Nobody Prepared Me for This Part of New Parenthood | Hannah Bronfman & Brendan Fallis

1. 0:00 – 1:54

   Postpartum curveball: Interviewing Barack Obama in an adult diaper

   1. HBHannah Bronfman0:00

      About three days after giving birth, I got a email saying that there was a really amazing opportunity to interview Barack Obama in seven days.

   2. BKDr. Becky Kennedy0:15

      [laughs]

   3. HBHannah Bronfman0:16

      I literally just had a baby. I was in an adult diaper.

   4. BKDr. Becky Kennedy0:19

      You interviewed President Obama while wearing a diaper.

   5. HBHannah Bronfman0:22

      Yeah.

   6. BKDr. Becky Kennedy0:22

      Like, I don't think you thought that was your postpartum plan. [gentle music] Hi, you're listening to Rattled, a podcast from Good Inside about the moments of new parenthood that shake you, and I'm Dr. Becky. I'm really glad you're here. I'm really excited about our episode today. Today I'm talking with Hannah Bronfman and Brendan Fallis. Hannah is the founder of HB Fit, and she's one of the most public voices in wellness. She's spoken openly about her path to motherhood, including the parts no Pinterest board prepared her for. And Brendan is her husband, and he's a DJ, an entrepreneur, and the person who was standing next to her through all of it. And we talk about a part of new parenthood that I don't often hear addressed: the power of bringing your baby into your life. Obviously, when you have a baby, so much about your life changes, and of course you have to prioritize your baby's needs. And no one tells us, "Wait, you've been living a life for a while, and not only prioritizing your needs, but bringing your baby into the world you've already created, that's actually a win-win for everyone." And I'm really excited for you to hear how two parents do that and are unashamed about it. [gentle music] All right, Hannah, I'm gonna start with you. Who were you before Preston arrived?

2. 1:54 – 4:18

   Who they were before kids: personality, identity, and former-life nostalgia

   1. HBHannah Bronfman1:54

      Oh, wow. [laughs] I was, um... and I still feel like I am, like very fun, full of life, like easygoing, always kind of trying to keep, like, the peace. Um, and I'm very much a people pleaser or was a people pleaser.

   2. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:18

      Mm.

   3. HBHannah Bronfman2:18

      I think I'm less actually of a people pleaser now-

   4. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:21

      Mm

   5. HBHannah Bronfman2:21

      ... after being a mom.

   6. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:22

      Mm-hmm.

   7. HBHannah Bronfman2:23

      Um, yeah, that's... those are some things I guess I would say.

   8. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:28

      Fun-seeking. Were you novelty-seeking? Do you like new things?

   9. HBHannah Bronfman2:31

      I do like new things.

   10. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:32

       Mm-hmm.

   11. HBHannah Bronfman2:33

       I am adventurous.

   12. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:34

       Mm-hmm.

   13. HBHannah Bronfman2:35

       I, um, try to be really present.

   14. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:39

       Mm-hmm.

   15. HBHannah Bronfman2:41

       And I like to, like, really just enjoy life.

   16. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:45

       Yeah.

   17. HBHannah Bronfman2:45

       Honestly, I try not to get too caught up in the minutiae of it all.

   18. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:48

       Mm-hmm.

   19. HBHannah Bronfman2:49

       And I'm always kind of... I would say that I'm the outgoing one of my friend group.

   20. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:54

       Yep.

   21. HBHannah Bronfman2:54

       I make new friends easily.

   22. BKDr. Becky Kennedy2:56

       Mm-hmm.

   23. HBHannah Bronfman2:57

       But I also keep old relationships.

   24. BKDr. Becky Kennedy3:00

       Mm.

   25. HBHannah Bronfman3:00

       Very loyal.

   26. BKDr. Becky Kennedy3:01

       Yeah.

   27. HBHannah Bronfman3:01

       Um, yeah.

   28. BKDr. Becky Kennedy3:03

       Great. Brendan, what about you?

   29. BFBrendan Fallis3:04

       What about the crippling anxiety that hits you every now and then?

   30. HBHannah Bronfman3:07

       [laughs]
3. 4:18 – 6:19

   The long road to pregnancy: infertility, treatments, miscarriage, and IVF

   1. BKDr. Becky Kennedy4:18

      Yeah. And tell me a little bit about your, your path to becoming a parent, what that journey was like.

   2. HBHannah Bronfman4:23

      Um, our path to becoming parents was definitely, um-

   3. BFBrendan Fallis4:29

      More complicated than anticipated.

   4. HBHannah Bronfman4:31

      Yes.

   5. BKDr. Becky Kennedy4:32

      Mm.

