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James Sexton: Why divorce starts with slippage, not crisis

Through small unaddressed disconnects, marriage erodes by 'slippage'; stopping noticing your partner predicts collapse better than any single fight.

Steven BartletthostJames Sextonguest
Feb 11, 20262h 6mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Divorce lawyer reveals relationship slippage signs and tools to prevent divorce

  1. Divorce lawyer James Sexton argues most breakups aren’t caused by one explosive event but by “slippage”: small, unaddressed disconnections that compound over years until the relationship floods.
  2. He frames relationships as a skill and a job requiring maintenance, performance reviews, and courageous honesty—especially for high achievers prone to deprioritizing partners.
  3. He offers practical tools: non-defensive language for raising issues early, a weekly appreciation/feedback ritual, and “menu” communication to match support styles during stress.
  4. He strongly advocates prenups (and even “petnups”) as clarity-building rule sets that reduce future conflict, protect both partners’ safety, and force the couple to practice hard conversations before marriage.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Most divorces start as “slippage,” not a single catastrophe.

Sexton describes divorce like a flood: “no single raindrop” causes it. Couples often notice early puddles—tone changes, less patience, less sex—but avoid the discomfort of addressing them until the gap becomes a chasm.

High achievers most often lose marriages by stopping “seeing” their partner.

For busy, ambitious people, the common pattern is a partner slipping down the priority list. Micro-check-ins (a 1-minute call, a thoughtful text) preserve connection even when schedules are chaotic.

Treat love like a job you want to stay good at.

He compares dating to interviewing for a dream job—then people stop doing “performance reviews” once hired. Normalizing maintenance (books, tools, rituals) reduces shame and raises relationship competence.

Use non-accusatory language to discuss change early.

Instead of “you’re doing something wrong,” Sexton recommends “something’s changed—have you noticed?” paired with humility (“if I’m doing something that contributed, tell me”). This lowers defensiveness and keeps the conversation collaborative.

A weekly ritual can prevent years of resentment.

His core practice: once a week share three specific things you love/like about your partner (different each week) and three things that could be improved (optionally also: three times you felt loved, and three things that sparked desire). The point is consistent attention and safe feedback loops.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

Slippage is these small disconnections… No single raindrop’s responsible for the flood.

— James Sexton

The number one reason… is that you’ve stopped seeing her and stopped noticing her.

— James Sexton

We’re more hungry than we’ve ever been, and we have no idea how to cook.

— James Sexton

Rom-coms are basically just an emotional version of pornography.

— James Sexton

Addiction is anything you do to get away from feeling what you would have felt if you’d done nothing at all.

— James Sexton

“Slippage” and small disconnectionsAttention as the core relationship currencyNon-defensive communication frameworksWeekly ritual: 3 appreciations + 3 improvementsFear of intimacy and unworthiness of loveChildhood roots: independence, control, attachmentAddiction/distraction as emotional avoidanceLove vs achievement as life’s true KPIPrenups as rule sets (yours/mine/ours)Incentives and timing in divorce lawGray divorce and changing social stigmaPet custody and “petnups”

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