The Diary of a CEOOvercoming Depression, Burnout, Anxiety and Insomnia with Dan Murray-Serter | E54
CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 17:40
Bulimia, Hidden Mental Health, and Growing Up ‘Fat’
Dan opens by revealing a long‑buried struggle with bulimia in his twenties, triggered despite having already lost weight. He describes years of vomiting after meals, a life‑threatening throat injury at a festival, and how shame led him to suppress the entire episode from his own story until very recently.
- •Initial tweet listed depression, burnout, anxiety and insomnia; later Dan realises he’d omitted bulimia because he’d buried it mentally.
- •Bulimia manifested as involuntary vomiting over 4–5 years, confusing doctors because medical tests showed nothing wrong.
- •A violent coughing fit led to a pneumomediastinum (a hole in his throat), causing his head to swell and an ICU stay.
- •He still struggles with the embarrassment of having had a severe psychological condition with no biological cause.
- •Growing up fat shaped his humour and social skills; self‑deprecation became a defence mechanism against bullying.
- 17:40 – 30:00
Depression, Losing Faith, and the Search for Meaning
Dan recounts the death of his father after a prolonged hospital battle, which destroyed his belief in God and plunged him into a multi‑year depressive episode. He and Steven compare their own crises of faith and the destabilising effect of moving from religious certainty to atheism or agnosticism.
- •Dan’s father, blind and widely loved, survived a predicted terminal event only to later die from catching a cold in a recovery home.
- •His father’s death severed Dan’s connection to Judaism and any sense of cosmic justice; he spent about three years believing in nothing.
- •He became hostile and hyper‑rational about religion, challenging others’ beliefs from a place of bitterness.
- •Steven shares his own transition from Christianity to obsessive atheism and then to a calmer agnosticism after intense study.
- •They explore how losing belief erodes purpose and stability, forcing a reconstruction of meaning from first principles.
- 30:00 – 47:00
Ayahuasca, Nature‑Based Spirituality, and Gratitude Lessons
Introduced to ayahuasca in his late twenties, Dan describes guided psychedelic ceremonies that rebuilt his spiritual worldview around nature and cycles. He credits these experiences with ending his depression, dissolving his fear of death, and teaching him profound lessons about gratitude and perspective.
- •Ayahuasca is a potent Amazonian plant medicine used ceremonially with licensed shamans; Dan insists it should never be done casually at home.
- •His first journey did not give him the reunion with his dad he wanted; instead he witnessed vast ecological cycles—birds, bees, soil, oxygen—operating in harmony.
- •He interpreted this as evidence of a greater organizing principle: nature itself as a spiritual reality more believable than traditional miracles.
- •Later ceremonies focused on gratitude, including an intense embodiment of a poor boy walking miles for water, shifting Dan’s mindset from “I want more” to “I have enough.”
- •He uses physical totems (stones) to anchor insights in daily life, e.g., a stone by his bed reminding him to be grateful for running water.
- •He stresses integration: psychedelic wisdom without concrete behavioural change is wasted, and some lessons demand bravery he hasn’t always had.
- 47:00 – 1:02:00
Impostor Syndrome, Personal Branding, and Identity Shedding
The conversation turns to social media and why Dan, despite strong views and a successful podcast, has resisted building a public personal brand. He and Steven unpack impostor syndrome, fear of judgment from old friends, and the necessity of shedding past identities as your life and work evolve.
- •Steven recounts his initial terror of YouTube and fear that old friends would mock him for “thinking he’s Gandhi.”
- •Dan believes his products are B2C and not about him, but recognises this is partly a story he tells himself.
- •He experiences deep impostor syndrome after moving into new industries (tech, then neuroscience and nutrition) without formal credentials.
- •To counter this, he started a weekly newsletter summarising brain‑science papers, building expertise and confidence through repetition.
- •On LinkedIn he grew from 3k to ~25k followers by sharing failures and in‑progress projects, despite the risk they might flop.
- •Both note how much their behaviour online is constrained by imagined judgments from old school friends, even those no longer in their lives.
- •Dan frames adulthood as a continual editing of friends, identities and commitments—shedding past versions of yourself to make room for who you’re becoming.
