“Dynamo Is Dead!” The Heartbreaking True Story Of Why Dynamo Vanished For Years!

As a mixed‑race child in a racist, violent environment, Stephen was regularly beaten and ostracized. His grandfather taught him simple tricks, not as a career path but as a way to attract positive attention and deflect aggression. Performing tricks at school changed some peers’ perceptions just enough to reduce bullying and give him a fragile foothold in social life.

Diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at 13, Stephen endured constant pain, invasive surgeries, and later reactive arthritis that made holding cards and walking difficult. When medical trials repeatedly failed and treatments stopped working during COVID, he felt his body was “deteriorating” and that without the ability to perform, his only source of identity and value was gone.

At rock bottom on 6 November 2020, Stephen believed that he was the source of everyone’s problems and that his death would relieve his wife and family. Only afterward did he realise he had never fully considered the trauma his absence would cause. This reframing—seeing himself not as the problem but as loved—became central to his recovery.

When his wife found him unconscious after a suicide attempt, she called his doctor, pushed for therapy, and crucially did not shame him for what had happened. Later, therapist Edward Sim agreed to treat him for free when the cost became another source of stress. These acts of steady, non‑transactional care helped him feel genuinely loved for perhaps the first time outside his grandparents.

Guided by 12‑step literature and therapy, Stephen revisited his past: resentment toward his absent, criminal father; toward his mother’s abusive partners; and toward his mother herself for choosing relationships that made him feel unwanted. Open conversations revealed her own history of abuse and trauma, helping him replace blame with understanding and soften long‑held emotional knots.