By playing, you agree to uListen's Terms and Privacy Policy and YouTube's Terms of Service.

BigDeal by Codie Sanchez

What They Don’t Tell You About Money and Marriage (feat. Bill Perkins)

My new book Own Or Be Owned launches September 18. More profit, less pain, and a business that runs without you — this book is a how-to manual.

Codie SanchezhostBill Perkinsguest

Apr 16, 202452mWatch on YouTube

Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.

Great conversations run long. Their best ideas don't have to.

uListen is free on iPhone, iPad, Android, Chrome, and Claude.

CHAPTERS

Jump to publisher timestamps

Chapter summaries

Why divorce shows up in wealth statistics (lottery and billionaire examples)
Codie opens with provocative stats suggesting divorce correlates with major wealth events and extreme wealth. The conversation reacts to the idea that many of the richest men have multiple divorces, and tees up divorce as a topic people don’t discuss openly.
- •Codie shares a claim that women who win the lottery see divorce as the biggest behavioral change, while men don’t
- •A producer cites a stat that the 10 richest men have 13 divorces between them
- •Codie and the producer react to the concentration of divorces among ultra-wealthy men
- •A joke interpretation appears: “divorce makes you rich,” highlighting correlation vs causation tension
Divorce-rate narratives vs data, and what might drive divorce risk
Codie and the producer discuss common beliefs about divorce rates and compare them to what they found in their digging. They also review tweets suggesting links between divorce and premarital partners, wealth, and “optionality.”
- •Codie questions the commonly repeated “50% of marriages end in divorce” figure
- •Codie cites research they found about marriages reaching the 15th anniversary across decades
- •They discuss the idea that extreme wealth increases optionality, which may increase divorce likelihood
- •They read and react to a tweet claiming higher divorce likelihood with nine or more premarital partners
The financial and time cost of divorce—and why people still don’t want it
Codie frames divorce as something most people don’t want, even if certain factors increase likelihood. She shares rough cost and timeline figures and emphasizes the opportunity cost and attention drain during divorce.
- •Codie says the average US wedding cost is about $30K
- •Codie cites a wide range for average divorce costs and notes it varies
- •Codie mentions divorce often taking about 10 months even without children
- •Codie emphasizes opportunity cost: time, attention, energy, and likely reduced earning focus
Bill Perkins: divorce as personal failure, identity loss, and rebuilding self-knowledge
Bill describes his divorce as the biggest failure of his life and explains how painful it was to analyze what happened. He talks about blame, identity disruption, and learning who he was again after the marriage ended.
- •Bill says he had to unpack how he “screwed this up,” moving from wedding happiness to separation
- •Bill describes blame as a way to discharge discomfort, and admits he directed blame outward and inward
- •He says much of his identity was tied to being married, and losing that destabilized him
- •Bill describes rediscovering his preferences and being advised to date to learn what he likes in people
From freedom-first to partnership-first: redefining priorities after divorce
Bill explains how dating and living freely helped him clarify that partnership—not maximum freedom—was his top priority. Codie agrees that partnership can reduce distraction and create a stable foundation while pursuing big goals.
- •Bill describes enjoying freedom and avoiding the “risk” of long-term commitment at first
- •He says he realized partnership was his number one priority and required sacrificing other priorities
- •Bill frames the key question as learning how to be a better partner and love someone well
- •Codie describes partnership as a “superpower” that reduces competing priorities and distractions
Why a relationship coach matters: “Nobody does anything great alone”
Bill challenges his former belief that counseling means something is wrong. He argues that great marriages require resources and coaching—just like elite performance in sports or work—because humans are complicated.
- •Bill says he used to think needing coaching meant something was wrong, but now calls that mindset “stupid”
- •He argues that people can do something good alone, but not something great
- •Bill describes bringing in resources because being human includes competing desires and communication problems
- •Codie shares she and her husband have a weekly coaching session that signals priority
Avoiding “scars” and the ‘1,000 cuts’ idea of relationship decline
Bill shares a practice he and his wife use to avoid long-term damage during conflict. He suggests relationships often erode through repeated small harms rather than one single event.
- •Bill says they try not to “create scars” during heated moments
- •He argues relationships die from “1,000 cuts,” not just one big incident
- •He suggests even major betrayals often sit on top of accumulated relational damage
- •They describe calling each other out and postponing escalation to avoid lasting wounds
Interpreting divorce stats carefully—and Codie’s view on options, loneliness, and commitment
