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BigDeal by Codie SanchezBigDeal by Codie Sanchez

5 Habits Constantly Draining Your Energy | Yung Pueblo

I wrote Own or Be Owned to answer one question: how do you make more money, less miserably? I broke it into the 12 Profit Levers… the 12 levers I've seen determine whether you print cash or hate your life.

Yung PuebloguestCodie Sanchezhost
Sep 8, 202654mWatch on YouTube ↗

Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.

EVERY SPOKEN WORD

  1. 0:00 – 0:31

    Introduction: The Burnout Trap and the Power of Saying No

    1. YP

      Saying yes to too many things is the path to burnout. You just keep adding on more and more things, more responsibilities, more objectives. It's easy to get lost.

    2. CS

      It's actually a really good point.

    3. YP

      I don't need to add more things. I don't need to follow every exciting path. You can't have a perfect plan. You can't wait for this ideal moment to execute and try to act on it. For a lot of people, they just wait too long.

    4. CS

      What do you think people should do who are ambitious but want to enjoy their life?

    5. YP

      That's such a good question. So...

  2. 0:31 – 1:28

    The Tattoo Test: What Resonates Most With Millions

    1. CS

      Now you have millions of people that follow you online, that have read your work. What are the most common things people repeat back to you? Like, what are the things that people are getting tattooed on their bodies? 'Cause I know that's happening.

    2. YP

      Yeah.

    3. CS

      What, what are the things that you're like, "Oh, wow, whatever came into me, this really resonates"?

    4. YP

      Yeah. I think the most common one that I see is, "If the pain was deep, you will have to let it go many times." The act of letting go is healing, but it doesn't mean it's a one-time event. You may have to let that same thing go over and over again because the mind, it re- and the mind is malleable, but it requires practice. So when you feel that tension coming up, instead of grabbing onto it and, you know, rolling in it, you have to practice letting it go. And then eventually the mind will learn.

    5. CS

      So for you, let's say somebody is in deep pain. Do you have a practice that you think through to release pain?

  3. 1:28 – 2:57

    The 60-Day Silent Retreat: 14,000 Hours of Meditation

    1. YP

      I mean, I've been meditating Vipassana really seriously since 2012 and, um, you know, started off with 10-day practices, uh, 10-day meditation retreats that are totally silent. I've done 20-day long retreats, 30-day, 45-day, and this year I did my first 60-day retreat. And that practice, it's sort of like taking yourself to the mental gym. You're building awareness, you're building non-reaction, and you're building compassion for yourself and others. Those are things that are built into the human mind, but they're not necessarily strong.

    2. CS

      Mm.

    3. YP

      And I would... that's the key way that I take care of myself. That's really where my... You know, when the mind is really heavy and full of pain, you're not gonna put out your best output. When you decrease that heaviness and the mind becomes lighter, then your creativity really starts flowing. So I think without spending all that time meditating, I would've never been a writer. That's why I always spend time, like when I carve out a year, like I started this year with a 60-day meditation retreat, totally silent, in India, and I need that time to just work on myself so that I can come out and, and give more. But without that, you know, you just keep adding on, adding on more and more things, more, more responsibilities, more objectives, and it's easy to get lost. So to me, that clarifies what should I actually spend my time on. It helps me do the healing that, you know, of the challenges that I went through when I was younger and just stay focused.

  4. 2:57 – 7:43

    Obsession vs Focus: The Healthier Path to Success

    1. CS

      So you know how these days they say founders have to be obsessed. You have to be-

    2. YP

      Mm

    3. CS

      ... obsessed to win.

    4. YP

      Obsess is the buzzword these days.

    5. CS

      It is.

    6. YP

      Yeah.

    7. CS

      And so the, I guess my question is like, is it possible to be healthily obsessed?

    8. YP

      I'd rather be focused and excited about what I'm doing than obsessed. Obsess is like, when I hear that word, I feel like there's a bit of a cloud over my eyes, where part of being a founder is adaptability. You have to be able to adapt. You can have a clear goal, but if you need to shift things to actually, like, be able to make a return to your investors, to be able to actually, you know, hire more people or really produce something successful, y- e- the plan from day one is not [laughs] gonna be the same plan like three years from then. So I think, uh, focus allows that flexibility that obsession doesn't.

    9. CS

      Yeah, I think about that a lot. 'Cause I do think we have these stories we tell ourselves, and then they become ingrained in our head.

    10. YP

      Mm.

    11. CS

      And it's like a neural pathway that gets deeper and deeper and deeper-

    12. YP

      Yeah

    13. CS

      ... until it's our truth.

    14. YP

      Yeah.

    15. CS

      And so I have a lot of words that I say to myself that sometimes I question, like, "Do you have to be obsessed to win?"

    16. YP

      Yeah.

    17. CS

      I don't really ever question that. I just do it-

    18. YP

      Yeah

    19. CS

      ... and think that that must be true.

    20. YP

      I remember when I first started writing, I knew that I wanted to, to start with poetry, and then, and also play around with essays. But back in 2016, 2015, when I first started, I would write a piece and I would spend time looking at it and just keep taking out words, keep taking out words, and I'm like, "Is this enhancing the meaning? Is this enhancing the power of what I'm trying to say?" Because especially if you're sharing something online, you have barely half a second with an individual to really give them something of value.

    21. CS

      What is your favorite thing that you've ever written? Do you have something you come back to?

    22. YP

      Yeah. There's a piece that I wrote that's in, uh, I think the first book that's about, it's about love. It's, um, love... It essentially goes along the lines, like, love is not about trying to think, you know, what you can do for me. Love is me trying to give you as much as I can so that you can shine.

    23. CS

      Mm.

    24. YP

      You know, that selfless quality of love, like so many of our relationships, of our relationships are so transactional. And when you really, you know, you being in a serious marriage, I'm also in a serious marriage, like, you both have to be really good at just giving selflessly. Giving selflessly repeatedly, and then trying to design, uh, a culture in your relationship that is actually nourishing to the both of you, and that requires a lot of honesty, that requires hard conversations, and the only thing you can really expect is imperfection. And you two will figure it out over time. You will have to have things that you apologize about or you said something a little too harshly or whatnot, but you're just not gonna be always moving at the same exact pace. So there may be periods where, you know, you're really supporting the relationship and bringing in a lot to the table, but then other times your partner has to step up because, you know, you're going through a hard moment. Like, you know, a fa- a dear family member could have passed away. Like, relationships, even when the two of you love each other so much, are still full of constant problem-solving. So that means we have to take turns leading. We have to take turns stepping up. And I think that's part of the beauty of holding each other.

