Ant Middleton Opens Up About His Personal Demons, Being "Cancelled" & His Spirituality | E74

Middleton argues that the bravest thing he ever did wasn’t kicking doors in combat, but sitting on the Job Centre steps, dismantling his own lies and ego. He confronted the gap between who he was acting like (a hard-drinking, aggressive ex-soldier) and who he knew he truly was. That brutal internal audit freed him to reorient his life, rejoin the military on his own terms, and build a career aligned with his values. He stresses this isn’t a one-off event but an ongoing practice: regularly ‘standing in the mirror and ripping yourself apart’ so you keep evolving instead of living on autopilot.

He distinguishes between having dark thoughts—which he calls universal and human—and letting them run your life. Locking them away allows them to spread ‘like a mold’ until they control you. His methods for exorcising demons include honest late‑night conversations with trusted comrades (sometimes fuelled by drink, as per military culture), intense physical challenges like climbing Everest in storms, and deliberately entering psychologically uncomfortable situations. The goal is not to purge darkness, but to know it, work with it, and channel it constructively rather than letting it erupt unconsciously.

As a teenager in the British Army, Middleton tried to fit into a hyper‑masculine drinking and fighting culture that clashed with his respectful, French-influenced upbringing. He became ‘good at being a dickhead’ because that’s what the environment rewarded. Leaving the Army didn’t fix it—the persona followed him into the police and street life until his life collapsed. The lesson: if your persona is a survival costume designed for an environment you don’t truly belong in, it will eventually cost you your career, integrity, and peace of mind. You have to be willing to leave circles, status, and even professions that require you to be someone you’re not.

Middleton describes constant pressure from media, brands, and networks to soften or suppress his views for fear of backlash and lost revenue. He refuses to do so, operating on two principles: never speak to offend, and never act maliciously. Beyond that, he accepts that being candid will attract attacks and might cost him shows, sponsorships, and deals. His counterweight is strong internal foundations—he knows he’s polite, respectful, and well-intentioned, so he’s prepared to ‘lose it all’ materially rather than lose himself. He frames cancel culture as an attempt to control identity; his response is to walk away from any partner who questions who he fundamentally is.

He rejects the idea of avoiding negative emotions or experiences, instead using them as ‘fuel in the plough.’ Anger, revenge, and criticism can drive huge effort—but only if there’s a clearly defined positive outcome ahead (growth, excellence, helping others). Without that positive motivator, you just drift deeper into negativity. Likewise, he treats failure as a challenge and a learning engine; even when he doesn’t hit the objective, he ‘banks’ the steps he took and what they taught him. Most people, he says, write off those gains and then label themselves as failures, which keeps them stuck.