The Diary of a CEODavid Harewood: The Chilling Story Of How A Hollywood Star Lost His Mind | E185
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 3:30
Intro, Homeland Stardom, and the Night Everything Broke
The episode opens with a stark soundbite from Harewood about obeying a psychotic voice, followed by Stephen Bartlett’s introduction and framing of David’s success and influence. They set up the contrast between his Hollywood achievements and the mental health crisis he survived.
- •Harewood recalls that during his psychosis he would have obeyed any command from the voice, including suicide.
- •Bartlett introduces him as a Homeland star and a major voice on race and mental health.
- •The conversation is framed as an exploration of how someone so successful could ‘lose his mind’ and rebuild.
- 3:30 – 15:00
Childhood in 60s–70s Britain: Racism, Fear, and a Quiet Father
Harewood describes growing up in Birmingham as one of very few Black families, with scarce positive representation and pervasive racism. He contrasts his fearless, combative mother with his emotionally distant father, and explains how constant othering shaped his early sense of self.
- •He grew up without Black role models on TV, leading to a ‘false sense’ of himself and naivety about race.
- •His mother pushed an Afrocentric mindset; wider society pushed assimilation: ‘You’re not Black, you’re normal.’
- •His father was hardworking but emotionally reserved, typical of many men of that generation.
- •Unspoken trauma from the Windrush generation is highlighted; many Caribbean parents refuse to discuss that period.
- 15:00 – 31:00
Violence, Anxiety, and Everyday Racism
Specific childhood incidents—bricks through windows, racial slurs, chase by skinheads, and abuse at football matches—illustrate the ambient danger of simply existing as a Black child. Harewood articulates the lasting anxiety of never knowing when the next attack or insult would come.
- •A brick shatters their breakfast table as children; his mother’s calm ‘go back to bed’ shows both resilience and powerlessness.
- •He recalls being chased by skinheads and random cars making monkey noises, leading to chronic hyper‑vigilance.
- •A Leeds United match becomes a mass spectacle of racist abuse when he sits in the wrong end; he tries to ‘hold his head up’ as his mother advised but ultimately retreats, shaken.
- •He recognizes in adulthood that this constant low‑level terror was a huge, unacknowledged source of anxiety.
- 31:00 – 43:00
His Father’s Breakdown and the Hidden Trauma of Sectioning
In his early teens, Harewood’s father suddenly becomes unwell and is sectioned. David recounts the ominous ‘illness’ typed on his dad’s typewriter and later connects his father’s breakdown to the racialized stress of migration and being ‘the other’ in Britain.
- •His father obsessively organized a darts league, seemingly taking on too much until he ‘lost it’ and was sectioned.
- •As a child he’s shielded from the details; he just knows ‘Dad’s not well’ and has been taken away.
- •He later realizes how profoundly sectioning strips liberty, comparable only to prison, and believes his father was never the same.
- •He links higher rates of psychosis among Black people in the UK/US (versus Africa) to life in a white space and accumulated resentment from everyday racism.
- 43:00 – 1:05:00
Rejection, Blackness, and an Identity Under Siege
Bartlett and Harewood explore how repeated social rejection—romantic, professional, and communal—erodes self-belief. Labeling theory and the ‘strong Black man’ stereotype intersect with Harewood’s experience of being too Black for white critics and too ‘white’ for some Black peers.
- •He recounts a school girlfriend forbidden to see him because he was Black, and similar patterns of social exclusion.
- •Labeling theory is discussed: when society repeatedly calls you something, you begin to internalize it.
- •After RADA, critics focus obsessively on his colour; some Black audiences walk out of his performances, condemning his roles as ‘letting the side down.’
- •He feels like an anomaly—rejected by the white establishment as a Black actor, and by some Black people as ‘too white.’
- •Therapy with a Black male therapist helps him unpack fears of not matching the ‘alpha Black’ archetype and accept vulnerability and sensitivity as legitimate aspects of Black masculinity.
- 1:05:00 – 1:13:00
Pre‑Psychosis Spiral: Hostility, Overwork, and Self‑Medication
In his early 20s, Harewood enters the industry with high expectations, only to be savaged by racially charged criticism. The pressure, lack of sleep, and heavy drinking escalate over months, leading into a manic, then psychotic state he initially experiences as thrilling.
- •He leaves drama school with momentum but is ‘slaughtered’ by the press, often specifically over his race.
- •A Black critic calls for public protests against his role as a bisexual murderer, prompting walkouts by Black audience members.
- •He begins drinking heavily before, during, and after performances to cope with stress and cognitive dissonance.
- •Symptoms of psychosis—insomnia, overthinking, mania, and a sense of heightened reality—build over two to three months.
- •He now believes the breakdown ‘had to happen’ to force him to dismantle and rebuild his sense of self.
- 1:13:00 – 1:33:00
Inside Psychosis: Voices, Delusions, and Being Sectioned
Harewood gives a vivid, chilling account of his psychotic episode, including hearing a voice he believed was Martin Luther King, enacting elaborate delusional tasks, and eventually being picked up by police and sectioned. He emphasizes both the seductive logic and the lethal risk of such states.
