ADHD Chatter PodcastThe RSD Expert: This New Trick Will Stop RSD In 10 Seconds
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 1:32
ADHD women, “not enough,” and the fizzy-bottle nervous system
A cold-open reflection on why many ADHD women feel they don’t belong or measure up, especially in a culture of overachievement. Sam introduces the “shaken soda bottle” metaphor to describe nervous-system states that either vent gradually or explode, including the alternative pattern of collapse/withdrawal.
- •Feeling “not enough” as a product of belonging, feedback, and overachievement culture
- •Soda-bottle metaphor: controlled release vs sudden overflow
- •Two common responses: explosive reactivity vs shutdown/withdrawal
- •Safety and connection as core nervous-system needs
- 1:32 – 3:45
Sam Bramwell’s three-part mission: leaders, organizations, and young people
Alex welcomes Sam and asks for her mission in the ADHD space. Sam outlines her focus on helping ADHD leaders thrive, helping organizations design better support and processes, and providing younger people with role modeling and a sense of belonging.
- •Coaching ADHD leaders to survive and thrive in corporate settings
- •Helping organizations build ADHD-friendly processes and support
- •Improving access and experiences (e.g., “access to work” challenges)
- •Giving younger ADHD people hope, tools, and belonging
- 3:45 – 6:58
Why ADHD can feel like constant survival mode (RSD, threat scanning, health impacts)
They explore how ADHD-related sensitivity and RSD can keep the nervous system on high alert. Sam explains how chronic stress chemistry can harm the body and how “prediction errors” lead people to perceive rejection where it isn’t present.
- •RSD and emotional dysregulation as drivers of hypervigilance
- •Cortisol/inflammation link to longer-term health risks
- •“Dinosaurs are coming” threat response in everyday life
- •Glitchy predictions: anticipating the worst, misreading reality
- 6:58 – 9:07
Relationships under pressure: misreading nuance, conflict spirals, and cutting people off
Alex and Sam describe how perceived rejection can rapidly escalate into arguments or withdrawal. Sam connects this to cortisol knocking the prefrontal cortex offline, making conflict management harder and pushing people into all-or-nothing responses.
- •Common scenarios: “quick chat” with boss, canceled plans, terse messages
- •Emotional flash responses: shame, rage, sadness
- •Conflict difficulty when the prefrontal cortex goes offline (“chimp mode”)
- •Protective cutting-off vs confronting misunderstandings
- 9:07 – 12:58
RSD at work: exploding vs collapsing (the soda bottle returns)
They focus on how a threat-ready nervous system shows up in the workplace. Sam expands the soda-bottle analogy: stress builds invisibly until a small cue (a sigh, eye roll, silence) triggers an outsized reaction, or alternatively prompts withdrawal and disengagement.
- •Two workplace patterns: overspill/explosion vs collapse/withdrawal
- •Invisible buildup: lateness, forgetfulness, interpersonal stressors
- •Micro-cues interpreted as danger: tone shifts, sighs, eye rolls
- •Why colleagues may mislabel it as sudden mood switching
- 12:58 – 17:06
Soothing the ADHD nervous system: polyvagal mapping, vagal brake, and the “voo” trick
Sam introduces a practical framework for regulation using polyvagal theory: dorsal vagal, sympathetic, and ventral vagal states. She emphasizes “befriending” the nervous system via mapping and offers fast-acting somatic tools—especially the “voo” sound—to reduce arousal and bring the prefrontal cortex back online.
- •Autonomic ladder: dorsal (shutdown), sympathetic (fight/flight), ventral (safety/connection)
- •Mapping states with cues (“When I’m in this state, the world is…”)
- •Vagal brake techniques: breathing, vocalization, vibration
- •The “voo” practice: 5–10 rounds, 10 seconds each, for rapid calming
- 17:06 – 23:54
Hidden people-pleasing: identity-performance, self-editing, and why “just stop” doesn’t work
They unpack subtle people-pleasing behaviors, from micro-connection bids to deeper identity shaping meant to avoid rejection. Sam argues that reducing people-pleasing requires understanding root causes (schemas, safety needs, dopamine reward), then practicing small boundary steps rather than willpower alone.
