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ADHD Chatter Podcast

Kate Spicer Dissects Late ADHD Diagnosis

Kate Spicer is a lifestyle journalist who has written for Vogue, the Sunday Times, The Times, the Daily Mail and the Evening Standard.

Kate SpicerguestAlex Partridgehost

Jul 29, 20241h 2mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Going Public: Kate's Substack and the 'Broken Brian' Nickname
Kate explains how she hid ADHD from her Substack titles for SEO reasons, then polled readers and went public in The Times. She says this is her first time speaking about ADHD, and that wearing the label proudly seems to require having your life together.
- •She avoided the word ADHD in titles so it wouldn't show up in searches
- •A reader poll gave 66% in favour of going public, and she did so in The Times
- •This is her first time speaking about it and she barely identifies as ADHD yet
- •Her diagnosing clinician said psychiatry still greets ADHD with an eye roll
- •She feels wider society is unsympathetic and doesn't believe ADHD exists
Family and Partner Reactions to the Diagnosis
Kate describes how her family and boyfriend have received her diagnosis. Her father sees ADHD as the pathologization of personality, and her boyfriend doesn't want her to have it. She also talks about the isolation of the diagnosis and spotting ADHD in relatives.
- •Her family sees it as 'Kate's latest thing'
- •Her father was dismissive but filled out the informant report
- •Her boyfriend refused to complete the form and said she doesn't have ADHD
- •Friends with ADHD are the only people who really get it
- •After diagnosis she began spotting likely ADHD in cousins and other relatives
Life Before Diagnosis: Missed Opportunities and the Negative Inner Narrative
Kate says her life was a coherent mess before diagnosis and that she grieves missed opportunities. She describes a relentless negative internal narrative likened to Hellraiser. She argues that lifestyle management helps but external stimulants make her vulnerable.
- •She still sees her life as a mess, with no sudden medication moment
- •Lack of confidence, which she now ties to ADHD, held her back
- •Internal chatter is like Hellraiser's spikes pulling apart her calm core
- •Good sleep, exercise and avoiding drink and drugs help her stay on top of it
Trauma, University and Self-Medicating with Drugs
Kate describes how a complicated childhood and ADHD interacted, and how her life fell apart at university when she discovered drugs. She now sees her drug use, alcohol, shopping and eating issues as attempts to correct her brain chemistry through dopamine seeking.
- •Her parents' nasty divorce interacted with ADHD and led to dark places
- •Masking at school fails once you have to look after yourself
- •Rave-era drug use became habitual hard drug use she couldn't control
- •Dopamine seeking explains decades of drugs, alcohol, shopping and eating issues
- •She links ADHD with a high risk of eating disorders
Relationships, the Oxytocin Cycle and Internalised Prejudice
Kate explains that her relationships lasted about two years, which she links to oxytocin running out, followed by emotional dysregulation and driving partners away. She reflects on reinterpreting her life through ADHD while still holding internalised prejudice against it, and on never having children.
- •Her relationships ran on a two-year oxytocin cycle
- •Emotional dysregulation swung her between aloof and clingy
- •She ended relationships by driving partners away or walking out
- •She has internalised prejudice about ADHD and still thinks she's a bad person
- •She always wanted kids but never reached a place to try
Biggest Realisation: Shame, Executive Function and 'I Thought Everyone Felt Like This'
Kate says her biggest realisation is that so much traces back to missing executive function, and that she spent decades blaming herself. Alex shares his shame about abandoning projects. Kate recalls a friend's burnout that made her realise her daily state wasn't normal, and notes medication quieted the chatter.
- •She blamed herself for decades for not being better
- •Alex described ghosting people after losing interest in projects
- •A friend's description of a low period matched how Kate felt every day
- •On medication the 'monkey mind' gives way to a tortoise
Medication, Creativity and Ayahuasca Experiences
Kate says she wasn't worried about medication dulling creativity, only about being stimulated after a lifetime of fighting stimulant use. She describes underground ayahuasca journeys that she says helped her focus and quiet her internal monologue, and wonders whether targeted psychedelics could replace stimulants. Alex explains why he hasn't taken medication.
- •Her worry was about being high on prescribed stimulants, not about creativity
- •Being prescribed stimulants after years of avoiding them feels strange
- •Ayahuasca was dark and difficult but lifted weight and helped her write two books
- •She had good and bad psychedelic results and plans to write a book on it
- •Alex fears medication might interfere with how his brain works