- 1:02:00 – 1:12:00
Neuroplasticity, Planning Your Life, and CEO‑Level Self‑Care
Dan links concepts from neuroscience, spirituality and business planning to argue that you must consciously design who you’re becoming. He emphasises neuroplasticity, manifestation, and structured reflection, and reframes rest as a core responsibility of any founder whose main job is high‑quality decision‑making.
- •Neuroplasticity: the brain is plastic and reshapes itself based on what you repeatedly do and think.
- •Spiritual people call similar processes manifestation; business people call it planning and execution.
- •Dan does a yearly, 5–6‑hour life review with his wife covering vision, purpose, friends, and what to say no to.
- •He argues founders are not paid for stamina like athletes, but for decisions, and overwork degrades decision quality.
- •If you can’t manage your own physical and mental health, you’re not qualified to lead a company.
- •His highest‑leverage burnout prevention is scheduling rest and non‑work habits directly into his calendar (naps, Peloton, meditation, Shakti mat).
- 1:12:00 – 1:30:00
Burnout, Hustle Culture, and the Trap of Building the Wrong Company
Returning to burnout, Dan analyses how hustle culture narratives and a misaligned startup combined to break him. He describes the romanticisation of overwork, his own collapse while leading Grabble, and the new safeguards he’s built at Heights to prevent repeating the pattern—even though he now loves his work.
- •He critiques “hustle porn” popularised by figures like Gary Vaynerchuk: growth requires hard work, but making grind your identity is unhealthy.
- •Burnout at Grabble culminated in a month where he could not get out of bed, while his co‑founder ran the team.
- •He was driven by fear of failure and ego, not genuine passion for fashion; awards and press fed his ego but not his soul.
- •Steven shares his own research: burnout is far likelier in extrinsically motivated tasks than in intrinsically enjoyable activities.
- •Dan now fears a different risk at Heights: he loves the mission so much he could overwork without noticing burnout onset.
- •Preventative measures include diarised rest, rigid daily walks, and disciplined habit formation, not relying on “willpower later.”
- 1:30:00 – 1:50:00
Anxiety, Insomnia, and Discovering Brain Nutrition
Dan details a six‑month bout of severe insomnia and anxiety that struck during an otherwise happy period of his life. After exhausting psychological tools, he found relief via targeted nutrition, which exposed a huge gap between what brain science knows and what consumers hear—and directly inspired Heights.
- •Symptoms: waking at 2 a.m. every night, drenched in anxiety, personality shifts, and spiralling fear about never sleeping again.
- •He tried meditation apps, sleep therapy, abstaining from and then increasing alcohol and weed, and was prescribed sleeping pills he refused to take.
- •A dietitian (not just an Instagram “nutritionist”) assessed his diet and concluded he was deficient in key brain nutrients.
- •She prescribed high‑potency omega‑3 (DHA), B vitamins for steady energy, and blueberry extract for antioxidant support during sleep.
- •Within two weeks his sleep normalised and anxiety subsided, prompting deep scepticism and then intense reading of scientific literature.
- •He discovered thousands of papers linking nutrition to mental health and cognition, yet almost no mainstream communication about “brain food.”
- •This insight led him to start a brain‑science newsletter and later to co‑found Heights as a brain‑care brand.
- 1:50:00 – 2:09:00
Building Heights: Product Design, Habit Formation, and Industry Skepticism
The discussion shifts to Heights as a business: how Dan and his co‑founder, both tech veterans, approached supplements with UX thinking. They address the industry’s under‑dosing problem, designing for habit adherence, and coaching customers toward better brain health beyond just pills.
- •Many mass‑market supplements underdose ingredients—e.g., a best‑selling omega‑3 providing only 45mg vs. the 250mg/day suggested by science.
- •Heights was designed as a high‑dose, evidence‑based “safety net,” not a replacement for good diet.
- •User research showed people hide ugly supplement bottles in a “guilt cupboard” and then forget to take them.
- •Heights’ aesthetically designed bottle is meant to live on your bedside table or desk, acting as a positive identity cue.
- •The patented capsule combines DHA oil outside and nutrients inside so it can be absorbed with or without food, making timing flexible.
- •Customers complete a brain‑health questionnaire at onboarding and at intervals; early improvements mostly come from awareness and coaching emails, not the vitamins themselves.
- •Dan frames Heights as a community and education company around “brain care,” not just a pill, paralleling how brands like Nike or Headspace mainstreamed running and meditation.
