I Thought I’d Thrive as a New Mom — Here’s What Actually Happened

Dr. Becky 0:00 I'm really glad you're here. This is a show we made especially for parents and parents-to-be in those first few weeks and months after having a baby. That third trimester, that foggy newborn stage, the stretch where everything feels new and close to the surface. And each episode starts with a thought, the kind of thought that shows up at 2:00 AM, the kind of thought you don't really wanna say out loud, the kind of thought that makes you wonder, "Is something wrong with me? Am I doing this whole parenting thing right?" And today, that thought is, "This is boring." [laughs] If you've ever had that sentence run through your head, even once, I want you to know you are definitely not the only one. And when that thought shows up, it can feel scary. It can feel lonely. It can feel like there's something about you that's off or wrong for this job. In this episode, we're gonna name it, and we're gonna hear a parent's story around that thought, and we're

Dr. Becky 1:00 gonna slow the thought down enough to make it feel a little less complicated, a little more understandable. If you can, save this for a quiet moment or a hard moment or one of those middle-of-the-night moments, and think of this as a friendly voice in your ear during that time. And today, that voice belongs to Myleik Teele. Myleik is hard to describe, because she's so many things. She's an entrepreneur. She's a mentor. She's a speaker. She is a-

Myleik Teele 1:32 Coach

Dr. Becky 1:33 ... coach.

Myleik Teele 1:33 Yes.

Dr. Becky 1:35 And you are someone who's always becoming and emerging.

Myleik Teele 1:39 Yes.

Dr. Becky 1:39 Is that fair?

Myleik Teele 1:39 Yes. Unfolding.

Dr. Becky 1:40 Unfolding. And she's a major part of the GOODINSIDE community, and she's a mom of two. [gentle music] All right, Myleik, let's start pre-baby. Ready?

Myleik Teele 1:58 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 1:58 Who was Myleik before her first baby arrived?

Myleik Teele 2:02 Oh, my gosh. Entrepreneur, traveler, girlfriend, fun times. I had a wonderful life before I became a parent-

Dr. Becky 2:13 [laughs]

Myleik Teele 2:13 ... and I thought, "You know what? I should... Maybe we should add some children to this wonderful life."

Dr. Becky 2:19 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 2:20 Yeah. That was who I was.

Dr. Becky 2:21 What comes up when you think about pre-child Myleik?

Myleik Teele 2:25 How free I was, how... I think how much time I had.

Dr. Becky 2:31 [laughs] Yep.

Myleik Teele 2:33 I had so much time before I became a parent.

Dr. Becky 2:37 Did you realize it at the time?

Myleik Teele 2:39 I did not-

Dr. Becky 2:39 Okay. [laughs]

Myleik Teele 2:40 ... realize it at the time. I didn't realize it at the time.

Dr. Becky 2:42 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 2:42 After I became a parent, I thought to myself, "What was I doing with all of that time?"

Dr. Becky 2:46 Like a Saturday.

Myleik Teele 2:47 Yeah, a Saturday, when I just woke up when I wanted to-

Dr. Becky 2:50 Yeah

Myleik Teele 2:50 ... did what I wanted to.

Dr. Becky 2:52 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 2:52 Cooked, maybe not.

Dr. Becky 2:53 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 2:54 I miss, I miss those days. [laughs]

Dr. Becky 2:56 I'm not gonna go off on this tangent-

Myleik Teele 2:57 Yeah

Dr. Becky 2:57 ... I'm gonna come back, but it just makes me think, I know, and when I was a new mom, too, it's so easy to say, "Oh, I feel so bad. I'm thinking about me free Saturdays." And now we're so far out of the baby stage, I look back like, yeah, what human wouldn't miss a free Saturday?

Myleik Teele 3:11 Yes.

Dr. Becky 3:11 Like, of course.

Myleik Teele 3:12 Yes.

Dr. Becky 3:13 Right?

Myleik Teele 3:13 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 3:14 Um, okay. So in that pre-baby time, that pre-baby Myleik, tell me about some of the things you felt especially confident about.

Myleik Teele 3:22 I felt confident that I could show up anywhere on time and prepared.

Dr. Becky 3:28 Mm.

Myleik Teele 3:28 I felt confident about the, the amount of time, about the things that I would need. Um, I felt confident in my ability to get things done. I was very efficient.

