Skip to content

By playing, you agree to uListen's Terms and Privacy Policy and YouTube's Terms of Service.

ADHD Chatter PodcastADHD Chatter Podcast

How My ADHD Diagnosis Changed My Life - Shareefa J

Shareefa J tells her fascinating story explaining how receiving an ADHD diagnosis changed her life. She grieved the life that could have been, but is grateful for finally getting an explanation for her struggles.

Alex PartridgehostShareefa Jguest
Dec 12, 202355mWatch on YouTube

Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.

Great conversations run long. Their best ideas don't have to.

uListen is free on iPhone, iPad, Android, Chrome, and Claude.

See how

Transcript

  1. 0:00 – 5:39

    Intro and the Shareefa's chaotic life before diagnosis

    1. AP

      This week's guest is Shareefa J. Before getting diagnosed, Shareefa's life was chaotic. But when she got her diagnosis, so much of her past made sense, but she also started to grieve the life that could have been and what might have been different. Shareefa is a fierce advocate for women with ADHD. She explains why she is frustrated at how women are underrepresented within the ADHD community, and why she thinks many people don't take ADHD seriously. [upbeat music] Shareefa, thank you so much for joining us.

    2. SJ

      Thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

    3. AP

      The contrast between your life pre-diagnosis and post-diagnosis is quite drastic. Could you give us a flavor of what your life was like before diagnosis?

    4. SJ

      Ooh, yeah. [laughs] Um, nice to be here. Um, that's a big question to start on, and I, yeah, I definitely can. So my life before diagnosis was chaos, I think, is probably the best way to describe it.

    5. AP

      Hmm.

    6. SJ

      Um, there was a lot of issues. I had a lot of issues in school, paying attention, um, of course. I think that's quite a common, quite a common ADHD thing. Um, probably on the darker side of things, I struggled with very dangerous behavior, so I would get myself into quite dangerous situations. I would use recreational drugs. I was very careless with myself and how I would, um, show up in the world. Um, yeah, really chaotic. Couldn't hold down a job.

    7. AP

      Hmm.

    8. SJ

      Um, didn't have breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Never went to bed on time. Um, I think I would say I was probably on the brink of something not so positive. I was a very different person.

    9. AP

      Hmm. What sort of dangerous situations did you get yourself into?

    10. SJ

      Oh, so many. [laughs]

    11. AP

      [laughs]

    12. SJ

      Where do I begin? Um, I was a bit of a party girl-

    13. AP

      Hmm

    14. SJ

      ... I think. I used to work in nightclubs, so I was a, a party girl. I was probably about 11 when I first started taking drugs. I was just a very reckless young person. I would always test, like, test my boundaries with the law, and, um, I was always in trouble. And then as I got older, I think re- reckless more with myself, like I didn't, didn't take care of myself at all. Um, when I was 17, I attempted suicide, um, and was in hospital for a short time. Uh, yeah, just chaos. I, uh, it's the only way I can describe it is just chaos, difficulty, a lot of sadness, and I never really felt like I had much of a bright future.

    15. AP

      Hmm. Did you feel different when you were young than your other classmates, friends?

    16. SJ

      Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And also, I was always in trouble, and I didn't know why.

    17. AP

      Hmm.

    18. SJ

      I was like, sitting at my desk, couldn't stop moving, couldn't stop wanting to laugh or shout out or do something. And for me, it was just who I was.

    19. AP

      Hmm.

    20. SJ

      But everyone else was like, "That's wrong." And I was like, "But why?" [laughs]

    21. AP

      Can you look back now with the knowledge that you have around ADHD and sort of point at behaviors and go, "There it was. There it was"?

    22. SJ

      Yeah, and it's so obvious. It was picked up by a lot of my teachers as well. They were kind of, if you... I've, I've seen in a couple of my school reports and spoken to my mom about it, and she said, you know, "It was mentioned, like, multiple times that you could have ADHD." But I think because I grew up in the '90s-

    23. AP

      Hmm

    24. SJ

      ... ADHD just wasn't a thing for young girls. So even though people noticed it, they were just like, "Ah, she's just naughty."

    25. AP

      Hmm.

    26. SJ

      "She's just a bit of a, she's just r- really silly," or, "She just loves to laugh." I used to laugh so much that I would have... You know when you laugh so much when you, you have stomach pains?

