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Deep Dive with Ali AbdaalLife Coach: Why Your Energy Drives Your Success In Life - Simon Alexander Ong
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Ali challenges the “life coach” label and sets up the conversation
Ali introduces Simon Alexander Ong and admits he used to associate coaching with “scammy” vibes because it’s an unregulated industry. He frames the episode as a friendly but skeptical interrogation of what coaching actually is and why it can be valuable.
- •Ali explains his initial cynicism toward coaching and why he wants to push back during the interview
- •Ali previews Simon’s new book and his background as a personal development entrepreneur, coach, and speaker
- •Simon opens with a story about coaching a client to collect “50 nos” as a way to create more chances for “yes”
How Simon became a coach: from university side work to a coaching career
Simon describes discovering coaching through career coaching work he began at university and continued while working in finance. After the financial crisis prompted deeper reflection on meaning and impact, he gravitated back to helping people and pursued formal coaching training.
- •Simon’s first exposure came at university when he met Peter Harrison, who had left finance to start a career coaching business
- •Simon initially did coaching-related work for money, then kept doing it because he found it fulfilling
- •The financial crisis triggered questions about what success meant and what impact he wanted to have
- •A free two-day coaching event became the starting point for pursuing coaching seriously
What coaching is (and isn’t): mentoring vs. questions that unlock action
Simon distinguishes coaching from teaching or mentoring, emphasizing that coaching is less about telling people what to do. He explains that coaching uses the “power of questions” to guide clients back to what they already know and to uncover a path forward.
- •Mentoring often involves guiding with experience and instruction; coaching focuses on questions
- •“Want a better answer? Ask a better question” as a framing for how coaching works
- •Coaching aims to uncover the client’s own solutions rather than delivering tactics
Who coaching is for, how to choose a coach, and why trials matter
Simon explains how coaching has expanded beyond executives and is now accessible to many people who want to move forward but need accountability and perspective. He recommends finding coaches through referrals or online search, and emphasizes trying a session first because coaching is hard to understand without experiencing it.
- •Coaching helps people who have an exciting future in mind but don’t know how to get there
- •Accountability and challenge are key benefits—people procrastinate when only self-accountable
- •He recommends getting an “experience” of coaching via a trial session before committing
- •Simon describes building his practice by offering “a powerful conversation” to people he met
Selling yourself authentically: the “trailer” approach and storytelling over logistics
Simon shares how he answers “What do you do?” with a compelling “trailer” rather than a job title to avoid being boxed by assumptions. He argues that feeling cringe is often a sign you haven’t “sold yourself to yourself” first, and that storytelling creates emotional resonance before discussing logistics.
- •The “trailer” concept: describe purpose in an intriguing way to spark curiosity
- •Simon says the first sale is selling yourself to yourself; the second is selling to others
- •He uses stories of clients’ transformations rather than leading with meeting frequency or logistics
- •Ali compares this to YouTube titles and thumbnails that earn attention without losing authenticity
Creating space and defining what you want: curiosity first, then a magnetic vision
They explore why many people feel stuck because they don’t know what they want. Simon suggests starting with curiosity in the present rather than pressure to find a lifelong purpose, while also holding a broad vision that motivates small steps forward.
- •Simon recommends asking: “What am I most curious about right now?” instead of “What’s my purpose?”
- •He describes progress as stepping stones: the “map” appears as you take steps
- •Vision provides context, even if it begins as a single word like “freedom”
- •Balance: “thinking big and starting small” to avoid overwhelm while staying motivated
Vision vs. purpose, and a coaching role-play on burnout, time, and commitment
Ali presses on the tension between not knowing a purpose and still needing a vision, and Simon clarifies that vision can start vague and become clearer through action. They then role-play a coaching conversation with Ali as a burned-out junior doctor, moving from vague intentions to specific calendar commitments.
- •Vision doesn’t require full clarity; it expands as you expose yourself to energizing environments
- •In the role-play, Simon asks what’s important about Ali’s interests (like starting a podcast)
- •Simon challenges “when I have time” thinking and reframes it as importance and priorities
- •They turn intentions into specific commitments by scheduling actions in the calendar
How coaches develop skill: listening, data-gathering, and practice
Ali asks how Simon learned to ask such effective questions. Simon explains that coaches can’t rely on scripted question banks; the best questions emerge from deep listening, stepping into someone’s world, and practicing over time.
- •Simon says coaches often look for a “bank of questions,” but effective coaching is situational
- •He describes early-stage coaching as “data gathering” to understand where to challenge and where to support
- •Skill comes through repeated practice and real conversations, like mastering any craft
The unregulated side of coaching: qualifications vs. results and how to evaluate coaches
Ali raises concerns about coaching being unregulated and the rise of inexperienced “life coaches.” Simon agrees the risk is real and says the best protection is experiencing the coach’s work and evaluating track record and results, not just credentials.
