The Diary of a CEOAnt Middleton Opens Up About His Personal Demons, Being "Cancelled" & His Spirituality | E74
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 3:40
Introduction: Demons, Cancellation, and a Different Side of Ant
Steven Bartlett introduces Ant Middleton, outlining his career in the military and television, and contextualizes the conversation as Ant’s first deep interview since being ‘canceled’ and dropped from SAS: Who Dares Wins. He sets the expectation that this episode will reveal a more vulnerable, personal side of Ant than the public has seen before.
- 3:40 – 15:10
Making Friends with Demons: Childhood Trauma and Early Self-Reflection
Using a quote from Ant’s book, the conversation explores his philosophy on ‘demons’ and how his father’s death and a sudden move to France forced him into deep self-reflection as a child. Ant describes recognizing overwhelming circumstances he couldn’t control and turning inward to understand his own feelings, which became the basis of his lifelong introspection.
- 15:10 – 29:30
Exorcising Demons: War, Alcohol, and Extreme Environments
Ant explains how unprocessed demons manifest in war zones and how he consciously exorcises his own through conversation, alcohol, and extreme physical challenges like climbing Everest in storms. He distinguishes the peaceful euphoria he feels on the edge of life and death from the adrenaline rush people imagine, describing it as a radical simplification of life’s complexity.
- 29:30 – 40:50
Fitting In, Becoming a ‘Dickhead,’ and Leaving the Army
The discussion turns to Ant’s early military years and cultural dislocation moving from French civility to British barracks life. To survive, he embraced drinking, fighting, and aggression, but a disturbing vision of his future led him to leave the Army and later realize those learned demons still controlled his behavior on ‘civvy street.’
- 40:50 – 53:50
The Job Centre Epiphany: Ego Collapse and Rebuilding Identity
Ant recounts a defining moment sitting on the steps of a Job Centre, broke and unemployed, after being told by an advisor his military record was exceptional and he should ‘go back into that space.’ There he had an almost out-of-body experience where he confronted his lies, shredded his ego, and decided to live as his true self, leading him to rejoin the military as a Royal Marine.
- 53:50 – 1:06:50
Ego, Psychedelics Analogies, and Continuous Self-Interrogation
Steven draws a parallel between Ant’s stairway epiphany and how psychedelics strip away ego and social personas, enabling people to act from their true selves. They agree that everyone faces a crossroads between living a constructed identity or risking discomfort to be authentic, and Ant reiterates that self‑honesty must be a continual, evolving practice.
- 1:06:50 – 1:42:00
Cancel Culture, Career Risk, and Choosing Integrity Over Compliance
The conversation moves into cancel culture and how public success increases pressure to self-censor. Ant describes being told not to voice certain views to avoid losing deals, but he insists on speaking his mind within two constraints: no intent to offend and no malicious action. He sees attempts to control his words and image as attacks on his identity and would rather lose work than become fake.
- 1:42:00 – 1:57:40
Violence, War, and the Difficulty of Switching Selves
Ant explains why the same traits that made him effective in combat—extreme aggression and emotional detachment—caused problems in civilian and barracks life. He describes the mental whiplash of flipping between lethal force and family man, the lingering ‘war animal’ that can surface at the wrong time, and his ongoing effort to buffer that military persona so it works in normal society.
- 1:57:40 – 2:16:40
Tough Love, Selection, and Using Negativity as Fuel
Discussing his TV persona on SAS: Who Dares Wins, Ant clarifies why he uses harsh language and pressure on recruits: it’s a deliberate filter and a way to draw out their real character for growth. He distinguishes between destructive negativity and negativity harnessed as fuel toward a clear positive aim, emphasizing the importance of a compelling positive motivator.
- 2:16:40 – 2:26:10
Victimhood, PTSD, and Owning Your Choices
Ant takes a strong stance against adopting victim identities, even when doing so could have materially helped him—for example, by claiming PTSD to avoid prison. He describes being explicitly advised to use PTSD as a legal defense and refusing because it wasn’t true for him, highlighting how any first false step locks you into a long road of inauthenticity.
- 2:26:10 – 2:35:00
Comfort vs Challenge: Pandemic, Meaning, and Our Design to Evolve
Prompted by COVID‑19 upheaval, Steven asks how to handle moments when odds are against you. Ant argues that humans are designed to evolve through change and challenge, not stagnate in comfort, and that modern society’s cotton-wool mentality creates mental illness by disconnecting us from our natural drive to adapt and overcome.
- 2:35:00
Spirituality, Connection to Earth, and Life Purpose
In the final stretch, Ant opens up about his deep, almost spiritual sense of connection to the earth, using metaphors of humans as leaves on a planetary tree. He recounts a powerful experience in the Andes where a mountain ‘spoke’ to him through an energy surge and rockfall, reinforcing his belief that he is aligned with how he’s meant to live. He closes by defining his life purpose as a never‑ending quest to become the best version of himself.
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