    27. AP

      Yes.

    28. SJ

      That. Like, I'd be rolling around on the floor laughing. Everyone's laughing at me. I was always, like, class clown. But the result of that was also me kind of not understanding, like, I was this kind of silly class clown, but then I would always not end up, um, what's the word? I wouldn't come out on top. I would be, you know, I have bad grades, and-

    29. AP

      Hmm

    30. SJ

      ... I didn't do well, and I was that kind of, like, that bad little, like, naughty child. Um, so yeah.

  2. 5:39 – 10:27

    Shareefa's relationship with 'masking'

    1. SJ

      I definitely spent most of my adult life just masking.

    2. AP

      Hmm.

    3. SJ

      Masking my hyperactivity, masking my need to kind of, like, shout out and move and do all those things, and it was hard. I think that is probably how I ended up getting into states of depression, and I have memories of just, like, weeks and weeks in bed or-

    4. AP

      Hmm

    5. SJ

      ... you know, so many jobs I could never hold down and just, like... Just thinking that like I don't feel like I'm able to be my authentic self. So yeah, I really think it has a big impact.

    6. AP

      It sounds like a similar story to so many women, and you mask so much that you sort of lose touch and lose connection with who you really are underneath all of that, and therefore you don't really have any confidence because there's nothing to be confident about. You don't know what's, what's the really Shareefa and what's being put on. Would you say that's a true-

    7. SJ

      Feel like I'm in therapy. [laughs]

    8. AP

      [laughs]

    9. SJ

      Yes, exactly. I mean, I think all of what you just said, and also I then started working as a full-time model, and I was becoming ... Every time I would work with a different client, I would then be- kind of become the personification of that brand or that brand image or what they wanted. If it's a laugh-y brand, I laugh. If it's a moody brand, I'm moody. I ended up really losing my identity, and it took years to figure out who I was. And I think even still now, I think in the last couple of years, I've started to really understand who I am and who I wanna be in this world, but it, it did take a really long time.

    10. AP

      Mm.

    11. SJ

      Yeah.

    12. AP

      It's, it's an echo of s- of so many stories I've heard. And do you think there's a bit of you that sometimes still mirrors other people in order to sort of s- make them happy?

    13. SJ

      Yeah, and I guess in order to, um, to not do the wrong thing.

    14. AP

      Mm.

    15. SJ

      Maybe not as much to make them happy, but I think one thing I, I realized recently was for the first time I experienced, um, some friends passing away, and, um, in the last ye- year or so, and they were friend- good ... You know, not really, really close friends of mine, but people I knew and people I, um, had spent time with over the years, and I really struggled. I think grief is hard anyway, but I really struggled to figure out what words to say-

    16. AP

      Mm

    17. SJ

      ... and how to ... I was kind of looking to everyone else going, "What is appropriate for me to do in this moment?" And you know, I even went to, um ... It was a, a sort of gathering-type thing, um, that I went to, and I had this overwhelming urge to cry. I felt really sad, and I was really, you know, thinking about, about my friend and thinking, "I'm so sad that I won't see her again." And, but then I thought, "I can't cry because that person's not crying, and that person's not" ... So then I was like [laughs] literally the whole time like trying to hold in-

    18. AP

      [laughs]

    19. SJ

      ... these tears like, "I don't know if this is the right thing to do." So yeah, I definitely feel that a lot.

    20. AP

      Mm. It's hard, isn't it? 'Cause you, you, you're s- you're super aware of wanting to act a certain way. But intuitively you feel like you should act out, but also intuitively because you've been taught and been on the receiving end of so many messages saying that that's bad, you, you don't. So you, there's a, an internal conflict which can cause huge anxiety. Do, do you feel that anxiety?

    21. SJ

      Yeah. I, um, have been anxious [laughs] for as long as I can remember, and I, I do put that down to ADHD and, um, probably, you know, life is hard enough as it is, but I think trying to navigate a neurotypical world with ADHD, who so, uh, so few people understand ADHD, and because of that I think it makes it that much harder to try and show up because you're always having to explain yourself.

    22. AP

      Mm.

    23. SJ

      Like, "Oh, I'm, I'm sorry I'm late. I have time blindness."

    24. AP

      Yeah.