   6. HBHannah Bronfman4:32

      And a story and narrative that I did not anticipate being my own.

   7. BKDr. Becky Kennedy4:37

      Mm.

   8. HBHannah Bronfman4:38

      I, you know, have been in the wellness world for over a decade-

   9. BKDr. Becky Kennedy4:41

      Mm

   10. HBHannah Bronfman4:41

       ... and thought I was, like, this very healthy, you know, young 20-something. I should have no problem getting pregnant. Um, and it took us about two and a half years to get pregnant. We went down the IVF route after, um, almost a year and a half of... Well, I guess we really started trying, and then six months into that we started to see a specialist, and then we spent about a year doing, um, everything you can do before going to IVF.

   11. BKDr. Becky Kennedy5:11

       Mm-hmm.

   12. HBHannah Bronfman5:11

       So all of the planned cycles and Clomid and-

   13. BKDr. Becky Kennedy5:14

       Mm-hmm

   14. HBHannah Bronfman5:14

       ... IUIs and all the things. None of that worked, um, until about two years later.

   15. BFBrendan Fallis5:22

       We had a miscarriage in there too.

   16. HBHannah Bronfman5:24

       We had a miscarriage as well, yeah.

   17. BKDr. Becky Kennedy5:25

       Mm.

   18. HBHannah Bronfman5:25

       So, you know, all, all of the ups and downs of trying to become parents, and then, um, ended up going through IVF and had a very successful-

   19. BKDr. Becky Kennedy5:35

       Mm

   20. HBHannah Bronfman5:36

       ... um, outcome-

   21. BFBrendan Fallis5:37

       Which was-

   22. HBHannah Bronfman5:37

       ... yeah, retrieval.

   23. BKDr. Becky Kennedy5:38

       Mm.

   24. HBHannah Bronfman5:39

       And, um, and then from there we were able to have our babies. I... It took us two embryos for each kid.

   25. BKDr. Becky Kennedy5:49

       Mm-hmm.

   26. HBHannah Bronfman5:50

       Um, whether that was miscarriages or just failed implantation-

   27. BKDr. Becky Kennedy5:55

       Mm-hmm

   28. HBHannah Bronfman5:55

       ... um, which I hate even using, like, the wor- the word failed.

   29. BKDr. Becky Kennedy5:59

       Mm.

   30. HBHannah Bronfman6:00

       Like, it just, it didn't stick, and I think that that's also timing-
4. 6:19 – 9:00

   Why they went public: sharing loss, breaking stigma, and helping others

   1. BFBrendan Fallis6:19

      But one which we decided to share. I was vlogging and doing YouTube, and I thought, "We should sit down and actually, like, share this," because I feel we would talk about it in our friend groups and it's such a, like, dark area no one wants-

   2. HBHannah Bronfman6:32

      Yeah

   3. BFBrendan Fallis6:32

      ... to bring up.

   4. HBHannah Bronfman6:33

      Yeah.

   5. BFBrendan Fallis6:33

      But so many people go through the miscarriage side of it, and the, the struggles of the journey.

   6. HBHannah Bronfman6:38

      We were also one of the first couples in our friend group to try and get pregnant.

   7. BKDr. Becky Kennedy6:43

      Mm.

   8. BFBrendan Fallis6:43

      Mm.

   9. HBHannah Bronfman6:43

      So it also felt like our community didn't really understand.

   10. BKDr. Becky Kennedy6:48

       Yeah.

   11. BFBrendan Fallis6:49

       But then when you talk to other comm- you know, like-

   12. BKDr. Becky Kennedy6:51

       Yeah

   13. BFBrendan Fallis6:51

       ... even parents, mothers that you've known forever of your friends would, you know, would be like, "Oh, I had a miscarriage," but even their chi- their kids didn't know, you know? Their children didn't know.

   14. BKDr. Becky Kennedy7:00

       Yeah.

   15. BFBrendan Fallis7:00

       So just, like, kind of this, you know, there's a stigma around... Like, we don't... It's you just brush it under the rug, and it's like no, we should all just talk about it so we can move on, 'cause if, you know. Like in our relationship, we try and get everything off our chest so you can, you know, process it and digest it and, and move forward.

   16. BKDr. Becky Kennedy7:16

       Mm-hmm.

