Skip to content

By playing, you agree to uListen's Terms and Privacy Policy and YouTube's Terms of Service.

Jay Shetty PodcastJay Shetty Podcast

Before You WASTE Another Year Of Your Life Away, WATCH THIS! | Gary Vee & Jay Shetty

Jay Shetty sits down once again with Gary Vee to talk about choosing to fight for your passion over what other people have to say. When you allow people and their opinions affect how you live, you give them control over your life.

Gary VaynerchukguestJay Shettyhost
Jun 13, 202236mWatch on YouTube

Summaries, chapters, transcripts, and FAQs on this page are made by uListen, not YouTube.

Great conversations run long. Their best ideas don't have to.

uListen is free on iPhone, iPad, Android, Chrome, and Claude.

See how

Transcript

  1. 0:00 – 1:39

    Intro

    1. GV

      You're in control.

    2. JS

      Yeah.

    3. GV

      You.

    4. JS

      Yeah.

    5. GV

      You. You decide what you consume. You decide what you believe. You decide who you surround yourself with. You decide what you put out. Take on accountability.

    6. JS

      Yeah.

    7. GV

      Everybody wants to blame right now. [upbeat music]

    8. JS

      Gary, it's been three years since I've seen you, man. It's been way too long.

    9. GV

      It's nice to be back.

    10. JS

      It's nice to be back, man. We're always back here. This is, like, I think the third time I've interviewed you in this room, and it's just, it's always awesome when I hear from you when we're in touch, man.

    11. GV

      Thank you.

    12. JS

      So I'm hoping that we can kick that off again.

    13. GV

      I'd love it.

    14. JS

      Yeah, I love it. I wanna start off, I have to ask you, I've got a ton of questions. I know we've got limited amount of time. I wanna start off asking, how was VCon? I was watching you. It looked amazing. I was following everything online.

    15. GV

      It was great. We, um, we're really happy with it. I've been telling a lot of my friends and family, like, you know, I really held back a lot, meaning it was... Since it was the first time, I didn't know what I was getting into. So it went super well, um, which has me crazy excited for the next one. It was educational. It was about community. Um, it felt right, and now I think I can build off of that base. I, I like context a lot, and so I needed to contextualize throwing an event of that size. Now that I've calibrated, I think about it like a, like a fighter. The first round, they wanna feel each other out. You wanna take that first punch. Can you take the guy or gal's power? Um, now that we've done that, I feel like I can be even more ambitious with the next one. So it was, it was really good.

    16. JS

      Nice, man. Yeah, the people I know that went as, not as speakers, but as visitors, they had a great time.

    17. GV

      I'm glad.

    18. JS

      So yeah, just so you know, like-

    19. GV

      Yeah, that's been, that's been the universal take-

    20. JS

      Yeah, yeah

    21. GV

      ... which is, for a first-year event, at that size, I'll take

  2. 1:39 – 6:41

    “I do a good job of making my Dad popular.”

    1. GV

      it.

    2. JS

      Your team posted this beautiful video. It was literally yesterday, and I was just, I was scrolling through, and it's this video of a moment between you and your dad.

    3. GV

      Yeah.

    4. JS

      And I was just like, you know, to hear that from your dad, I'm gonna read it out. He said, "You don't even realize what you did on that stage. You completely changed my brain." And, and then he said, "You're really special." And, like, we've seen moments with you and your dad on social a ton before, obviously.

    5. GV

      Yep.

    6. JS

      What was different about that moment, and, and what was he ref- what... Did you sideline afterwards-

    7. GV

      What's, what's-

    8. JS

      ... about what that was about?

    9. GV

      Yeah, what's, what's challenging for me is, like, you know, look, my dad's a very popular figure. I do a good job making him popular.