    25. CS

      Yeah. These days, it does feel like also there's so much around boundaries. You know, I won't do this for my partner, and I won't do that, and, you know, I don't wanna be taken advantage of. I see it a lot with women, you know, talking about this. And you have a quote that I love, which is, "Pain has a strong magnetic force. It can pull you towards evolution, or it can pull you towards reveling in the darker tendencies of the mind."

    26. YP

      Mm.

    27. CS

      And so I was wondering, how do you deal with the darker tendencies of the mind? How do you deal with pain? It could be in relationships or in anything in life.

    28. YP

      Yeah. You have to be able to observe yourself clearly with acceptance, without judgment, so that you can see what's actually happening inside of you. Like, where do my behaviors originate from? And having, have a really good sense of, you know, where you can go, and letting your actions take you into a brighter direction as opposed to a darker one because ultimately, what are we? We are, like, the accumulation of our actions.

    29. CS

      Mm.

    30. YP

      And having that strong determination to put your foot down and say, "Okay. I know that my mind would like to be really upset, would like to scream, would like to fight, would like to... But that's not necessarily productive. Let me double down on being honest with myself. Okay. I may feel this tension in this moment. Do I need to play it out, or can I just voice it calmly?"

  5. 7:43 – 9:04

    Slow Down: Breaking Bad Patterns Through Awareness

    1. CS

      So how do you do that calmly part?

    2. YP

      [laughs]

    3. CS

      You know? Like-

    4. YP

      Yeah

    5. CS

      ... like, I think in a lot of what we do, you, you get in-

    6. YP

      Yeah

    7. CS

      ... these bad patterns.

    8. YP

      Yeah.

    9. CS

      You fall in them.

    10. YP

      Yeah.

    11. CS

      And you stay there.

    12. YP

      Yeah.

    13. CS

      So, like, how do you break bad patterns?

    14. YP

      It's, it's two key words: slow down.

    15. CS

      Mm.

    16. YP

      Slow down. I think we are so impulsive. It's lightning fast. It's so quick that you think that it's the real you, that the first impulse is the real you, and it's not. The first impulse is your defensive mechanism that you learned probably when you were a child. You know, some people will react with anger, with sadness, with whatever it is. But when you build your awareness, you can start seeing the moment that the pattern starts arising, and the awareness literally makes your mind more spacious. So you see the pattern arising, and then that quality of non-reaction that I was talking about earlier, that's you hitting the pause button. "Okay. I see the pattern coming up, but I'm gonna pause it. I'm not gonna act on it. I'm not, I'm not gonna suppress it. I'm gonna let myself feel it, but I'm gonna give myself the time that I need to choose skillfully." And that's the key word, skillful. Like, can you take this energy and then transmute it into something that's actually productive?

    17. CS

      Do you and your wife fight?

  6. 9:04 – 12:39

    The Hurricane Years: How Meditation Saved His Marriage

    1. YP

      Yeah. [laughs]

    2. CS

      [laughs]

    3. YP

      For sure. We don't agree all the time. Yeah.

    4. CS

      Are, are you Latino?

    5. YP

      Yeah.

    6. CS

      Okay. I don't... Latino men, I think, are spicy, too. I'm a Latina chick, and I always joke that I'm pretty spicy.

    7. YP

      Yeah.

    8. CS

      But, um, like, were you ever super elevated? Like, are you the type of person that gets mad and-

    9. YP

      Yeah.

    10. CS

      Yeah.

    11. YP

      Yeah. I mean, the first part of our relationship, when my wife and I got together, you know, the first six years, it was like living in a hurricane. Like, we were... It was a constant blame game. Like, the mind does not want to accept responsibility. It's always looking for an external reason. Like, where can I point the finger? How can I blame you instead of just taking ownership over how I feel? And that was the first six years. And it wasn't until we started meditating where we were individually s- separately building our own self-awareness. And as we were building our self-awareness, we started seeing, okay, this actually isn't always your fault. Actually, this tension that I feel started way before the argument, and then my mind was looking for reasons to make this into a big deal. And there's this key moment that happened where my wife and I were both, um, you know, maybe like three years after we started meditating really seriously. We were in different rooms. We were working for a few hours. I was in the living room. She was, um, in, I think, the bedroom. And she comes into the room that I was in laughing. And I'm like, "What's going on? What's up?" And she was like, "I just spent the last two hours trying to figure out how this tension that I feel is your fault." And what she found her mind doing was going further and further back in time to try to, like, pick something up, open up an old fight. And she was like, "Wow, I, like, caught it in action." And, like, she was like, "It has nothing to do with you." She's, "I just didn't sleep well the night before."

    12. CS

      Interesting. [laughs] I really need to try this. So is it... How do you enact this sort of calmness in fights in your life? Is it discipline or spirituality or something else?

    13. YP

      I think it's a m- it's a mixture of both. I mean, you really narrowed it down. I think the, the spirituality, I think of it as mental training, and then the discipline to not get lost in the heat of the moment. And when we have arguments, like, they totally happen, but now instead of trying to win, 'cause that, that was the game before was like, how can I win the argument? And let's say you're married to, like, a lawyer. Like, they're always gonna win. They're gonna put together a better argument in their mind really quickly. Instead, what we try to do is we're arguing because I can't see you clearly. There's something that I'm missing. So instead of trying to win, my objective is can I hear your part of your story, your version of what happened, to try to really understand where you're coming from? And simultaneously, she's giving that space to me as well so that we can take turns trying to hear and see, okay, what am I missing?

    14. CS

      Can you progress in your relationship if only one of you is doing work like this?

