Vanessa Van Edwards: The cues that decide if you're liked

Research by Susan Fiske shows that 82% of our impression of others comes down to perceived warmth (friendliness, trustworthiness) and competence (capability, power). Charisma is simply high warmth + high competence, signaled through cues—not a fixed personality trait. Over-indexing on competence without enough warmth makes you seem intimidating or suspicious; too much warmth without competence makes you seem less capable. You can deliberately dial each side up or down using specific behaviors.

Two core posture metrics matter: the distance between earlobe and shoulder (shrugged = anxious; dropped and relaxed = confident), and the distance between arms and torso (penguin arms = tension; free arms and visible gestures = presence). Resting face also sends strong default signals: downturned mouth or drooping eyes read as sad; heavy eyelid hood or brow furrows read as angry; raised brows/whites of eyes read as afraid. You must know your defaults, then consciously counteract them in first impressions and key moments.

In an analysis of TED Talks, the most‑viewed speakers used about 465 hand gestures in 18 minutes vs. 271 in the least‑viewed talks. The brain is ~12.5x more likely to believe gestures over words, and liars use fewer, less congruent gestures. Competent speakers outline ideas with their hands (numbers, size, contrasts) and make eye contact at the end of important sentences (not 100% of the time—60–70% is ideal). Showing visible palms early (“friend, friend”) and avoiding hiding hands under tables or in pockets reduces subconscious threat.

Two vocal patterns strongly affect perceived honesty and competence: the question inflection (pitch rising at the end of a statement) and the downward inflection (pitch falling at the end). Accidental question inflection makes the listener’s brain switch from listening to scrutinizing and is frequently used unconsciously when lying or when insecure about prices, salaries, or even one’s own name. Confident speakers use downward inflection for names, key facts, and prices. Similarly, vocal fry (creaky, low-energy tone) often signals low confidence and can usually be fixed by speaking louder with more breath.

In profile photos, showing upper eye whites (“fear eyes”), asymmetrical ‘contempt’ smirks, or fake smiles (mouth only, no cheek/eye activation) triggers impressions of anxiety, negativity, or inauthenticity. An authentic smile uses the upper cheek muscles; if you can’t smile with teeth, a closed-lip smile that activates the cheeks and eyes still works. Verbally, even single words prime behavior: in a lab game, calling it the “Wall Street game” vs. the “community game” halved cooperation. Email subjects and calendar titles like “collaborative session” or “2025 strategy sprint” prime people toward that mindset far better than sterile labels like “meeting.”