Jay Shetty PodcastChris Appleton EXCLUSIVE: Breaking His Silence on His Divorce & Coming Out to His Wife and Kids
CHAPTERS
- 0:04 – 1:25
Chris Appleton’s hidden pain behind a polished public image
The episode opens with a striking confession about shame and suicidal thoughts, setting the emotional stakes. Jay frames the conversation as a deeper look behind Chris’s glamorous career and public persona.
- •Chris hints at the depth of shame he carried about being gay
- •Introduces his high-profile career as a celebrity hairstylist
- •Jay sets the tone: identity, healing, and personal transformation
- •Contrast between social media polish and private pain
- 1:25 – 4:53
A childhood window moment: feeling different and learning to abandon yourself
Chris shares a formative memory from working-class Northern England: feeling like he didn’t belong. He explains how that early loneliness became the start of self-abandonment and later informed his message that your beginnings don’t limit your future.
- •Working-class upbringing and sense of not fitting in
- •Early awareness of being ‘in the middle’ of gender expectations
- •How self-abandonment starts as a survival strategy
- •Therapy helped him reconnect with his inner child
- •Core theme: roots don’t define destiny
- 4:53 – 6:10
Discovering hair as a ‘superpower’ amid dyslexia and bullying
Chris describes finding hairdressing young—one of the first times he felt competent and valued. Dyslexia and bullying pushed him to become exceptional, while the craft gave him a way to change how people felt about themselves.
- •Dyslexia misread as being ‘stupid’ in school
- •Hair and art as early channels for confidence and expression
- •Transformation work: helping people stand taller
- •Bullying becomes fuel for determination
- •Early identity pressure begins to shape behavior
- 6:10 – 8:19
When ‘gay’ became a weapon: masking, hyper-masculinity, and identity suppression
Chris recounts how homophobia in his environment taught him to hide, adjust mannerisms, and perform masculinity to stay safe. He explains the adult work of separating authentic self from the version built to satisfy others.
- •Homophobic bullying and social punishment
- •Consciously monitoring voice, posture, and mannerisms
- •Hair work seen as ‘feminine,’ increasing scrutiny
- •Adult healing requires ‘unpicking’ conditioned behaviors
- •Book aim: help others identify what’s theirs vs. learned for approval
- 8:19 – 13:35
Becoming the best: consistency, resilience, and refusing to stay in a box
Jay asks what it took for Chris to reach the top of a highly artistic field. Chris details years of relentless practice, learning every domain of hair, and staying consistent through rejection and failure.
- •Started salon work at 13; obsessively learned the craft
- •Expanded from salon to editorial/fashion by self-training
- •Refused industry ‘boxing’ and gatekeeping
- •Resilience through rejection, lost competitions, and ridicule
- •Success as accumulation of ‘leapfrog moments,’ not one big break
- 13:35 – 18:18
Not knowing you know: shame, secrecy, and the late realization of being gay
Chris explains that he didn’t consciously ‘know’ for years; shame can block self-awareness. He describes how life forces moments of stillness where identity surfaces—and how authenticity impacts every area of life.
- •Came out at 26; not fully conscious earlier
- •Shame as a powerful force that silences self-knowledge
- •Authenticity affects work, friendships, and relationships
- •Moving toward self-honesty required time and therapy
- •Desire to help others feel seen earlier than he did
- 18:18 – 22:46
Coming out within a family: grief, responsibility, and fear of hurting loved ones
Chris describes loving his partner Kate and building a family while trying to be ‘normal.’ Once he could no longer suppress the truth, he had to navigate others’ grief—especially the fear of what coming out would mean for his children.
- •Nine-year partnership and building a life as a father
- •‘Held my breath’ metaphor: suppression until he couldn’t anymore
- •Respecting Kate’s process and emotions
- •Fear of bringing bullying and shame onto his children
- •The hardest part: telling the kids
- 22:46 – 30:56
The hotel night and suicide attempt: rock bottom to surrendering shame
Chris shares, in detail, the night he tried to end his life after telling his children. Waking in the hospital became a turning point: he realized he didn’t want to die—he wanted to stop hating himself—and chose to surrender to truth.
- •Belief that kids would be better off with a dead dad than a gay dad
- •Overwhelming shame and feeling ‘contagious’
- •Suicide attempt and hospitalization
- •Turning point: ‘What if I just surrender and be gay?’
- •Motivation for sharing: helping parents, bullied kids, and bullies understand the cost of silence
- 30:56 – 38:20
Rebuilding after collapse: therapy, grief, and letting go of an old identity
Chris and Jay discuss what healing actually looks like after a life-altering crisis. Chris describes therapy, daily survival, and grieving the ‘death’ of the persona he built—learning that growth is cyclical, not a clean before/after.