- •He hears a voice in his head that gradually identifies itself as Martin Luther King, claiming to speak from beyond the grave.
- •The voice instructs him to go to Camden at 3 a.m., enter a specific shop, put on a suit, and ‘close the space‑time continuum’ to close the gap between good and evil.
- •He follows all instructions; exhausted, he gets into a cab without money and ends up detained by police.
- •At magistrates’ court he can’t remember his own name, eventually recovering it through recalling roles he’s played: ‘I played Romeo… David Harewood.’
- •A stranger in court pays for his cab home, and friends who’ve been monitoring his deterioration finally recognize he needs to be sectioned.
- •He notes that had the voice told him to jump off a bridge, he would have; others obey similar commands with catastrophic outcomes.
- 1:33:00 – 1:42:00
What Causes a Breakdown? Stress, ACEs, and Racialized Environments
Harewood and Bartlett examine the interplay of biology, stress, and trauma in psychosis. They discuss adverse childhood experiences, his parents’ divorce, insomnia, and his consultant’s view that high stress in a racially hostile environment raised his risk.
- •Psychosis risk is linked to stress load, lack of sleep, and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).
- •Harewood cites unresolved trauma around his parents’ divorce and lifelong racism as important background factors.
- •He highlights studies showing more psychosis among Black people in Western countries than in Africa, pointing to environmental drivers.
- •He distinguishes his relatively ‘clownish’ psychosis (as his doctor put it) from more violent expressions, underscoring that anyone’s brain can misfire under the right pressure.
- 1:42:00 – 1:59:00
Acting, Escapism, and the Quest for Joy in Real Life
The conversation shifts to acting as both haven and risk. Using a philosopher’s argument about abandoning the self, Bartlett questions whether acting can become an unhealthy escape; Harewood explains why the stage still feels uniquely safe and fulfilling to him.
- •Harewood says acting is the only space he feels fully confident and joyful because it’s controlled and predictable.
- •He acknowledges that life is inherently uncontrollable, full of contradictions, whereas performance offers structure and clarity.
- •They explore whether acting can become a way to abandon one’s real self, noting that happiness ultimately requires accepting who you are.
- •Harewood compares actors to great athletes (Best, Maradona) who can be geniuses on the pitch and lost off it.
- •He sees his forays into madness as having widened his emotional and psychological range as an artist, while recognizing the need to build a more joyful everyday life.
- 1:59:00 – 2:15:00
Going Public: Tweet, Documentary, and Overwhelming Response
A casual tweet about having had a breakdown snowballs into media scrutiny and a major BBC documentary. Harewood describes the terror of release day, his mother’s reassuring phone call, and the tidal wave of emotional reactions from the public that followed.
- •He tweets about his breakdown on World Mental Health Day, forgetting he’d never publicly disclosed it; media interest explodes.
- •He works closely on the documentary and initially feels fine, but panics when trailers air, nearly asking the BBC to pull it.
- •On broadcast night, his devices explode with messages; his mother’s ‘Brilliant. Well done, son’ calms him.
- •The next day, strangers stop him constantly, in tears, sharing their own family stories of breakdown and unspeakable shame.
- •Mental health charity Mind reports a surge in calls citing his film; for many, it’s the first time they’ve heard psychosis described from the inside.
- 2:15:00 – 2:35:00
Costs of Honesty: Emotional Fallout and Systemic Racism in Care
Harewood admits there were moments he regretted such openness as he struggled with emotional overload and the discovery of systemic abuses, especially toward Black patients. Therapy and confronting his medical notes become key steps in processing it all.
- •He finds it hard to cope with constant, intense disclosures from strangers; sessions at Tesco often end in mutual tears.
- •He opens his long‑buried medical records in quarantine and reads every note: bizarre behaviours, humiliating incidents, and clinicians’ observations.
- •His consultant reveals he received three times the legal tranquilizer dose, likely due to staff fear of a ‘big Black man.’
- •He learns of cases where Black people in psychosis are refused care, arrested, or even shot instead of treated.
- •Initially he fears he’s said ‘too much’ and that it might harm his acting prospects, particularly after returning from the US, but he ultimately decides he doesn’t care and values integrity over perception.
- 2:35:00
Healing, Control, and Building a New Creative Legacy
In closing, Harewood situates himself in a ‘healing period’ and shares his focus on controlling what he can, avoiding resentment, and creating his own opportunities via a production company. He articulates his desired legacy: to crack open possibilities for others through his work and example.
- •He feels he has moved from raw vulnerability into a more stable healing phase, where talking about his past is easier.
- •His core coping principle now is to ‘control what I can control’ and not spiral over what isn’t his to decide (like casting decisions).
- •He acknowledges fears about being typecast as a documentary figure, but sees huge value in the work and refuses to take ‘shit roles.’
- •His new production company aims to create complex dramas and docs, including substantial roles for himself and others, rather than waiting for permission.
- •Asked about legacy, he says he wants to ‘crack open the universe’—inspire by example, be a ‘first’ so others don’t have to be, and expand what’s imaginable for future generations.