   17. BFBrendan Fallis7:17

       So that ended up being, like, a monumental piece in our-

   18. BKDr. Becky Kennedy7:21

       Mm

   19. BFBrendan Fallis7:21

       ... career. Like, I would be DJ-ing after, and some girl would come up and, like, leave a note on my turntables-

   20. HBHannah Bronfman7:28

       Oh

   21. BFBrendan Fallis7:28

       ... and then walk away, and I'd be like, "Hi. W- was this a request?" You know? Like, "Uh-

   22. BKDr. Becky Kennedy7:31

       Yeah

   23. BFBrendan Fallis7:31

       ... here we go." And I open it and it's like, "We had a child 'cause of you. Like, you gave us hope. We never stopped trying. Now we have our rainbow baby," and I'd just be, like, crying, [laughs] you know, while I'm working.

   24. BKDr. Becky Kennedy7:40

       Wow.

   25. BFBrendan Fallis7:40

       Just, like, really touching stuff. And still-

   26. BKDr. Becky Kennedy7:42

       Yeah

   27. BFBrendan Fallis7:42

       ... people still write us all the time saying like, "I came across that video and it's just given us so much hope." So it's been, um-

   28. HBHannah Bronfman7:48

       I've heard so many stories of other women who, you know, were going through IVF or miscarriages or trying to, uh, or failed cycles, or it just... The, the conversation online really f- it really wasn't there in-

   29. BKDr. Becky Kennedy8:04

       Yeah

   30. HBHannah Bronfman8:04

       ... 2018.
5. 9:00 – 9:47

   Dr. Becky on stories and shame: ‘perfectly predictable’ surprises in motherhood

   1. BKDr. Becky Kennedy9:00

      You know, Hannah, you just said something that's so in line. You know, around this, like, launch we're doing around Good Inside Baby, something I said, it's like we, we can't keep letting generation after generation of w- women be surprised by perfectly predictable moments.

   2. HBHannah Bronfman9:13

      Yeah.

   3. BKDr. Becky Kennedy9:13

      Right? And-

   4. BFBrendan Fallis9:14

      So true

   5. BKDr. Becky Kennedy9:15

      ... I think the reason that happens is that we don't share stories.

   6. HBHannah Bronfman9:18

      Yeah.

   7. BKDr. Becky Kennedy9:18

      Like, stories are how we learn. Stories, stories are the only thing that remove shame, right?

   8. HBHannah Bronfman9:22

      Yeah.

   9. BKDr. Becky Kennedy9:22

      And yeah, a huge percentage of women and men, right, have miscarriages, and no one talks about it. So this idea that I'm the only one, we know statistically that's not true. Logically that's not true, but the feeling is so true.

   10. HBHannah Bronfman9:32

       Right.

   11. BKDr. Becky Kennedy9:32

       And the story we tend to tell ourselves when we think we're the only one is something's broken. And so, n- uh, we can't change all the... A miscarriage will always be hard, but you can kind of r- remove the aloneness when you share stories.

   12. HBHannah Bronfman9:45

       100%.

   13. BFBrendan Fallis9:47

       [laughs]

   14. BKDr. Becky Kennedy9:47

       And-

6. 9:47 – 12:04

   Early postpartum + career pressure: saying yes to Obama during the pandemic

   1. BFBrendan Fallis9:47

      In November 2020, we became parents for the first time.

   2. BKDr. Becky Kennedy9:50

      Okay. Hannah, you first. Just take me to a moment in a day in any of those first couple days. Like, whatever feels most visually powerful or relevant in your mind right now, just to zoom in on what that was like.

   3. HBHannah Bronfman10:05

      Um, so about three days after h- giving birth to Preston, I got a email from my manager-

   4. BKDr. Becky Kennedy10:20

      Mm

   5. HBHannah Bronfman10:20

      ... saying that there was a really amazing opportunity to interview Barack Obama on his virtual book tour in seven days.

   6. BFBrendan Fallis10:35

      [laughs]

   7. BKDr. Becky Kennedy10:36

      Wow.

   8. HBHannah Bronfman10:36

      And, you know, that is an incredible... I felt incredibly honored. I, I mean, overwhelmed. I, I felt like I could not say no to that type of opportunity. Um-

   9. BFBrendan Fallis10:49

      But at the same time-

   10. HBHannah Bronfman10:50

       But at the same time, I literally just had a baby, and-

   11. BKDr. Becky Kennedy10:54

       Were you still in the hospital at that point, or-

   12. BFBrendan Fallis10:55

       No

   13. HBHannah Bronfman10:55

       ... I had just gotten home.

   14. BKDr. Becky Kennedy10:57

       Had just gotten home.

   15. HBHannah Bronfman10:58

       Um, I could, you know, my brain was, like, barely functioning. And-

   16. BFBrendan Fallis11:03

       It was also a full pandemic.

   17. HBHannah Bronfman11:04

       Yes, it was a full pandemic. And so there were a lot of things going on, and it felt totally overwhelming, but also, like, something I couldn't say no to.