    10. JS

      [laughs]

    11. GV

      He, he's the best, but my dad and I are very different. My dad grew up with a very different mom than I did. My dad grew up in a very different pla- the USSR is not an optimistic place. You know, a lot of Americans and a lot of people listening around the world don't know this. The USSR was a jail. It wasn't only that it was a difficult country. We have difficult countries around the world. You couldn't leave. You know, I'm not educated. I think you can't leave North Korea, right? Like, if you leave it, right? North Korea's the comp. Like, you couldn't leave the USSR, so that's called jail. And so, you know, he grew up in a very different place. That manifested in my father looking at his employees very differently than I do, looking at the world differently. And, um, we had some very serious conversations in the last 96 hours because I made this connection point. I'm not gonna put 'em out there yet. I, I think that's for him to put out there if he wants to. But my last book, Twelve and a Half: Ingredients, what I realized when I wrote it was, oh, it's not just empathy. Oh, it's not just ambition. Like, we're the makeup of, like, these three combos, these four combos. In this situation, these two combos. And what I think happened is there was one ingredient that my dad wasn't using in combination, that if he starts using the way he has been the last two, three days, A, everybody around him is gonna be happier, but for me, selfishly, he's gonna be happier, and it, um... I'm really glad that moment's connected. My dad's had stop and starts of, like, optimistic points of view in the past.

    12. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    13. GV

      We all have. I've had stops and starts with candor. Let me make it about myself. I've had st- I'm finally over the hump in the last three, four years. Um, but uh, it was a special moment and, like, I'm incredibly emotional about it because it could be a really big impact.

    14. JS

      It was really beautiful to see, man.

    15. GV

      Thank you, brother.

    16. JS

      And, and I loved how your response was, like, "Dad, you should have come earlier." [laughs]

    17. GV

      [laughs] And look, it's fun to do this with you because you're also one of the human beings on earth that communicates in a way that helps people. It's a very heavy feeling to know that you can say something and can change someone's life. You know, I think it's intoxicating. I think it's why a lot of therapists love their job. I think it's why a lot of people that are into meditation. I think it's why teachers love their job. I think it's why a lot of parents... My mom had real, real sadness, empty nest, when AJ left. She was a Hall of Fame mother.

    18. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    19. GV

      When he left, she didn't get to play her g- you know, like, so I think for many of us around the world, we do it publicly, but a lot of people do it privately or in small micro climates. There's nothing like saying something that provides someone else value. When that person ends up being some of the people you love the most, that goes to a different planet.

    20. JS

      Yeah. No, it's really special, and, uh, I think what you just said there, it accord with me because I think we always want the answer to be like, "Well, should I be this or should I be that?" Right? You're talking about the opposites, and it's like, should I be affectionate or should I be assertive? And it's like-

    21. GV

      It's always and

    22. JS

      ... be affectionately assertive. Yeah.

    23. GV

      It's always and.

    24. JS

      Yeah, exactly.

    25. GV

      Something I've been really tapping into is and versus or.

    26. JS

      Yeah.

    27. GV

      I feel like I'm very affected because of our political temperature the last decade. You know, purple. America has been really told in many different ways, and it's a left and right issue.

    28. JS

      Yeah.

    29. GV

      This is not picking on any one party. It's just the climate. It's the popular culture. I am watching my friends and acquaintances and business associates change their opinion on issues 'cause they feel they have to be 100% red or 100% blue. It's, it's incredibly devastating to me. I know where they stand. I'm watching them change their mind 'cause they're treating it as a tribe, and the answer is purple.

    30. JS

      Yeah.

  3. 6:41 – 12:33

    If it works for you, you can juggle multiple things

    1. JS

      I love that you just said that, because I had a really dear friend who I respect who's, who we both know, who's, who's, who's very accomplished in their own world. He said to me recently, he said to me, "Jay, the reason why I love having conversations with you is because I can have a spiritual conversation, we can then switch to strategy, and then we can talk about content." And he's like, "I appreciate that you're one person that we can go there." And I was... And that gave me permission to be that. Because by the way, I'm the same paradox. People are like, "Well, you used to be a monk, but now you do media, and you manage companies," and people can't not always figure that out. Like, but I am all of them, and I'm okay with that, and I'd rather be all of them than have to choose one.

    2. GV

      100%. And, and a lot of people don't like juggling six balls-

    3. JS

      Yeah

    4. GV

      ... and I think that's awesome. I think life needs to be talked way more around self-awareness-

    5. JS

      Yes, yeah

    6. GV

      ... and self-love. Like, I can't pick one thing. Gary, so many of my friends, well-intended, most accomplished people on earth, "Gary, if you ever decided to pick one thing and focus, you would..."

