ADHD Chatter PodcastThe RSD Expert: This New Trick Will Stop RSD In 10 Seconds
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 2:14
RSD, “not enough,” and the exploding soda-bottle nervous system (cold open)
A preview of the episode’s core theme: how ADHD—especially for women—can create chronic feelings of not belonging and “not enough.” Sam introduces the soda-bottle analogy to explain why the ADHD nervous system can either vent slowly or erupt suddenly, leading to fight/flight or collapse/withdrawal patterns.
- 2:14 – 3:45
Sam Bramwell’s mission: helping ADHD leaders, organizations, and younger people
Sam outlines a three-part mission: supporting ADHD individuals (especially leaders) to thrive at work, helping organizations build ADHD-friendly systems, and providing role modeling/support for younger people with ADHD. Alex connects this mission to real workplace struggles many listeners share.
- 3:45 – 9:14
Why ADHD can feel like constant survival mode: threat-scanning, RSD, and health costs
They unpack how ADHD nervous systems can stay on high alert—scanning for criticism and rejection—and how that feeds people-pleasing, perfectionism, and overwork. Sam explains physiological consequences of chronic cortisol and inflammation, plus the social fallout of misread cues.
- 9:14 – 13:06
Conflict, “chimp mode,” and workplace blow-ups no one else sees
Sam explains how rising stress can push the prefrontal cortex offline, making conflict management difficult and reactions more extreme. They discuss how invisible cumulative stress leads to sudden outbursts that coworkers misinterpret as unpredictable mood swings.
- 13:06 – 17:50
How RSD shows up at work: overspill vs collapse/withdrawal
Using the soda-bottle model, Sam describes two workplace patterns: energetic ‘fizz’ that suddenly spills into reactivity, and a dorsal “collapse” state where someone is present but disengaged. Both patterns link back to safety, belonging, and connection needs.
- 17:50 – 23:54
Soothing the ADHD nervous system: polyvagal basics and the 10-second “voo” tool
Sam introduces polyvagal concepts (dorsal vagal, sympathetic, ventral vagal) and emphasizes ‘befriending’ the nervous system through awareness and mapping states. She teaches a simple vagal brake—making a resonant “voo” sound—to calm arousal quickly and bring the prefrontal cortex back online.
- 23:54 – 25:47
Subtle people-pleasing: connection needs, masking, and self-editing
They explore how people-pleasing ranges from harmless connection bids to identity/performance aimed at preventing rejection. Sam highlights subtle behaviors like self-censoring opinions, chameleon-like adaptation, and workplace masking—often intensified by gender conditioning.
- 25:47 – 27:08
Why “just stop people-pleasing” doesn’t work: root causes, shame, and micro-boundaries
Sam argues people-pleasing is often a coping strategy for deeper schemas (belonging, rejection) and can be reinforced by dopamine rewards. She recommends investigating triggers, building self-trust, using delay language (“I’ll get back to you”), and reducing behaviors gradually rather than going cold turkey.
- 27:08 – 29:23
When people-pleasing becomes manipulative: managing perceptions by silence
Sam reframes manipulation as presenting an inauthentic version of yourself to control outcomes—sometimes unconsciously. She shares an example of staying silent in leadership training to avoid judgment, which shaped group perception and prevented authentic participation.
- 29:23 – 33:17
Emotional exhaustion and after-work meltdowns: the cost of masking all day
They connect chronic masking, executive-function compensation, and emotional labor to burnout and home-life spillover. Sam describes how pent-up nervous system energy can fuel meltdowns, arguments, or coping strategies like alcohol/drugs when the ‘mask’ finally drops.
- 33:17 – 35:04
Learning emotional regulation: triggers, allies, pauses, and self-compassion
Sam emphasizes deep self-awareness: knowing your baseline nervous-system state and identifying triggers (especially anticipated conflict). Strategies include pausing responses, preparing before difficult meetings, using supportive allies, and practicing self-compassion to avoid shame spirals after setbacks.
- 35:04 – 39:31
ADHD in women at work: perfectionism, inconsistency, and the ‘always about to be fired’ loop
They discuss traits frequently seen in ADHD women: RSD/emotional dysregulation, perfectionism, overachievement, and burnout cycles. Sam explains how imposter syndrome and difficulty absorbing praise can keep women stuck in scarcity and overwork—even after major wins.
- 39:31 – 43:52
Why ADHD women feel ‘not enough’: culture, belonging wounds, and social media reinforcement
Sam links ‘not enough’ to layered pressures: beauty standards, gender expectations, early feedback about being average, and productivity culture. The feeling impacts relationships, risk-taking, and ambition, often reinforced by social media comparisons; community and “sisterhood” can restore safety and authenticity.
- 43:52 – 46:17
Boundary-setting with ADHD: values-first, small experiments, and RSD fears
Sam recommends starting boundaries by clarifying values and noticing “values compromise” signals in the body. She advises turning boundaries up gradually, preparing for pushback, and reframing boundary-setting as safety and future-self support—while acknowledging RSD can make it feel like you’re rejecting others.
- 46:17 – 48:58
Agony aunt + ADHD item: redefining ‘fitting in,’ finding ERGs, and the kaleidoscope metaphor (wrap-up)
In the listener question, Sam suggests clarifying what ‘fitting in’ means (social, promotion, belonging) and making a plan—possibly using neurodiversity employee groups for community and support. They close with Sam’s ADHD item, a kaleidoscope, symbolizing infinite possibilities and “beauty in chaos,” plus final rules to live by: movement, belief in potential, and self-kindness.