    15. YP

      I think it's gonna be challenging. I think it's... What, what matters more, because it's not like, oh, you and your partner both have to see a therapist or both have to meditate. What matters more is are you both open to growth? Do you have that humility to be able to say, "Oh, actually, my mistake. I messed up. I, I need to apologize for that"? And I'm also willing to correct my behaviors and try to do better next time. That's the key element, is are you open to growth? So you don't both need to, like, meditate two hours a day or, or whatnot. You just have to be ready to, to be real, to be honest, and be humble.

  7. 12:39 – 13:37

    The Work That Nobody Wants to Hear: Relationships Require Problem Solving

    1. CS

      Yeah. I've heard a lot of people have that statement, which is, um, "Well, I was working on myself, but he wasn't ever doing the work," whatever the work is. Or, "She wasn't doing the work."

    2. YP

      And I, I really don't like that term, the work, right? Because that's a very sort of... It, it, it comes with obscurity. Like, what does that even mean? And also, is how I define the work actually true, or is it that just what works for me personally? So you can't universalize that. You can't say, like, this is how you do the work just because something helped you in that moment of your life. Everyone's work is gonna look differently for them to take steps forward.

    3. CS

      Yeah. And so really the way to do it is to focus on yourself as opposed to the other person. Which none of us wanna do. That's really terrible advice I know.

    4. YP

      Yeah. How can I change you, right? [laughs]

    5. CS

      [laughs] That's what we all wanna do, right?

    6. YP

      Yeah.

    7. CS

      But you have, like... You have another quote that I love, um, from your book that says, "Your habits are the paint you use to create your personal masterpiece."

    8. YP

      Yeah.

    9. CS

      Can you explain what that means?

  8. 13:37 – 14:26

    Your Habits Are the Paint: Designing Life From the Inside Out

    1. YP

      A lot of times we think about our life as something that's driven by the outside in, but it's really the inside out. You have to think of your actions as the key thing that designs your life. There are still gonna be external obstacles that may come, and, but it's ultimately, like, what can you double down on? What can you count on? It's your own actions, and your actions are what you use to flow better with the universe. And that's what I meant earlier where, you know, the universe is something that... It's not static. It's dynamic. And to be able to, like, adapt, bob and weave, and really, like, you know, handle the ups and downs of life, you have to be able to have a mixture of that adaptability and just rely on good actions.

    2. CS

      Yeah.

  9. 14:26 – 17:05

    Waiting Doesn't Get You Anywhere: The Momentum Principle

    1. CS

      You also have a saying that is interesting, that you don't always hear from people who are talking about slowness and thoughtfulness, which is, "Waiting doesn't get you anywhere. You don't need a perfect plan. What you really need is momentum." What do you mean, and how do you know when that's applicable-

    2. YP

      Yeah

    3. CS

      ... versus slow down?

    4. YP

      Yeah, it's been really fun. You know, I spend a lot of time meditating, but I also have, uh, I have friends, um, in Silicon Valley, and we started a, a venture capital company called Wisdom Ventures, and it's been successful. You know, we've, uh, we s- we had a, our first fund was 10 million, our second fund 77 million, and we've invested in great companies that are really trying to, trying to scale wellness and wellbeing in the world. Um, but what I've learned from that is that you can't have a perfect plan. You can't wait for, like, this ideal moment to execute and try to act on it. And I've found that even in my own personal work as a writer where I learn more from actually acting on... You know, if a sentence appears in my mind, let me put it down, and in the process of putting together an essay, I can actually see where it's going and what actually will communicate most effectively with the reader. And for a lot of people, they just, they wait too long. They wait too long, and it's in the process of, um, actually writing or building a company, whatever it is, like, that's where all the lessons come from, and then you keep expanding your experience. I think I, if I had waited to, you know, be the perfect poet before I released anything or, like, be the perfect writer, it, it, it would have never worked. I would have never released anything.

    5. CS

      Do you ever look back on the things that you did before and cringe and say-

    6. YP

      Yeah

    7. CS

      ... "God, why'd I write that?"

    8. YP

      Totally. Totally. Yeah. I think about it, and then, you know, if I were to start, have started today, the themes and the things that I would've been working on would be differently. But I also wanna honor the fact that, you know, when I go out and do events and I talk to the readers, they all have such different books that, that they love. And people will tell, you know, say Inward was their favorite, or Clarity and Connection was their favorite, or Lighter. And that was a ph- that was a phase that I needed to honor. Like, just let it be what it is. You can't go back and change it. But I think there's nothing wrong with, like, understanding that life is full of chapters, and that includes you as well.

    9. CS

      So what do you say to yourself when you're too scared to put something out? Or maybe when, you know, young Yung Pueblo [laughs] like-

    10. YP

      Younger Pueblo, yeah. [laughs]

    11. CS

      Younger Pueblo, exactly.

    12. YP

      Yeah, like-

    13. CS

      Like, what do, what do you say when, when that fear comes of like, "Is this good enough? Should I put this out?"

    14. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    15. CS

      Are there words you repeat to yourself?

  10. 17:05 – 18:56

    The 80 Percent Rule: When Good Enough Is Actually Perfect

    1. YP

      I mean, there's an experience that I go back to. You know, I, um, I think about my, uh, editor, uh, Matthew Benjamin, and he really taught me some critical things about, about writing and the writing process. When I was putting together Lighter, my first nonfiction book, um, he had to tell me the hard truth. He was like, "Diego, it's never going to be perfect." He, we... You know, when there's a, there's a process called, after putting in the manuscript, it's called copy editing. And you, you and a group of people will constantly read the book over and over and over again to get all the mistakes out, to make sure that there's a, a clear grammatical framework, that the way that you use a, a semicolon in the first chapter is the way you use a semicolon in the 10th chapter. And he had to tell me, he was like, "Hey, it's n- there are still gonna be mistakes after us reading this book dozens of times." And that gave me so much freedom. So now when I put something out, I know that one piece, one post, is not gonna make or break anything. Anything. It's a, it's a long game of stamina will, where it will accumulate into something bigger over time. So if one thing fails, doesn't matter at all. And if anything, when I try to, especially if I'm releasing an essay, I try to get it to 80%. If it feels like it's 80% of the way there, it's good enough. And if it's g- good enough and people really resonate with it, then maybe that can become a chapter in a future book.