    7. JS

      [laughs]

    8. GV

      And I'm like, "I would die."

    9. JS

      Yeah.

    10. GV

      You think, 'cause you did and it works for you, that's awesome. And that's why when I make content, I say it with such passion and conviction. I'm always trying to use longer format platforms like this to take a step back and create some clarity. I'm asking people to do the things on their terms as passionately and all in as I am. I'll talk about tactics. Yes, TikTok is an arbitrage attention machine right now. Yes, I believe you should post three, four times a day. But you don't have to.

    11. JS

      Yeah.

    12. GV

      And more importantly, if you dislike posting on TikTok the way I dislike reading, then you should do it never.

    13. JS

      Yes.

    14. GV

      And that's the part that people, they want everything so black and white, when everything, everything is gray.

    15. JS

      Absolutely.

    16. GV

      I'm always trying to share my conviction, talk about the ease of leaning into oneself, but remind people, "Don't be me. I have high energy. I have, I have levels of charisma that aren't trained." Like, mommy and daddy made love at the right second, and I was born with certain things. It's the same reason that I've struggled with candor. Do you know how many five-minute meetings I have that are such a waste of time 'cause they could've been an 18-second reading of an email? But I can't do it. And, and, and I just re- I was a D and F student because even as a child, I had some sort of subconscious force that just wasn't interested in not being me.

    17. JS

      Mm.

    18. GV

      You know?

    19. JS

      Yeah. I can, I can hear that.

    20. GV

      And I just want that for more people. Like, and then, and then that goes into a framework that I get very passionate about. My favorite thing about walking around Earth is how visceral I am against judging people.

    21. JS

      Mm.

    22. GV

      In a era that judgment of others has become the most popular pastime.

    23. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    24. GV

      But it starts with me not judging myself. I have standards. I have morals. But I don't beat myself up, and as you know, 'cause I'm sure you're on the receiving end of different but many of the same messages that I get-

    25. JS

      Oh, of course

    26. GV

      ... people are just so good at beating themselves up, and I'm like, "Why?" Like, everybody else sucks, too. Like, great, so you're not good at this, or you missed the, your kid's baseball game and you... You're not a bad parent. When you're at... We need... You know, another thing, Jay, that I'm very passionate about, intent needs to have a seat at the table.

    27. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    28. GV

      We've eliminated the ability to try to figure out one's intent.

    29. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    30. GV

      You suck 'cause of this. Do you know why they got there?

  4. 12:33 – 18:11

    “I’m very happy because I’m very simple.”

    1. GV

      on.

    2. JS

      I believe that you're someone who has a even better private life than you do public life.

    3. GV

      Yeah, I mean, you know, obviously, listen, I've gone, uh, you know, through my personal things like anybody else, but you know what, you know how I would answer that? I'm wildly content and at peace. And I don't think that would make sense to most people that consume me, 'cause I'm so frantic as a communicator. I'm such high energy. I think the thing I always enjoy when people get close to me, and I'm looking at Dustin and Seth behind me, it's like there's incredible levels of confusion on the calmness and, like, the ability to absorb, you know, bad situations, and that has so much to do with personal life, right? Like, friends and family, I feel really good about it. I, I think a lot of it has to do with the lack of expectation I have of others. Doesn't mean I don't require, like any human being, but, like, I'm incredibly compassionate, not just empathetic. And I think when you combine compassion and empathy, you get into a really zenny, fun place. I find that... You know, I've been really thinking this through. I'm like, oh, those two. 'Cause not only can I feel you, but when you come with something that isn't great, I'm going quickly to, "Are you okay?"

    4. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    5. GV

      Versus, "This hurts me."

    6. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    7. GV

      And so that gives me a very good personal life.

    8. JS

      Yeah.

    9. GV

      I, again, trials and tribulations like any human on life from different various things, especially candor. I would tell you that everything that I've had challenges with in my life professionally and personally has been because I'm non-confrontational, which again, blows people away.