Dr. Becky 3:38 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 3:39 Um, I was really good at a lot of things-

Dr. Becky 3:42 Yeah

Myleik Teele 3:43 ... before I had a baby.

Dr. Becky 3:45 Okay. We're gonna get there.

Myleik Teele 3:46 [laughs]

Dr. Becky 3:48 Tell me, did you assume, or maybe what did you assume would feel natural when you became a mom?

Myleik Teele 3:55 I thought that I had learned how to do so many things on my own. So I, I was an, I'm an entrepreneur, and I thought that when I have a child-

Dr. Becky 4:07 Mm-hmm

Myleik Teele 4:07 ... I will apply everything that sort of has gotten me to this place to parenting, and I am going to kill this. I am going to be as good at parenting as I am at my business. I started something from nothing. I, I knew I had this.

Dr. Becky 4:27 So, uh, that's really interesting. You'd already birthed something.

Myleik Teele 4:29 Yes.

Dr. Becky 4:29 So, so, like-

Myleik Teele 4:30 Yes

Dr. Becky 4:31 ... being an entrepreneur, starting a company, you started Curlbox.

Myleik Teele 4:33 Yes.

Dr. Becky 4:34 Very successful, like-

Myleik Teele 4:35 Box

Dr. Becky 4:35 ... it was in, it was, it was an idea. It was like a, it became a embryo.

Myleik Teele 4:39 Yes.

Dr. Becky 4:40 It became... And then you ge- you gestated on, on this.

Myleik Teele 4:42 Yes, yes.

Dr. Becky 4:43 And it grew.

Myleik Teele 4:43 And it grew, and it did well for a long time, and I just thought, "Of course I know what I'm doing. You know, I'll get my spreadsheet. I'll get the right players in place, and I'm going to kill this."

Dr. Becky 4:56 Like, the world has never seen a mom-

Myleik Teele 4:58 No

Dr. Becky 4:58 ... like me. [laughs]

Myleik Teele 5:00 The, I'm serious. Yeah. [laughs]

Dr. Becky 5:02 I'm gonna cross that.

Myleik Teele 5:02 I just, I just knew I had it.

Dr. Becky 5:04 Yeah. Yeah.

Myleik Teele 5:06 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 5:06 So kind of I assumed everything I had learned to that point-

Myleik Teele 5:08 Yes

Dr. Becky 5:09 ... would translate.

Myleik Teele 5:10 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 5:10 So what did I assume would come naturally? Like, everything.

Myleik Teele 5:13 I thought everything would come naturally to me. I thought that I, you know, my timing would be right. Like, I had, like, my schedule, and it's like when I, when it says, "Take a nap," you're going to go down at this time, and then I'm going to do these things over here. And I just knew that I could apply that, and that I would, and that I would enjoy it in the way that I enjoyed getting things done in my business.

Dr. Becky 5:37 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 5:37 You know, just that mark of, you know, oh my God, it feels so good to check things off and get things done well.

Dr. Becky 5:43 You have the boxes on the list.

Myleik Teele 5:45 Yes.

Dr. Becky 5:45 And you know how to check them off.

Myleik Teele 5:46 Very good. Very well.

Dr. Becky 5:47 And then is it fair to say the first couple weeks, you kind of thought, if you pictured ahead, like that's, yeah, I'm gonna, like, spreadsheet myself into this.

Myleik Teele 5:53 Yes. I-

Dr. Becky 5:54 Check, check my way through this

Myleik Teele 5:55 ... I have everything in the right drawers. I, I know where everything is.

Dr. Becky 5:59 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 5:59 I've, I've got my schedule written out.

Dr. Becky 6:01 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 6:01 I have it.

Dr. Becky 6:02 Yeah. Did you read the books? Did you do the things?

Myleik Teele 6:03 Oh, gosh. I read-

Dr. Becky 6:05 Yeah

Myleik Teele 6:05 ... all of the books, you know?

Dr. Becky 6:06 Mm-hmm.

Myleik Teele 6:06 It's like I, whatever the, the brain needs to develop, you know, so I knew how long the nap needed to be-

Dr. Becky 6:13 Yeah

Myleik Teele 6:13 ... and every... There's not a book that I did not read. And I became a mom in March of 2018.

Dr. Becky 6:20 Okay. So we're gonna travel to March of 2018 And I wanna hear about a moment in March of 2018, maybe it was April, May, not past May, if you don't mind.

Myleik Teele 6:30 Okay.

