Jay Shetty Podcast

If I was TRAPPED in a Toxic Relationship THIS is What I Would DO! (Jay Shetty's #1 Tip to LEAVE!)

Have you ever found yourself holding onto someone who couldn’t fully open up to you? Have you ever stayed in a relationship longer than you should have, hoping things would finally get better? In today’s episode, I’m doing something a little different. My good friend Lisa Bilyeu flips the script and interviews me. Lisa is the co-founder of the billion-dollar company Quest Nutrition, founder of Women of Impact, and one of the most honest, fearless voices I know when it comes to growth, relationships, and empowerment. Together, we unpack some of the most misunderstood truths about relationships, from why we settle to how we can start making choices rooted in self-worth rather than fear. We talk about how to stop crowd-sourcing your most important life decisions and why learning to listen to your own voice—without all the outside opinions—is one of the most healing things you can do. I share the real reason many of us struggle with being alone, how to break the cycle of chasing emotionally unavailable partners, and why true love should feel like peace—not anxiety dressed up as passion. This episode is about so much more than dating. It’s about rebuilding your self-worth one choice at a time. I walk you through my 5 daily habits that help me build inner confidence, how to tell when you’re compromising in love versus losing yourself, and the honest questions you need to ask before deciding whether to stay—or walk away. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Stop Settling and Start Choosing From Confidence How to Trust Your Intuition Without Second-Guessing Yourself How to Break Free From the Fear of Being Alone How to Create Peace In Order to Attract a Healthy Relationship How to Know If You’re Compromising or Abandoning Yourself How to Build Self-Worth With 5 Simple Daily Habits I’m so grateful to Lisa for creating this space. I hope it brings you a deeper sense of direction, healing, and the reminder that you are always worth choosing—especially by yourself. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here. What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:21 The Three Reasons We Settle in Love 04:24 We All Have a Different Take on Love 06:36 The 7-Day Opinion Fast 13:15 Why Do We Keep Chasing the Wrong Person? 17:29 The Technique Men Use to Flirt with Women 23:44 The Difference Between Adapting vs. Diminishing Yourself in Relationships 28:39 This is the Biggest Reason for Breakups & How to Avoid It 31:50 Promoting a Healthy Relationship Through 'US' and 'WE' 34:52 Never Say these Two Words During An Argument 36:41 Is it Love or Just Lust? 38:24 Are You Comfortable or Complacent in Your Relationship? 45:24 Don't Let Your Insecurities Affect Your Current Relationship 48:06 The Three People You'll Fall With in Love in Your Life 53:29 Why Trust Should Be Given Easily 56:02 Fixing Someone Isn't Your Responsibility 01:00:39 Three Ways to Adapt to Your Partner's Personality 01:06:23 You Can't Live on Someone Else’s Timeline 01:12:29 This is the Type of Conversation You Should be Having With Your Partner 01:16:16 5 Daily Habits to Build Self-Worth 01:22:47 Best Nighttime Routine to Block Negative Thoughts 01:25:25 Jay's On Tour Update Episode Resources: https://lisabilyeu.com/ https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu https://www.tiktok.com/@lisa_bilyeu https://www.facebook.com/lisabilyeu/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeir7Wbzzfg43c1eL7PSa3g https://x.com/lisabilyeu https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisabilyeu https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/women-of-impact/id1435217865 https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

JSJay ShettyguestLBLisa Bilyeuhost

Jun 6, 2025·1h 26m·Watch on YouTube ↗

📖 CHAPTERS

1. 1

   Spot toxic patterns early and take responsibility for your choices

   Jay opens by urging listeners to notice red flags early rather than drifting into a relationship because it “works for now.” The core message is personal accountability: if a partner can’t see an issue, you still must protect yourself and make clear choices.

2. 2

   Why we settle: fear, familiarity, and believing better isn’t for us

   Jay breaks down the main psychological drivers behind settling in love—especially the fear of being alone and the comfort of familiar suffering. He adds a deeper layer: many believe better partners exist, but not for them, due to a restricted self-image.