   18. BKDr. Becky Kennedy11:15

       Mm-hmm.

   19. HBHannah Bronfman11:15

       So I said yes, and 10 days after giving birth to Preston, I virtually interviewed Barack Obama.

   20. BKDr. Becky Kennedy11:25

       Mm.

   21. HBHannah Bronfman11:25

       Um, and it was one of the coolest experiences, but also so surreal. I didn't even f- I felt very outside my body at the time. Um, and I was even, you know, you have to be very prepped for that. I mean, thank goodness, like, the questions were pre-vetted and I kind of... There was no, there was really no room to go off script.

   22. BKDr. Becky Kennedy11:48

       Mm-hmm.

   23. HBHannah Bronfman11:48

       And thank God, because the brain was barely working. But I just... All of that to say is that I really, when you work for yourself, it's hard to give yourself a maternity leave, and I really did not give myself any-

   24. BKDr. Becky Kennedy12:03

       Mm

   25. HBHannah Bronfman12:03

       ... time or space.

   26. BKDr. Becky Kennedy12:04

       Mm-hmm.

7. 12:04 – 14:54

   The ‘maternity leave’ slippery slope and the surrealness of postpartum reality

   1. BFBrendan Fallis12:04

      Also that slippery slope, 'cause then it's like, oh, you did that. The, the momentum coming off that was like, "Oh, here's this opportunity," and th- and then now, like, that was your-

   2. HBHannah Bronfman12:15

      Yeah

   3. BFBrendan Fallis12:15

      ... your mat leave was, like, 10 days.

   4. HBHannah Bronfman12:17

      Yeah. Yeah.

   5. BKDr. Becky Kennedy12:19

      Wow.

   6. BFBrendan Fallis12:19

      Quite literally.

   7. HBHannah Bronfman12:20

      Yeah, exactly. And also because it was the pandemic, so much of our business before the pandemic was DJing in-person events.

   8. BKDr. Becky Kennedy12:28

      Mm-hmm.

   9. HBHannah Bronfman12:29

      And obviously there was a huge shift of what our business looked like-

   10. BKDr. Becky Kennedy12:32

       Yes

   11. HBHannah Bronfman12:33

       ... really focusing on content in the pan- pandemic. So, you know, any opportunity-

   12. BKDr. Becky Kennedy12:39

       Yes

   13. HBHannah Bronfman12:40

       ... you know, felt like I had to engage.

   14. BKDr. Becky Kennedy12:43

       Yeah.

   15. HBHannah Bronfman12:44

       Um-

   16. BKDr. Becky Kennedy12:45

       Is there, is there anything about how, you know, day three through 10 went, that time period after you got that email, you look back and like, "Oh, I wish I did that differently," or, "I didn't know I needed something different," or like, "No, I just kinda got it through it however I could get through it."

   17. HBHannah Bronfman12:59

       You know, I felt very supported.

   18. BKDr. Becky Kennedy13:01

       Mm-hmm.

   19. HBHannah Bronfman13:01

       And I, I feel like I kinda just got through it.

   20. BKDr. Becky Kennedy13:03

       Mm-hmm.

   21. HBHannah Bronfman13:04

       And it was such a rewarding moment. And actually, Mr. Obama, like, he said our son's name for the first time.

   22. BFBrendan Fallis13:17

       Announced it.

   23. HBHannah Bronfman13:17

       He, like, announced his-

   24. BKDr. Becky Kennedy13:19

       Mm

   25. HBHannah Bronfman13:19

       ... like, birth, 'cause I hadn't even announced that we had had the baby yet.

   26. BKDr. Becky Kennedy13:23

       Oh.

   27. HBHannah Bronfman13:23

       Um, and so that was really cool.

   28. BFBrendan Fallis13:26

       [laughs]

   29. HBHannah Bronfman13:26

       I mean, that is, like, so ser- it's like-

   30. BFBrendan Fallis13:28

       We're like, "What happens when we have our next baby?"
8. 14:54 – 18:49

   Birth mindset and maternal health fears: ‘Don’t let me become a statistic’

   1. HBHannah Bronfman14:54

      But you know what? I think when you asked me before, like, who was I before Preston-

   2. BKDr. Becky Kennedy14:58

      Yeah

   3. HBHannah Bronfman14:58

      ... like, I feel like I'm a very resilient person, and I always am solut- solution, solution oriented.

   4. BKDr. Becky Kennedy15:06

      Mm-hmm.

   5. HBHannah Bronfman15:06

      And that's kind of how-

   6. BFBrendan Fallis15:09

      And you show up and you get it done.

