FBI Agent: The Secret Formula FBI Negotiators Use To Always Get What They Want

He describes starting with a calming tone and then naming the emotion you hear (often negative) to help the other person self-regulate and feel understood. He illustrates this with a hotline call where labeling “frantic,” “close (family),” and “determined” helped the caller calm down and regain agency.

He argues many people avoid negotiation because they equate it with conflict, but strong negotiation often looks like calm collaboration. He uses examples like Oprah Winfrey to show that effective negotiation can be “invisible” and relationship-forward rather than combative.

He says a key move is to summarize how the other side sees the situation (without agreeing), because it reduces escalation driven by not feeling heard. He describes a Clubhouse room about Israel–Palestine where requiring each side to summarize the other prevented arguments, and a workplace example where the same method resolved executive conflict.

He recommends preparing by getting into a positive mindset (he mentions gratitude) and by planning “no-oriented” questions, because “yes” can feel like a trap while “no” can make people feel safe. He gives examples like shifting from “Do you agree?” to “Do you disagree?” or asking “Does this sound like a stupid idea?”

He says a common mistake is leading with your pitch/value proposition before the other side feels heard, which makes them mentally rehearse their own points instead of listening. He recommends starting by hearing their priorities so you can align sequencing with what they care about.