Dr. Becky 6:30 Like, somewhere really in those early moments, or let's just say any moment where you would say, "Yeah, it was not like all the things I just talked about pre-baby."

Myleik Teele 6:44 I very quickly realized I am not enjoying this-

Dr. Becky 6:51 Mm

Myleik Teele 6:51 ... at all. I am not, even with all of the planning that I had, there just seemed to be not a drop of joy in any of it.

Dr. Becky 7:03 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 7:04 And it was very boring, and sometime monotonous and all of the, you know, the diapers, the... And I felt [laughs] like I just didn't e- I, I didn't expect it to feel this way. I thought it was going to feel better.

Dr. Becky 7:20 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 7:20 I thought that I would, like, wake every morning and just, like, pour my coffee, "Another beautiful day in motherhood."

Dr. Becky 7:26 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 7:26 "I got this." And it was not that.

Dr. Becky 7:29 Yeah. Unenjoyable, boring.

Myleik Teele 7:32 Yes.

Dr. Becky 7:33 That was not in the pre-birth plan.

Myleik Teele 7:36 There's no book that says, "Here's something for you when it's not enjoyable or when you feel really bored." There, there... No one ever mentioned it.

Dr. Becky 7:47 Yeah. Talk about the boring, and if it's a moment or maybe it's a string of moments.

Myleik Teele 7:55 Yes.

Dr. Becky 7:55 What, what, what do you start picturing when you think about that word in that early time?

Myleik Teele 7:58 Just when we think, when I think about my life before I had a baby, it was very exciting, and now here I am managing little bits of laundry all the time, and so I'm bored to tears with the amount of laundry I feel like I now have to do. I am bored with refilling, restocking, um, sterilizing, t- you know, trying to find all the right things that will maybe solve this problem, and I just, I was like, "I don't like this."

Dr. Becky 8:31 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 8:32 It, it was a string of events, and I was just, like, up and down every day, nothing exciting.

Dr. Becky 8:39 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 8:39 Just napping, eating, sleeping, laundry, rinse and repeat.

Dr. Becky 8:46 And I'm just thinking about the rinse and repeat, and I think it sounds like, like, you like novelty.

Myleik Teele 8:54 I do. I love novelty.

Dr. Becky 8:57 Say more about that.

Myleik Teele 8:58 Yes. I, I love going to new places. I love going to new restaurants. You know, I love things being new, and there is... I thought that motherhood would be novelty. There's this new human.

Dr. Becky 9:12 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 9:12 This is going to be exciting. I mean, if this isn't novelty, what is?

Dr. Becky 9:16 Right.

Myleik Teele 9:17 And it's not that. It wasn't that.

Dr. Becky 9:21 Yeah, I don't know why this is coming to mind. This is so absurd of a association, but I'm gonna share it. I think about the person whose job before they have a baby is, like, um, 70% of my time I put stamps on envelopes.

Myleik Teele 9:37 Right. Yeah.

Dr. Becky 9:40 Right? Every once in a while, I'm definitely dealing with some employees who are really upset.

Myleik Teele 9:45 Right.

Dr. Becky 9:45 And then I go back to stamping sta-

Myleik Teele 9:48 Right

Dr. Becky 9:48 ... envelopes [laughs] over and over, and we might say, me and you-

Myleik Teele 9:51 Right

Dr. Becky 9:52 ... um, "Eh, feels like it might get a little old"-

Myleik Teele 9:54 Right

Dr. Becky 9:55 ... "or," right?

Myleik Teele 9:56 Right.

Dr. Becky 9:56 Um, and before you have a baby, if you're someone especially who knows, I... You had an exciting life.

Myleik Teele 10:03 I did.

Dr. Becky 10:04 A lot of novelty, this new thing.

Myleik Teele 10:06 Yes.

Dr. Becky 10:06 Something unexpected in, like, a fun way-

Myleik Teele 10:09 Yes

Dr. Becky 10:09 ... a new challenge, and-

Myleik Teele 10:10 Yes

Dr. Becky 10:10 ... it's so true. Babies are such a new challenge, but that's very holistic and zoomed out.

Myleik Teele 10:17 Right.

Dr. Becky 10:17 And I think what no one prepared me for, too, especially that first month, like, that wash, rinse, repeat over and over, it felt like the opposite of a new challenge.

Myleik Teele 10:30 Yes.

Dr. Becky 10:31 [laughs]

Myleik Teele 10:31 And it, that would never end.