    25. SJ

      Or, "I'm sorry I didn't quite catch what you were saying. There's so much noise behind me right now that all I can think about is all the other things I'm hearing and not what you're saying, even if it's really important." You know, there's so many different things that I, I sometimes really wish I could just wear a T-shirt that says, "Sorry I'm late. I have time blindness," [laughs]

  3. 10:27 – 17:01

    When she knew she had ADHD

    1. SJ

      or you know.

    2. AP

      When did you realize that you had ADHD?

    3. SJ

      So I never really thought about it as growing up. I didn't even really know it was a thing. And then I was probably about 24, I think I was 24 or 23, and I'd just started working full time as a model.

    4. AP

      Mm.

    5. SJ

      So I was signed with one of the biggest agencies in Europe. Um, they used to represent Twiggy, you know, like really iconic agency.

    6. AP

      Mm.

    7. SJ

      And I'd just started working with some really huge brands. I was working with ASOS at the time and some other really big brands. And I remember going into the, the agency one day and my, my booker said, um, was like, "Shareefa, you know, we, we need to have a chat. We've had some really negative feedback about you. This brand loves working with you, but you never stand still." [laughs] Like, I'd go into the sh- I'd go into shoot, and they'd be like, "Okay, Shareefa, you've got 58 garments today, so it's very simple. You just put the clothes on, and then you stand on the X, and then you turn front side, back side, and then you walk to the catwalk, you do the catwalk, and you come back."

    8. AP

      Mm.

    9. SJ

      So that sounds really simple.

    10. AP

      It doesn't to me. [laughs]

    11. SJ

      No, exactly. Right. For a person with ADHD who's also young and all over the place and just started-

    12. AP

      Mm

    13. SJ

      ... it was hell on Earth. It was like, so I put the clothes on. I then get on the X. I insta- I do ... Turn front side, back, what? And then I go to where? And then I ... So imagine, you know, I'm in the head office of ASOS and I'm, you know, a f- first couple of outfits go okay, and then by the third one I'm ... You know, I, I walk to catwalk, and then I get distracted. I make a friend, and then, oh, there's a dog, and oh my gosh, wow, this is so great. And then I get to catwalk, and I then get distracted, and they're like, "Why is it taking you five minutes to do that? Should have ta- it takes all the other models-

    14. AP

      Mm

    15. SJ

      ... two minutes." And also, before I was a model, I was working as a cleaner, I was working in nightclubs. I was literally doing everything I could just to pay my rent in London. And then these, these modeling jobs came along, and they were like 1,800 pounds or 2,000 pounds or upwards of that a day.

    16. AP

      Mm.

    17. SJ

      Like, this is my, [laughs] this is my ticket-

    18. AP

      Yeah. [laughs]

    19. SJ

      ... to out of here, and this is, this is my way of being able to actually pay, pay my bills and survive-

    20. AP

      Mm

    21. SJ

      ... and do all of that, and I can't even do it. I can't even stand on ... And I, I got so angry at myself. So my, so my agent called me in and just said, "Look, you've had this negative feedback. You're gonna really need to, like, get your shit together." I was like, "No worries." Went to another job, had the same issues. And I think for a short time I stopped booking work, and I went back to, I think I was working in a restaurant at the time. I was working in a restaurant, and I was doing all these other odd jobs. And I just got really, really, really depressed. I, and angry at myself as well 'cause I was like, "Well, you had an opportunity to have a career-

    22. AP

      Mm

    23. SJ

      ... and you've now spoiled it because [laughs] you're doing that thing you always do again." So then came that shame spiral-

    24. AP

      Mm

    25. SJ

      ... thing that-

    26. AP

      Yeah

    27. SJ

      ... so hap- often happens, and I wonder if other ADHDers experience this, but I know I definitely do, um, go in those little shame spirals. And that was actually when my sister, who's a doctor, said to me, "I think you might have ADHD." Um, and then I ... So I'm so lucky that my sister had the knowledge and the understanding. So I went to the doctor, um, we- had a referral shortly after that, and I got diagnosed pretty much-

    28. AP

      Mm

    29. SJ

      ... on the day. And, um, have ... Yeah, so ever since, I've been ... And I got my medication, uh, shortly after that. Um, and that was it. I think it was a real catalyst for change-

    30. AP

      Mm

  4. 17:01 – 19:12

    The medication experience

    1. AP

      Mm

    2. SJ

      ... "And?" [laughs]

    3. AP

      Do you mind sharing what medication you were prescribed?

