Queer Eye Star Opens Up About Hitting Rock Bottom: Jonathan Van Ness

Van Ness describes finally connecting their sexual abuse history to adult sexual compulsivity and meth use, but notes that insight alone didn’t erase the behaviors. They still had to repeatedly return to therapy, 12‑step tools, and self‑observation—falling off the horse and getting back on—to gradually change shame‑driven cycles of seeking validation through risky sex.

Despite early access to therapy, a supportive mom, and a sober stepdad, Van Ness continued destructive behaviors until a cluster of crises—Steve’s death, a breakup, and an HIV diagnosis—made them truly want change. They emphasize that “every bottom has a basement”: not everyone needs the same level of catastrophe, but no one can be forced into recovery before they’re willing.

Their media career was not an overnight success: years of Gay of Thrones, self‑produced podcasting, and constant setbacks preceded Queer Eye. Van Ness credits their progress less to unique talent than to resilience—continuing to improvise, learn production and writing on the job, and pursue opportunities even when they felt like a long shot.

Van Ness challenges the binary idea of being either authentic or inauthentic. For them, authenticity means openly naming what they’re going through (fatigue, grief, not wanting to revisit certain traumas) and setting limits accordingly—even if fans expect perpetual joy and access. Saying no to a selfie on a day of personal tragedy can be more authentic than performing cheerfulness.

Figure skating and gymnastics were childhood escapes from bullying and abuse; as an adult, rescuing a kitten during a period of sex work and drug use helped Van Ness choose safety over further exploitation. They now have multiple cats, dogs, and chickens and frame these relationships as ongoing sources of grounded joy and purpose that counterbalance darker experiences.