The Diary of a CEO

James Sexton: Why divorce starts with slippage, not crisis

Through small unaddressed disconnects, marriage erodes by 'slippage'; stopping noticing your partner predicts collapse better than any single fight.

SBSteven BartletthostJSJames Sextonguest

Feb 12, 2026·2h 6m·Watch on YouTube ↗

📖 CHAPTERS

1. 1

   The weekly ritual that prevents “slippage”

   Steven asks for one relationship ritual that keeps couples in love, and James proposes a weekly check-in: three appreciations and three improvements. They explore why this feels cringe to some people and why discomfort is often the price of real intimacy.

2. 2

   Why modern love feels harder: craving connection, lacking tools

   James diagnoses society’s relationship with love: people want deeper connection after years of screens and pandemic isolation, but they don’t have the skills to find and maintain it. He separates the skill of forming connection from the skill of sustaining it.

3. 3

   The #1 reason high-achievers get divorced: your partner drops in the rankings

   Steven asks what would most likely send his fiancée to a divorce lawyer. James says the most common issue—especially with high-performing partners—is not being ‘seen’: missed bids for attention, drifting priority, and inconsistent check-ins.

4. 4

   ‘Slippage’: small disconnections that quietly flood a marriage

   James introduces ‘slippage’—tiny, seemingly harmless disconnects that accumulate over time until the relationship collapses “all at once.” He explains why people notice the puddle but avoid addressing it: pain avoidance beats long-term goals.

5. 5

   How to raise issues without defensiveness: language that keeps doors open

   They discuss how to bring up sensitive topics (sex, patience, arguing) in a way that invites collaboration rather than blame. James emphasizes humility, curiosity, and naming change instead of accusing wrongdoing.

6. 6

   The ‘menu’ method: asking what your partner needs in the moment

   James offers a practical tool for emotional support: present a menu of options (listen, advise, distract, physical affection, walk, intimacy). This prevents misfires when partners want different forms of care and builds a shared vocabulary for needs.

7. 7

   Attachment, intimacy fear, and why ‘cringe’ is often just avoidance

   Steven admits some discomfort with verbal intimacy; James argues the solution is to start small and build ‘relationship fitness’ like going to the gym. They touch on attachment styles and how childhood patterns show up in adult connection.

8. 8

   Childhood patterns, independence, and the ‘castle with a moat’

   They explore how chaotic childhood environments (e.g., alcoholism) can produce hyper-independence and control, which later undermines connection. James shares his own struggle: competence became a shield, but also a barrier to asking for help.

9. 9

   Addiction as emotional anesthesia: work, distraction, and numbness

   James defines addiction as anything used to avoid feelings you’d have if you did nothing. They connect modern distraction (work, devices, achievement) to emotional avoidance and discuss therapy’s core question: what are you afraid to feel?

10. 10

    Why you shouldn’t give up on love—even if you’ve failed before

    Steven asks for the ‘why’ behind taking love seriously. James argues that the most meaningful moments in life are rooted in giving and receiving love, and that accomplishment without deep connection becomes hollow.

11. 11

    Prenups: the rulebook that can reduce conflict and protect the relationship

    James argues prenups help marriages last by forcing hard conversations upfront and replacing government defaults with mutually chosen rules. He reframes prenups as safety and clarity—‘yours, mine, ours’—not a lack of trust.

12. 12

    M&M’s demonstration: commingling, community property, and why timing matters

    Using M&M’s, James visualizes how assets mix during marriage and why sorting them later becomes messy and expensive. He explains how commingling can transform separate assets into divisible marital property depending on jurisdiction and timelines.

13. 13

    Petnups and modern family systems: custody-like battles over animals

    They discuss the rise of pet disputes that resemble custody conflicts, driven by deeper emotional attachment to companion animals. James explains petnups as preventative agreements covering care, visitation, medical decisions, and end-of-life plans.

14. 14

    Divorce trends and the ‘gray divorce’ rise

    James clarifies what divorce statistics actually measure and why rates fluctuate with court access and filing behavior. They explore the rise in over-50 divorces, driven by longer lifespans, less stigma, and financial independence—especially for women.

15. 15

    Authenticity as the goal: don’t expect marriage to change everything—or freeze it

    In closing reflections, James warns against two assumptions: marriage will change your partner, or marriage will keep everything the same. The antidote is ongoing conversation and a shared commitment to help each other become more authentic over time.