    10. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    11. GV

      'Cause on stage, I'm incredible at it-

    12. JS

      Yeah

    13. GV

      ... because I'm talking to the world. When I'm talking to the world, I can't see your name or your face, and so I can just have really good observations to incredibly clean data because very few people on Earth read the comments from human beings at the level that I do. It's what I do for a living.

    14. JS

      Yeah, yeah.

    15. GV

      So I have crazy insights. Uh, uh, one that really caught me was how many wealthy kids were upset with their parents for paying things, but didn't wanna give up on their parents' ki-

    16. JS

      Yes. Oh my gosh, yeah

    17. GV

      ... that one really triggered me in four or five years 'cause I didn't grow up in that environment. I was like, oh, this is a wild one. This is a very unhappy 25-year-old with a Tesla, a sick apartment in LA, an unlimited Uber, Equinox, but they re- but the subconscious is starting to take over, and they realize their parents think they're losers. That's why they're paying for everything, and it's becomes... You know, breaking those things down-

    18. JS

      Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely

    19. GV

      ... so yeah, I, I think, I think I am very happy because I'm very simple.

    20. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    21. GV

      I'm way simpler in business and content than people realize. I'm very simple in life. I don't really want stuff. I like playing.

    22. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    23. GV

      I like playing.

    24. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    25. GV

      You know, I like competition. That's something I'm passionate about. I've been thinking a lot about competition. You know, I'm thinking about why is there so much anxiety in the system. Of course, um, social media pipes. I, I don't blame social the way people do. I just think that-

    26. JS

      Yeah

    27. GV

      ... people are being exposed.

    28. JS

      Yeah.

    29. GV

      [laughs] This was-

    30. JS

      I'm with you on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah

  5. 18:11 – 22:26

    We have demonized losing when losing is the best

    1. JS

      So-

    2. GV

      I think, I think it's real. I think kids not going outside, like, parents are too involved. I get it. Again, best intent. Best intent. But I believe in it.

    3. JS

      Yeah.

    4. GV

      I believe that we have demonized losing when losing is the best.

    5. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    6. GV

      Like, for me It was school was telling me I was gonna be a failure, so you have grown-ups left and right, friends, parents-

    7. JS

      Yeah

    8. GV

      ... and teachers, you will be a garbage... I mean, the favorite thing back in the '80s, you're gonna be a garbage man. Big shout-out to the garbage men-

    9. JS

      Yeah, exactly. Yeah

    10. GV

      ... and women, first of all. But that was the cliche thing in-

    11. JS

      Mm-hmm

    12. GV

      ... '84 to '87. Like, I can't wait to be... Like, I'm gonna be garbage. Like, they, like, they just really... It was only college. It was only grades. So that, and then I competed 24/7. I was always competing, and when you compete all the time, you're losing a lot.

    13. JS

      Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

    14. GV

      And I cried. I cried from 6 to 12 every time I lost at anything, video games, checkers, UNO, football, because I hated the feeling. But the r- the, the layers of skin that I have, you know, and that makes sense to me about you. You can't be out there at the level we're out there if you don't have that stomach. You won't do it.

    15. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    16. GV

      You won't put yourself... We all now can. Everybody can put themselves out there. People won't do it if they don't have that layer of skin, and I, you know, I, I agree with you. Like, and it's a tough challenge, but we have to get kids to, like, get comfortable with losing.

    17. JS

      Yeah, get comfortable with discomfort. Even if it's not losing yet, just getting comfortable with discomfort.

    18. GV

      And we've really gone the other way, especially if there's money. If the family has a couple bucks-

    19. JS

      Mm

    20. GV

      ... it's been completely eliminated.

    21. JS

      Yeah, yeah.

    22. GV

      Parents are going to school fighting for their kids. Like, my kid should've got an A. Like, we're doing too much, and then they're 22 and they have to live life.

    23. JS

      Hmm.

    24. GV

      And they go into the workplace and they're like, "I should be the VP of this company, Gary." I'm like, "You've been here four weeks."

    25. JS

      Yeah.