A producer questions simplistic readings of stats and offers alternative explanations (like religion, time allocation, and work obsession). Codie emphasizes correlation vs causation, then argues that more options don’t necessarily lead to happiness and that commitment plus active relationship work matters.
- •A producer suggests alternative explanations for stats about lottery winnings and premarital partners
- •Codie stresses correlation isn’t causation and says she’s focused on understanding odds
- •Codie mentions child and adult outcomes she believes are associated with divorce and marriage patterns
- •Codie argues society is lonelier and having less sex, and suggests long-term committed partnership may improve well-being
Reducing money-driven conflict: shared financial knowledge, mediation, and calmer exits
Codie outlines what she thinks makes divorces especially contentious—money and child custody—and focuses on the money side. She argues that both partners understanding finances reduces uncertainty-driven tension and recommends mediation over combative litigation.
- •Codie says women often handle household spending but may not understand the full financial picture
- •She claims uncertainty creates tension, especially when one party has a knowledge disadvantage
- •Codie emphasizes knowing accounts, income, spending, and expected split rules to reduce emotional chaos
- •She recommends mediation instead of a litigated trial and warns against hiring the “gnarliest” attorney
Prenups, expectations, and business risk when partnerships dissolve
Codie shares her positive view of prenups as expectation-setting tools and describes how divorce can ripple into business operations. She recounts a story where a founder’s contentious divorce froze distributions and forced the company into a disruptive valuation process, motivating tighter paperwork practices.
- •Codie says she has a prenup now and frames it as aligning incentives and expectations
- •She says it’s a red flag if someone is overly concerned about a prenup
- •Codie argues prenups can be simple and inexpensive if attorneys are used mainly to paper it
- •She tells a story of a billionaire founder’s divorce disrupting partners’ distributions and triggering invasive business scrutiny
Codie’s divorce: legal costs, asset loss, workplace fallout, and social displacement
Codie answers questions about how divorce set her back financially and professionally. She describes giving up assets, the difficulty of working with an ex, losing friendships, and ultimately leaving both a city and a career path.
- •Codie estimates her legal fees at roughly $20K–$60K and says the process was quick in Texas
- •She says she gave up more assets because she wanted the divorce, making it a multimillion-dollar expense
- •Codie describes workplace complications from working at the same firm as her ex
- •She recounts losing many friends, moving homes, leaving Dallas, and leaving a firm after ethical and personal strain
A personal reading: breaking the promise, losing everything, and choosing ownership
Codie reads a vivid excerpt describing the moment she asked for a divorce and the guilt and upheaval that followed. She connects the experience to a broader realization: building someone else’s “castle” left her with little, pushing her toward ownership as a route to freedom.
- •Codie describes the emotional moment of telling her husband she wanted a divorce and leaving that night
- •She recounts shame, grief, and the cascading changes that followed
- •Codie says she built a business with major assets under management but left with no severance, equity, or clients
- •She says the experience led her to go all-in on her own work and prioritize ownership
The TEAM method: daily touch, learning, appreciation, and conflict metrics
Codie explains a structured daily ritual she and her husband use to prevent small grievances from boiling over. She walks through each step of TEAM and why it helps them stay connected, keep novelty alive, and handle annoyances calmly.
- •Touch: physical closeness to reinforce they’re partners, not roommates
- •Education: sharing something interesting from the day to keep each other “new” and evolving
- •Appreciation: naming a new gratitude daily to counter negativity bias
- •Metrics: holding small annoyances for a calm end-of-day discussion instead of reactive arguments
Noise, temptation, relationship role models—and the “pick your human and work at it” view
Codie and the producer discuss why structured check-ins may matter more today given constant distractions and separate lives. Codie shares a brief story about meeting Jeff Bezos while he was still married and closes with the idea that lasting relationships are built through intentional work, not fairy tales.
- •A producer shares a personal “REPORT” check-in framework and a family dinner-table question routine
- •Codie argues modern life adds more noise and attention competition, making intentional focus more important
- •Codie recounts two things she liked hearing Jeff Bezos say about his then-wife
- •Codie emphasizes that people should choose a partner willing to build actively, consider coaching/therapy, and treat partnership as a priority

Publisher timestamps

Get more out of YouTube videos.

Read along on your phone, search it beside the video, or ask your favorite AI app what was said.