    2. CS

      I like that. You've had a lot of incredible things happen in life. I love that you share that online. And I think that gratitude can be really hard, even when you're, you've had a lot of success. And you have another line I love, which is, "One of the healthiest habits to learn, being grateful for the little things."

    3. YP

      Yeah.

    4. CS

      What do you do to be grateful? Because I know so many really rich people-

    5. YP

      Mm

    6. CS

      ... that are unhappy.

  11. 18:56 – 20:22

    Gratitude for the Basics: Good Water and Silly Dads

    1. YP

      Yeah. Yeah. I try to not forget about the basics. Like, one of my favorite, favorite things is good quality water. And my wife and I live in a, you know, in a place where there's, there's only, like, 2,000 people that live in the town. There's acres between neighbors. We live in the woods, and we have a well. And that well that gives water to us is one of the things [laughs] that I'm most grateful for in life.

    2. CS

      Yeah.

    3. YP

      And it seems some, it seems like something so simple, but, like, going out to, like, walk in the woods and enjoy the sunlight, like, hitting your face, um, and just having moments around the table where you can really... Like, talking to my mom, talking to my dad, having my brother and sister there, like, these are such key people in my life that the simple conversations are so nourishing with them. So there are all these things where, like, yeah, you can stay in a million five-star hotels, but who's gonna bring you the biggest laughter in your life? It's probably your dad saying something really silly, you know? So you gotta... Y- you can't... You have to really ground yourself in the simple things.

    4. CS

      Yeah. So you ground yourself in the simple, but then also you have, like, a big purpose to life, and I think, you know, I try to think similarly. Like, our goal here can get overwhelming at times. Like, we wanna try to make a material stake on the world while also realizing that at some point, like, we'll die, and nobody will have cared really. [laughs]

    5. YP

      Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

    6. CS

      So it's like, how can you hold both those things at once?

    7. YP

      Yeah.

    8. CS

      Um,

  12. 20:22 – 21:39

    Purpose Is Where Talent Meets Intuition

    1. CS

      but what do you say to people who are like, "What is my purpose?"

    2. YP

      Mm.

    3. CS

      You know, "I wanna do something bigger."

    4. YP

      Yeah.

    5. CS

      What would you say to that person?

    6. YP

      I think your purpose is really gonna be wherever your talent and your in- and your intuition intersect. So I think a lot of people, they're really focused on improving whatever it is that they're not good at, and that's really important in the, your personal development. But then when it comes to, like, what am I gonna give to the world, how do I make big impact, you're actually gonna focus on improving whatever you're already good at. When you can really double down on what you're good at, you're gonna be indispensable, and you're gonna be able to then scale that and give it to more and more people, and I think that's, that's the key, key sort of recipe to, to success is, like, I'm good at this, but, like, can I get better at it? So, you know, I get a lot of beautiful messages, and I also get a lot of questions, but the two most common things that I get are, "How do you let go?" And also, "Should I break up with my boyfriend?" [laughs] And I also, I don't know, I don't know your boyfriend. I have no idea, so, like, how can I even opine on that?

    7. CS

      Ah. So how do you answer a question of how do you let go?

    8. YP

      How do you let go is a good one. Um, people want a straightforward, like, five steps. "This is how you let go. Make it as easy for me as possible."

  13. 21:39 – 22:33

    The Five-Star Life Trap: Why Easy Is Making Us Miserable

    1. YP

      But that is the sickness of modern-day society, where if you look at your phone, every single app on your phone is trying to make your life easier. How can I get this food to you faster? How can I give you a ride from, you know, point X to point Z? How can I just make, simplify your life as much as possible? And I think that has insidiously permeated our minds, where we want a five-star life. We want a five-star relationship that has nothing wrong with it. We want situations that are almost identical to a romantic comedy, where it's like, okay, we have one fight, and then we're happily ever after. Life is not like that. It's never going to be like that. Life is gonna be a constant stream of ups and downs, and our job is not to run away from that. Our job is to build the inner resilience and the inner clarity so that we can solve those issues when they arise.

  14. 22:33 – 23:17

    There Is No Making It: The Constant Stream of Ups and Downs

    1. CS

      It's a very good point. It is such a tough realization to realize there's no making it, you know? [laughs]

    2. YP

      Yeah.

    3. CS

      You're like, "Oh, you've made it." You're like, "Well, I don't know."

    4. YP

      [laughs]

    5. CS

      Uh, I don't think that ever happens, actually.

    6. YP

      Yeah.

    7. CS

      It just keeps getting more and more difficult.

    8. YP

      Yeah.

    9. CS

      You've talked a lot about, um, how to change your life and how to get on the right trajectory-

    10. YP

      Yeah

    11. CS

      ... in your books. And, and I'm curious. If there is no making it in life, but there is, like, finding your purpose, or there is-

    12. YP

      Yeah

    13. CS

      ... getting on the right path, how do you change a life that you really don't like right now? If somebody's listening-

    14. YP

      Mm

    15. CS

      ... and they're, like, stuck in a job they hate with a relationship that's terrible-

    16. YP

      Yeah

    17. CS

      ... with maybe friends that they don't really feel close to, what do you do to change a life?

  15. 23:17 – 24:50

    Following Your Intuition: The Courage to Close Chapters

    1. YP

      You have to be okay with profoundly listening to your intuition because it's gonna be pointing you somewhere. Your intuition is not something that's like, oh, turn right, turn left. It, your intuition appears when it's time to open a new chapter. And you have to have the strength to actually follow through. So your intuition is, it's not gonna lead you into danger, but it is going to challenge you. It's gonna challenge you to close a chapter, open up a new one, you know, say no to the old job, h- start making new friends that are more aligned to how you actually wanna show up in life, or just make different decisions about your relationships. And it's hard work to listen to your intuition.

    2. CS

      Yeah, it's funny. I saw this, like, video that keeps going around on the internet, and it, it's like, um, you know, "This year I don't pray for strength, Lord. Like, I pray for happiness, peace."

    3. YP

      [laughs]

    4. CS

      "And I've got enough learnings. No more learnings-"

    5. YP

      Yeah. [laughs]

    6. CS

      "... please." And I get it-

    7. YP

      Yeah

    8. CS

      ... because the self-growth thing is really hard.

