Jay Shetty PodcastChris Appleton EXCLUSIVE: Breaking His Silence on His Divorce & Coming Out to His Wife and Kids
CHAPTERS
Chris’s childhood in working-class England and the ‘window’ moment of not belonging
Chris recalls growing up in a large working-class family in the UK and a vivid memory of feeling different and alone as a child. He explains how that early sense of not fitting in became the start of abandoning parts of himself to meet others’ expectations—an idea that anchors his book’s message.
- •Distinct childhood memory of looking out the window and feeling he didn’t belong
- •Pressure to conform to gender norms in a big family and community
- •How early loneliness can become self-abandonment and people-pleasing
- •“Your roots don’t define you” as the central reframing of his past
Discovering hair as a ‘superpower’: dyslexia, bullying, and finding competence
Chris shares how dyslexia and being misunderstood at school shaped his need to prove himself. Hair became the first place he felt capable, and he loved the immediate transformation it created in others’ confidence—fueling his drive to master the craft.
- •Undiagnosed dyslexia leading to shame and being labeled “stupid”
- •Early fascination with transformation and how it changes how people feel
- •Starting salon work very young and feeling purpose for the first time
- •Bullying intensifying as hairdressing was stereotyped and sexualized
Hiding identity to feel safe: masculinity performance and learning to mask
He describes how homophobic bullying taught him to monitor his mannerisms, voice, and behavior to appear “more masculine.” Chris explains that as a gay child he learned to hide authenticity, and as an adult he had to unpick what was genuinely him versus what he created for survival.
- •Derogatory labeling and aggressive bullying shaped fear and concealment
- •Conscious “masculinity” adjustments to reduce attention and risk
- •The long-term cost of creating a self for others
- •Therapy as the process of unpicking survival strategies from identity
What it takes to become the best: resilience, repetition, and refusing the box
Chris breaks down the unglamorous path to excellence—years of small “leapfrog” moments, failures, rejection, and relentless consistency. He emphasizes learning every facet of hair (salon, editorial, fashion) and resisting industry gatekeeping that tries to keep people in one lane.
- •Starting at 13 and obsessively learning techniques and details
- •Failing competitions, facing rejection, and bouncing back repeatedly
- •Being boxed in as “just a salon hairdresser” and pushing beyond it
- •Consistency and self-analysis as his core success habits
Realizing he’s gay later than people assume: shame, suppression, and fear narratives
Chris explains he didn’t fully “know” until his mid-20s because shame and fear shut the topic down internally. He recounts cultural messaging about AIDS and an early friendship with someone HIV-positive that amplified fear, showing how misinformation and stigma can delay self-acceptance.
- •Coming out at 26 and challenging the assumption he “always knew”
- •How shame can block awareness, not just expression
- •AIDS-era misinformation shaping fear around gay identity
- •The emotional shift once he “put a foot in the water” of authenticity
Life built with his children’s mother—and the identity collapse when he couldn’t ‘hold his breath’
He reflects on the meaningful nine-year partnership with Kate and the family life he believed proved he was “normal.” Chris describes the breaking point as an inability to keep suppressing himself—finally exhaling after years of holding his breath, even as guilt about hurting loved ones intensified.
- •A loving, committed relationship and fatherhood as central identity
- •Performing “what a man does” to fit an expected role
- •The moment suppression became impossible to sustain
- •Shame and responsibility colliding: truth versus harm avoidance
Coming out to family—and the hardest part: telling his children
Chris shares the painful reality of coming out as a parent, including the fear his kids would be bullied and carry his shame. He describes the confusion in the room, how hard it was to say the words, and the crushing belief that he’d failed at protecting them.
- •Respecting others’ grief while trying to survive his own
- •Inability to say “I’m gay” at first; someone else voiced it
- •Children’s confusion and fear of him “changing”
- •Overwhelming shame about potential bullying and social fallout
Suicide attempt and surrender: the darkest night that became a turning point
In a deeply vulnerable segment, Chris recounts driving away, checking into a hotel, and attempting to end his life—believing his children would be better off without him. Waking in the hospital, he describes a quiet but profound shift: surrendering to being gay and choosing to live.