    4. SJ

      Yes, so I'm on the same medication that I've actually been on ever since I started, Concerta XL. Um, I think I started on, like, 18 milligrams.

    5. AP

      And what?

    6. SJ

      And I'm now on 27 milligrams, and I'm pretty sure it's not working. [laughs]

    7. AP

      Oh, maybe. [laughs]

    8. SJ

      Or working anymore. I, I'm actually in the process of getting my medication changed.

    9. AP

      Mm.

    10. SJ

      But it's taking so long to get my medication changed that I d- I don't, I might have to go through the private thing.

    11. AP

      When it was working, what, what did, what did it feel like?

    12. SJ

      Um, what did it feel like? That's a really good question.

    13. AP

      What was the effect? What was the benefit?

    14. SJ

      I guess, like, the feeling was just, ah, like, this is how brains are supposed to be. [laughs] Not forgetting things.

    15. AP

      Mm.

    16. SJ

      Being able to follow my own train of thought, feeling much more, um, balanced and, and centered as a person. Um, in my head I kinda thought I'd be like, "Woo," you know?

    17. AP

      [laughs]

    18. SJ

      Like the guy from Limitless.

    19. AP

      Yes, Brad- Bradley Cooper.

    20. SJ

      I, yeah.

    21. AP

      Yeah, yeah.

    22. SJ

      Although I have to say, I do feel a little bit like Limitless guy sometimes.

    23. AP

      Did you write a book overnight?

    24. SJ

      Yes, I did.

    25. AP

      Yeah. [laughs]

    26. SJ

      Yes. [laughs] And I really hope you'll read it. [laughs]

    27. AP

      Already read it.

    28. SJ

      Thank... Great.

    29. AP

      [laughs]

    30. SJ

      Thank you. Limitless. Uh, [laughs] so yeah, I mean, yeah, I think it was just, I can function, I can think, I can-

  5. 19:12 – 21:11

    Grieving the life that could have been

    1. AP

      Yeah. When you got your diagnosis, did you go through a bit of a grieving process? In, in other words, looking back and thinking, "If I had known earlier, that might not have happened," or, "That could've been different."

    2. SJ

      Yes, and I think I'm still going through that now, even eight years later. Think I'm still like... I think, I, I hate to say this, um, because I think our parents, they do the best that they can with what they have, and when I was a kid, there was obviously a lot less education, a lot less research, um, around, around ADHD, but there is a little part of me that's, that's like, "Why didn't somebody [laughs] help me with this when I was a kid?" Because school was so horrible, and it was so hard, and I, I couldn't understand why I couldn't read books and why I couldn't, like, sit down and do things like the other kids, and it... That was frustrating. So I kind of... Yeah, there's some things that I just wish, like, even a regular bedtime, I still don't have a regular bedtime. I, I, I try really hard to get one, but-

    3. AP

      Mm

    4. SJ

      ... I think when you build certain habits as a kid, um, and as a young person, it's really hard to break those habits.

    5. AP

      Mm.

    6. SJ

      So I'm still sort of undoing-

    7. AP

      Mm

    8. SJ

      ... all the things [laughs] that, that happened when I was younger. So I guess there's a little bit of frustration, and it, also there's a little bit of wishing that someone had, had gone, "Ah, you need help with this."

    9. AP

      Mm.

    10. SJ

      And a little bit of frustration about why the schools that I went to didn't, like, even when as I was older, like, didn't make more effort to say, "Hey, we think this..." You know, "We know that women are diagnosed a lot less than, than men." You might already have this question, so I don't wanna, like, skip ahead. [laughs]

    11. AP

      No, it's, it's all good. It's all good. [laughs]

  6. 21:11 – 28:51

    Strategies to make life easier after ADHD diagnosis

    1. AP

      Are there any sort of specific things that you are doing differently now since the diagnosis that you think make your life easier?

    2. SJ

      Um, yeah, I mean, I've learned all the different ways that I can manage my ADHD. So first I had to learn what, what are my ADHD traits.

    3. AP

      Mm.

    4. SJ

      So I know that mine are horrible stress management. Like, if you stress me out, I will just cry. [laughs] That's what's gonna happen.

    5. AP

      [laughs]

    6. SJ

      I'm not... You know, some people, like, light up in an emergency?