- •People-pleasing spectrum: connection-seeking vs performance/identity creation
- •Subtle signs: withholding opinions, self-editing, chameleon behavior
- •Root causes: childhood schemas (e.g., “I don’t belong”), safety seeking
- •Practical step: replace reflexive “yes” with “I’ll get back to you”
- 23:54 – 25:54
Sponsor break: Tiimo app for planning and decision paralysis
Alex reads an ad for Tiimo, positioning it as a neurodiverse-designed planning tool and “AI co-planner.” The pitch focuses on reducing overwhelm and making it easier to capture tasks before distraction hits.
- •Tiimo as a neurodiverse-friendly planner and co-planner
- •AI assistant: voice prompt to structured task list
- •Emphasis on flexibility and reducing decision paralysis
- •Discount note: code valid on web browser only
- 25:54 – 27:08
Emotional exhaustion from masking: after-work meltdowns and coping traps
Back in conversation, they connect chronic masking and emotional labor to depletion and explosions at home. Sam describes how pent-up energy can spill into conflict, meltdowns, or unhealthy coping mechanisms when regulation capacity runs out.
- •Masking + executive-function management as constant labor
- •End-of-day “spillover” into arguments and dysregulation
- •RSD accelerating escalation in close relationships
- •Risk of coping behaviors (alcohol, drugs) when overwhelmed
- 27:08 – 29:23
Emotion regulation skills: triggers, preparation, allies, and self-compassion
Sam outlines what effective regulation looks like in practice: knowing your baseline nervous-system state, identifying triggers and prediction errors, and using pauses before reacting. She also highlights the value of workplace allies and the importance of self-compassion to prevent shame spirals after setbacks.
- •Baseline awareness: “normal” nervous-system state differs per person
- •Prediction errors before difficult meetings (story vs evidence)
- •Pre-emptive strategies: pause, breathing, co-regulation support
- •Self-compassion as protection against shame spirals
- 29:23 – 35:04
ADHD in women at work: perfectionism, inconsistency, politics, and imposter/RSD loops
They discuss how ADHD traits intersect with gendered workplace expectations, often amplifying people-pleasing, overwork, and burnout. Sam explains how imposter syndrome and RSD can reinforce each other, making praise hard to absorb and fueling chronic fear of being “found out.”
- •Common patterns: people-pleasing perfectionism, overwhelm, burnout
- •Peaks and troughs: rockstar periods vs slumps
- •Workplace politics and “BS detector” challenges at senior levels
- •Imposter syndrome + RSD: difficulty accepting praise, fear of being fired
- 35:04 – 42:52
“Not enough,” sisterhood, and the path to boundaries rooted in values
Sam explores why many women—especially ADHD women—internalize “not enough,” citing societal standards, early feedback, and social media reinforcement. She advocates community/sisterhood for unmasking and safety, then moves into boundary-setting: defining values, starting small, and tolerating discomfort without interpreting boundaries as rejection.
- •Layers behind “not enough”: societal messaging + belonging wounds
- •Domino effect on relationships, risk-taking, and goals
- •Sisterhood/community as safety and authentic unmasking space
- •Boundaries 101: clarify values, notice value compromises, raise boundaries by 10%
- 42:52 – 48:58
Closing segments: hope message, the ADHD agony aunt, kaleidoscope item, and rules to live by
Sam closes with a direct message—love and honor yourself—then joins the “washing machine of woes” Q&A about fitting in at work. The episode ends with her ADHD item (a kaleidoscope symbolizing infinite possibilities and beauty in chaos) and three rules to live by emphasizing movement, belief, and self-kindness.
- •Final advice: self-love, self-belief, and honoring your worth
- •Agony aunt: redefine “fitting in,” plan support, consider neurodivergent groups
- •ADHD item: kaleidoscope as creativity, chaos, and infinite possibilities
- •Rules: move daily, believe in potential, practice compassion/kindness