- 2:09:00 – 2:33:00
Failure, Co‑Founder Therapy, and Redefining Success as Learning
Dan explains how he and his co‑founder processed Grabble’s failure through business psychotherapy, brutally honest letters, and values work. They used the experience to re‑architect their partnership for Heights and to embrace a definition of success centred on learning, impact and alignment.
- •Post‑Grabble, they saw a business psychologist, wrote unsparing letters about each other’s failings, and mapped personality assessments to past mistakes.
- •Joel felt Dan hadn’t contributed 50/50 and that Dan’s constant honesty about not loving the business undermined Joel’s morale and narrative.
- •Dan accepts that a large share of Grabble’s failure was on him, and that he’s not suited to pursue businesses misaligned with his values.
- •They built Heights with explicit company values, hiring frameworks and role clarity before hiring staff, to avoid old dysfunctions.
- •Dan embraces being a “lifelong intern”—constantly changing industries, learning from scratch, and accepting imposter feelings as the price of growth.
- •He cites ikigai, the Japanese concept of overlapping purpose, passion, profession and mission, as his north star for aligned work.
- 2:33:00 – 3:01:00
Love, Open Relationships, and Running a Marriage with OKRs
The episode pivots into Dan’s marriage: from an initially non‑monogamous arrangement to a fast proposal, and how he and his wife consciously structure their relationship. They explore open relationships in theory, designing marital OKRs, and integrating growth with genuine affection and humour.
- •Dan first met his now‑wife at 18, then reconnected at 30; they spent a year in an openly non‑monogamous, casual arrangement.
- •Having been hurt in a prior relationship, he initially rejected marriage and monogamy, but friends challenged his fears, and he proposed within six months of committing.
- •They openly discuss the possibility of opening their relationship in the distant future if sexual connection fades, aiming to pre‑empt cheating through hard conversations.
- •They apply OKRs to their marriage: objective is a long, fulfilling partnership; key results are broken into mind, body, soul habits (e.g., shared meditation, daily check‑ins, teaching each other something, regular sex and affection, solo time).
- •They track these habits nightly in a journal, believing structure reduces conflict and amplifies connection rather than making love “robotic.”
- •Dan argues that not systemising leads to more time lost in arguments, resentment and mental rumination than the small daily effort of intentional habits.
- 3:01:00 – 3:25:00
Binary Questions, Fear of Death, and Redefining Happiness
Dan and Steven question the usefulness of binary life questions like “Are you happy?” or “Are you in love?” and dig into the fear of death. Dan explains how ayahuasca dissolved his fear of dying, while Steven describes how losing faith removed the terror of hell and sharpened his focus on the present.
- •Dan answers “yes” to being happy but challenges why happiness is the metric we fixate on instead of fulfillment and contribution.
- •Binary framing oversimplifies complex, fluctuating states and can generate anxiety when people feel they don’t fit neat boxes.
- •Steven notes how people torture themselves trying to decide if feelings “count” as being in love or having found a passion.
- •Dan believes fear of death is illogical and actually constrains life; the only guaranteed event should be philosophically integrated, not avoided.
- •His ayahuasca experiences convinced him of cycles, reincarnation and soul‑like continuity, making him unafraid of death and more accepting of loss.
- •Steven describes his liberation from fear of hell via Richard Dawkins’ framing: before you were born, you felt nothing; death is likely similar, shifting urgency to living fully now.
- 3:25:00
Ideal Dinner Guests and Closing Reflections on Authenticity
In a lighter closing segment, Dan picks his fantasy dinner guests and Steven reflects on the value of Dan’s raw honesty. The choices reveal Dan’s fascinations with stoicism, artistry, high performance and media‑driven change.
- •Dan chooses Marcus Aurelius for stoic wisdom and Meditations, Dennis Bergkamp as his football idol and model of quiet class, Oprah Winfrey for growth, media power and values‑driven wealth, and Lewis Hamilton for mindset and extreme focus.
- •He admires Hamilton’s activism, plant‑based lifestyle, and grounded demeanour as potentially the greatest F1 driver ever.
- •Steven underlines that the most persuasive “sales pitch” for Heights was not product features but Dan’s personal story and motives.
- •They close by reiterating the importance of authenticity over curated perfection, especially on social media, for genuinely helping others.