   7. HBHannah Bronfman15:11

      Yeah.

   8. BKDr. Becky Kennedy15:11

      Mm.

   9. BFBrendan Fallis15:11

      All the time.

   10. HBHannah Bronfman15:11

       And that's, that's kind of how... That's actually what I was thinking about for our delivery with Preston, is that in my career I always show up and I get it done, and I was like, "That's how I'm thinking about birthing this child."

   11. BKDr. Becky Kennedy15:26

       Mm.

   12. HBHannah Bronfman15:26

       "I'm gonna show up, we're gonna get it done. Whether it happens one way or another-

   13. BKDr. Becky Kennedy15:31

       Mm

   14. HBHannah Bronfman15:31

       ... I'm gonna be open to whatever course it happens. But, like, this baby is coming out healthy, and that, that is the goal."

   15. BKDr. Becky Kennedy15:38

       But wait, that, I wanna just pause on that for a second, 'cause it's so different from so many people's birth plans. You, your narrative, "I'm gonna show up and I'm gonna get it done," but it wasn't, you weren't wed to one path.

   16. HBHannah Bronfman15:51

       No.

   17. BKDr. Becky Kennedy15:51

       You were wed to, "I'm gonna get it done. My baby's gonna be healthy. That's the most important thing, and there's probably a lot of different routes to get there. Doesn't matter as much as-

   18. BFBrendan Fallis15:59

       And it's kinda like whatever-

   19. BKDr. Becky Kennedy15:59

       ... the destination."

   20. HBHannah Bronfman16:00

       Totally

   21. BFBrendan Fallis16:00

       ... pain or pleasure comes along the way, like, you're ready.

   22. HBHannah Bronfman16:03

       100%. I think because my journey to getting pregnant-

   23. BKDr. Becky Kennedy16:06

       Mm

   24. HBHannah Bronfman16:07

       ... was so far from what I had originally-

   25. BKDr. Becky Kennedy16:10

       Yep

   26. HBHannah Bronfman16:10

       ... thought my story would've been, that it was almost like, well, expectation is out the door, and the goal is to have a healthy baby, whether that happens, you know, being induced, vaginally, C-sec- like, w- whatever may arise, I just kept, I did, the only thing I kept screaming to my, um, OB was, "Do not let me become a statistic, and make sure I'm also alive after this baby."

   27. BKDr. Becky Kennedy16:39

       Tell me about that.

   28. HBHannah Bronfman16:40

       Well, it's just really, you know, there's obviously a crazy maternal health crisis for, you know, Black women in the United States, and regardless if you're Serena Williams, right-

   29. BKDr. Becky Kennedy16:49

       Mm-hmm

   30. HBHannah Bronfman16:49

       ... who's shared her story so openly, or Allyson Felix, you know, these world-renowned top athletes who have access to the best care, it doesn't matter. Like, the system doesn't, doesn't c- doesn't care who you are, and the system is so flawed. And, um, I was really s- it's, we were also talking about this before. It's like you, when you don't wanna hear the stories, right? You're trying to-
9. 18:49 – 19:50

   Ad break: the mid-afternoon ‘everything is harder’ moment and hydration reset

   1. BKDr. Becky Kennedy18:49

      There's a very specific moment in the day a lot of parents hit, usually in the afternoon, where you're still going, but everything feels harder than it should. You're answering questions, making decisions, trying to stay patient, and suddenly simple things feel complicated. Like, why does choosing a snack suddenly feel like a high-stakes decision? And most of us, me included, have the tendency to just push through it, power through. But I've started to pay more attention to those in-between moments and how something as basic as hydration can actually help, and that's what I like about LMNT's sparkling electrolyte drinks. They're designed for those exact moments, not just workouts, but real life: school drop-off, the transition between soccer and coming home, that mid-afternoon dip around 4:07 PM. And it's a simple grab-and-go can. No mixing, no prep. Something I can just reach for when I need a small reset for me. No sugar, no artificial ingredients, just a way to support

10. 19:50 – 22:03

    A dad’s first days: leaving the hospital and realizing you’re ‘untrained’

    1. BKDr. Becky Kennedy19:50

       yourself a little better in the middle of a long day. If you wanna try it, LMNT is offering a free gift with any purchase. Just go to drinkLMNT.com/goodinside. That's drink L-M-N-T.com/goodinside. [gentle music] Brendan, tell me about, uh, your, your first couple days. Like, what, what stands out to you?

