CHAPTERS
- 0:00 – 1:01
Good Inside Membership: expert-guided parenting resources and community
Dr. Becky opens by introducing the Good Inside Membership and why she created it as an alternative to piecemeal internet advice. She highlights the mix of on-demand resources and a private, coach-guided community for real-time support.
- •Parenting questions often lead to unreliable online searches
- •Membership includes a library of short videos, articles, scripts, and workshops
- •Private community allows Q&A, connection, and live events
- •Guided by Dr. Becky and coaches trained in the Good Inside method
- 1:01 – 1:31
Dr. Becky’s mission and the ‘good inside’ parenting lens
She frames her overall approach: practical strategies grounded in a core belief that parents (and kids) are doing their best with available resources. This sets up a compassionate, non-shaming lens for handling hard behavior.
- •Dr. Becky’s role as clinical psychologist and mom of three
- •Translating “deep thoughts” into actionable home strategies
- •Belief: we’re doing the best we can in the moment
- •Even when struggling outwardly, we remain “good inside”
- 1:31 – 3:12
Why the one-year-old stage can be harder than the ‘terrible twos’
Dr. Becky normalizes how surprisingly intense ages 1–2 can be due to rapid development. She previews what’s coming: boundary pushing, tantrums, and messy learning—made easier when parents expect it.
- •One-year-olds are in-between: not babies, not full toddlers
- •Massive developmental change fuels emotional volatility
- •Tantrums and meltdowns often begin around this stage
- •Expectation and preparation help parents stay grounded
- 3:12 – 4:27
Caller Elsa: ‘Naughty’ one-year-old behaviors like throwing food
Elsa describes her 1-year-old’s growing independence and repeated food throwing. She asks whether to ignore, teach, or be firm, and how to respond appropriately at this young age.
- •Independence and social engagement increase at ~1 year
- •Repeated high-chair food throwing feels ‘naughty’ to parents
- •Parent uncertainty: ignore vs. correct vs. firm discipline
- •Desire for age-appropriate guidance and scripts
- 4:27 – 5:59
Reframing boundary testing as healthy learning (not defiance)
Dr. Becky explains that limit testing is not only normal but healthy: kids gather data by pushing boundaries. Parents must hold limits—especially for safety—while accepting that children will test them repeatedly.
- •Boundary pushing expands a child’s understanding of the world
- •Kids test consistency across people, times, and contexts
- •Parent job: hold boundaries; child job: test them
- •Paradox is normal: limits are necessary and will be challenged
- 5:59 – 7:59
Why one-year-olds throw food: curiosity, cause-and-effect, and gravity
She offers a generous interpretation of food throwing as experimentation, not misbehavior. One-year-olds are learning agency and cause-and-effect (including gravity) and may also notice the social impact of their actions.
- •Food throwing is exploration, not ‘sadistic’ behavior
- •One-year-olds don’t understand gravity like adults
- •They learn: ‘I act → something happens’ (sound, drop, reaction)
- •A non-judgmental lens increases parental patience
- 7:59 – 10:22
Warm-but-firm boundaries: narrate the learning and redirect appropriately
Dr. Becky models language that validates curiosity while holding a clear limit: food stays on the plate or goes in the mouth. She recommends giving acceptable outlets for throwing/dropping and setting the environment up for success.
- •Validate: describe what happened and why it’s interesting
- •Boundary: ‘I’m not going to let you throw food off the table’
- •Redirect to appropriate throwing/dropping activities (balls, pillows)
- •Prevention: ‘get the throwing out’ before meals; offer one piece at a time
- 10:22 – 11:21
Caller Lauren: safety boundaries when a 12-month-old tantrums
Lauren asks whether one-year-olds can really have tantrums and how to handle them when the desired object is dangerous. She’s dealing with big reactions from a child who has limited language.
- •Tantrums emerging at 10–13 months feel surprising but real
- •Hardest moments involve safety (knives, scissors, hazards)
- •Limited words make communication and soothing harder
- •Parent needs tools to ‘put foot down’ without escalating themselves
- 11:21 – 12:53
Why tantrums show up early: big feelings + little language
Dr. Becky confirms that one-year-old tantrums are developmentally typical. She explains that language later helps toddlers connect feelings to words, reducing the intensity of dysregulation over time.
- •‘One-year-olds have tantrums’ is a key normalization message
- •At 1, emotion is largely somatic (body-based)
- •At 2, more language can reduce tantrum intensity
- •Tantrums are exhausting but not a sign something is ‘wrong’
- 12:53 – 17:26
Family jobs framework: safety/containment first, then connection/validation
She provides a two-part blueprint for dangerous situations: enforce the boundary immediately (including physical blocking if needed), then offer simple, regulating connection. The goal is not to stop the tantrum, but to stay present through it.
- •Parent jobs: keep kids safe + validate feelings
- •Use clear boundary language: ‘I won’t let you…’
- •Accept escalation as the child’s expression—not a parenting failure
- •Less is more: short phrases (‘I know,’ ‘You wish,’ ‘I’m here’) and calm presence
- 17:26 – 18:52
Caller Sam: whining and ‘attention crying’ at 14 months
Sam describes a shift to whining and wailing when attention isn’t immediate, despite basic needs being met. She asks how to respond in the moment and whether she can ‘train’ a different reaction at this age.
- •14-month-olds may wail when attention is diverted
- •Behavior happens even when not hungry/tired/in pain
- •Parent worries child can’t understand rational explanations
- •Question focuses on changing the child’s reaction and communication
- 18:52 – 21:24
Connection-seeking (not manipulation): validate needs even when you can’t meet them
Dr. Becky reframes “attention-seeking” as developmentally appropriate connection-seeking. She emphasizes separating recognizing a need from fulfilling it, using simple validating language and voice presence while finishing necessary tasks.
- •Tears/screams are communication at this age
- •Recognizing a need ≠ immediately fulfilling the need
- •Reframe: ‘attention-seeking’ → ‘connection-seeking’
- •Scripts: ‘You wish I could pick you up,’ ‘I’m right here,’ ‘It’s hard to wait’
- 21:24 – 23:27
Shift from ‘get my child to…’ toward regulating yourself to change the system
She encourages parents to move away from control-based questions and toward self-focused regulation and response. By changing the parent’s part of the system (breath, mantras, grounded presence), children’s behavior often shifts over time.
- •You can’t ‘get’ someone to behave differently on command
- •Focus: how you want to show up when your child is dysregulated
- •Regulation tools: deep breath, personal mantra, pacing yourself
- •System change: parent shift influences child’s responses indirectly
- 23:27 – 26:53
Three takeaways and closing: normalize the phase, validate without fixing, use ‘I won’t let you’
Dr. Becky summarizes the episode: the one-year-old phase is legitimately tough, validation doesn’t require immediate compliance, and family jobs guide responses. She closes with ways to stay connected and the show’s grounding mantra.
- •Takeaway 1: One-year-old challenges are normal and intense
- •Takeaway 2: Validate needs/feelings even when you can’t meet demands
- •Takeaway 3: Safety boundaries + empathic connection are the core parent jobs
- •Your job isn’t ending tantrums; it’s being with your child through them