- •Belief that being gay made him “contagious” or harmful to his kids
- •Attempted overdose and the blur of emergency response and hospitalization
- •Realization: he didn’t want to die—he wanted to kill the shame
- •“What if I just surrender?” as the beginning of self-acceptance
Rebuilding after collapse: therapy, grief, and learning to live without the old self
Chris rejects the idea of an overnight transformation, emphasizing the slow, cyclical work of healing. He frames the period as grief for the “old man” he constructed and the life attached to it, and credits therapy—alongside support for his kids and ex-partner—as a key stabilizer.
- •Daily/hourly coping rather than a sudden ‘before/after’ switch
- •Grieving the loss of an identity and the image he created
- •Family members processing their own questions and guilt
- •Long-term therapy as the container for shame, grief, and growth
Forgiveness and letting go: a brother’s apology and moving through pain instead of avoiding it
Chris describes a later reconciliation with his older brother, who apologized for how he treated him. He explains his approach to healing: fully feeling the pain, understanding others’ contexts, and choosing forgiveness as a path to freedom rather than avoidance.
- •A significant, delayed apology that validated childhood pain
- •Recognizing others’ behavior often comes from their own suffering
- •Forgiveness as release, not erasure
- •His philosophy: go through emotions to let them go
A new environment and the Hollywood leap: moving to LA, early social media, and the ‘J.Lo’ email
Chris explains how moving to LA helped reduce shame by removing the small-town scrutiny and giving him a fresh start. He recounts commuting work, early social media branding, and receiving surprising outreach from major artists—before taking the risk to move with minimal followers and no guarantees.
- •LA as a place to come out without constant ‘outside noise’
- •Commuting work and building momentum through travel
- •Early social media as an accidental but powerful portfolio
- •Choosing the leap: two suitcases, limited money, and a dream
The Christina Aguilera ‘wig’ moment: trusting craft under pressure and career ignition
He tells the high-stakes story of being called to do Christina Aguilera’s hair on The Voice with almost no time, triggering imposter syndrome. By trusting his expertise—especially wig skills learned from working with cancer patients—he delivers a successful look that catalyzes his celebrity career.
- •Being sidelined until the last 20 minutes and facing panic
- •Imposter syndrome and shame resurfacing in a ‘bigger world’
- •Leveraging unexpected experience (cancer-patient wig work) as an edge
- •Outcome: credibility and momentum leading to more major clients
Authentic relationships in a public industry—and why you don’t owe explanations
Chris discusses how intimacy and trust shape long-term client relationships, including friendships with high-profile figures like Kim Kardashian. He emphasizes that public perception rarely matches private reality and that headlines don’t obligate personal explanations—especially when protecting family.
- •The intimacy of hair as a one-on-one, trust-based collaboration
- •Seeing celebrities as whole humans (work ethic, kindness, motherhood)
- •Public curiosity versus private boundaries
- •Protecting his kids as the guiding principle in public life
Divorce, inner alignment, and protecting peace in ‘a loud world’
Chris addresses his recent, highly public divorce and the private pain behind public speculation. He frames the decision through “alignment,” arguing that endings can still be meaningful, and shares how therapy and internal grounding help him withstand scrutiny and move forward with openness.
- •Processing public commentary while managing real private grief
- •Filing for divorce and rejecting the idea that divorce equals failure
- •“Moving fast” as hope rather than recklessness; keeping an open heart
- •Tools for peace: therapy, alignment, boundaries, and humor
Mirror work, fatherhood, and the letters from his kids
Chris returns to the metaphor of the mirror—most people see a reflection without truly looking—and connects it to patterns, behavior change, and self-respect. The chapter culminates in emotional letters from his children, affirming his impact as a father and reframing his greatest achievement as being ‘Dad’ with pride.
- •The “real mirror” concept: seeing patterns and choosing new behavior
- •Leaving environments and relationships that no longer serve him
- •Vulnerability as a model for his children and readers
- •Kids’ letters: pride, safety, respect, and resilience as his legacy
Final Five: core life principles and favorite iconic looks
In the rapid-fire closing questions, Chris distills his values into simple rules: live and let live, reject boxing yourself in, and routinely check if your life is aligned. He also shares standout hair moments for Kim and J.Lo and reiterates that change is possible at any age.
- •Best advice: “Live and let live” and practice empathy
- •Worst advice: “Stay in your lane” (rejecting boxes)
- •Favorite looks: Kim’s platinum era and J.Lo’s short Allure cover look
- •One ‘law’: stop, look honestly in the mirror, and choose change if needed