    9. YP

      It's really hard, yeah. And you don't want to, like, constantly push yourself to more and more growth. Like, there's a, it's a challenge that a lot of people face, where they are constantly looking at themselves as a project. Like, what else can I do to change myself? Usually, some of the biggest medicine you can give yourself is just self-acceptance.

    10. CS

      Mm.

    11. YP

      Like, I have come through such a long journey to be here right now- Just accept yourself where you are and realize that you've already taken these giant steps to overcome so many difficulties, and you should celebrate

  16. 24:50 – 25:41

    Self-Acceptance vs Self-Improvement: Holding Both Truths

    1. YP

      that

    2. CS

      How do you balance that with the advice of, like, getting 1% better every day or-

    3. YP

      Mm

    4. CS

      ... you know, becoming a better person or becoming-

    5. YP

      Yeah

    6. CS

      ... the fully realized version of yourself?

    7. YP

      You need to have a spacious mind. That's, that's a sign of intelligence. It's you being able to, like, hold these two seemingly opposing things and just realize that, like, okay, I am an imperfect person, and I'm always gonna be imperfect, but that does not stop me from focusing in on two or three habits that I should develop because that would help me and help others.

    8. CS

      What's that statement, a spacious mind?

    9. YP

      A spacious mind is so important, and I think we get stuck in black-and-white thinking, and we don't see the gray. We don't see the subtlety, and usually that middle path is where you're gonna find your answer.

    10. CS

      What do you think are some of the things that stop us the most from having a spacious mind?

  17. 25:41 – 32:44

    Attachment Creates Stress: The Enemy of Adaptability

    1. YP

      Attachment, clinging. I think attachment immediately creates stress. Attachment will immediately narrow down your view of possibilities, and it's gonna make you stiff as a board. And really, what's life gonna ask of you? It's gonna ask for you to be adaptable, flexible, loose, so that you can flow.

    2. CS

      And are there other things you don't do in life? Like, like, d- are you on social media all the time? Are you scrolling?

    3. YP

      Mm.

    4. CS

      Are you watching television shows or really particular about it?

    5. YP

      [laughs] Yeah.

    6. CS

      Like, are there things that you cut out of your life because you've realized they take up space in this mind that you wanna preserve?

    7. YP

      It's more so I add in what's important, and I make sure to follow through on it. So I meditate two hours a day every day. I've been doing that since 2015. Started meditating in 2012, but then 2015 when it, was when I started meditating daily. And-

    8. CS

      Like two hours straight?

    9. YP

      Two, one hour in the morning, one hour... And so right before we started chatting, I was meditating for an hour. And, um, and then at some point tonight on the plane back to Mass, I'm gonna meditate another hour. Um, but I do that every day no matter what, no matter what, you know, without fail, wherever I am in the world. Um, and that to me is like, that's the primary way that I take care of myself. I make sure that I'm, you know, essentially cleaning the mind out in the morning, cleaning it out in the evening, 'cause that's what you do when you observe the truth that's happening within the framework of the body, is that you're tuning yourself up to the truth of the universe, which is the truth of change, and change is the exact opposite of attachment. So I'm literally training my mind to embrace change, to loosen up so that I'm not trapped by the attachment. And then eventually, like, if you, if you stay still in a river that's always flowing, you're gonna get knocked down. So I'd rather embrace change than, you know, be still, but those two hours a day are fundamental. I make sure to walk, make sure to, you know, strengthen my body, and then there's nothing wrong with watching a little bit of reality TV at night. [laughs]

    10. CS

      What about, what does that look like, like, when you go to meditate? You do it anywhere? You listen to something? You're just silent?

    11. YP

      Yeah, at this point, um, it's just, like 90% of the time it's totally silent. Sometimes I listen to some chantings from my teacher, but it's, um, you know, we... I've meditated probably, like, 14,000 hours, um, which is a lot of time. I actually, this, this year when I finished the 60-day retreat, I looked at my, the course, sort of, um, all the courses that I've sat, and I've realized that I, if I take all the retreats that I've sat, I've spent more than a year of my life in silent retreats. So not all at the same time, but when you put them all together, and that's been my time to, like, cultivate myself. I think that's been key to the success of my marriage, the success of the relationship between me and my parents, to, you know, writing more books, to just showing up in a way that feels good. You know, like putting, putting actions down that I'm not remorseful about.

    12. CS

      Mm.

    13. YP

      And, um, I can't take that away from myself. When people ask me, like, "How can you put so much time into meditating?" I'm like, "It's a better investment than the S&P 500."

    14. CS

      [laughs]

    15. YP

      Like, it's, it's a, and it's an investment that gives massive returns. So why would I take something away from myself that helps me be the best version of myself?

    16. CS

      Ah, that's so true. So funny, sometimes we have a saying here, which is like, "That worked so well, so we stopped doing it." You know? [laughs]

    17. YP

      [laughs] That's right.

    18. CS

      And I think-

    19. YP

      Yeah

    20. CS

      ... that's meditation for me.

    21. YP

      Yeah.

    22. CS

      I'm like, when I get into a state-

    23. YP

      Yeah

    24. CS

      ... where I'm rocking-

    25. YP

      Yeah

    26. CS

      ... and it's been weeks and I'm meditating continuously, I'm like, "This works great. I'll stop."

    27. YP

      Yeah, yeah.

    28. CS

      And so, yeah, that's really interesting.

    29. YP

      Yeah. But then think about it. It's better to just let the, the benefits of it compound. And I've seen that, you know, going from those first few 10-day meditation retreats that were so difficult, like, so challenging to be constantly with your emotions, to watch everything in your mind arise and pass away, to feel all the tough feelings. And then in the 60-day retreat that I sat this year, I saw all the work that I did before, and that retreat was so calm. But because it was so calm, it was way deeper than anything else that I've experienced. And I, th- and that would've been impossible without that, without that previous work.

