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ADHD Chatter Podcast

How My ADHD Diagnosis Changed My Life - Shareefa J

Shareefa J tells her fascinating story explaining how receiving an ADHD diagnosis changed her life. She grieved the life that could have been, but is grateful for finally getting an explanation for her struggles.

Alex PartridgehostShareefa Jguest

Dec 12, 202355mWatch on YouTube

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Chapter summaries

Setting the scene: a life that felt chaotic before ADHD made sense
Alex Partridge introduces Shareefa J and frames the episode around the contrast between her pre-diagnosis chaos and the clarity—and grief—that came after diagnosis. Shareefa joins and the conversation tees up what “before diagnosis” really looked like day to day.
- •Alex previews that diagnosis helped Shareefa re-interpret her past but also triggered grief about “what could have been.”
- •Shareefa is introduced as an advocate for women with ADHD and frustrated by underrepresentation and lack of seriousness.
- •Alex asks Shareefa to describe her life before diagnosis to establish the baseline.
Pre-diagnosis chaos: school struggles, risk-taking, and hitting crisis points
Shareefa describes a turbulent childhood and young adulthood marked by attention difficulties, dangerous situations, and instability. She connects the overall pattern to feeling out of control and unable to build a stable future.
- •She describes persistent trouble focusing in school and not being able to “hold down a job.”
- •She recounts reckless behavior including early drug use, testing boundaries with the law, and not taking care of herself.
- •She shares a suicide attempt at 17 and describes ongoing sadness and hopelessness about the future.
- •Basic routines like meals and bedtime felt inconsistent or absent.
“Why am I always in trouble?”: feeling different as a child and being mislabeled
Alex asks whether Shareefa felt different from classmates, and she describes constant reprimands and confusion about why her behavior was “wrong.” Looking back, she says signs were visible, but she was treated as simply “naughty.”
- •She recalls being unable to sit still, blurting out, and becoming the “class clown.”
- •Teachers noted ADHD-like traits in reports, but she says girls weren’t commonly recognized as having ADHD in the 1990s.
- •She describes how being perceived as silly or naughty contributed to poor grades and negative self-concept.
- •Alex explores how repeated telling-off can lead to internalizing hyperactivity.
Masking, people-pleasing, and losing identity—especially through modeling work
Shareefa explains how years of being corrected and criticized shaped her into an apologetic, people-pleasing adult who masked her natural tendencies. Modeling intensified this, as she learned to “become” whatever a brand wanted, further blurring her sense of self.
- •She links chronic apologizing and people-pleasing to childhood messages that she was always doing something wrong.
- •She says she spent much of adulthood masking hyperactivity and urges to move or speak, which felt exhausting.
- •She describes periods of depression, including spending weeks in bed, alongside difficulty holding jobs.
- •Modeling required her to mirror different client personas, which she says deepened identity loss.
Grief, social scripts, and lifelong anxiety from navigating a neurotypical world
The conversation shifts from masking to how it affects emotional life and anxiety. Shareefa describes struggling with grief and relying on cues from others to decide what is “appropriate,” along with a sense that ADHD makes everyday social functioning harder.
- •She recounts trying not to cry at a gathering because others weren’t crying, despite feeling overwhelming sadness.
- •Alex describes the internal conflict between instinctive reactions and learned suppression, linking it to anxiety.
- •Shareefa says she has felt anxious for as long as she can remember and connects it to ADHD and misunderstanding.
- •She describes the burden of constantly explaining symptoms like time blindness and distractibility in noisy environments.
Realizing she might have ADHD: modeling feedback, overwhelm, and a shame spiral
Shareefa explains that she didn’t consider ADHD growing up, but work demands exposed how hard “simple” instructions were to execute consistently. Negative feedback and missed opportunities triggered depression and shame, until her sister suggested ADHD.
- •She describes confusion and distraction during high-volume modeling shoots, struggling to follow step-by-step directions.
- •She contrasts high-paying modeling work with previous jobs, emphasizing the pressure and stakes of performing well.
- •After repeated issues, she stopped booking work for a period and became depressed and angry at herself.
- •She describes a shame spiral and says her sister (a doctor) suggested she might have ADHD.
Diagnosis day: relief, lack of guidance, and not feeling understood
Shareefa describes being diagnosed at 24 and feeling both validated and unsupported. She says she was given medication without much explanation or follow-up, and that disclosing ADHD didn’t lead to understanding in workplaces at the time.
- •She says she was diagnosed quickly after referral and felt relief that she wasn’t “just” incapable.
- •She describes minimal explanation of symptoms and not receiving the CBT that was suggested alongside medication.
- •She says medication helped a lot, but she had to self-educate and build lifestyle changes herself.
- •She avoided telling many people because ADHD wasn’t taken seriously and was met with “And?” प्रतिक्रions.
Medication journey: Concerta XL, early benefits, and changing needs over time
Shareefa shares what she was prescribed, what it felt like when it worked, and how she’s reassessing it now. She describes the medication as helping her follow her thoughts, remember things, and feel more balanced—though she suspects it’s no longer effective.
- •She says she’s been on Concerta XL since the beginning, starting at 18mg and now on 27mg.