    7. AP

      Yeah.

    8. SJ

      And are, "Oh, yeah," and they s- somehow have, like-

    9. AP

      Yeah

    10. SJ

      ... all the different-

    11. AP

      You just go-

    12. SJ

      ... like, implements for an emergency

    13. AP

      ... in, I guess.

    14. SJ

      I do the opposite.

    15. AP

      Right.

    16. SJ

      I crawl into my bed, I burst into tears-

    17. AP

      [laughs]

    18. SJ

      ... and I'm like, "Why is everything so hard?"

    19. AP

      [laughs]

    20. SJ

      You know? Just, it's just not, it's just not good for me.

    21. AP

      Mm.

    22. SJ

      So, um, I have poor stress management. I have awful time management. Um, I obviously struggle with concentration. Um, I love reading, but I can't focus on a book. [laughs] But I love reading. I have, like, a whole library full of books, and I love authors, and I'm friends with a lot of authors, and they're like-

    23. AP

      How many-

    24. SJ

      ... "Did you read my book?" And I'm like, "Yeah."

    25. AP

      First few chapters.

    26. SJ

      First few pages. [laughs]

    27. AP

      [laughs]

    28. SJ

      So great. [laughs]

    29. AP

      That's so interesting. I've never f- I, I, I say it now without shame, I've, I've never been able to finish a book. I, I mean, I've always... Well, I've, I've got a big bookshelf full of books that I've impulsively bought and read a few-

    30. SJ

      [laughs]

  7. 28:51 – 34:49

    Shareefa's ADHD Item

    1. AP

      Before you turned up, I asked you to tell me one item that represents ADHD the most for you in your life.

    2. SJ

      Yeah.

    3. AP

      And you came back with an ambulance.

    4. SJ

      [laughs]

    5. AP

      I'm gonna pass this to you. Could you explain why you-

    6. SJ

      Yeah, but can you roll it to me, please? [laughs] Oh, that was really smooth.

    7. AP

      Oh, good. Nice reflexes.

    8. SJ

      Wow.

    9. AP

      Why, why an ambulance?

    10. SJ

      Uh, [laughs] so, uh, the ambulance. [laughs] Oh my gosh. Okay, so the ambulance is... This is nice. This is neat.

    11. AP

      Got a stretcher in the back as well, yeah.

    12. SJ

      Little stretcher in the back. Nice. So the ambulance is because I spent a lot of time in A&E as a kid, and I wasn't... Not 'cause I was this sick, poor child. No, no. I just loved, um, like, sticking things in my ears and- [laughs]

    13. AP

      In your ears?

    14. SJ

      In my ears.

    15. AP

      What did you stick in your ears?

    16. SJ

      Um, well, one time I went to, [laughs] one time I went to my friend's, um, sleepover, and I thought it'd be really funny to put a little kernel of popcorn in my ear.

    17. AP

      Oh, like unpopped?

    18. SJ

      Unpopped. [laughs]

    19. AP

      [laughs]

    20. SJ

      Which ended up staying in there for several months.

    21. AP

      Yeah.

    22. SJ

      And, uh-

    23. AP

      You did-

    24. SJ

      ... it was only when EastEnders was on, and I was going, "I can't hear what they're saying."

    25. AP

      [laughs]

    26. SJ

      And my mom was like, "Why?" I was like, "I've, I've got something in my ear." She was like, "What?" I was like, "Popcorn."

    27. AP

      Oh, no. [laughs]

    28. SJ

      That I had to go to the, um, had to go to the A&E and get that prized out. I also ate the entirety of my sister's science kit.

    29. AP

      What's in a science kit?

    30. SJ

      A lot of very tasty things apparently. [laughs]

  8. 34:49 – 43:28

    Washing machine of woes

    1. SJ

      you. [laughs]

    2. AP

      I was gonna see if there was anything similar in, in this week's episode of, in this week's Washing Machine of Woes.

    3. SJ

      Okay.

    4. AP

      Every week, I ask my ADHD community, and yours this week-

    5. SJ

      Yes

    6. AP

      ... for their ADHD woe.

    7. SJ

      Yeah.

    8. AP

      Put it in a washing machine. Let's see what the first one is. This week-

    9. SJ

      Does it not, does it not spin, the washing machine?

    10. AP

      It does, yeah. Do you want me to spin it for you?

