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Jay Shetty Podcast

Elliot Page Gets Candid About His Transition Journey ”I was struggling to live life”

Today, we'll dive deep into the incredible journey of Elliot Page, whose story is not just a memoir but a testament to the power of self-discovery and authenticity.

Elliot PageguestJay Shettyhost

Oct 23, 20231h 2mWatch on YouTube

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CHAPTERS

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Chapter summaries

Opening: On-set discomfort and not being able to imagine a future
Elliot Page describes profound physical and emotional discomfort while working—especially when alone on set—and how it made it hard to see a future. Jay Shetty responds with empathy as Elliot frames how survival and day-to-day functioning felt uncertain.
- •Elliot describes wanting to “tear my skin off” while on set and alone in a trailer
- •He explains he couldn’t envision the future because he didn’t know how long he could keep feeling that way
- •Others told him his “dream” was coming true, contrasting with his internal experience
- •A memorable comment from Cate Winslet: “Don’t let them change you”
Why ‘Pageboy’ is nonlinear: reflecting queer/trans memory and movement toward truth
Jay welcomes Elliot and centers the conversation on his memoir, Pageboy. Elliot explains he chose a nonlinear structure to mirror how queer and trans self-understanding can move closer to truth and then pull back under fear or pressure.
- •Jay introduces the memoir and asks about the intentional nonlinear structure
- •Elliot says the structure reflects a journey of approaching truth, pulling back, and returning
- •He connects this to society’s limiting expectations and how they shape self-perception
- •Elliot also shares he personally enjoys nonlinear storytelling where themes collide
Exploration of memory: writing as catharsis and physical reality
Jay asks what it was like to revisit memories and how memory behaves when writing a memoir. Elliot describes how many stories were always close to the surface and how writing became both intense and healing—forcing him to acknowledge what he had minimized.
- •Elliot says chosen moments were “vibrating” under the surface and felt readily accessible
- •He describes writing as organic: selecting periods, relationships, and incidents to express themes
- •He likens recalling scenes to watching and describing a movie, influenced by storytelling work
- •He notes a therapeutic element: confronting what he’d “swept under the rug” and feeling it in his body
Living openly now: “lightness,” presence, and reclaimed mental space
Jay asks what it feels like to live as he’s always wanted and be perceived accordingly. Elliot describes a new sense of possibility and presence, emphasizing that everyday actions and creative focus became attainable in a way they previously weren’t.
- •Elliot says it feels like something he never thought was possible
- •He shares a longtime friend noticing “lightness” in him
- •He acknowledges difficult days still exist, but the overall shift is “a complete game changer”
- •He describes being able to sit down, create, and have mental space—previously “impossible”
Acting after transition: from enduring to feeling “loose” and grounded
Jay asks how Elliot’s relationship with acting has changed. Elliot explains that being embodied and starting from a solid sense of self transformed his work—replacing profound discomfort with openness and presence on set.
- •Elliot says everything in life—including acting—feels better because he feels embodied and present
- •He pushes back on the idea of “flip the switch,” saying he lacked a foundational starting place
- •He explains that actors always bring themselves to roles through connection to emotion and motivation
- •He contrasts past discomfort with a new “looseness” and ability to exist on set without fighting to reach the starting point
Early knowing, words, and the consequences of being denied
Jay explores Elliot’s statement that he knew he was trans from a very young age and asks about “knowing” versus “feeling.” Elliot describes childhood experiences of understanding who he was, the relief of presenting how he wanted, and the harm when others denied that reality.
- •Elliot recounts early memories of feeling close to himself and confusion at how the world saw him
- •He describes pushing to present how he wanted around age 10 and how solid and good it felt
- •He reflects that he did have words: expressing who he was, what he wanted to wear, how to look
- •He connects misalignment to despair and self-harm-related mental health consequences; congruence to euphoria
The power of community: shared language, reduced shame, and mutual support
Jay asks what healthy conversations in the trans community look like. Elliot emphasizes community as essential for survival—describing how shared experiences reduce isolation and create opportunities to both receive and offer support.
- •Elliot calls community “maybe the biggest reason” he’s able to exist
- •He describes relief when someone voices thoughts you believed you were alone in
- •He connects isolation to shame and hiding, and community to feeling less alone
- •He mentions being supported by trans people he knows and by authors and people he’s never met
Books, diaries, and writing practices that helped shape the journey
Jay asks for books and resources that supported Elliot and whether Elliot kept journals. Elliot lists multiple authors and titles that inspired him, then reflects on finding bits of old writing and wishing he’d journaled more consistently.
- •Elliot recommends multiple books, including works by Travis Alabanza, Harry Nicholas, Lou Sullivan, Janet Mock, and Thomas Page McBee
- •He describes reading Lou Sullivan’s diaries and how they become emotional and intense as you settle into them
- •Elliot says he found some old writing from his teens and 20s and regretted not writing more
- •He says journaling can be helpful and he keeps meaning to do it, noting book writing and touring took a lot
How parents can support children: listening, making space, and educating themselves
Jay asks what a healthy parental response looks like when children express gender exploration. Elliot stresses listening without dismissal or shame, allowing room to explore, and actively educating oneself rather than reacting from fear or stigma.