    2. BFBrendan Fallis20:19

       I mean, I still... The thing that stands out to me most is how untrained you are to be parents. [laughs] And the... Like, I, I will never forget, and I t- tell everyone who's having their first baby, like, when the hospital doors open, 'cause you feel so taken care of in there. Everyone's like, "Oh," and, like-

    3. BKDr. Becky Kennedy20:37

       Yes

    4. BFBrendan Fallis20:37

       ... you need something, and someone's always there. And, and then they're just like, "All right. Sign this paper, and it's just you guys now." And you're like, "Oh, yeah, totally. Cool, like, we got this." And you push your new little stroller and, like, smile at this little baby, and you go down... We went down the elevator, and, like, the doors open, and, like, something about, [laughs] like, hitting the fresh air with this kid, and it's li- I'm like, "Are they coming with us?"

    5. BKDr. Becky Kennedy20:59

       [laughs]

    6. BFBrendan Fallis20:59

       Like, is this... And then you're just like, we put the baby in the car, and, like, Hannah's, like, everything's like a delicate egg, right?

    7. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:06

       Yes.

    8. BFBrendan Fallis21:06

       Like, you're... I'm driving, and I'm like, "Someone's gonna T-bone me."

    9. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:09

       Mm-hmm.

    10. BFBrendan Fallis21:09

        Like, we're gonna... Uh, but we had, like, s- the sunroof open, so it was like a-

    11. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:13

        Beautiful day

    12. BFBrendan Fallis21:13

        ... a beautiful day.

    13. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:14

        Mm-hmm.

    14. BFBrendan Fallis21:14

        And you're in the back, and you're, like, driving 10 and 2, and you're just like, [laughs] you know, trying to... And then you get home, and you're like, "What are we doing?"

    15. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:23

        What do we do now?

    16. BFBrendan Fallis21:23

        This is insane. And, like, e- every time you put the kid to bed, you think they're dying.

    17. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:27

        Yes.

    18. BFBrendan Fallis21:27

        We're like them... Like, you think their sleep is so sensitive, like they can hear a pin drop. Really, you could just yell in the room. They wouldn't even know it. We're, like, army crawling in and, like-

    19. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:35

        Mm

    20. BFBrendan Fallis21:36

        ... is he alive? Is he breathing?

    21. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:38

        Is he breathing, right?

    22. BFBrendan Fallis21:38

        Like, yeah, you're freaking out.

    23. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:39

        Yeah. Yeah.

    24. BFBrendan Fallis21:40

        And so it's just the funniest first exercise of, like... Again, if you only knew. Like, our second child, we're just like, "Uh, you know."

    25. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:46

        Right.

    26. BFBrendan Fallis21:46

        [laughs] She's alive. You know, keep it moving. But-

    27. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:49

        Uh

    28. BFBrendan Fallis21:50

        ... No, I know, but you know what I'm saying. Like, in comparison.

    29. BKDr. Becky Kennedy21:52

        Yeah, yeah.

    30. BFBrendan Fallis21:52

        Like, in the minutia of these details, and you're stressing yourself out so much and, like, trying to celebrate its beauty, and, oh, like, this is the greatest day, but really, like, you have no idea what's going on.
11. 22:03 – 25:29

    Their philosophy: kids join the parents’ life (and why that can help everyone)

    1. BFBrendan Fallis22:03

       But I have to say, even during Preston era of first year, and it's still today, but it was new for us. You know, a lot of our other friends who haven't had babies yet were like, "When we have babies, we're gonna be like you. You guys are so fun. Like, you're still kinda everywhere, or you bring the kid."

    2. BKDr. Becky Kennedy22:23

       Yeah.

    3. BFBrendan Fallis22:23

       You know? Like, like, we just bring him and bring a pack and play and set him up, be like-

    4. BKDr. Becky Kennedy22:27

       Yeah

    5. BFBrendan Fallis22:27

       ... who cares? You know, like, learn the environment.

    6. BKDr. Becky Kennedy22:29

       Yep.

    7. BFBrendan Fallis22:30

       But we kind of agreed pre having a kid that I kinda think there's two schools of mentality-ish-

    8. BKDr. Becky Kennedy22:37

       Mm-hmm

    9. BFBrendan Fallis22:37

       ... when you're having a baby. It's either your kid is gonna live your life, or you're gonna live your kid's life, and we both agreed, like, our kids are going to live our lives.

    10. BKDr. Becky Kennedy22:44

        Yeah. Mm-hmm.

    11. BFBrendan Fallis22:45

        'Cause, A, they're gonna outlive us, and, B, we waited so long to have kids in general that, like, we already were kinda selfish with this act just by way of time.

    12. BKDr. Becky Kennedy22:55

        You, you guys liked your life.

    13. BFBrendan Fallis22:56

        Yeah.