Trauma, ADHD and Dopamine Shopping
Kate contrasts Alex's stable upbringing with her own and discusses how trauma and ADHD intersect, citing Gabor Maté's work on addiction. She describes constantly seeking dopamine through food, money, relationships, deadlines and drugs.
- •She is wary of the word 'trauma' but says it intersects with ADHD frighteningly
- •She cites Maté's claim that some street addicts could be treated with ADHD medication
- •The body wants balance, so people dopamine-shop through many behaviours
- •Kate says trauma can pull the trigger on ADHD
Criticism Sensitivity, Perfectionism and Procrastination
Kate says she is sensitive to criticism, which drives perfectionism, and that she only ever called herself lazy. She distinguishes productive from toxic procrastination, notes medication reduced her gestation period, and describes her boyfriend's 'you just don't try hard enough' remark and her inner-critic spirals.
- •Perfectionism comes from fear of criticism
- •Laziness is a secondary manifestation of something else
- •Productive procrastination generates ideas, while toxic procrastination comes from low self-worth
- •Her boyfriend said she doesn't have ADHD, she just doesn't try hard enough
- •Her inner critic is like a round table of voices
Self-Care, Money and Procrastination as Recharge
Alex argues procrastination can be a recharge for a busy creative brain and mentions Leonardo da Vinci. The talk moves to self-care struggles such as showering and toothbrushing, and to ADHD and money, including the claim that 40% of entrepreneurs have ADHD.
- •Alex sees procrastination as a recharge, not necessarily a bad thing
- •Kate cites a doctor who says da Vinci probably had ADHD
- •Both find initiating showering and toothbrushing hard
- •Kate calls making money a form of self-care and says people with ADHD are often bad with money
The ADHD Item: Crisps and the Spoon Debate
Kate's ADHD item turns out to be a bag of crisps, which she links to crunchy foods as a form of stimming and a quick dopamine hit. She notes her cravings dropped on medication. The conversation then drifts to a previous guest's small spoon and Kate's own feelings about spoons.
- •Crisps are a short-lived dopamine source for her
- •She doubted the crisp-based online ADHD quizzes at first
- •Special needs teachers give crunchy snacks to neurodivergent kids
- •Her crisp cravings faded since diagnosis and medication
- •Alex mentions a previous guest whose item was a small spoon
ADHD, Rejection Sensitivity and the Pursuit of Beauty
Alex asks whether ADHD, RSD, self-esteem and the pursuit of beauty are linked. Kate says there's an apparent link between cosmetic medicine and ADHD and depression, but cautions that so many people are undiagnosed it's hard to say. She reflects on her own Botox use and whether ageing needs pathologizing.
- •RSD is part of emotional dysregulation
- •Women who use cosmetic medicine seem to have a high incidence of ADHD
- •She sees a link between self-esteem and pursuing beauty
- •She wrote about giving up Botox and fillers but went back for a little
- •Ageing is hard and doesn't always need to be turned into a problem
School, Deadlines and Cramming a Degree
Kate describes being a good girl at school who coasted, excelling in subjects she loved and failing languages. She says school and home structure held her together, but at university she could only work to deadlines, cramming her degree in two weeks. This explains her freelance career.
- •She did well in subjects she loved and failed languages
- •Boys throwing chairs were probably severely ADHD
- •Structure of home and school holds ADHD girls together
- •She crammed her degree in two weeks with 20-minute work and dance breaks
- •She works freelance because deadlines supply the stimulation she needs
Confusing Attributes, Dinner Guests and Life After Diagnosis
Kate discusses traits others find hard to understand, such as her loud voice and her stepfather's jabs, and says she gets on with neurotypical and neurodivergent people alike. She says her friend keeps diagnosing her with things, and that life after diagnosis is like a psychedelic trip, always at the back of her mind.
- •Her loud voice runs through the women on her mother's side
- •She likes anyone who likes her, whether neurotypical or neurodivergent
- •Her friend Stacy keeps suggesting she has autism too, which Kate doesn't know
- •Many people with ADHD were surviving, not thriving, before diagnosis
- •Diagnosis, like a psychedelic trip, stays in the back of her mind
Most Impulsive Thing: The Cliff in Espadrilles
To close the show, Alex asks about her most impulsive act. Kate says the years after university were one impulse after another and recounts climbing a sheer sandy cliff in espadrilles, then having sex with the man she climbed it with.
- •The years after university were full of impulsive decisions
- •She once climbed a sheer sandy cliff in espadrilles
- •She later thinks she could have died
- •She ended the night having sex with the man she climbed with

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