    11. SJ

      Yes.

    12. AP

      Yeah.

    13. SJ

      Absolutely. [laughs] Okay. I thought it-

    14. AP

      There we go

    15. SJ

      ... was gonna, like, spin by itself.

    16. AP

      No, there is a handle that goes in the back, but I've got... Yeah.

    17. SJ

      Okay.

    18. AP

      It sticks out a bit and prods me. Um, right.

    19. SJ

      Just got it on your lap like that.

    20. AP

      [laughs]

    21. SJ

      It's very bold, me having a washing machine on your lap. [laughs]

    22. AP

      Shall I put it... Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna stay being bold.

    23. SJ

      [laughs]

    24. AP

      How... Okay, here we go. "I've been really recently diagnosed. Have you got any advice of pacing myself? I always do too much and feel bad when I have a break." That's from your community, isn't it?

    25. SJ

      That is from my community.

    26. AP

      It's from your one, yeah.

    27. SJ

      So I'm gonna have to ask you that question.

    28. AP

      Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think, um, I mean, essentially, we always feel... Well, relating to my own experience, I always feel like essentially I need to work too much to prove myself and to... I always feel like I'm not enough sometimes. So I work, work, work, work, and then all that, that often just leads to burnout. Um, so I end up just crashing on the sofa, physically not being able to do anything, mentally exhausted, um, which then causes me loads of stress, because in my head I'm like, "I should be working," but I physically can't. So I think for me, what's really helped is really working on my self-awareness and, and being able to recognize what the early signs of burnout are. And for me, that's when I stop doing the little things, 'cause I notice they're, they're always the first to go. For example, a little thing, and, and I posted this on LinkedIn and, and a lot of people kind of related to it, is with this podcast, every day I have to transfer footage from a USB stick to my laptop. We all know that when you put a USB stick in, you have to take it out correctly. You have to remove it correctly. When I start yanking out the USB stick from the computer, that to me is a, is a sign that the little things are getting neglected. And if the little things are getting neglected, for me, that's a clear sign of burnout. So when I start noticing the little things going, that's when I, I need to have a break. I need to slow down, have a break, get back on track. 'Cause otherwise, I'm just gonna carry on plowing forward, not pace myself, and the quality of the work and my health, physically and mentally, is gonna go... it gonna go in decline. And for me personally, when I haven't paid attention to those, I've ended up drinking alcohol in response to the anxiety that that causes, and for me, that's an awful outcome. So for me, it's always my priority now is really paying attention to the small things. When they start to go, okay, it's all systems go. I need to take a step off the pedal here and have a break, otherwise I know where that takes me. So that's really self-awareness and recognizing the early signs of burnout, and, um, and yeah, to take, to just, to take action when you, when you feel those, to change your course to a healthier and better outcome.

    29. SJ

      Yeah. And also, I guess, um, understanding what those symptoms signs are. So for you, you said it's the, the USB.

    30. AP

      Mm-hmm.

  9. 43:28 – 46:33

    Are men and women equally represented?

    1. AP

      Do you think men and women are equally represented in the media culturally, societally?

    2. SJ

      [laughs] No. I'm laughing because [laughs] it's actually just another example of gender inequality when it comes to, there's a huge gender health care gap anyway. Um, the Ginsberg Women's Health Foundation talk a lot about this, but there's a huge gender in- inequality gap. A lot of the research that has been done for ADHD hasn't, hasn't been done on women.

    3. AP

      Mm.

    4. SJ

      So of course, like, women's symptoms don't always present exactly the same. Um, we're often seen as much more emotional, more irrational.

    5. AP

      Mm.

    6. SJ

      I know that, um, there's, there's often, like, instances of ADHD being mistaken for BPD, so lots of misdiagnosises in women.

    7. AP

      Mm.

    8. SJ

      Um, and of course, like, women are so disproportionately affected, have much worse healthcare, ha- have much worse health outcomes-

    9. AP

      Mm

    10. SJ

      ... than men because of the, the lack of research, the lack of support, and it not being picked up as little girls. And so there's, I don't even know how many, but probably millions of women just walking around trying to understand why they can't cope at work or why they're feeling depressed or why their periods are worse than... Yeah, just women having significantly worse health outcomes.

    11. AP

      Mm.