    14. HBHannah Bronfman22:56

        Yeah.

    15. BKDr. Becky Kennedy22:56

        Yeah. [laughs]

    16. BFBrendan Fallis22:57

        And, and I would... And I like to say, I'd be personally kinda pissed at my parents at this. Like, my parents very much lived their lives, and we were just part of it. Like, it's your life.

    17. BKDr. Becky Kennedy23:07

        Yeah.

    18. BFBrendan Fallis23:07

        You know? Like, and but no harm, no foul to people who just go all in on kids. But we know them. You know, we have friends who can't do anything, 'cause got this, and we can't take-

    19. BKDr. Becky Kennedy23:15

        Yeah

    20. BFBrendan Fallis23:15

        ... the kid. Well, the bedtime or, you know. That might just be an excuse, 'cause they've always wanted to just st- uh, you know-

    21. BKDr. Becky Kennedy23:20

        Right

    22. BFBrendan Fallis23:20

        ... whatever. I don't know how it works, 'cause we're not of that camp.

    23. BKDr. Becky Kennedy23:23

        [laughs]

    24. BFBrendan Fallis23:23

        But we have a lot of assumptions. [laughs]

    25. BKDr. Becky Kennedy23:26

        Yeah. [laughs]

    26. BFBrendan Fallis23:26

        But for us, you know, we just took-

    27. BKDr. Becky Kennedy23:28

        Yeah

    28. BFBrendan Fallis23:28

        ... it was just become, come with us.

    29. BKDr. Becky Kennedy23:31

        Yeah. Yeah.

    30. BFBrendan Fallis23:31

        You know, and our kids move around really confidently with us. We travel a ton with them.
12. 25:29 – 28:35

    What parenthood changed in them: patience, play, and unexpected skill sets

    1. BKDr. Becky Kennedy25:29

       Yeah. Tell me something you've learned about yourself, I don't know, just through this journey. Maybe through trying to get pregnant process, the birth process, the after process. It's funny because I actually, I, I feel like I have become such a patient person, but I wasn't always so patient. Huh. And I certainly wasn't patient with myself during my pregnancy journey. I was very hard on myself, I think. And now as a mom, I, I surprise myself every day- Mm ... with how patient I am. I like, I, I'm-

    2. BFBrendan Fallis26:02

       Surprise me every day.

    3. BKDr. Becky Kennedy26:03

       Yeah. It's... I, I'm like, wow, okay. And I d- I really try not to raise my voice. I mean, I do when I need to. Mm-hmm. But, like- Yeah ... I will try every alternative before getting there. Mm-hmm. And it usually works. Mm-hmm. And I feel like my kids kind of almost match my energy in that way. Um, and that surprised me because I certainly have, like, never considered myself a patient person- Yeah ... before. I'm a New Yorker. I don't- Yeah. [laughs] ... like wait on lines. I don't... You know what I mean? [laughs] I'm like... So- Mm ... yeah. What about you?

    4. BFBrendan Fallis26:37

       I'm not as patient.

    5. BKDr. Becky Kennedy26:38

       [laughs]

    6. BFBrendan Fallis26:39

       Definitely. But I am mildly patient. Um, what surprised me?

    7. BKDr. Becky Kennedy26:45

       Or w- yeah. What, what do you notice developed in you-

    8. BFBrendan Fallis26:47

       I just-

    9. BKDr. Becky Kennedy26:47

       ... or what, what have you learned along the way?

    10. BFBrendan Fallis26:48

        I think I'm like... I don't... I consider myself more of a serious person, not in like a being serious, but I'm not, like, really fun and creative and young. And I'm able to... I feel like I'm really able to... You know?

    11. BKDr. Becky Kennedy27:02

        What?

    12. BFBrendan Fallis27:02

        I'm... Just, like, on a children's level. You know what I'm saying?

    13. BKDr. Becky Kennedy27:05

        Okay. Okay.

    14. BFBrendan Fallis27:05

        Like, I'm-

    15. BKDr. Becky Kennedy27:06

        I understand what you're saying. Yeah

    16. BFBrendan Fallis27:07

        ... fun and creative and whatever in my social setting in life with you.

    17. BKDr. Becky Kennedy27:10

        Like, in terms of play on the floor?

