By playing, you agree to uListen's Terms and Privacy Policy and YouTube's Terms of Service.

Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal

A Psychologists Guide To A Meaningful Life - Dr Julie Smith

👉 [Free live masterclass, Sat 21 Nov] Launch your online business by Christmas and land your first high-paying client by January →

Ali AbdaalhostDr. Julie Smithguest

Jan 17, 20221h 31mWatch on YouTube

Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.

Great conversations run long. Their best ideas don't have to.

uListen is free on iPhone, iPad, Android, Chrome, and Claude.

CHAPTERS

Jump to publisher timestamps

Chapter summaries

What a Clinical Psychologist Does and How Therapy Works
Ali introduces Dr. Julie Smith and asks what a clinical psychologist does. She describes her work in mental health services, how clinical psychology training differs from other therapist routes, and how therapies like CBT grew out of different strands of research.
- •Julie worked in NHS services, with veterans and in crisis teams before starting a private practice
- •Clinical psychology requires a doctorate and training in many therapies, unlike therapist routes specializing in one or two
- •CBT links thoughts, behaviors, physical state and feelings, so feelings are influenced indirectly rather than switched on directly
- •Everything she was taught had to be evidence-based
- •The wellbeing industry has muddied the waters about who to trust
Therapy Without a Problem: Prevention and Self-Reflection
Ali explains he tried therapy "for the bants" and stopped after a few sessions when he ran out of topics. Julie says self-awareness and reflection have value before rock bottom, and Ali compares therapy to a business coach for life.
- •Ali's mom, a psychiatrist, thought therapy should target a specific problem
- •Julie says building self-reflection skills offers development and growth
- •It is easier to crawl out of a ditch than dig out of a huge hole
- •People often feel they need a problem to bring to therapy, when learning from an experience is enough
From Private Practice to TikTok
Julie explains how having three children led her to private practice, where she saw how empowering psychological education was. Her husband encouraged her to post videos, and the TikTok account grew quickly from November 2019 with a focus on research-based value.
- •Much of therapy is educational, and clients asked why nobody had told them this before
- •These are life skills rather than therapy skills, and she wondered why people had to pay to learn them
- •She started with the idea that she could delete everything at any point
- •Every video had to offer some value that could be shared
Getting Over the Cringe and Staying Intrinsically Motivated
Julie describes how she coped with hating her own voice by not watching videos back, and how feedback from real people kept her going. They discuss worries about professional standing and keeping a clear sense of why she makes content.
- •Not watching videos back avoids perfectionism and helps her accept imperfection
- •Messages from viewers provide the intrinsic motivation, not external rewards
- •Julie feared what former colleagues would think, but their feedback was positive
- •Starting from a core why separates the aim of being useful from the aim of being famous
Balancing Numbers and Value as Creators
Julie and Ali discuss the tightrope between caring and not caring about views. Ali describes deleting a badly received video and dropping his rigid upload schedule, and both talk about showing that experts are human.
- •Julie cares less about views on videos she believes are valuable, and focusing on views hampers her creativity
- •Ali realized he was clinging to two videos a week and publishing for the sake of it
- •Since publishing only videos he is proud of, his channel is growing faster
- •Julie says people assume psychologists have everything sorted, and she tries to show that everyone makes mistakes
Growth Trajectory and Why She Wrote the Book
Julie describes her follower growth, including a viral lockdown month, and why short videos led her to write a book. The book gives step-by-step detail and research, structured by problem so readers can go straight to what they need.
- •Early growth was up to 100,000 followers a month, with a quarter of a million in one lockdown month
- •She passed 3 million followers a couple of weeks before the interview
- •Short videos grab attention but the book provides detailed steps, theory and research
- •It is organized by problem so struggling readers can find relevant sections quickly
Living a Meaningful Life: Values Through ACT
Julie explains values as ongoing paths rather than goals, drawn from acceptance and commitment therapy. She describes how to uncover values with a box exercise, how they change and conflict, and how to turn them into weekly reflection and action.
- •A value is a path followed through life, while goals like a marathon are milestones along it
- •Regular values check-ins matter because life steers people away and values change with age
- •The box exercise asks what kind of person you want to be in each life area
- •Values are about how you respond to what life throws at you, not what happens to you
- •Translating values into action comes through looking back, setting a mini goal and reflecting again
Socialized Values, Happiness, and Doing Hard Things
Ali asks whether values can really be separated from socialization, using a Harvard MBA as an example. Julie says meaning is created and it doesn't matter where a value came from if you endorse it. They also discuss whether some values are better than others, and happiness versus meaning.