- •Simon advises trying coaching first and researching a coach’s track record
- •He warns that reading books alone doesn’t create coaching skill without practice
- •He argues results matter more than qualifications alone, though he pursued qualifications himself
- •He adds that coaches should also be working on themselves and often have mentors/coaches too
Is coaching a good career path? Purpose, space, focus, and detaching from outcomes
Simon says whether coaching is a good path depends on the person’s deeper ‘why,’ not glamour or money alone. He introduces themes of creating space and focus, and emphasizes staying open by detaching from specific outcomes and committing to the journey.
- •Simon questions motivations: why coaching matters to you, beyond money or image
- •He reframes money as “fuel” and asks what you’d do if money weren’t an issue
- •He highlights two starting levers: create space in your week and define focus for that space
- •He shares the idea: “Be attached to no outcome and open to everything,” focusing on who you become
The power of energy: “vibrational frequency,” attraction, and four dimensions of energy
Simon explains what he means by energy as the wordless quality people feel around others. He frames energy as a life force and outlines four dimensions—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual—arguing that addressing all four changes how you show up in work and life.
- •Energy is described as a wordless “language” people feel and respond to socially
- •Simon defines four dimensions: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energy
- •Spiritual energy relates to alignment with work and strengths; misalignment creates tension
- •He introduces “pronoia” as the belief that life is conspiring in your favor and reframing setbacks as lessons
What the book covers and how energy awareness turns into action
Ali asks how Simon’s book fits into the conversation, and Simon explains it’s about transforming life and work by transforming relationship with energy. They return to role-play, using the four dimensions to identify what drains energy, then choose a controllable change and commit to it.
- •Simon says the book focuses on energy across physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual dimensions
- •He emphasizes self-awareness as the starting point for self-development
- •In role-play, Simon asks what is in Ali’s control (sleep and eating habits)
- •They convert insight into a concrete commitment (a specific bedtime and avoiding phone scrolling)
Consistency, enjoyment, and privilege: finding purpose and redesigning the path
They discuss consistency as “over-time success,” arguing that lasting discipline needs a personal reason and a process you can enjoy. Ali raises the issue of privilege—many people must do work they don’t enjoy—and Simon responds by separating whether the goal is truly yours from whether the route can be redesigned creatively.
- •Simon argues goals like fitness need a personal purpose to sustain consistency beyond aesthetics
- •He reflects Ali’s energy shift when discussing fun sports versus dreaded workouts
- •Ali asks about privilege in “enjoy the journey” advice for people constrained by bills or prerequisites
- •Simon outlines two camps: question whether the goal is truly yours, or creatively change the route to the same destination
How to become a coach: learn the skill, coach for free, and use your network
Ali asks for a practical playbook to become a coach. Simon emphasizes learning coaching properly, then coaching people for free to build experience, and leveraging your existing network to find early clients in exchange for feedback and testimonials.
- •First step is learning coaching through courses, qualifications, or shadowing experienced coaches
- •Second step is practice: start coaching immediately, initially for free to build experience
- •He suggests starting with trusted friends and offering multi-month coaching in exchange for testimonials
- •Early free coaching can lead to referrals and paid clients if the experience is strong
Charging for coaching, imposter syndrome, and trusting iteration (plus closing reflections)
They discuss the emotional barriers to charging money for coaching and how belief in the value offered reduces friction in selling. Simon connects this to detaching from outcomes and iterating through feedback, while Ali shares examples from YouTube where “worst” content still changed someone’s life; they close with Simon’s final reflection on treating life as a ‘winning ticket.’
- •Simon says selling feels tense when you don’t believe in the value you offer; belief makes selling easier
- •He recounts imposter syndrome when meeting a first CEO client and choosing to “act in the present” as who he wanted to become
- •They emphasize process over outcome: ship, learn what went well, and improve next time
- •Simon closes with a story about becoming a parent and asks: “What are you going to do with that winning ticket of yours?”
Publisher timestamps
- 0:00Intro
- 1:49How did you become a coach?Read this chapter
- 5:59The practicalities of coachingRead this chapter
- 13:01Selling yourself and authenticity
- 22:52How does someone figure out what they actually want
- 31:16Whats the difference between vision and mission?Read this chapter
- 32:49Coaching role play
- 42:59The unregulated side of coaching
- 46:11Do you recommend coaching as a career path?Read this chapter
- 53:21The power of energyRead this chapter
- 1:00:09You book: Energise
- 1:08:38How to understand consistencyRead this chapter
- 1:15:57The question of privilege and enjoyment
- 1:19:49How does someone become a coach?Read this chapter
- 1:27:50Parting thoughts