    18. BFBrendan Fallis27:11

        Yeah. Like, I didn't... I never-

    19. BKDr. Becky Kennedy27:14

        Hmm

    20. BFBrendan Fallis27:14

        ... like, I love building. Like, I love Lego with my son because I like building, and I liked it as a child. But I'd... Just coming up with creative stories and activities and fun and getting on their level and building obs- just stuff I didn't ever assume-

    21. BKDr. Becky Kennedy27:31

        But you're good at it

    22. BFBrendan Fallis27:32

        ... yeah, like I would be-

    23. BKDr. Becky Kennedy27:33

        Yeah. Yeah

    24. BFBrendan Fallis27:33

        ... doing. Like, I knew I'd be doing these things, but I didn't understand how or why or when and what it would entail, and I think that's kinda surprising me. Something'll just come out, and I'll be really proud of my little-

    25. BKDr. Becky Kennedy27:47

        Hmm

    26. BFBrendan Fallis27:47

        ... story I came up with.

    27. BKDr. Becky Kennedy27:48

        Yeah.

    28. BFBrendan Fallis27:49

        And it just-

    29. BKDr. Becky Kennedy27:50

        Like last night

    30. BFBrendan Fallis27:50

        ... inspiring them. Yeah.
13. 28:35 – 34:14

    Legacy hopes: what they want their kids to say—and Dr. Becky’s closing lesson on schedules

    1. BKDr. Becky Kennedy28:35

       All right. Last question, um, for each of you. So picture your kids being a lot older- Yeah. [laughs] ... and someone says-

    2. BFBrendan Fallis28:41

       It's fine. [laughs]

    3. BKDr. Becky Kennedy28:42

       I can't. Well, don't picture it-

    4. BFBrendan Fallis28:44

       Yeah

    5. BKDr. Becky Kennedy28:44

       ... but it's gonna happen. Okay. Okay. And someone, I don't know, says to one of them, "What was your mom like, like back in the day when you were growing up?" What do you want, what do you want your kids to say? Oh, my gosh. I want them to say that I was present and fun and their safe space and super loving and, you know, always made them feel good about themselves and instilled, like, great confidence and, you know, helped shape them to be really good humans and, um, you know, trust their gut. Like, all, all of the things that I feel like my mom did for me- Hmm ... which I would say about my mom, um, I hope that they say about me. Yeah. Yeah. Brendan, what about you?

    6. BFBrendan Fallis29:39

       I think they will.

    7. BKDr. Becky Kennedy29:40

       Aw. Thanks, babe.

    8. BFBrendan Fallis29:43

       Um, I guess in short I would, uh-

    9. BKDr. Becky Kennedy29:49

       My dad. I would they go, "Oh, my dad. Let me tell you about my dad."

    10. BFBrendan Fallis29:52

        Yeah. My dad was there being himself, helping us become who we are today, and I'm proud of it.

    11. BKDr. Becky Kennedy29:59

        Hmm.

    12. BFBrendan Fallis29:59

        That's what I'd want them to say. Nothing too deep, just an understanding. Like, uh, we, the very crazy, weird lives that take us in and out, but we are, we are there. Whether we're there or not, we are... Like, I will always be there, and I think they feel that at their core, and I feel that too.

    13. BKDr. Becky Kennedy30:20

        Yeah. I also want my kids to know that, like, we or that I worked, you know? I think, you know, my mom growing up kind of to the opposite of what we've been saying really put her life on hold to have us. Hmm. And-

    14. BFBrendan Fallis30:39

        But that was of that generation. A lot of people-

    15. BKDr. Becky Kennedy30:42

        Yeah

    16. HBHannah Bronfman30:42

        Not a lot, but it was like-

    17. BKDr. Becky Kennedy30:43

        I don't hear saying with criticism, just-

    18. HBHannah Bronfman30:45

        Yeah

    19. BKDr. Becky Kennedy30:45

        ... you hear it's different.

    20. HBHannah Bronfman30:46

        It's just different. Exactly.

    21. BKDr. Becky Kennedy30:48

        Yeah. Mm-hmm.

    22. HBHannah Bronfman30:48

        And I want my kids to know that-

    23. BKDr. Becky Kennedy30:50

        Mm

    24. HBHannah Bronfman30:51

        ... I was present while I also was running a business, and, um, I think that that's... And that my business looks different than maybe their friends' parents.

    25. BKDr. Becky Kennedy31:01

        Mm-hmm.

    26. HBHannah Bronfman31:01

        And there are so many ways to, um... Or, or rather that I was living my life with purpose, and I hope-

    27. BKDr. Becky Kennedy31:12

        Yeah

    28. HBHannah Bronfman31:12

        ... that I will h- help them find their purpose as well.

    29. BKDr. Becky Kennedy31:14

        Yeah, why does that matter, w- that, that they see that?

    30. HBHannah Bronfman31:16

        I, I, I think, I think if you can find your purpose in your life, you are, are, are really truly living. I think it's a really... It's a shame for, for folks who haven't found their pur-

Episode duration: 34:16