    30. CS

      This is a little crazy, but what about, like, all the people that use, like, mushrooms or ayahuasca or stuff to do these sort of retreats or states? Are you just-

  18. 32:44 – 34:50

    Ego Dissolution and the Visceral Fear of Letting Go

    1. CS

      Yeah, that's actually a really good practice. I think there's, like, some fear in-

    2. YP

      Yeah, ego dissolution is g-

    3. CS

      Yeah

    4. YP

      It brings-

    5. CS

      Is that what that is?

    6. YP

      Yeah.

    7. CS

      What does that f- Like, I get an-

    8. YP

      Yeah

    9. CS

      ... actual visceral fear.

    10. YP

      Yeah, yeah. I feel you. Yeah. It's, um... I mean, the ego, the ego loves dominating the mind.

    11. CS

      Mm.

    12. YP

      And the ego is something that is worthwhile because it helps you survive, and that's what human life used to be. It used to be pure survival. But then now we live in a civilization that asks us to be more compassionate because it's through compassion that we have all these interactions that help build wealth, that help build community, that help build, you know, good relationships. So trying to live from a place of ego is gonna keep you defensive over and over again, and living from a place of compassion is gonna create harmony in your life. But to get there, you need to just let the ego evaporate, and the ego's gonna fight you.

    13. CS

      And how does one, like, evaporate an ego? How do you, how do you even recognize when you're an ego? How do you try to get rid of it?

    14. YP

      Yeah.

    15. CS

      And how do you operate from a better place?

    16. YP

      E- even if you don't meditate, you can still do practices that help you dissolve ego, and the ego will, like, shoot out lightning fast in the moments of impulsiveness. So it goes back to what we were saying before where the key aspect is slowing down. It's like, okay, I feel the rush of my ego. My ego wants me to respond as soon as possible. It wants me to react in a way where I'm, you know, shutting someone else down or shutting an emotion down or whatever it is. So instead, let me pause. Let me recenter myself in compassion. Let me honor the truth. Like, I don't need to suppress anything at all, but let me just... Can I vocalize what I'm feeling without creating a mess that I need to clean up later?

    17. CS

      Yeah, it's really interesting. I think, do you find that successful people are more or less aware or have more or less ego?

  19. 34:50 – 36:19

    Trauma Drives Success: The Scarcity Imprint

    1. YP

      I think a lot of successful people are driven by their past trauma, and I, I found that even in myself. Like, I ca- I came from, you know, such a place of scarcity. Um, like, watching my parents, like, fight and struggle with the rent over and over again for, like, you know, more than a decade. Like, that was hard, and that created a big imprint in my mind. And something I'm personally working on now is just realizing, like, this life is beautiful. Like, I don't need to add more things. I don't need to, like, pick up another side quest. I don't need to, like, you know... I, I'm, writing is my primary enjoyment, and it's one of the ways that I get to serve in the world. And if, you know, I meet other people and, and, you know, great opportunities come about, I need to make sure that I'm really following through on them because my intuition says, "Yes, this will actually expand the impact and, you know, hopefully serve more people well." But I don't need to follow every exciting path.

    2. CS

      It is so... It's such a fascinating thing that happens, almost the more success you have, the more options you get.

    3. YP

      Yes.

    4. CS

      And then the more miserable you become because you have too many options.

    5. YP

      Yeah, saying yes to too many things is the path to burnout.

    6. CS

      Yeah, and so you really have to ask yourself a question. I mean, you have a quote I love that says, "Your intuitio- your intuition will be ready to make a big move before your mind is." And so-

    7. YP

      [laughs]

    8. CS

      ... with these ideas of these paths and all these yeses, how do you know whether something is your intuition or your ego that's telling you to do

  20. 36:19 – 37:29

    Intuition vs Ego: How to Tell the Difference

    1. CS

      it?

    2. YP

      Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. Um, your ego is snappy, and it's loud, and it's more mental. It's like, you know, try- And you can feel that energy of clinging, like it really wants something. Whereas intuition, especially for me, feels much more bodily. It feels like it's coming from here as opposed to up here, and the intuition feels like calm waves that are hitting the shore if you're standing in front of an ocean, and they just Calmly, repeatedly are pointing you to a particular direction, whereas the franticness of ego is like, you know, trying to dominate in every moment.

    3. CS

      Yeah, that's a good point. When you think about where it is in the body, it really helps. Like, I, I think my ego and, uh, a lot of my attachment comes from, like, I can feel it in my chest.

    4. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    5. CS

      It usually makes my... It's like my nervous energy right here.

    6. YP

      Yeah, yeah.

    7. CS

      And then when I have something that just feels great, it's in my belly. I'm just like-

    8. YP

      Ah, that's so good

    9. CS

      ... "Oh, that," you know?

    10. YP

      Yeah, yeah.

    11. CS

      "That feels nice." But-

    12. YP

      Yeah

    13. CS

      ... I'm so busy during the fucking day-

    14. YP

      Yeah, yeah

    15. CS

      ... that I stop paying attention to it.

    16. YP

      Yeah. No, and it's easily, it's easy to get driven by something that's, like, just totally, you know, unproductive energy in the body.

  21. 37:29 – 43:43

    Don't Grab Anything: The 60-Day Strategy That Changed Everything

    1. YP

      Um, you know, you said the word grab, so I gotta tell you, when I, when I went into that 60-day retreat, um, so it was January 1st to March 3rd, my strategy for the retreat was, don't grab anything. Like, don't... Like, literally whatever story in the mind, whatever emotion that's rising, like, observe everything, but don't grab every- anything at all. And it was so helpful to realize, you know, in the act of not grabbing anything, you saw that everything that arises passes away. 'Cause we get scared by pain, and we get scared by heartache, and we think it's gonna last forever, but really it's just another thing that's gonna change.

    2. CS

      So that's kind of... That's interesting. So that would basically be m- be, like, something, um, a feeling, uh, a quick decision or something comes to you, and our natural interaction as a human is like, "Okay, I'm gonna do something with this."

    3. YP

      Yeah, yeah.

    4. CS

      "I'm going to react to it."

    5. YP

      Mm-hmm.

    6. CS

      And instead, in your, your practice, you, you know, take a little bit of a breath, or you kind of are pondering it, almost just looking at it, deciding, "Do I wanna do anything with that?"