Dr. Becky 10:33 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 10:33 It seemed like, it felt like in the moment, like, my life's going to be this way forever.

Dr. Becky 10:39 So I'm just, I'm picturing you on the couch in your rocking chair just being like, "This is so boring."

Myleik Teele 10:44 Yes.

Dr. Becky 10:45 What, what did you do with that thought? Like, where... Like, follow it. What happened after?

Myleik Teele 10:51 This is so boring, and I, I felt a little bad that I didn't enjoy it the way that I hoped that I would-

Dr. Becky 11:02 Yeah

Myleik Teele 11:03 ... and the way that I assumed other people did. I, when I thought that, I started to think, "Well, what's wrong with me that I'm, that this, that I'm just so bored to tears? Is there something about me-

Dr. Becky 11:17 Yeah

Myleik Teele 11:17 ... that could be better or different, and will I be this parent to my child forever?" Like, I'm thinking all of these things, you know? Is this, will this impact? Will they know that I don't like this?

Dr. Becky 11:31 Yeah, so that, there's, there's so much there, but for s- am I the on- like, am I the only one?

Myleik Teele 11:36 Right.

Dr. Becky 11:36 Like, is, that parent looks happy. Like, I'm not supposed to feel this way. Good parents don't-

Myleik Teele 11:40 Good parents don't feel this way

Dr. Becky 11:43 They love sterilization.

Myleik Teele 11:45 They [laughs]

Dr. Becky 11:46 [laughs]

Myleik Teele 11:46 Yeah, they do. They do. It's like, you know, we've seen the videos.

Dr. Becky 11:50 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 11:50 This is, this is a video of me. I wake up-

Dr. Becky 11:52 [laughs]

Myleik Teele 11:53 ... at 5:13, and I start my day. You know, I put the bottles over here. I do this, and I mean, they're moving arms, legs, everything, and no. I thought that that would be me-

Dr. Becky 12:07 Mm

Myleik Teele 12:07 ... and that I would enjoy that, or I would be doing that.

Dr. Becky 12:10 Mm-hmm.

Myleik Teele 12:10 But that was not my reality, and I think what made this so boring for me-

Dr. Becky 12:16 [laughs]

Myleik Teele 12:16 ... was not being connected with the people that I used to do things with.

Dr. Becky 12:23 Ah.

Myleik Teele 12:25 Not only am I bored doing this, you know, I'm up now at 3:30 AM, and there's no one to talk to, you know? Or when everybody else is sort of moving around without me, it's, I can't do anything anymore.

Dr. Becky 12:42 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 12:42 It feels like that.

Dr. Becky 12:44 I, I'm seeing a pie chart.

Myleik Teele 12:45 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky 12:46 I actually think, like, for anyone listening too, think about the pie chart of your life and what percentage of your life gives you connection and excitement and novelty. I, I think you might have had a higher percentage of those-

Myleik Teele 12:59 I, I absolutely did

Dr. Becky 12:59 ... than other people.

Myleik Teele 13:00 Yes.

Dr. Becky 13:01 Right?

Myleik Teele 13:01 Yes.

Dr. Becky 13:01 No one tells you that's almost, like, a risk factor for how things are gonna feel, right? [laughs]

Myleik Teele 13:07 Now.

Dr. Becky 13:07 Now.

Myleik Teele 13:07 Now I know. [laughs]

Dr. Becky 13:07 Okay, right. So if you think about that pie chart, you just said something that I've never thought before, which is, um, then you think about your pie chart after baby. The things that gave you novelty and excitement just go way down. You can't have them.

Myleik Teele 13:21 Yes.

Dr. Becky 13:21 But there's also the insertion of so many more monotonous things. It's a do- like, it's a double whammy.

Myleik Teele 13:28 Yes, yes.

Dr. Becky 13:29 Right?

Myleik Teele 13:29 That goes down, and now I, I had s-

Dr. Becky 13:32 Ugh

Myleik Teele 13:32 ... I didn't have as much monotony in my life before. Very little.

Dr. Becky 13:36 And you had full control, being like-

Myleik Teele 13:37 Yes

Dr. Becky 13:38 ... Saturday felt monotonous. I'm gonna do something very different on Sunday.

Myleik Teele 13:41 Yes.

Dr. Becky 13:41 Like, can you imagine? This sterilization thing isn't for me.

Myleik Teele 13:44 Right.

