Talking About Peer Pressure with Your Teen — Brought To You by Life360

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   Intro

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      [upbeat music]

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   Peer pressure isn’t about what to say to others—it’s what to say to yourself

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      How do I help my kid with peer pressure? Well, oh my goodness, I have such poignant guidance to share with you on this, and I think it's really different from what we hear. See, what we're told all the time is what to tell our kids they should say to other kids, "Stop pressuring me. I don't want to do that. Why are you guys pressuring me to do this?" Here's the big reveal. The most important thing in resisting peer pressure is knowing what you can say to yourself. See, when you're in a

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   Why internal confidence matters more than the “right words” in the moment

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      situation where your friends are kind of pressuring you to do something, what helps you make a good decision isn't thinking about what to say to them. It's actually finding your own confidence, kind of knowing you're your own person, knowing you can survive the moment, and it's so amazing as a parent to be able to teach this to your kid, to really give them a skill that will empower them for the rest of their lives. So here's what that might sound like. Find your kid in a calm moment and say, "Just want to talk a little bit about peer pressure, and I don't know if that's happening or

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   How to bring it up: choose a calm moment and normalize the topic

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      not, but look, I know when I was your age, there was a lot of stuff going on around me, and sometimes it felt like my friends were directly pressuring me to do the same things they were doing. Sometimes it just felt like it was in the air, but I want to teach you something that I just recently learned. Dealing with peer pressure, it isn't about what you say to your friends. I've actually learned it's about what you say to yourself, and this is really true for adults too. So," and here's an example, "let's say you

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   A concrete scenario: friends drinking and your teen doesn’t want to

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      are in a situation where your friends are all drinking alcohol, and you know that's not something you want to do. Honestly, it doesn't really matter what you say to them. It matters that you have something to say to yourself. I wonder what you could say to yourself to just access

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   Prompt your teen to generate their own self-talk (and let the pause work)

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      that confidence. Hmm." And then pause because it's so powerful, and you might be surprised some kids really will come up with something. If they don't, you can share an idea. Get ready for your kid to roll their eyes. It doesn't mean they won't

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   Useful self-talk phrases that support autonomy and self-worth

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      take in your idea. Teens just have to do that to feel independent, but you might share something like, "I'm still an awesome person if I make different decisions than my friends." I know it sounds cheesy, but actually saying that to ourselves

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   Expect eye-rolls: teen reactions aren’t a measure of impact

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      in a moment of peer pressure is often the thing we need to hear. It might be something different like, "I'm allowed to make decisions that are different than the decisions I see around me," right? Or, "This feels like something I have to do in the

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   The takeaway: teach a repeatable skill that strengthens resistance over time

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      moment, and at the same time, there's no pressure. I can make a different decision." You can share a couple of these ideas. Your kid will probably say, "Ugh, you're so annoying. Can I have my snack now?" But I promise you that sharing this skill with them is going to have a really big impact on their ability to resist peer pressure.

Episode duration: 3:00