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Jay Shetty PodcastJay Shetty Podcast

“If You Can’t Move On After a Breakup THIS Is Exactly What I’d Tell You to Do” with Jay Shetty

Do you still think about your ex a lot? What’s been the hardest part of moving on? Today, Jay shares a heartfelt and practical guide for anyone moving through heartbreak. He explains that the pain of a breakup often comes from more than just losing someone, but it’s grieving the life we imagined with them and the version of ourselves we felt when we were loved. Jay walks through seven clear steps to help listeners begin their healing journey. From gaining clarity to quieting the overthinking spiral and finding your own closure, he offers real, actionable tools to help you move forward. Jay reminds listeners that you’re not missing them, you’re missing the idea of them. And that pain doesn’t mean the relationship was meant to be, it means you cared. In this episode, you'll learn: How to Stop Romanticizing the Past How to Stop Blaming Yourself How to Rebuild After a Breakup How to Trust Yourself Again How to Know It Wasn’t Love Healing is possible even if it doesn't feel like it right now. It’s not about getting back to who you were before, it’s about becoming someone stronger, wiser, and more self-aware. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 00:53 Are You Heartbroken? 03:18 Step #1: Let Go of the Fantasy You Created 07:08 The Three Most Important Things in a Relationship 08:45 Step #2: Stop the Obsession Spiral 13:39 Step #3: Kill the Narrative that It Was Your Fault 17:28 Step #4: Find Closure On Your Own Terms 19:42 Step #5: Feeling Pain Doesn't Mean It Was Meant to Be 21:37 Step #6: Redirect Your Energy 22:18 Step #7: Stop Waiting to Feel Ready Episode Resources: https://www.instagram.com/jayshetty https://www.facebook.com/jayshetty/ https://x.com/jayshetty https://www.linkedin.com/in/shettyjay/ https://www.youtube.com/@JayShettyPodcast http://jayshetty.me

Jay Shettyhost
Jun 19, 202524mWatch on YouTube ↗

At a glance

WHAT IT’S REALLY ABOUT

Jay Shetty’s seven-step playbook for healing after a painful breakup

  1. Shetty reframes breakups as a form of grief—mourning the future, the person you imagined, and who you were in the relationship.
  2. He argues the first healing move is to drop the “fairy tale filter” by replacing idealized memories with a fact-based account of what actually happened.
  3. He explains obsessive post-breakup behaviors as a chemical/withdrawal-like loop and recommends removing triggers (especially social media) and installing new routines to change your brain’s chemistry.
  4. He challenges the self-blame narrative by separating responsibility from total blame, emphasizing red flags, mutual dynamics, and the importance of trusting yourself.
  5. He closes with practical steps to self-create closure, reinterpret pain as evidence of capacity to love (not destiny), and channel heartbreak into purposeful action and identity rebuilding.

IDEAS WORTH REMEMBERING

5 ideas

Grieve the reality, not the fantasy.

You’re often missing the promised future and the version of them you hoped existed, not the relationship you actually lived. Write down what happened—what they did and didn’t do—so your nervous system can anchor to facts rather than hopes.

Use “safe, seen, supported” as your clarity checklist.

Shetty frames healthy love as feeling safe (reliable/secure), seen (present/curious), and supported (mutual growth). Reviewing the relationship through these three needs can puncture idealization and reveal why “going back” may re-create the same pain.

Treat rumination like withdrawal—because it is.

Breakups can activate brain regions similar to drug withdrawal, so replaying memories and checking feeds reinforces a craving loop. Blocking/muting/deleting and removing sensory triggers (photos, playlists, scents, places) reduces cues that keep the cycle alive.

Interrupt the obsession loop by changing chemistry, not just mindset.

He recommends replacing rumination with new routines—movement, learning, structured activities—because action shifts emotional state faster than waiting to “feel better.” The goal is to break the loop to get better, not to wait to get better to break the loop.

Take responsibility without taking all the blame.

When closure is missing, negativity bias fills gaps with worst-case self-blame and selective memory (“I did everything wrong; they did everything right”). A balanced review includes their patterns, mismatches (timing/values/character), and the red flags you minimized.

WORDS WORTH SAVING

5 quotes

You're not missing them. You're missing the version of them you hoped existed.

— Jay Shetty

Clarity is closure you give yourself, and you can only do that with facts, not fantasy.

— Jay Shetty

Remember, you're not weak for not moving on. You're chemically hooked. Breakups trigger the same brain regions as drug withdrawal.

— Jay Shetty

Write this down and say it until it sticks. I can take responsibility without taking all the blame.

— Jay Shetty

You're not trying to get back to who you were before them. You're becoming someone who they never got to meet.

— Jay Shetty

Breakup grief and “fairy tale filter”Rosy retrospection and idealizing the pastSafety, seen, supported relationship criteriaObsession loop and social media stalkingNegativity bias and self-blame after rejectionSelf-created closure ritualsRedirecting energy and rebuilding identity

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