    26. GV

      I'm like, start your own company. [laughs] Like-

    27. JS

      Yeah. [laughs]

    28. GV

      Like, you know what I mean? Like-

    29. JS

      Have you-

    30. GV

      You know, like-

  6. 22:26 – 26:50

    You’re in control of your life

    1. JS

      Gary, I'm asking this with love, and you know, for me, this was a big thing. I, I think it was, like... I think I'd been making content for two years before I introduced my community to my wife.

    2. GV

      Yes.

    3. JS

      And everyone was like, "Jay, you're married?" Like, m- people had no idea-

    4. GV

      Yes

    5. JS

      ... because I just didn't talk about her-

    6. GV

      Yes

    7. JS

      ... because we just got married. We'd been together for a few years before that. I was like, I need to be careful about-

    8. GV

      Of course

    9. JS

      ... what we're gonna say, where this is going, how this feels. You've recently been more open about your relationship.

    10. GV

      Yes.

    11. JS

      We don't have to go there. This is totally-

    12. GV

      You're being very kind, and I appreciate it.

    13. JS

      But 'cause I respect you.

    14. GV

      I-

    15. JS

      And I'm asking it from a place of respect

    16. GV

      ... I am incredibly private, as you know-

    17. JS

      Yeah, that's why

    18. GV

      ... and the world knows. Because I'm going through a transition in my life, I felt like it got to a place where it was not sustainable for me to be 100% private, and so I've been a little more public. It is something that I'm desperately not interested in. Even the part we just talked about with my kids, like, it's not somewhere-

    19. JS

      Yeah

    20. GV

      ... I wanna go.

    21. JS

      Yeah, yeah.

    22. GV

      I don't wanna go... I don't wanna talk about my kids.

    23. JS

      Yeah.

    24. GV

      I don't wanna talk about my personal-

    25. JS

      We can cover a bit.

    26. GV

      No, no.

    27. JS

      Yeah, yeah.

    28. GV

      I, I want you to keep this.

    29. JS

      Okay. Okay, okay.

    30. GV

      And I'll tell you why. I wanna remind people, you're in control.

  7. 26:50 – 29:54

    Leveraging family and personal life lacks authenticity

    1. GV

      I see more lack of authenticity in the way that people are leveraging their family and personal life-

    2. JS

      Yeah

    3. GV

      ... because they know it does well.

    4. JS

      Yeah.

    5. GV

      I don't wanna go too deep because, again, this is what's fun about being candorous in general, but I would never, ever say this to a human being. There's people who are leveraging their children for brand deals. That's something worth thinking about.

    6. JS

      Yeah.

    7. GV

      [laughs] Like, like right now, those kids aren't talking about that to you because they don't talk 'cause they're four or because they're 16 and not ready to have that convo. But, like, I think all of us have to think about things like that.

    8. JS

      Yeah. And I think for me as an observer of you, I always respect that and that's why I was so intrigued.

    9. GV

      Yeah, of course.

    10. JS

      And, and I still respect-

    11. GV

      I'm sure

    12. JS

      ... I, I still same respect, but it's 'cause I went through that journey in my own head-

    13. GV

      Yeah

    14. JS

      ... even with my own wife that I've been together with-

    15. GV

      Of course

    16. JS

      ... and even what we share and where we sh-

    17. GV

      It's, it's really intent-

    18. JS

      It's like, you know, it's-

    19. GV

      Like, to me-

    20. JS

      Yeah

    21. GV

      ... your family is the most sacred, like, that's who's gonna be around you when you're dying.

    22. JS

      Yeah.

    23. GV

      Like, right? And so, like, you have to think three times before you start letting anything in, right?

    24. JS

      Mm.

    25. GV

      And by the way, the other thing is I don't wanna make decisions for other people.

    26. JS

      Yeah.

    27. GV

      I was built to be unstoppable.

    28. JS

      Oh, so true.

    29. GV

      You know what I mean?

    30. JS

      So true.

  8. 29:54 – 34:29

    Lack of accountability is leading to so much unhappiness

    1. GV

      Jay, I think the lack of accountability is leading to so much unhappiness.