- •She says she’s in the process of trying to change medication but is experiencing delays and may go private.
- •She describes benefits as mental clarity, improved follow-through, and better stress coping—not a dramatic “Limitless”-style transformation, though she jokes about it.
- •Both discuss curiosity about what a neurotypical brain might feel like.
Grieving the “life that could have been” and frustration about missed support
Alex asks about grieving after diagnosis, and Shareefa says it’s ongoing even years later. She expresses frustration that no one intervened earlier, and that early habits and struggles have been difficult to undo.
- •She says she still grieves and wonders why nobody helped when she was a child despite clear signs.
- •She describes how school felt horrible and confusing, including difficulty reading books and sitting still.
- •She notes frustration with schools not pushing harder for assessment, especially given lower diagnosis rates in girls.
- •She connects childhood habit formation (like bedtime routines) with persistent adult difficulty changing patterns.
Making life easier after diagnosis: identifying traits, systems, and support requests
Shareefa outlines practical changes she’s made by first identifying her own ADHD traits. She describes using structured tools and communication strategies to reduce chaos and increase compassion from others.
- •She describes her traits as poor stress management (crying under stress), poor time management, and concentration issues.
- •She talks about loving books but struggling to finish them and mentions bionic reading as something she finds interesting.
- •She relies on color-coded calendars, alerts, and visual cues to manage life logistics.
- •She tries to proactively explain her struggles to friends and colleagues to reduce misinterpretation, while noting it doesn’t make lateness “okay.”
Outsourcing and executive dysfunction: when priorities collapse and chaos takes over
The conversation gets more specific about how Shareefa compensates for executive functioning challenges. She explains outsourcing tasks when possible and gives examples of distraction-driven detours that lead to missed trains and stress.
- •She describes outsourcing “as much as possible” when budget allows, including past examples like hiring someone to wake her up.
- •Alex and Shareefa joke about unexpected forms of outsourcing and how alarms sometimes fail for her.
- •She describes executive dysfunction as not knowing what to do first and trying to do everything at once.
- •She gives an example of starting home painting right before leaving, then missing a train and being unable to explain why she did it.
ChatGPT as an “extra brain”: organizing tasks and thoughts
Shareefa highlights ChatGPT as a tool that helps her translate overwhelm into structure. She frames it as a supportive “second brain” for prioritizing and processing, while keeping the tone light and humorous.
- •She describes using ChatGPT to prioritize a day’s tasks and put them in timeline order.
- •She suggests it can be used like a dictaphone to get thoughts out quickly.
- •She emphasizes the value of an external tool to organize thinking when executive function is strained.
- •Alex jokes about whether it can replace the hired wake-up helper.
The ADHD “item”: an ambulance, A&E stories, and impulsive accidents
Shareefa explains why an ambulance represents ADHD for her—because of repeated childhood accidents and impulsive decisions. She shares multiple anecdotes, including ingesting unsafe substances, getting hit by cars, and a recent hospital visit after using paint stripper improperly.
- •She recounts putting an unpopped popcorn kernel in her ear and leaving it there for months until A&E removal.
- •She describes eating and drinking chemicals from her sister’s science kit as a child.
- •She shares being hit by a car twice, including running late for school and still continuing on afterward.
- •She details a recent incident involving paint stripper fumes, a carbon monoxide alarm going off, gas being shut off, and later going to A&E due to throat and chest pain.
Washing Machine of Woes: pacing, burnout signals, and self-awareness
A listener question asks about pacing and guilt during breaks. Alex answers by describing overworking to prove himself, the burnout cycle, and the importance of noticing small warning signs before things escalate.
- •A community member asks how to pace themselves after a recent diagnosis and not feel bad for resting.
- •Alex describes a pattern of working excessively to prove worth, leading to burnout and crashing.
- •He explains his early burnout signs show up as neglecting small habits, like improperly removing a USB stick.
- •He connects ignoring signs to worsening mental health and unhealthy coping, emphasizing early course-correction.
Being dismissed, ADHD seriousness, women’s underrepresentation, and closing reflections
The final segment covers invalidating comments (“everyone gets overwhelmed”), the harm of trivializing ADHD, and Shareefa’s frustration with women’s underdiagnosis and misdiagnosis. They also address social media “gamification,” then end with lighter closing questions about impulsivity and a candid mental health check-in.
- •Shareefa explains why “everyone feels that” is invalidating and argues ADHD is disabling and often invisible.
- •Alex and Shareefa discuss how frequency and consequences—not isolated moments—drive low self-esteem and impairment.
- •Shareefa argues women are underrepresented in ADHD research and can be misdiagnosed, and hopes for better listening and support.
- •They critique social media content that turns ADHD into a joke, with Shareefa pointing to “ADHD the Musical” as an example that bothered her during a difficult week.
- •Shareefa shares a positive impulsive moment—walking into an agency and getting signed—then answers how her mental health has been, mentioning major life events and ongoing challenges managing busyness.

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