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Jay Shetty Podcast

Apple Music’s Zane Lowe ON Manifesting Your Dream Life & Finding Your Life Partner

Today, Zane Lowe sits down with us for a conversation about success in career and relationships.

Zane LoweguestJay Shettyhost

Oct 6, 20231h 21mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Zane Lowe’s “I’m just a fan”: rejecting titles and tracing the first spark
Zane and Jay skip a formal intro and quickly get into how Zane thinks about identity beyond roles and labels. Zane explains that, at his core, he’s always been a music fan—and that early emotional reactions to music shaped his direction in life.
- •Zane says roles and titles help in work settings, but in life he sees himself simply as a fan
- •He describes music as central to his identity and personal development
- •Jay asks about the first time Zane felt like a fan before meeting an artist
- •Zane begins describing formative early experiences with music
Trance in the crowd: Split Enz, Talking Heads, and the feeling of “how do I get to them?”
Zane recounts an out-of-body, almost church-like experience seeing Split Enz as a kid with his mum. He also shares how watching Talking Heads’ concert film made him want to get closer to the people making the art—despite the distance.
- •Zane recalls seeing Split Enz and reacting in a trance-like state according to his mum
- •He describes the experience as chemical and reactive rather than planned
- •Watching “Stop Making Sense” twice deepened his desire to get close to artists
- •He contrasts the accessibility of local bands with the seeming remoteness of global acts
Being a fan from the inside: staying emotionally moved while navigating the industry
Jay asks what changed about being a fan now that Zane is close to the music industry. Zane says the emotional core stayed the same, while the industry side changed completely—framing his access to rooms and conversations as a privilege he never knew how to earn.
- •Zane says the emotional distance between his younger self and now is “very short”
- •He describes still being able to get lost in music and moved to tears
- •He emphasizes how privilege and gratitude shaped his approach to industry rooms
- •He reflects on coming from New Zealand without a clear path into the global music world
From hopelessness to “singularity”: focus, noise, and the “pull the car over” metaphor
Zane explains how hopelessness often comes from splitting attention across too many competing priorities. He and Jay compare frameworks for moving forward: Jay’s teacher’s “open every door” approach and Zane’s wife’s advice to stop, reset, and choose a clear direction.
- •Zane says people are most effective when focused on a single purpose-driven priority
- •He connects focus with “manifesting without even realizing it”
- •Jay shares advice: open doors, let closed ones close, and walk through what remains
- •Zane shares his wife’s metaphor: pull over, ignore the traffic, and pick your direction
Creating mental space: therapy as a “clear out” and managing the internal noise meter
The conversation turns to why internal chaos can be louder than external life. Zane describes therapy as a way to reduce “trash,” make room for what matters, and keep emotional overload from quickly pushing him into the red.
- •Zane argues the mind has finite emotional processing space
- •He describes therapy as creating space and removing inherited or unhelpful clutter
- •He uses a gauge metaphor: managing the “needle” before it hits the red
- •Jay and Zane discuss how clarity inside helps navigate external complexity
DJing, performance, and music’s purpose: building a momentary community (plus social anxiety)
Jay asks what it felt like to create trance-like experiences for others. Zane describes DJing as an outlet for his performative side and as a way to create a community in the moment—also joking that being a DJ can help if you’re socially anxious.
- •Zane explains how his broadcasting style at the BBC expressed a performative energy
- •He describes his DJ identity as inspired by chaotic, surprising musical approaches
- •He says he had to learn how to put people into a trance rather than overwhelm them
- •He defines the core purpose as creating community and an in-the-moment experience
Therapy, parenthood, and self-love: preparing to give (and receive) love fully
Jay asks why Zane chose therapy, and Zane says fatherhood made him realize he was unprepared to share his best self. He reflects on how doing the work helped him like and love himself enough to love his wife and kids without compromise—and to be loved.
- •Zane says parenthood pushed him toward therapy because he felt ill-prepared
- •He describes being at a low point and being supported by his wife, friends, and family
- •He ties emotional work to the ability to love and be loved fully
- •He reflects on childhood experiences in a divorced family and taking responsibility for how he processed it
What kind of father—and partner—does he want to be? Unconditional love, effort, and “walking in when the door opens”
Zane describes the father he wants to be: loving, trusting, honest, and supportive, while also valuing hard work and readiness for opportunity. He credits his wife as a true life partner who makes him better—and emphasizes that growth must go both ways.
- •Zane says he wants to offer unconditional love and understanding to his kids
- •He highlights dedication, respect for opportunities, and knowing how to stay when doors open
- •He acknowledges the work required, especially since he once didn’t understand himself
- •He says finding a partner who makes you better changes everything, but it must be mutual
Love as an unspoken language: how Zane met Kara and why marriages last by growing together
Zane calls love an unspoken language shaped by family and long-term relationships. He tells the story of meeting Kara in New Zealand, reconnecting in London, and marrying quickly due to practical constraints—then explains why couples must grow together to stay together.
- •Zane describes love as communication beyond words in families and partnerships
- •He shares how he and Kara met as kids, then reconnected after both moved to London