3. 3

   Stop crowdsourcing your love life: opinions are projections, not predictions

   Lisa and Jay explore how family and social circles influence relationship decisions, especially in strong cultural contexts. Jay reframes advice as a projection of someone’s values and insecurities rather than a reliable forecast of your future.

4. 4

   The 7-day (or 30-day) opinion fast to rebuild self-trust

   Jay offers a practical intervention: stop asking others what to do for a set period, starting with low-stakes choices. The goal is to strengthen an “inner voice” that has become quiet from constant external validation-seeking.

5. 5

   From fear to peace: how to stop choosing love from loneliness

   Jay explains why decisions made from the fear of being alone often lead to picking or staying with the wrong person. He recommends identifying what you expect a partner to provide and building those supports through friendships and community to reach a state of peace.

6. 6

   Why we chase the wrong person: confusing anxiety for chemistry

   Jay describes a common toxic cycle: mistaking inconsistency for excitement and stability for boredom. He reframes early “spark” as an oscillation of stress and excitement—and warns that long-term love is built on peace, not anxiety.

7. 7

   Negging and “mean flirting”: how manipulation hijacks attention

   Jay highlights a tactic some men use: subtly criticizing or implying something is “off” to create fixation and insecurity. The discussion connects this to childhood dynamics and cultural/media conditioning that normalize harmful behavior as romantic mystery.

8. 8

   Adjusting vs. abandoning yourself: the hidden cause of resentment and breakups

   Jay replaces “compromise vs. sacrifice” with a sharper distinction: adjusting yourself for love versus abandoning yourself in love. He explains how losing your dream and identity can eventually fracture the relationship, especially when roles become entrenched.

9. 9

   Arguing as a team: ‘us/we’ language and eliminating ‘always/never’

   Jay and Lisa focus on communication that reduces defensiveness and power struggles. Jay recommends converting “you/me” statements into “us/we,” and removing absolutes like “always” and “never” that derail conflict into scorekeeping.

10. 10

    Love vs. lust, and comfort vs. complacency: relationship diagnostics

    Jay defines lust as exhilaration during connection, while love is how you handle disconnection. He also distinguishes comfort as shared satisfaction and rhythm, versus complacency as one partner feeling the relationship has become routine without renewal.

11. 11

    Intuition vs. insecurity: ask better questions instead of guessing

    Jay clarifies that insecurity is rooted in the past, while intuition is anchored in the present. He recommends replacing mind-reading with two early relationship questions that reveal how your partner loves and what they need when they’re sad.

12. 12

    Stop declaring ‘the one’ too soon: the 3 loves (firework, candle, mirror) and earned trust

    Jay argues you can’t truly know someone is “the one” in the first month because early feelings can be misleading. He shares his model of three major loves and explains why trust must be earned across varied situations over time, not granted based on potential.

13. 13

    You can’t fix someone: align values, allow self-change, and decide what you can tolerate

    Jay explains why trying to fix a partner often serves our need for validation and control, and can distort someone’s values. He offers a framework for when a partner has changed (or needs to change): check their willingness, assess your patience, and decide if you can fall in love again.

14. 14

    Infidelity recovery: tolerating memories, setting vocabulary, and rebuilding without power games

    Jay says recovery is possible, but hinges on whether both partners can tolerate shame, pain, and recurring memories while doing real processing. He warns against overcompensation, “don’t play that card” policing, and unilateral forgiveness without buy-in.

15. 15

    Daily self-worth habits and a bedtime routine to stop negative spirals

    Jay closes with practical habits to build self-worth so you’re less likely to settle: challenges, pattern awareness, feedback, growth on weaknesses, and programming thoughts at sleep entry/exit. He adds a nighttime routine: write worries outside the bedroom and replace looping negativity with intentional affirmations.

16. 16

    Tour update and where to follow Jay Shetty

    Jay shares an update about taking his podcast on tour across U.S. cities with live interviews and interactive experiences. He provides the ticket link and where audiences can follow his work across platforms.