Dr. Becky 13:44 So I don't even know.

Myleik Teele 13:46 Tomorrow, I don't have to worry because I won't choose to do this.

Dr. Becky 13:49 Right. You, you're like, "Well, and I'm gonna have to do it."

Myleik Teele 13:51 Right.

Dr. Becky 13:52 That's so different than before you had a baby. I didn't like the way I spent my Saturday, and so it takes you a moment, if you want, to say, "So here's what I'm actioning on tomorrow." It's so different. I found bottle-feeding to be hard. I found breastfeeding to be hard.

Myleik Teele 14:07 Yes.

Dr. Becky 14:07 Ugh, this whole swaddle thing. Is it working? Is it not? I'm trying to get out for a walk, and, and it is just not worth it. And tomorrow, well, I guess I'll just face the entire thing again.

Myleik Teele 14:18 Right. Nothing's changing.

Dr. Becky 14:20 Nothing's changing.

Myleik Teele 14:20 You are going to be doing all of the exact same things again.

Dr. Becky 14:24 Yes.

Myleik Teele 14:25 Give or take a doctor's appointment. [gentle music]

Dr. Becky 14:33 There's a very specific moment in the day a lot of parents hit, usually in the afternoon, where you're still going, but everything feels harder than it should. You're answering questions, making decisions, trying to stay patient, and suddenly simple things feel complicated. Like, why does choosing a snack suddenly feel like a high-stakes decision? And most of us, me included, have the tendency to just push through it, power through. But I've started to pay more attention to those in-between moments and how something as basic as hydration can actually help. And that's what I like about LMNT's sparkling electrolyte drinks. They're designed for those exact moments, not just workouts, but real life, school drop-off, the transition between soccer and coming home, that mid-afternoon dip around 4:07 PM. And it's a simple grab-and-go can, no mixing, no prep, something I can just reach for when I need a small reset for me. No sugar, no artificial ingredients, just a way to support yourself

Dr. Becky 15:34 a little better in the middle of a long day. If you wanna try it, LMNT is offering a free gift with any purchase. Just go to drinklmnt.com/goodinside. That's drinklmnt.com/goodinside. [gentle music] W- was there any aspect of this, and maybe it is the boring part, maybe it's how you felt about the bored, any of it, was there any aspect of it that was the most surprising?

Myleik Teele 16:07 Yes. I- what was most surprising about how I felt was I did not think that someone like me could feel so sort of terrible about this. I, every time I had a challenge in my life, I felt like I have figured out a way to knock it down, I got this, and feel better quickly, pretty quickly.

Dr. Becky 16:39 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 16:39 And this, I just could not.

Dr. Becky 16:43 Doing a good job as a new parent is not making the hard easy. It's actually just talking ourselves through staying in the hard, right? And I know, it sucks. It's so annoying-

Myleik Teele 16:55 No

Dr. Becky 16:55 ... that that's true.

Myleik Teele 16:56 Right.

Dr. Becky 16:57 Is that [laughs]

Myleik Teele 16:57 It's, but the, the deep sigh is that I just, I feel like no one said that.

Dr. Becky 17:03 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 17:03 And if I had just... I mean, that as an approach, that would've been incredibly helpful.

Dr. Becky 17:08 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 17:08 Just more tolerating the hard and not pushing myself to get better or to enjoy it or to let, you know, pushing myself to enjoy it.

Dr. Becky 17:19 That's right. That's right.

Myleik Teele 17:21 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 17:21 Because I do think how we feel in a moment, and I only have this because I've zoomed out too, is, like, there's the feeling.

Myleik Teele 17:27 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky 17:28 Let's say the feeling is this is unenjoyable or this is boring, but then how we end up feeling is that feeling plus how we talk to ourselves about the feeling.

Myleik Teele 17:36 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky 17:36 Every, "I shouldn't feel this way" makes the hard feeling more. Do other parents feel this way? More, right? And we can't change the feeling.

Myleik Teele 17:45 Right.

Dr. Becky 17:46 But it's actually not finding it boring that's the worst feeling in a day. It's, I think it's the-

Myleik Teele 17:51 Right

Dr. Becky 17:52 ... the, the layers.

Myleik Teele 17:52 The layers of-

Dr. Becky 17:54 Right?

Myleik Teele 17:54 Uh, yeah.

Dr. Becky 17:55 Uh, because if it's boring... It's funny, I'm thinking about you back then. I've started some companies. I can deal with boring.

