-doubling routine with a friend.
- •Ellie says the book releases on the 26th of October and explains why pre-orders help books get stocked and reach readers.
Publisher timestamps
- 0:00Intro + early memories of feeling different
- 7:13The catalyst for seeking an assessment
- 13:10Your diagnosis and maskingRead this chapter
- 20:23Dating as an unmasked autistic ADHDer
- 25:20How you handle rejectionRead this chapter
- 30:30Your bookRead this chapter
- 35:56How you handle imposter syndrome
- 40:44The autism paradox
- 43:21Advice for younger Ellie
- 45:10Your most impulsive moment
- 45:40When people say, "ADHD is a trend"Read this chapter
- 47:38What is body doubling?