    7. YP

      Yeah, exactly. And that, and these are two ways of living, where one is the internal dynamic of how do I keep progressing as an individual? But then sometimes people get it confused. They're like, "Oh, well, does that mean I can't have goals in life? Does that mean that I can't accomplish big things?" No, if you focus on living virtuously and not harming yourself and not harming other people, and you try to do your best to provide service to the world, then there's nothing wrong with having big goals and really realizing that this universe that we live in, like what I w- mentioned earlier, you know, what is this idea of Diego? At the ultimate level, it's nothing. So this universe that we live in, you don't wanna hurt yourself, and you don't wanna hurt other people, but then other than that, it's just a canvas. You can paint on it however you want. You can do whatever you want. So if you wanna dream big, like, dream as big as possible.

    8. CS

      Do you think that people should try to be happy?

    9. YP

      I think that people should try to develop a sense of peace, where they have a relationship with their emotions, where they're not grabbing every emotion. They're not trying to, like, constantly, um, get bogged down by the heaviness that's in the mind. So when you can have that, like, internal resilience of, "Okay, I feel heavy in this moment, but I'm not going to let it dominate my actions. I'm not gonna let myself speak harshly to other people, and actually, I'm gonna focus, in this heavy moment, I'm gonna focus on being gentle to myself and to others," then you are able to build this, like, deep inner peace, deep resilience. And happiness, I think it's possible to be happy, but a lot of people just confuse the word. They think of it as a constant high, a constant high of excitement, a constant high of bliss, a constant high of pleasure. But the beautiful moments in life are usually really simple and small. So I'd rather have a focus on inner peace than a focus on happiness.

    10. CS

      Mm-hmm. Yeah, it does feel like, um, we're all chasing something.

    11. YP

      Yeah.

    12. CS

      And that, you know, often, in entrepreneurship at least, we obsess on not being happy.

    13. YP

      Yeah.

    14. CS

      And, like, there's also, like, a sort of a cult around it.

    15. YP

      Yeah.

    16. CS

      It's like, "No, this is hard."

    17. YP

      How much more can I struggle?

    18. CS

      "It is awful."

    19. YP

      Yeah.

    20. CS

      "It's difficult."

    21. YP

      Yeah.

    22. CS

      And I even found, I have a saying, which is choose your hard, and I have to, like, be careful h- I have to be careful how often I say it because I realize, like, oh, am I really focusing on one aspect of life-

    23. YP

      Mm-hmm

    24. CS

      ... and only paying attention to the difficulty and liking that?

    25. YP

      Yeah.

    26. CS

      You know? And so I guess my question for you is, like, how careful do we have to be with the words we say to ourselves?

    27. YP

      Mm.

    28. CS

      And are there words you do or do not say to yourself?

    29. YP

      Oh, that's a good one. I really see the way the intentions in the mind support your external actions and support how things land. So I'm actually really cautious with, uh, doubt, really cautious with negativity. Like, I don't let it swim in the mind too heavily. Like, if I find the mind starting to, like, oh, this isn't go- or this interview isn't going well or, or this interview, you know, like, whatever it could be, before that, I make sure to just, like, pause all that negative self-talk. I accept that there might be some nervousness there, but then I start thinking to myself, "Actually, this is gonna go really well." And, and actually, it has gone well even though it hasn't happened yet. And having that framework just allows way better flow than, you know, that clunky sort of attachment.

    30. CS

      Sometimes I struggle with, this is maybe little in some ways, but also important. Have you ever been around a bunch of people or a few people, and they really like to talk negative all the time?

  22. 43:43 – 45:35

    The Gossip Rule: Dave Ramsey's No Second Chances Policy

    1. CS

      Yeah, it's a good point. My, I have a guy that I've become friends with, Dave Ramsey-

    2. YP

      Mm-hmm

    3. CS

      ... you know, who's on the internet, and he has one thing that I really like that he says in his companies, which is they don't allow gossiping.

    4. YP

      Mm.

    5. CS

      So the first time you get caught gossiping, like, "Oh-

    6. YP

      Yeah

    7. CS

      ... Sharon's doing X and X," they'll just say, "Hey, we don't do that at this company. We don't gossip."

    8. YP

      Right.

    9. CS

      But if you get caught again, you get fired.

    10. YP

      Wow.

    11. CS

      Like, just carte blanche.

    12. YP

      Yeah, yeah.

    13. CS

      And I almost didn't believe him when he said, 'cause I'm like, "Really?"

    14. YP

      Yeah.

    15. CS

      "That's incredible if you could actually do that." You know?

    16. YP

      Yeah.

    17. CS

      But then I've been to his headquarters, and he, like for instance, they don't have credit cards. Zero credit. The entire place, nobody has a credit card in it.

    18. YP

      Yeah.

    19. CS

      They have debit cards only.

    20. YP

      Yeah.

    21. CS

      And so he really actually believes the things that he says and then does them, which is rare in humans. Um, but I liked that because I was like, you know, it's so easy to fall. So much of your book is about a beautiful way to say that the actions that you take and the habits that you have lead to the life that you live-

    22. YP

      Exactly

    23. CS

      ... and what is in your mind.

    24. YP

      Exactly.

    25. CS

      And I think a lot of things we don't realize, we're just, we become this amoeba, and everybody else's, you know, engagement pattern and whatever, we take on.

    26. YP

      Yeah, yeah.

    27. CS

      And, and, like, your work is really helpful, especially, I like the daily Instagrams because it's just a reminder-

    28. YP

      Mm-hmm

    29. CS

      ... of like, "Let's not do that today."

    30. YP

      Right, right.

  23. 45:35 – 51:18

    The AI Meat Box: Holding On to Humanity in a Robotic World

    1. CS

      It's so true. I didn't bring my phone in here, which is a good practice. But I [laughs] I saw this, uh, this saying yesterday, and it was, um, an AI meat box. And, uh, basically it's, like, trending on Twitter.

    2. YP

      Yeah.

    3. CS

      Have you seen this?