    12. SJ

      So I just really, really hope that, um, there's more research for women, there's more support for women, um, that women are listened to and heard, um, and that n- we're not always just palmed off as being these, like, overly emotional, like, "Ooh, we're on our periods."

    13. AP

      Mm.

    14. SJ

      That's just, we're all on our periods and everything's hard for us because of that, you know? [laughs]

    15. AP

      Mm.

    16. SJ

      So yeah. Here's hoping.

    17. AP

      Well, I think people will hear you speak and, and, and recognize what you said in themselves, and that often is enough for them to have that light bulb moment to say, "Oh, I see what Shareefa said in myself." And actually that might just start them on their journey to get the diagnosis.

    18. SJ

      I hope so. That's why I've been talking about ADHD since, I think you can see on my highlights on Instagram probably back to 2018, 2017.

    19. AP

      Mm.

    20. SJ

      I've been talking about ADHD much before this trend of ADHD, suddenly everyone's talking about ADHD. And over the years I've had so many people message me saying, "I was able to get a diagnosis, and just having the awareness and realizing how ADHD can look on somebody else-"

    21. AP

      Mm

    22. SJ

      ... helped me to get the support I needed." So, um, you know, it doesn't have to be me. Uh, anyone can obviously, like, spread awareness and raise awareness, and I hope that people have more conversations-

    23. AP

      Mm

    24. SJ

      ... in schools, in work, at workplaces.

  10. 46:33 – 51:02

    Is ADHD taken seriously on social media

    1. AP

      With all, like, the, the chatter on social media, do you think ADHD is taken seriously, or do you think there's a danger that some of the narratives and content on social media can gamify it a bit and make it all look a bit silly?

    2. SJ

      I think it, very much so. Like, I think people poke fun at it. And let's face it, like [laughs] ADHD can be quite funny. Like, it is quite funny that suddenly, you know, you might forget something or you lose something or f- you know, halfway through our conversation, this pod- I mean-

    3. AP

      [laughs]

    4. SJ

      ... how many times are we gonna have to edit this podcast-

    5. AP

      Yeah. [laughs]

    6. SJ

      ... [laughs] just so it does sound like a flowing conversation. So, you know, of course it is funny at times, but there's, it gets up to a point where it stops being funny.

    7. AP

      Mm.

    8. SJ

      And I think when you can't get out of bed in the morning and when you feel so down and low and your dopamine levels are, are really low and you can't g- get yourself to work, or you can't even do the simplest thing like put a sock in a drawer or, um, [laughs] you have to hire someone to put a sock in the drawer.

    9. AP

      Mm.

    10. SJ

      You know, this is hard. This is disabling. This is not fun for anyone who has it. And as much as I think my ADHD creates some really interesting parts of my personality, there are a lot of times I wish I didn't have it.

    11. AP

      Mm.

    12. SJ

      I wish I could just function like a normal human being and just be able to do those tasks and sit down to my emails and focus and not ha- have the struggles.

    13. AP

      Mm.

    14. SJ

      So I saw something recently, it was like the ADHD musical.

    15. AP

      Yes, I saw that as well.

    16. SJ

      ADHD the Musical.

    17. AP

      Yeah. That's when you know it's gone too far.

    18. SJ

      Yeah. [laughs] And, and I saw all these comments underneath people being like, "Oh, my God, I can't wait to see this, it's gonna be so great." And then someone else saying, "Oh, ha ha, how funny. Imagine the ADHDers trying to watch this. They probably won't even be able to get through the whole thing or..." And yeah, it is funny to a point, but- It really irked me-

    19. AP

      Mm

    20. SJ

      ... a little bit, and I think I had a particularly difficult week, um, was struggling to manage my stress, my... I'd have troubles with my, uh, medication, as I mentioned earlier, like, trying to get the right going- jumping through all these hoops to try and get the right medication for me 'cause I've been on the same one for many years. Um, and then you see someone just making a, you know, ADHD the Musical. [laughs] A-da-da, a-da.

    21. AP

      Mm. [laughs]

    22. SJ

      [laughs] Like, okay, I get it, and I think it's maybe a, a way to, um, educate people, which is amazing, but I also don't imagine autism the musical or OCD the musical-

    23. AP

      No

    24. SJ

      ... or depression the musical, you know? And yes, there are amazing shows about those things, like, I think, um, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, is that what it's called?