    2. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    3. GV

      Like, life is so much better when you're like, "This was my fault."

    4. JS

      Yeah. Absolutely.

    5. GV

      You're in control.

    6. JS

      Yeah.

    7. GV

      And so, like, you know, this was, like, a wrap-up to control. You're in control.

    8. JS

      Yeah.

    9. GV

      You.

    10. JS

      Yeah.

    11. GV

      You. You decide what you consume. You decide what you believe. You decide who you surround yourself with. You decide what you put out. Take on accountability.

    12. JS

      Yeah.

    13. GV

      Everybody wants to blame right now.

    14. JS

      Yeah.

    15. GV

      The algori- they're acting as the algorithms are, like, hypnosis.

    16. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    17. GV

      And I understand endorphin hits and all that, but, like, you can delete the app.

    18. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    19. GV

      You can. Like, where's accountability in this?

    20. JS

      Yeah.

    21. GV

      Right?

    22. JS

      Yeah. Absolutely. No, I-

    23. GV

      Like, we have alcohol, we have tobacco, we have drugs, we have weapons, and we have all sorts of issues, but most people play within moderation. That's on you.

    24. JS

      Yeah. And it's a tough truth, right? It's a, it's a tough-

    25. GV

      It's a tough truth

    26. JS

      ... it's a tough truth. Yeah.

    27. GV

      Especially when you're unhappy.

    28. JS

      Yeah, yeah.

    29. GV

      That goes back to why it's important. It's like the chicken and egg. It's like working out. Like I got into better shape the last eight years. Nothing comes less natural to me.

    30. JS

      [laughs] Yeah. Tell me about it.

  9. 34:29 – 36:37

    What is your most worthy pursuit?

    1. JS

      What has become, out of all the things you've pursued, 'cause I'm guessing at different stages in your life, and anyone who hasn't heard, I've interviewed Gary twice before, so you can go back and listen to those, you've pursued different things-

    2. GV

      Yes

    3. JS

      ... at different times. And every time I meet you, it's a really... What I love about it is that you just, there's so much growth and acceptance and embracing of this new you. Every time we talk, I feel like I'm talking to a even more self-aware human, which is a really fun feeling when you're checking in with someone in this way. And so I go, what, what have you found currently to be the most worthy pursuit? Like, what, what is it that you're pursuing that you've found worthy of pursuit?

    4. GV

      It's, it's always been the same thing for me. It's almost as if I'm living two separate lives. The most worthy pursuit is I'm wildly gifted at helping other people, and I'm incredibly comfortable of also being okay with feeding myself around my own interests.

    5. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    6. GV

      The most worthwhile pursuit, my friend, this, I think this is gonna land with you, is the continuous balance beam that I walk on that is called equal parts selfish and equal parts selfless and refining that skill set. And I think in the three times, if I may, off of your analogy, I think the beam is getting thinner, and I'm still walking it.

    7. JS

      Mm-hmm.

    8. GV

      You know?

    9. JS

      Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

    10. GV

      Maybe the first time we met it was like an Olympic beam-

    11. JS

      Yeah, yeah

    12. GV

      ... or a high school beam. Maybe the second time was, you know, my hope is that as I continue to go I'll be on a tightrope across Manhattan and walk it easily. Because me playing my game of entrepreneurship gives me so much energy that I'm able to deploy it in a positive manner at scale, and I find it fascinating. And so that is what I continue to go after.

    13. JS

      I love that. Gary, 40 minutes with you feels like an hour and two hours with someone else. Thank you, man.

    14. GV

      Thank you, brother.

    15. JS

      You're the best. Thank you, bro. I appreciate you so much.

    16. GV

      It was a lot of fun. If you want even more videos just like this one, make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here. I'm also excited to let you know that you can now get my book, Think Like a Monk, from thinklikeamonkbook.com. Check below in the description to make sure you order today.

Episode duration: 36:37

In the uListen app, the transcript lights up word by word as you listen. Get uListen

Transcript of episode mO4esadmNVU

Get more out of YouTube videos.

Read along on your phone, search it beside the video, or ask your favorite AI app what was said.

iOSAndroidClaudeChatGPTChrome