- •He recounts marrying quickly in a registry office due to visa realities
- •He states couples can’t stay together unless they grow together, then describes marriage as ongoing work
Navigating social anxiety: self-kindness, pressure-free choices, and maintaining comfort in the room
Jay asks how Zane moved through social anxiety in high-stakes environments. Zane describes it as case-by-case, explaining how he reduces pressure, gives himself permission not to go, and then often finds real reasons to engage—while also acknowledging he’s not always fully comfortable.
- •Zane says social anxiety fluctuates; he sometimes nearly backs out of celebrations
- •He tries to be kind to himself and make decisions with as little pressure as possible
- •He notes pressure can be unreal and lead to regret when it evaporates later
- •He distinguishes being present from feeling comfortable and describes “maintaining” as a learned skill
Accessing the extra gear: “true greatness” and the moments that change a career
Zane describes an intangible “extra gear” that appears in pivotal moments, and Jay connects it to flow-state performance. Zane reflects on how some people can consciously access that level, and he shares how a single meeting kept him from quitting and changed his path.
- •Zane describes moments where people level up beyond their usual capacity
- •He says true greatness comes from knowing how to access that state consciously
- •Jay connects the idea to flow states in art, sport, and performance
- •Zane shares a moment when he almost left his job, then had a meeting that changed everything
Ego, humility, and real connection: spotting transactional energy and valuing the right friendships
The conversation shifts to how Jay relates to ego and impact, and Zane explores how success can fuel ego while still serving a purpose. They also discuss how to recognize genuine connection versus forced proximity for personal gain, and why friendships serve different roles.
- •Zane asks Jay how he manages ego amid public success; Jay describes daily vigilance
- •They agree ego can be useful, while false humility can block meaningful work
- •Jay explains connection as intuitive and energetic, and notes ego can try to manufacture it for gain
- •Zane distinguishes transactional relationships from friendship and emphasizes knowing the role you play in someone’s life
Ambition, balance, and sustainable pace: gratitude needs space; speed can make you miss opportunities
Zane asks Jay about balancing ambition with life, and Jay explains how his schedule evolved from nonstop work to protecting evenings and weekends. Zane reflects on doing his best work joyfully and argues that gratitude requires space—and that constant speed causes missed opportunities.
- •Jay describes moving from 16–18 hour days to a more bounded work schedule over time
- •Zane emphasizes maturity as the turning point where ambition can stop consuming relationships
- •Zane says gratitude isn’t a checklist; it requires space to actually feel it
- •They use examples (Formula 1, boxing) to show strategy matters as much as speed
Routines, sleep, and resetting conditioning: natural light, ancient practices, and unlearning societal habits
They discuss discipline through routines, cheat windows, and sleep—Zane shares how morning natural light helped him rest. Jay connects this to ancient practices like sun salutations, then broadens into how modern life and schooling leave people untrained in building and breaking habits.
- •Zane shares adopting morning natural light exposure and noticing improved sleep
- •Jay connects the practice to sun salutations and gratitude-oriented morning rituals
- •They discuss how modern conditioning pulls people away from healthy baselines
- •Jay argues the missing life skill is learning how to build and break habits after structured schooling ends
Overwork, physical pain, and therapy-based release: working vs. working hard, and becoming better at the job
Jay asks about burnout, and Zane describes years of physical pain he links to stress and unprocessed emotions stored in the body. He explains how therapy and a mental reframing helped the pain dissipate, and how changing his relationship with work improved decision-making, delegation, and well-being.
- •Zane describes multi-area physical pain and believing he’d live with it indefinitely
- •He links pain to stress absorption and unresolved processing, saying therapy shifted it
- •He explains how overwork can become a productive-seeming avoidance mechanism
- •He distinguishes working from working hard and says efficiency, delegation, and reduced stress made him happier and better at work
How Zane interviews now: no hierarchy, less “sell,” and the moment he learned to truly listen
Jay asks about artists who felt wise beyond their years, and Zane reframes: the most inspiring conversations come from people not trying to sell anything. He describes moving away from rigid frameworks, crediting a pivotal long-form conversation with Justin Bieber for teaching him to let go of control and simply listen.
- •Zane says the best conversations happen when there’s no agenda to sell
- •He explains he no longer approaches interviews with hierarchy or rigid frameworks
- •He credits a conversation with Justin Bieber as the turning point in how he listens
- •He describes presence, observing, and letting answers guide the next question as his new method
Final Five: core advice, love for his kids, OCD compulsions, and a law about listening first
Jay closes with the show’s fast five questions. Zane answers with short reflections on authenticity, humor, parenting, the challenge of OCD compulsions, and a wish for more listening and understanding before action.
- •Zane’s best advice: be yourself because everyone else is taken
- •Zane’s worst advice: “Eat that, it’s not that hot,” with a nod to Hot Ones
- •For his kids: “You are loved and you can love.”
- •He shares he’s trying to unlearn OCD compulsions like frequent hand washing and checking taps
- •His proposed law: listen to each other and understand multiple points of view before acting

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