    25. AP

      I know it, yeah.

    26. SJ

      That's about-

    27. AP

      Mm

    28. SJ

      ... autism, isn't it? But that's called The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. It's not called Autism the Musical, [laughs] you know?

    29. AP

      I-

    30. SJ

      I think there's something different there-

  11. 51:02 – 52:29

    Your most impulsive thing

    1. AP

      Bit of a closing question-

    2. SJ

      Yep

    3. AP

      ... uh, we ask, I ask all the guests. What's the most impulsive thing you've ever done?

    4. SJ

      Ooh, the most impulsive thing, other than getting hit by two cars-

    5. AP

      Other than-

    6. SJ

      ... and going to A&E several times. Um, do you know what? The most impulsive thing I've ever done is actually quite positive. Can it be positive?

    7. AP

      Yeah. Go for it.

    8. SJ

      I think one of the most impulsive things I ever did was, um, so I, I started modeling w- in my early 20s.

    9. AP

      Mm.

    10. SJ

      But I was with a much smaller agency, like no one really knew this agency, and one day I was walking past, and I was like, "I should go in." [laughs] So I don't know what came over me. [laughs] I just, like, walked into the agency and was like, "Hello. I'm a model."

    11. AP

      [laughs]

    12. SJ

      And they were like, "Okay." I was like, "I'd like to see someone." And they were like, "Okay. Who?" I was like, "I don't know. [laughs] Anyone. I'm a model." Anyway, I ended up getting signed that day, and that pretty much started my whole modeling career, and it's been, um... I'm 32 now.

    13. AP

      Mm.

    14. SJ

      So I think I m- must have been, like, 22 or 23 when I signed that contract.

    15. AP

      That's amazing. A lot of the stuff that we achieve often comes from these moments of fearlessness and impulsivity that a lot of people wouldn't have, wouldn't be brave enough to do.

    16. SJ

      Mm.

    17. AP

      So you just walking in there fearlessly has led to so many things.

    18. SJ

      Yeah,

  12. 52:29 – 55:27

    How's your mental health today?

    1. SJ

      I think so.

    2. AP

      Just finally, Shareefa, how's your mental health today?

    3. SJ

      How's my... [laughs] Well, I'm not very well today, so, um, I woke up feeling a little bit worse for wear, but it's nice to be here. Um, my mental health has been... Such a big question. It's been, it's been, it's been up and down-

    4. AP

      Mm

    5. SJ

      ... honestly.

    6. AP

      Evident.

    7. SJ

      Uh, yeah. I had a lot of great things happen this year. I bought my first house. That was exciting.

    8. AP

      Did you? Congratulations.

    9. SJ

      Thank you very much. Not actually a house. It's like a, a duplex. What's a duplex? No, it's not that.

    10. AP

      Two floors.

    11. SJ

      That's two houses. [laughs] I don't know what a duplex-

    12. AP

      We don't know. We, we neither of us know what that is.

    13. SJ

      I bought my first flat that has two floors.

    14. AP

      Yeah.

    15. SJ

      It is a duplex.

    16. AP

      It is a duplex, yeah.

    17. SJ

      Yeah.

    18. AP

      That's what I have as well.

    19. SJ

      Yeah.

    20. AP

      It's like, yeah, duplex. Maisonette, I mean.

    21. SJ

      Just don't one-up me. "I have a duplex."

    22. AP

      A tri- triplex. [laughs]

    23. SJ

      [laughs] Quadruple blah-plex. Anyway, um, yeah, so I bought my, uh, first flat. I, um, signed some exciting, um, deals-

    24. AP

      Mm

    25. SJ

      ... and some exciting contracts and great things happening. But I think that equally I had probably quite a lonely couple of year, like lonely year. Um, I also found a brother. That was cool.

    26. AP

      Sorry, you found a-

    27. SJ

      I found a brother

    28. AP

      ... biological?

    29. SJ

      Yeah. This is the first time ever talking about this. Maybe we need to talk about this, but-

    30. AP

      That seems like a, is that, that seems like a heavy-

Episode duration: 55:27

In the uListen app, the transcript lights up word by word as you listen. Get uListen

Transcript of episode gS_v519XVgA

Get more out of YouTube videos.

Read along on your phone, search it beside the video, or ask your favorite AI app what was said.

iOSAndroidClaudeChatGPTChrome