    4. YP

      No. I-

    5. CS

      And, and-

    6. YP

      [laughs]

    7. CS

      And basically the idea is like, uh, when somebody, and I'm sure you've felt this, just sends you an AI response, and they're almost like-

    8. YP

      Oh, man

    9. CS

      ... you become this, like, meat transient-

    10. YP

      Yeah

    11. CS

      ... between one AI to another AI, and all of a sudden all we're doing is going back and forth between the robots.

    12. YP

      Yeah.

    13. CS

      You know?

    14. YP

      Yeah.

    15. CS

      And so it's interesting what you say. This holding onto your humanity seems so important.

    16. YP

      It's critical.

    17. CS

      Maybe even today more than ever.

    18. YP

      I think one, one, like, little, you know, theory about the future that I have is that there is so much AI that it's going to change our relationship with social media. I think, like, already things are so fake. Like, whenever I open X, like, I'm just like, "This is, none of it's real."

    19. CS

      Yeah.

    20. YP

      And, or whenever I see, you know, like, uh, things on Instagram as well or TikTok, like, there's so much AI that it is, it makes the interaction of, like, actually coming together as a virtual community, it's, there's, you have to, like, jump over that to be able to actually interact with real human beings, that it's gonna create a new premium on human connection.

    21. CS

      Yeah.

    22. YP

      So I feel like the companies that support human connection and the actual, like, you know, one of the, the best ideas that you can have for a business is, like, buying a theater 'cause that theater is gonna be full. Like, I'm gonna wanna see my favorite singer sing. I'm gonna wanna hear my favorite writer speak to make sure that they're real.

    23. CS

      Yeah. It's, [laughs] it's actually a really good point. And now there, there's some sort of visceral reaction, too, that at least I feel. I'm curious if you do. But when I can tell that it is AI, it is, like, an instant turn-off.

    24. YP

      Totally.

    25. CS

      And it's also this instant, like, ah, sad. Like, if you had just not used the robot at all, this would've been better.

    26. YP

      Totally. I think a lot of AI, it's just re-scrambling what's happened in the past, so it's hard to get inno- innovation from that. Whereas that's the beauty of the human mind. Like, the human mind is, is this, like, canvas that's directly connected to the universe. And you can just allow a little bit of, you know, your intuition and your values and the way you see the, your world to connect with that energy of the universe, and it's like, bam, you come up with new solutions for old problems.

    27. CS

      Yeah.

    28. YP

      And writing is, like, just, it's just so critical 'cause it's one of the ways that you practice clarifying your thoughts. Like, writing is, like, really clear thinking. So you can't, like, take that exercise away from yourself, especially as, like, a, you know, a creator that a lot of people are depending on.

    29. CS

      I know. Yeah, it's a, it's a new... I saw, like, a, a creator that I think highly of, uh, Hank Green, got a lot of crap on the internet for having-

    30. YP

      [laughs]

  24. 51:18 – 52:19

    Journey: The Year That Changes Everything

    1. YP

      Yeah. So five things that drain your energy: saying yes too often, doubting your intuition, not resting enough, exhausting your nervous system.

    2. CS

      Yeah. So that's been all five of those today.

    3. YP

      [laughs]

    4. CS

      So we're doing great. So we didn't read that today-

    5. YP

      Yeah

    6. CS

      ... and we should have. Um, I loved this one. This is, uh, air 90. "May you believe in yourself enough to know that you are capable of extraordinary things." And I think sometimes the, the, the real truths are a little cheesy, but they aren't when they are true.

    7. YP

      Yeah. Yeah.

    8. CS

      You know?

    9. YP

      And it's, it's important to, like, embrace the simplicity of it.

    10. CS

      Yeah.

    11. YP

      It's like you, you don't need too much to push yourself in the right direction. Like, I think about it as, you know, those astronauts in space that, like, they use the tiniest amounts of air to, like, push themselves and, like, you know, course adjust, and I think that's really critical. Um, I wanted to read this piece, uh, fire five,

  25. 52:19 – 54:20

    The Best Energy: Never Using Your Hurt to Hurt Others

    1. YP

      for you. "The people with the best energy are the ones who never use the hurt they've gone through as an excuse to hurt others." I think that's key. That's key. Like, so much of the hurt that we experience is just replicated from whatever we went through in the past, and that's the mark of a good person is, like, a lot of people have had really challenging moments in their life, but can they take that, learn from it, let it go so that they can produce harmony in their life instead of chaos?

    2. CS

      It's such a good point. Also, you know how I know my ego's bad right now? My initial reaction was like, "I should send that to a few fuckers." [laughs]

    3. YP

      [laughs]

    4. CS

      But that is immediately where it goes.

    5. YP

      That's funny. Yeah.

    6. CS

      That's so bad. I need a meditation retreat. But also, um, I do think it helps. Like, one, I don't really love being public on the internet all the time. You know, there's, like, lots of stuff where I'm like, "Oh, that's interesting." I didn't see myself as a creator or turning-

    7. YP

      Yeah

    8. CS

      ... into all of this. Um, but I think it teaches you so many lessons about-

    9. YP

      Yeah

    10. CS

      ... I mean, can you imagine how miserable and mean we would be if every time somebody said something mean to you on the internet-

    11. YP

      Yeah

    12. CS

      ... you let that go back-

    13. YP

      Yeah

    14. CS

      ... or if you responded?

    15. YP

      No, I'd rather, I'd rather let them exhaust themselves, you know? Like, there's no... Why, why feed into that? And that's one of the things that I've learned from being a creator is that I actually don't know anyone, so I can't make assessments about them, especially quick ones that are based on very little information. So I try to live with a mentality where I'm giving people the benefit of the doubt.

    16. CS

      Well, I love the new book, Journey: The Year That Changes Everything: 365 Daily Reflections to Build Self-Awareness and Peace. Such a beautiful book. Thank you for doing the hard work of making something really simple-

    17. YP

      Thank you

    18. CS

      ... which I think is incredibly difficult, actually.

    19. YP

      Yeah.

    20. CS

      And, uh, only giving people what they need and, like, not a thing more. It's something I aspire to do too. So, um, thank you for being here today and writing it. I know writing books are hard.

    21. YP

      Yeah.

    22. CS

      It's a good one.

    23. YP

      Thank you so much. [outro music]

Episode duration: 54:20

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