Myleik Teele 18:04 Yes.

Dr. Becky 18:05 [laughs] But-

Myleik Teele 18:05 And I can deal with hard. I can deal with long hours.

Dr. Becky 18:08 I can [laughs]

Myleik Teele 18:09 These are, these are things that I've done before.

Dr. Becky 18:12 But not when we think it should be different.

Myleik Teele 18:16 Right.

Dr. Becky 18:17 Then that, that's crushing to everyone.

Myleik Teele 18:19 Right.

Dr. Becky 18:19 Right?

Myleik Teele 18:19 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 18:21 You now, thinking about first-time mom Myleik, you know, what, if, if you were next to her on the couch, what- What are some of the things you'd say?

Myleik Teele 18:32 If I were sitting next to first-time mom Myleik on the couch, I would probably snuggle up next to her and say, "It's okay if you aren't enjoying this. [laughs] It's okay. This is boring, and it's hard, and this is not a, this is not a time for you to try to strategize yourself out of the feeling."

Dr. Becky 19:02 Mm. Like [laughs] ... The boring isn't a problem to solve?

Myleik Teele 19:05 It's not a problem to solve. You can be bored, and it won't be this way forever.

Dr. Becky 19:11 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 19:12 Because I think that's the part that felt the hardest, is that it just seemed like I, this is, I had this fun and exciting life, and now I have this incredibly boring life that I should be excited about because I wanted this. I said I wanted this. Everyone else seems to be excited about this stage in their life.

Dr. Becky 19:31 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 19:32 And it won't be this way forever. You won't feel this way forever.

Dr. Becky 19:37 Would you tell her [laughs] sort of, "Look, like, knowing you, it makes sense you find this stage boring"?

Myleik Teele 19:46 I would say that to her, too. N- knowing you-

Dr. Becky 19:50 Yeah

Myleik Teele 19:50 ... and knowing how you do things-

Dr. Becky 19:52 Yeah

Myleik Teele 19:53 ... it makes sense that all of the sort of day-to-day monotony of this is dragging you down.

Dr. Becky 20:01 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 20:01 Yeah. You're just, you don't like it.

Dr. Becky 20:03 Yeah. I have a question for you. Uh, uh, not looking for a specific answer.

Myleik Teele 20:07 Mm-hmm.

Dr. Becky 20:08 Do you like parenthood more and more as your kids get older?

Myleik Teele 20:11 Yes.

Dr. Becky 20:12 Say more about that-

Myleik Teele 20:13 Yes

Dr. Becky 20:13 ... and how that relates to what you know about yourself as-

Myleik Teele 20:15 Yes

Dr. Becky 20:15 ... an individual.

Myleik Teele 20:16 I, now, like, knowing what I know about myself and how I like to do things, now that my children are almost six and almost eight, and they can do more things for themselves, we can travel, and I don't have to pack every single thing every time you walk out of the door, they can hold their own things, I enjoy this stage so much more than I did when they were just not able to say anything, no feedback, no-

Dr. Becky 20:53 Yeah

Myleik Teele 20:53 ... like, no return on what you feel like you're giving.

Dr. Becky 20:56 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 20:57 You know? It's just, like, constantly putting out, and so now, yeah, now they're older. I'm like, "This is, this is cool."

Dr. Becky 21:04 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 21:04 I like this.

Dr. Becky 21:05 And I, I do feel like it's something that's, like, so often missing. Like, I'm just being you for a second. Knowing what I know about myself, I love novelty. I love to travel. I love to do new things. All of that is actually gonna make me an amazing mom. Like, the life I'm gonna create... I have the chills.

Myleik Teele 21:19 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 21:20 Like, the life I'm gonna create for my kids-

Myleik Teele 21:22 Yes

Dr. Becky 21:22 ... they're, they're so lucky-

Myleik Teele 21:24 Yeah

Dr. Becky 21:24 ... to have a parent who can, like, "Yeah, let's go do that," right?

Myleik Teele 21:27 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 21:27 And knowing that picture, oh, first couple years, that might not really be possible, and so those years, like, might be hard, and I'm gonna be kind to myself, I'm gonna get through it, I'm gonna have joy in different moments. But, like, after that stage, ooh.

Myleik Teele 21:46 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 21:46 Like, that, that's gonna be my zone.

Myleik Teele 21:48 Yes.

Dr. Becky 21:49 Right?

