Vanessa Van Edwards: The Conversation Habit That Makes Smart People Unlikable

ℹ️ EPISODE INFO

Released

September 10, 2026

Duration

2h 26m

Channel

The Diary of a CEO

Watch on YouTube

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📝 EPISODE DESCRIPTION

Are you sabotaging yourself with terrible communication habits and unconscious body language? Unlock the secrets of human connection to cultivate charisma, forge deeper connections, and eliminate awkward small talk for good. Vanessa Van Edwards is a behavioral researcher and the author of _Cues,_ _Captivate,_ and her new book, _Conversation._ She returns to decode the underlying dynamics that shape relationships, providing actionable techniques to bypass social autopilot. She helps master non-verbal cues to prevent communication friction from harming your career and personal life. *In this episode, she explains:*

• *The Conversation Blueprint:* How to navigate the three distinct psychological levels of interaction
• *The Autopilot Trap:* Why socially scripted questions like "How are you?" or "What do you do?" actually destroy connection.
• *The Mechanics of Rizz:* The exact science behind conversational turn taking, why speaking for more than 45 seconds creates friction.
• *Command with Body Language:* How to instantly project warmth and competence by finding your maximum resonance point.
• *The Five Story Archetypes:* How to decode the psychological narratives of the people around you.

00:00:00 Intro 00:02:11 How to Connect With Anyone 00:03:20 Why Great Conversation Is a Superpower 00:06:41 The 3 Questions That Build Instant Connection 00:17:59 The Fastest Way to Build a Real Connection 00:23:45 How to Get to Know Someone Fast 00:32:41 Why Genuine Curiosity Makes You More Charismatic 00:35:32 The Questions That Secretly Kill Conversations 00:40:40 What’s Worse: Talking Too Much or Too Little? 00:44:15 How to Know If You Talk Too Much 00:45:22 How to Spot a Conversational Narcissist 00:48:34 Ads 00:55:11 How to Know If You’re a Conversational Narcissist 01:08:50 The Real Reason First Dates Go Wrong 01:13:47 Can You Go Too Deep Too Quickly? 01:18:03 How to Rewrite the Story You Tell Yourself 01:22:50 The Psychology of Taking Control of Your Life 01:25:16 Ads 01:30:02 What Science Reveals About Luck and Success 01:36:04 The 5 Personality Archetypes Explained 01:42:36 Why Your Personality Changes How You Should Communicate 01:51:45 The Psychology of the “Unlucky Struggler” 01:55:43 How to Escape an Awkward Conversation 01:59:08 How to Build Aura and Rizz 02:00:30 How to Become More Charismatic 02:04:51 The Hidden Habits That Kill Your Charisma 02:08:59 What “Aura” Actually Means 02:13:21 The Eye Contact Trick That Builds Connection 02:16:11 How to Become an Exceptional Listener 02:22:23 Who This Book Was Really Written For *Let Steven know if you feel “lucky” here!* https://doyoufeelluckychallenge.web.app/ *Follow Vanessa:* YouTube - https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/4sKjzqT Instagram - https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/8fFNJdo TikTok - https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/CWueu1F You can pre-order Vanessa’s book, _Conversations_ here: https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/A69YXE2 *The Diary Of A CEO:*

• Join DOAC circle here - https://doaccircle.com/
• Buy The Diary Of A CEO book here - https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/BWjLTZK
• Shop The Diary Of A CEO collection: https://thediary.com/collections/shop
• Get email updates - https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/5IB1H6E
• Follow Steven - https://link.thediaryofaceo.com/AGU9QP4

*Sponsors:* Fiverr - https://fiverr.com/diary and get 10% off your first order when you use code DIARY Shopify - https://shopify.com/bartlett

🎤 SPEAKERS

• Vanessa Van Edwards

  guest

  Behavioral researcher and author focused on charisma, conversation, and social cues.

• Steven Bartlett

  host

  Entrepreneur and host of The Diary of a CEO.

🧾 EPISODE SUMMARY

In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, featuring Vanessa Van Edwards and Steven Bartlett, Vanessa Van Edwards: The Conversation Habit That Makes Smart People Unlikable explores stop scripted small talk and use science to build real connection Vanessa Van Edwards argues we’re in a “connection crisis” where technology, asynchronous messaging, and performative media are weakening real conversational skill and increasing loneliness.

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