- •Julie says we are all products of upbringing and culture, and it is empowering to generate your own meaning
- •A value that came from elsewhere is fine if you agree with it, unlike one adopted out of pressure
- •Values like gaming all day may pull away from other values, and meaning involves responsibility and hard things
- •Julie notes the happiness movement implied unhappiness is abnormal, though even joyful experiences like parenting bring painful emotions
Relationships, Work Balance and Taking Each Chapter as It Comes
Julie says relationships can't be separated from a meaningful life. Ali admits his time doesn't match this, and they discuss cultural pressure to overwork and treating decisions as experiments that can change.
- •Julie says we are social beings and relationships are our meaning
- •Reflecting on misalignment should come with compassion, given the work structures people sit within
- •The burnout badge of honor leads many people to therapy
- •Ali now blocks mornings for writing, treating choices as experiments he can correct
- •Pressure to appear to have it all sorted stops people from changing direction
Writing the Book: Agent, Proposal and Imposter Syndrome
Julie recounts how Gleam Futures found her, her agent encouraged her to write the book she wanted, and she wrote through lockdown. They compare the challenges of turning research into engaging writing and the imposter syndrome that came with it.
- •Her agent advised her to write the book she wanted and a deal with Penguin followed
- •She wrote about 80,000 words during lockdown while her husband homeschooled their three children
- •Ali found proposals easy to promise in but the research harder to fit
- •Julie loves learning and reading, but writing it coherently is the hard part
- •She had imposter syndrome daily and leaned on The War of Art
Motivation, Opposite Action and Identity
Julie explains how she kept writing on days she didn't feel like it using the DBT skill of opposite action. They then discuss identity and motivation, including core beliefs formed early and how identity shapes behavior.
- •Opposite action means choosing to act against an urge, practiced as a child by not crunching a Polo mint
- •Her urge to make another cup of tea was really avoidance of typing because it might be terrible
- •Things that are part of identity feel non-negotiable, like cleaning your teeth
- •Core beliefs are often "I am" statements formed in childhood that influence choices
- •Journaling can help map cycles and find an exit
Therapy Techniques, Journaling and Giving Advice
Ali asks how therapists draw out depth. Julie describes open questions, silence, formulation and guided discovery, and why therapy differs from talking to friends. She explains that the book uses journal prompts instead of blanket advice.
- •Journaling prompts can give clarity in about ten minutes
- •A therapist offers private, protected time and acts as a mirror reflecting back what they hear
- •Therapists use open questions, silence, plotting out patterns and guided discovery
- •Julie avoids blanket advice because it doesn't fit everyone's life, as with 5 AM routine advice
1:08:15 – 1:12:50
Should We Care What People Think?
Julie explains why "don't care what other people think" is poor advice for social beings. She suggests working out whose opinions matter and managing the discomfort of their disapproval, and they discuss hate, vulnerability and telling family about their content.
- •Humans are built to care, and not caring could damage relationships
- •The aim is to identify whose opinions you value and manage criticism skillfully
- •Julie has had little hate and finds her community supportive
- •She told no one for months and had around 100,000 followers before family knew
- •Real people approaching her makes online work feel real and vulnerable
Rapid Fire Questions
Ali asks quick-fire questions covering advice to her younger self, influences, success, morning routine, homeschooling, books and what she'd do if she lost everything. Julie keeps coming back to balancing motherhood with her work.
- •She'd tell her younger self to keep going since mistakes shape you
- •Her husband has had the biggest influence on her career since qualifying, by repeatedly saying to try new things
- •Her tip on success is to work out what success means to you
- •She names The War of Art as a book recommendation for creative work
- •If she lost everything she would return to a few hours in the therapy room and make dinner for her children
Audience Q&A: Enough, Burnout, Feedback and Purpose
Julie answers questions from viewers on feeling never enough, curing burnout, balancing feedback with others' opinions, and whether to have one why. She says action builds evidence of being enough and that burnout needs consistent replenishment.
- •Feeling not enough can't be fixed by telling yourself so, since the brain works on evidence created through action
- •Burnout needs consistent replenishment rather than one big break followed by the same life
- •Ali schedules commitments to protect his evenings and accepts nothing in the business is life or death
- •Criticism stings, and clarity about whose opinions matter helps, since you can't please everyone
- •Julie favors many whys across life areas over a single purpose
- •Her favorite TikTok experience is meeting inspiring people

Publisher timestamps

Get more out of YouTube videos.

Read along on your phone, search it beside the video, or ask your favorite AI app what was said.