Myleik Teele 21:49 Yes. Yes. It was... We used to have this joke in the early days of parenting, and my partner would come in and go, "What would you be doing right now if you weren't on the couch, like, with the baby?" Like, "We'd get in Miami. Ugh, who wants that?" [laughs]

Dr. Becky 22:03 [laughs] You know? Going out to a new restaurant and dancing. Ugh.

Myleik Teele 22:06 Ugh. [laughs]

Dr. Becky 22:07 [laughs]

Myleik Teele 22:08 You know? And so we'd just joke all the time-

Dr. Becky 22:12 Yeah

Myleik Teele 22:12 ... about all of the things that we could do if we weren't sort of like-

Dr. Becky 22:16 Yeah

Myleik Teele 22:16 ... you know, how quickly you could make a decision to say, "You know, I wanna go here this weekend," and actually go. You know?

Dr. Becky 22:24 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 22:24 And now, and, and the older they get, the time is starting to, the gap is starting to close on ideas and action, you know? Because you can-

Dr. Becky 22:33 Yes

Myleik Teele 22:34 ... you know, you wanna take your babies some-place. Okay. If I wanna take, take... You know, it's like I took my son to Amsterdam. It was a whole, "Where's he gonna sit? How's he gonna sit? Is he gonna sit with me, you know, i- in my lap, in a seat? You know, do I bring a car seat on the plane?" All of these things you have to think about. What will they eat? What will they have? And the older they get, it's like, "Okay, we wanna go there." All right. We know what they need, you know. It's, it's clo- the gap has closed, and now I'm starting to feel a little bit more like how I felt before I had kids, where I have these fun ideas, and we can actually execute.

Dr. Becky 23:10 Okay, so I have a, I have a specific thing I wanna kind of land on the end. S- anyone listening, but maybe especially the parent listening who if they reflect on their decades before parenthood, they have like, "I am an efficiency person. I'm an idea into action person. Um, I, I like to go do a lot of things, and I am a good problem solver."

Myleik Teele 23:38 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 23:39 What do you wanna, what do you wanna say to that person listening?

Myleik Teele 23:44 To the person who is listening to this podcast, who rocked so many things in their lives before being a parent, and that, I mean, led you to wanting to, to become a parent-

Dr. Becky 23:59 Yeah

Myleik Teele 23:59 ... because you just know you can do it.

Dr. Becky 24:02 Yes.

Myleik Teele 24:03 I want that person to know that not enjoying, finding themselves bored to tears by the absolute monotony of it all is okay, and not a sign that they're doing anything wrong, not a sign that they're going to not enjoy it forever, or they're, it's going to be boring forever. And if, if I could say just this one thing, is, like, please don't ... pro- feel the need to problem solve around the boredom or how you feel.

Dr. Becky 24:37 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 24:37 It is, it is okay.

Dr. Becky 24:39 Yeah.

Myleik Teele 24:39 Yeah.

Dr. Becky 24:40 I- I'm just gonna mirror that. I think especially for that person, that ma- that makes perfect sense, and the only reason you'd have to feel bad about that is if you think that feeling is a report card on your parenting or predictor of your parenting.

Myleik Teele 24:57 Right.

Dr. Becky 24:57 And I think being on the other side, for both of us, n- this is interesting. The only thing I know for sure is it is not a report card or a future prediction.

Myleik Teele 25:09 No, that is true.

Dr. Becky 25:11 Yeah. If you've ever thought, "This is boring," now you have evidence. You are not the only one. And if you're listening before your baby arrives, you might have a thought like this at some point. And if you do, just keep in mind, nothing is wrong with you. It doesn't mean you don't love your baby, it doesn't mean you're ungrateful, and it doesn't mean you made a mistake. Becoming a parent changes you, and it changes the entire environment around you. And when things change so intensely, complicated and new thoughts can come with it. Your story might be different, and your hard moments might sound different. They're still real, and they count. And your hard moments and your hard thoughts do not mean anything characterological about you, and they are not a prediction about your parenting. We are all moving through this in our own homes, at our own hours, and we are not doing this alone. If you have a story that you'd be open to sharing with other parents or parents-to-be, we would love to hear from you. Please email podcast@goodinside.com. And now, let's end the way we always do. Place your feet on the ground, place a hand on your heart, and let's remind ourselves, even as we struggle on the outside, we remain good inside. That feels especially important for this episode. I'll see you soon. [outro music]