- •Healing wasn’t overnight; involved sustained therapy
- •Family members each had their own processing journey
- •Grieving the loss of the ‘man’ he constructed
- •Learning to live in cycles: progress, setbacks, maintenance
- •Reducing shame by speaking openly and normalizing struggle
- 38:20 – 43:18
Forgiveness and emotional maturity: reconciling with the past
Jay asks whether anyone from Chris’s past ever made amends. Chris shares a meaningful apology from his brother years later and explains his philosophy: feel fully, move through it, then let it go.
- •Brother’s later apology for past mistreatment
- •Seeing others’ behavior through their own pain and context
- •Forgiveness as self-liberation rather than excusing harm
- •Chris’s approach: don’t avoid—feel it, process it, release it
- •Shame diminishes when it’s brought into the light
- 43:18 – 46:00
A new environment and a dream: moving to LA and the J.Lo email
Chris explains how moving to America reduced the social ‘noise’ around being gay and opened his life. He recounts early social media, the surreal emails from J.Lo’s team, and the leap of moving to LA with minimal followers and no plan.
- •LA as a place to be openly gay without judgment
- •Early career shift: commuting, then full move at 31
- •J.Lo inquiry arrives via email—initial disbelief
- •Moved with two suitcases, little money, and 4–5k followers
- •Gambling on a dream and willingness to restart
- 46:00 – 52:28
The Christina Aguilera ‘Voice’ moment: near-career disaster that launched Hollywood success
Chris tells the high-pressure story of being called to do Christina Aguilera’s hair with only minutes before going live. Trusting his expertise—using a wig technique honed with cancer patients—paid off and became the domino that led to major clients.
- •First major U.S. opportunity felt bigger and scarier than UK work
- •Only 20 minutes to do hair; panic and imposter feelings surge
- •Phone call with Kate grounds him in responsibility and urgency
- •Wig choice succeeds; confidence and reputation start to build
- •Preparedness: ‘31 years learning’ enabled fast breakthrough
- 52:28 – 54:27
Building authentic relationships with stars—and staying human in a public-facing industry
Chris and Jay reflect on intimate, trust-based work and the importance of being yourself with clients. Chris shares what he admires about collaborators like Kim Kardashian and discusses how real relationships form behind the scenes.
- •Work is intimate and one-on-one, like coaching or therapy
- •Authenticity beats trying to become what others expect
- •Kim Kardashian praised for professionalism and kindness to staff
- •Public assumptions vs. private reality of celebrities
- •Friendship grows through time, consistency, and mutual respect
- 54:27 – 1:04:24
Public relationship, divorce, and choosing inner peace over public explanations
Chris discusses the intense scrutiny around his highly public relationship and subsequent divorce, including tabloid narratives and online speculation. He explains why he chose therapy, alignment, boundaries, and protecting his kids over giving the public an explanation.
- •First experience of mass public investment in his private life
- •How headlines amplify private pain
- •‘Not being okay’ and therapy as tools for processing
- •Alignment as the key: love can matter without lasting forever
- •You don’t owe the public an explanation; prioritize kids and peace
- 1:04:24 – 1:17:40
Seeing yourself in the mirror: protecting peace, breaking patterns, and becoming the dad he needed
Chris explains how therapy taught him to truly ‘look’ at himself, identify patterns, and walk away from environments that don’t serve him. The chapter culminates in emotional letters from his kids and a reflection on fatherhood as his proudest achievement.
- •Therapy as long-term support (same therapist for years)
- •Distinction: seeing a reflection vs. truly looking at yourself
- •Breaking patterns in work, relationships, and friendships
- •Kids’ letters validate his growth and fatherhood
- •Goal: no secrets, model resilience, and reduce generational pain
- 1:17:40 – 1:23:04
Final Five: life advice, rejecting boxes, favorite looks, and a universal ‘mirror law’
Jay’s rapid-fire questions close the episode with Chris’s distilled values. He shares his best and worst advice received, favorite hair moments, what he sees in his ‘inner mirror,’ and a proposed law encouraging self-reflection and change.
- •Best advice: ‘Live and let live’—everyone is carrying something
- •Worst advice: ‘Stay in your lane’—refusing limiting boxes
- •Favorite looks: standout moments for Kim and J.Lo (incl. platinum Kim)
- •Inner mirror: imperfect but trying to be his best for his kids and readers
- •One law: stop, look honestly, and ask if life is aligned—and change if needed