- •Elliot urges parents to listen and not dismiss what children express
- •He emphasizes avoiding shame or embarrassment and giving kids space to explore
- •He describes shifting internal energy from anxious self-questioning to calm curiosity and commitment to talk
- •He highlights the importance of gentleness, support, and self-education
Misinformation about trans healthcare: what Elliot says is being distorted
Jay asks Elliot to expand on misinformation, especially around healthcare. Elliot addresses several claims he says are false and explains how care is often misrepresented as immediate or forced when, in his view, access is difficult and processes are deliberate.
- •Elliot says the claim that children’s bodies are being “mutilated” is a lie
- •He says puberty blockers are not experimental and notes they’ve been used for decades for precocious puberty
- •He argues access to care is difficult for most trans people and not “easily accessible and immediate”
- •He describes youth care as often focusing on support and potential social transition, with medical steps discussed as puberty begins, and surgery generally not occurring until later ages
Trans men and masculinity: empathy, emotional permission, and rejecting simplistic biology claims
Jay asks what trans men can add to conversations about masculinity. Elliot talks about bringing a distinct lived perspective, noticing emotional restrictions placed on cis men, and having deeper conversations with male friends—while also challenging the idea that testosterone drives anger.
- •Elliot says trans men/trans masc people can bring different insights from being perceived differently over a lifetime
- •He expresses empathy for cis men who are discouraged from sensitivity and vulnerability
- •He shares subtle examples of changed social behavior from men (like greetings and hugging) and his own brief self-judgments
- •He says he’s not “more angry” on testosterone and suggests socialization plays a major role in toxic masculinity
Eating disorders, control, and how transition changed Elliot’s mental landscape
Jay raises the link Elliot cited between trans/gender non-conforming youth and eating disorders. Elliot shares his personal understanding: discomfort in the body, desire for control, and mental preoccupation—then describes how transitioning gave him everyday presence and relief from constant fleeing.
- •Elliot clarifies he’s not a professional, but speaks from experience and what he’s encountered
- •He connects eating-disorder behavior to body discomfort and seeking control, including looking “more boyish” by being smaller
- •He describes how obsessive thoughts can consume attention and block other contemplation
- •He explains that after transitioning, ordinary moments—coffee, being with friends—feel present rather than dominated by anxiety, body monitoring, and the urge to flee
Responses to ‘Pageboy’: letters, reduced shame, and opening family conversations
Jay asks what reactions to the book have stayed with Elliot. Elliot shares that the most meaningful responses involve readers feeling less alone, speaking with parents differently, releasing shame, and making life changes after reading.
- •Elliot says responses across ages have been moving, especially around feeling less alone
- •He describes messages about people talking to parents in new ways and carrying less shame
- •He shares a letter from an older reader who decided to go on testosterone and described the life impact
- •He mentions a trans masc friend whose mother read the book quickly, enabling new conversations they didn’t think were possible
Love and relationships now: from serial monogamy to learning to be alone
Jay asks how Elliot’s perspective on love has changed. Elliot reflects on past patterns of clinging to relationships to cope with difficulty functioning, and contrasts that with a new capacity to be alone and approach future relationships from a grounded foundation.
- •Elliot describes being a “serial monogamist” and feeling he needed someone to function
- •He acknowledges staying in situations that weren’t wise, driven by not knowing how to exist alone
- •He describes love as giving a spark of life and a moment to breathe, but not a sufficient reason to be with someone
- •He says being alone is exhilarating and new, and he’s currently single while enjoying connection without clinging
Being a trans celebrity: public scrutiny, privilege, and what resources change
Jay asks how transitioning differs in the public eye. Elliot describes the pain of public speculation and hurtful assumptions, while repeatedly emphasizing that his experience includes major privileges that most trans people don’t have—especially regarding safety and access to care.
- •Elliot notes transitioning publicly involves speculation and comments that can be demeaning and hurtful
- •He emphasizes his experience is shaped by significant privilege and doesn’t reflect most trans people’s lives
- •He mentions disparities many trans people face, including unemployment, poverty, incarceration, and violence, highlighting Black trans people specifically
- •He lists ways resources protect him: security for threats, faster access to surgery, and easier handling of documentation changes
Reading now, the memoir’s closing choice, and the ‘Final Five’ reflections
Jay pivots to books Elliot has been reading and then asks about a moment of self-love near the memoir’s end and why Elliot chose to close on age 16. The conversation closes with Jay’s rapid “Final Five,” where Elliot shares advice, values he’s shifted, what he’s unlearning, and a law he’d create.
- •Elliot shares recent reading focused on novels, including Octavia Butler titles and other contemporary fiction
- •Jay asks why the memoir ends at age 16; Elliot describes bookending with moments involving Mark and a pivotal queer environment at a Peaches concert
- •Elliot answers the best advice he received: Cate Winslet telling him “Don’t let them change you,” contrasting with others saying his dream was coming true
- •In the “Final Five,” Elliot cites worst advice about hiding queerness, says he no longer values conventional ideas of success, is unlearning lingering shame, and proposes a law: “don’t be a bully”

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